Forever and Always

Chapter Twelve: Archer

Archer

“Scrimmage! Come on! Let’s move it!” Finn yelled from the stands as he stood in the middle of the section behind the bench. I looked up at him and rolled my eyes. He thinks he’s a big shot just because he has a whistle. I rolled my eyes and looked back at the guys skating as they ignored Finn a bit. They love doing that just to piss him off, especially when Coach isn’t around. They’ll eventually listen, it will just be another five minutes. Damn teenagers.

“I’m going to rip that whistle out of his mouth if he doesn’t stop.” Miles muttered as he sat down, took off his helmet and reached for his water bottle. I feel ya kid. He is annoyed with his uncle just as much as the rest of the team, “When is coach coming back?”

“Aw, I thought you liked your uncle running practices.” I grinned and he just glared.

“Hell no.” he muttered, “He thinks he’s good. But he isn’t and his plays and calls make no damn sense most of the time. We just do our own thing, and he thinks it was his idea. He’s more annoying than anything. Hell, he’s never even played hockey.”

“Neither have I.” I shrugged, “But that didn’t stop you guys from doing what I needed you to do when Johnathan went back to Dallas for a bit.” Yeah, Johnathan is their coach. He coaches during the summer here before training camp starts for the Stars. He says it's an easy way for him to help with recruitment.

He paused for a moment and looked out into the ice, not saying anything. His face was intense, full-on Aiden as this point. They have the same brood. It’s quite hilarious, “Yeah, I guess.” He mumbled.

“I guess?” I asked, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Can we not do this here?” he groaned and threw his head back, “I don’t want to fight right now.”

“Fight? We’re not going to fight!” I snapped a bit, making him wince.

“Okay, maybe fight isn’t the right damn word.” He snapped his head and glared at me, “But whenever something comes up…we just…ugh!” he shook his head and looked back out into the ice, not paying any attention to me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. I’ll talk to him later. I have a feeling what this is about, and it’s about the damn wake-up call the guys are slowly giving me. I don’t want the kids to feel like this around me, ever. That wasn’t my intention.

Shit, maybe it really is time for me to change my damn attitude. I keep letting the past dictate how I behave and it’s affecting everyone around me.

The other day when I went to Dylan’s to help him mount his new television, I saw a little bit with my own eyes. The kids were watching me, scared. I looked over at Dyl, and he shook his head with a slight disappointment in his eyes. He mumbled that we would talk when we were done.

We were sitting on the couch as Ray came over and handed us each a glass of lemonade. I looked between the two of them, and they have so much love flowing its suffocating, but I’m happy for them. I’m jealous but happy. They have both changed so much over the years, and it’s been great to see.

My brother went from the piece of s**t drug user and alcoholic who only cared about his next high and getting laid to a family man who hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol in years, since him and Ray got together. He’s even been helping Ethan out with the programs he’s running for those that need support, and it really has made him a better person.

Ray went from a meek, young, scared woman to a strong, independent mom who would do anything for her family. When she came out and told us what happened between her and her ex, we were scared for her. At least, I was because that crap can take a toll on your mental health, but she made it.

And now, together, they are a power couple. They are living their best lives as teachers, working together, raising their family of two rambunctious girls and a crazy boy and happy to support everyone and everything.

“What I’m about to tell you is going to be hard,” Dylan whispered after he took a sip. He looked over at Ray, and she nodded her head and sat in front of us on the floor. He took her one hand and linked their fingers together, sending each other strength. Because of that, I knew this conversation was going to suck. Ray reached out and grabbed my hand as well.

“Okay…” I said, wearily, “Do you just want to rip the band-aid off?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, “The kids are scared of you, man.”

“I know.” I sighed.

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to change their perspective.”

“How about you stop being a grumpy asshole?” he snapped, “I’ve kept my mouth shut over the years, but it’s too much now, Archie. It’s too much. My kids love you, and they miss the old Uncle Archie.”

“Yeah.” I heard a small voice from the entryway between the living room and kitchen, “We miss the old Uncle Archie.” Eliana whispered, holding the hand of Trey.

“Come here.” I held my arms out for them, and they ran over to me and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around them and that’s when everything truly clicked. I don’t remember the last time they hugged me like this. I don’t remember the last time they showed this kind of affection and attention to me. Have I really been that bad? “I am so sorry little ones.”

“Why were you so mean, Uncle Archie?” Trey asked straight to the point, just like the rest of the men in this family, “You scared all of us. You always looked angry and mean.”

