Forever and Always

Chapter Fifteen: Archer

Archer

My head was pounding with the worst headache I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. I didn’t want to open my eyes and see the light, knowing it was just going to make all this worse. I hate that I’m in this state, but what caused me to pass out? s**t, I haven’t done that crap in years. The last time that crap happened, I ended up getting a small concussion because my head smacked the corner of mom’s dining room table.

I laid in the bed for what seemed like hours until I felt something cold on my forehead and the bed next to me dip a bit. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw mom sitting there with a bowl of water on the nightstand and a cool washcloth on my forehead as she gently wiped it to cool me off.

Wait…

What am I doing at mom and dad's? What time is it? What’s going on? I looked at mom, confused, and she just looked down, smiling at me, softly, caring, one hundred percent her.

“Ma…” I mumbled as I went to sit up a bit, but she pushed me down gently.

“Lay down.” She whispered, “You had a rough day yesterday, and you passed out again.”

“What happened?”

“What do you remember?” she asked, “What is the last thing you remember happening yesterday before you passed out?”

I closed my eyes as I pushed up on my hands to sit up in bed and this time, mom let me. I tightened my eyes as I rubbed them, remembering what happened yesterday as the sting from the pressure of my fingers on my face snapped things into perspective.

When I pulled my hands away from my face, I wanted to look at the state of my knuckles, but they were wrapped with some gauze and white medical tape, “My hands…” I remembered punching the bag, and it was becoming stained with blood. I couldn't stop. I wanted to, but I couldn't. With every punch, I let out a scream, and it was helping me, but I was hurting myself in the process because I