“I am so sorry. I never wanted you to see that side of me.” I gave a small, sad smile as I lifted them into my lap, “I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have shown that side of me, but it was because I was hurt.”

Eliana took my hand into hers and her little fingers traced the scabs that were forming on my knuckles. She tilted her head to the side, looking down, “Is this why you’re angry? Because of your hands? They have lots of boo-boos.”

“They do, don’t they? But no little one. My heart hurts.”

“I can call Uncle Art or Auntie Ava!” Trey bounced a bit, “They can help heal your heart.”

“No.” I shook my head, chuckling, “My heart isn’t hurt like that. You know how your mommy and daddy love each other, and they are together?” they nodded, “The person I love isn’t here anymore and my heart hurts for her.”

“Where is she?” Eliana asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed, “But I hope… I hope she’s happy.”

“Can she come visit?”

“I don’t think so, kid.”

“Well, if she loves you, then she’ll come visit and soon! I know I don’t like uncle Archie hurting, and she won’t either, because when you’re sad, you get angry and mean and scary and I don’t like scary uncle Archie.” She shook her head.

“If it were only that easy,” I whispered, only for Dylan to hear me. The kids laid their heads on my chest and cuddled and, for the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of peace, but I felt like something was missing.

She should be here with us.

“What do I do, Dylan?” I asked, trying to hold in my emotions.

“You have a couple of choices. First, you can let her go once and for all. Let her go from your life, your heart, your soul and move on with your life. Live your life for yourself and your happiness. Once you ease that tension off your shoulders, you can move forward and do what’s best for you.”

“Or…”

“Or you can fix it.” He shrugged, “You can try to make it happen. What do you know about her?”

“She was engaged…”

“Is she now? Is she married? What do you know about her?”

“Nothing…”

“And whose fault is that?” he raised his brow at me, “If I recall, a few years back Gage wanted to talk to you about her, but you shut that crap down so fast. Dad even went to you a couple of months ago to talk to you about her. Why do you think that? What would make dad come to you about her? And before you answer, I’ll tell you. They’ve been going to see her every weekend! Mom and dad have been beyond happier since they came back into her life and she in theirs. So, something happened. Do you know what happened? No. You don’t. Because you won’t sit still long enough or try to remain calm enough to listen to them! Now, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I know it’s big and Archer, you need to prepare yourself because I have a feeling things are going to change and when she comes home, and I’m saying, when, because you know dad and Tristian are not going to stop until she is, she is not going to like this version of you.”

“But what if she’s not alone?” I asked. The truth terrified me. I couldn’t bear to think of her being with another guy, “What if she brings a guy with her?”

“Then you fight for her, damn it. If you still love her the way I know you do, you fight for her!”

And if I ever see her again, that’s what I’ll do…

Practice was over in a blur. I don’t remember anything that happened after Miles snapped. The team left the ice and went to the locker room to shower and change before heading home to relax before tonight’s game. I sat out there in the cold, just looking out into the distance. A thousand thoughts were running through my head and, at the same time, nothing. I’m jumbled. Confused. I’m missing something. They’re all telling me something and I don’t know what. I should have listened to them, but now I don't have the time. I work a lot of nights, so I sleep until the late morning most days and I have a feeling these conversations should be done in person.

The sounds of chatter and laughter echoed in the distance, letting me know the kids were leaving. It wasn’t until Miles sat down next to me with his bag at his feet that snapped me out of my trance.

“I’m sorry for snapping,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry for being a d**k all the time.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, you are, aren’t you? Why?”

I turned to look at him before looking back out into the ice, “Sometimes, when your heart is hurting, you don’t know how to cope with that pain so you lash out on those that matter to you the most because you know they’ll forgive you. But I’m going to change that. I’m going to change because I can’t have you kids be scared of me anymore. This isn’t me.”

“It’s not, and I’m glad you realize that. I’ll run interference with the kiddos. The next time they’re around, they won’t be scared.” He stood up, “Oh, and this girl you’re pining over? Is she worth it?”

“She’s worth more than my own damn life.”

“And you love her?”

“I never stopped.” I sighed.

“Then you know what to do. Are you going to be here tonight?”

“Nah. I got patrols with Gage. But I’m sure your father will be giving me updates every second.” He nodded and left me there alone with a million thoughts running through my mind. Finally, I stood up and walked to my jeep to get to work with a long ass night ahead of me.

“How the hell did we get suckered into this?” I groaned as I took a sip of my Monster energy drink, “We should be at the game.”

“And since when did you care about that crap?” Gage asked, typing away on his phone, probably to Taylor or Drew.

“I always have. I’ve just been…not myself.”

“No s**t. Have you been saying s**t to my guy again?” he looked up and glared at me, “Did you say something about me and him sexually….again?”

“It…was a joke?” I questioned and ran my fingers through my hair, “s**t, Gage. I didn’t mean it. I was in a bad place, and it came out like word vomit. I apologized to him, and I’m sorry, to you, for my big-ass mouth. I just…fuck, I’m a mess.”

“You better be sorry.” He mumbled, “But I’ll tell you something, the relationship between us is no one’s business. I love Drew, but in a different way than we do with Taylor. He’s my brother, my partner in all ways that matter and I would die for him like I would for her, but the idea of his c**k coming near me in any way sexually makes me fuckin’ shudder.”

“Have you two even talked about it or tried it? s**t, why am I asking this?” I shivered.

“Yes and no. We’ve talked, never tried, because that’s not what we want. I’m not going into details with you because she’s your damn cousin, but if I hear you say anything like that again, you’ll have to face me in the boxing ring, and you know I’ll lay you on your ass worse than Drew can.”

“Noted.” I chuckled, “I’m going to turn over a new leaf, man. I talked with Miles today, and he’s going to work on the kiddos. Dylan, Elianna and Trey put some perspective in me the other day. I’m tired of being grumpy, angry and mean. I want the old me back and-“ at that moment, a car zoomed by us as Gage clocked him with the speed gun.

“Damn, that car just went fifteen over.” Gage said as he read the speed gun. I flipped on the lights and sped out of the field we were sitting in. The car pushed on his breaks and slapped on his turn signal. At least he was complying. Gage ran the plate while we pulled up behind him, “It’s registered to a Nicholas Frankson. He’s clear man, so whatever you want to do.”

“We’ll see. There are a lot of families in the area, regardless he needs to be more careful.”

We got out of the car. Gage went to the passenger side while I approached the driver, both of us touching the tail light on our way. Gage took a peak in the backseat and his eyes went wide a bit before looking up at me. I raised my brow, and he just shook his head and smiled his goofy ass smile.

Weirdo.

The sun was just starting to set, which was telling me it was almost time for us to head out for the day. God, I can’t wait to get home and have a nice cold beer. I just needed to last a couple more hours before I could go home and relax and figure out my next move to fix s**t with my family.

I know the next step is tomorrow night. Dad called me earlier to tell me there was a family dinner and I had to be there. No exceptions. He wouldn’t tell me why, but he said it was important and that we all had to be there. I was silently freaking out when he said that. Is he sick? Is mom okay? s**t.

“You got plans after this?” He called over before I knocked on the window.

“Nah. Just some beer and pizza calling my name.” I shrugged.

“What about that girl?” he asked, “You know the one that Taylor tried to set you up with a few weeks back? The one you actually went on a date with for one?” When I asked Taylor to try again and set me up, she was weird about it, but she did it anyway. That was a big mistake.

“Sabrina? Not into it.” I shrugged. I tried to talk to her and have a conversation, but she was beyond dull and she wasn’t Jo. None of them are.

“Dude…have you even…”

“Let’s not go there, man. You know the answer to that,” I sighed. I was utterly pathetic, and I knew some of the guys saw that. I saw it in their eyes when they set me up on blind dates. I see it in the girl’s eyes when they talk to me about their friends from work who are single. I’ve tried dating. I’ve tried random ass hookups, but I couldn’t go through with it. Hell, my d**k hasn’t even been touched by someone else other than me since that night with Jo.

There were times when girls rubbed up on me over my pants, but I couldn’t. They never reached the button to undo my pants. I couldn’t let them touch me. The idea made my skin crawl in the worst way possible. So, like the pansy ass I am, I have been celibate for almost five damn years, but my arm sure has had workouts.

Something inside of me was telling me I had better not be with another woman, or I would regret it. So, instead, I obsessed. I looked for Jo at least twice a week. I looked for any type of hit I could with her name and investigated anything I found. And let me tell you, there are a lot of Josephine Foster’s in this damn country. I even looked under her mother’s maiden name, Kennedy, in case she changed it. But I never gave up, and I never will, not until I know she’s safe. I couldn’t ask anyone for help. I wouldn’t. I wanted to do it on my own, but I’m not as savvy at that s**t as Gage. I lost my touch after I promised to stop hacking into school systems all those years ago.

That is something I will never admit to my family. They think I’ve just let her go, but I haven’t. But it might be time to let her fly away for good. But the thought of that breaks my damn heart even more than it is now.

Because dropping out of my life five years ago like that hurt like hell. I called and texted only to find out I was blocked and then her number changed. All I know is that Tara had something to do with it. I don’t know what she did. She refused to tell me unless I gave her one more night and I refused to touch that diseased thing with a ten-foot pole. I’m not dumb. But it got to the point where I had to get a restraining order against her.

One night, we caught the crazy b***h trying to break into my apartment when I was at work. Good thing I had to stop home, and I had Aiden with me, because f**k, I could have killed her.

I knocked on the window and the guy behind it looked nervous as he rolled it down.

“Good evening. I’m Officer Nicholson and this is my partner, Officer Snyder. Do you know why we pulled you over?” I asked as he handed me his license and registration.

“I’m assuming it was for speeding?” he stuttered out.

“Your assumption is correct. This part of town is forty, and you were going fifty-five.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m not from this area and I just needed to get into town and see a friend and bring her son to him now that she’s settled. I didn’t see a change in speed limits.” He explained, “We just moved here and everything’s been crazy.”

“There are a lot of families in this area, mine included. Lots of nieces and nephews. The last thing I want is for someone to get hurt because someone was in a bit too much of a rush.” I said to him as I raised an eyebrow at him. I looked into the back seat and saw a little boy sitting in a booster, sleeping. He looked so peaceful, cuddled up in a blanket that looked handmade. I couldn’t help but notice initials in the corner. J.A.N.

Something came over me as I looked at him. My heart ached. My chest fluttered. My throat felt like there was something stuck inside it. Looking at the boy a little closer, he looks so damn familiar, but it couldn’t be?

He looks like me. And Dylan. s**t. Did he cheat on Ray? No. He couldn’t have. It has to be a coincidence. And I know I don’t have kids. I haven’t slept with anyone in years.

“Once again, I apologize, officer.” The guy said, making me look down at him as I got his license and registration.

I nodded my head, “I’ll be back.” I said, and he nodded. I turned around and started to go back to the car but stopped. I paused again to get a better look at the child and I felt the blood drain from my face. It was like looking in a goddamn mirror, more-so now that I’m just a foot closer. I shook my head and started to walk even though everything in me told me to go back. I ignored it and did my damn job because there is no reason for me to cause more drama than needed.

With a grunt, I started to type up a warning, “No ticket, huh?” Gage laughed, “Our family lives around here. I’m surprised you’re getting soft, especially now.”

“No. I just need to get home and have the rest of the whiskey in my freezer and get some sleep because, I swear, I’m seeing things.”

“Um…care to explain? And I don’t think whiskey is the best idea…”

“The kid in the back seat…doesn’t he look like me?” I asked softly as my phone went off again. This time a message from my brother, giving me an update on the game. I looked down and stared at the picture of Jo and I the night of Finn and Sawyer’s wedding. It was a gift from Sawyer a few years back for Christmas, and it’s actually framed on my nightstand.

“Nah, the kid adorable. No way it looks like you.” he laughed, and I just smirked and shook my head, “Let’s just hurry this, okay?”

“You’re an ass. Come one, let’s finish this and go home.” I mumbled. I finished writing the warning and headed back to the car.

“Here you go.” I said to him as I handed everything back, “Since you’re new to town, you get a warning, but all the roads here don’t go over forty, not until you reach the sign outside of town.”

“Thank you. I appreciate this much. Things have been crazy.” He laughed, “We just moved here from four hours away, and I am starting my new job soon and this little man misses his mama.”

“Nice. Where you working?”

“Locke and Brother’s.” he grinned, “I’m the new assistant to one of the account managers, Finn Sanders.”

“Ah. He’s a good friend and my brother's wife's twin brother.” I smiled and, I swear, I saw his face pale a bit. He looked down at my name badge to look at my name again before letting out a big gulp, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“Well, you’re good to go.” I tapped the hood of the car, “Drive safe.”

And with a nod, he drove away, but I felt something tugging in my chest to follow.

I should have listened to my gut, but instead, I went back to the car, and we drove back to the station. Once we parked the cruiser and made our way to our respective cars, I pulled out my phone and called mom, since she texted me earlier to call her when she was done. Besides, I haven’t spent time with her in forever.

I needed her now, more than ever because I needed to wrap my head around my feelings and my mom was the only one that could help, so that night, I went back home and spent the night with her, talking like old times, before I went up to my childhood room and passed the f**k out with memories of that little boy that was in the back of Nick’s car running through my mind.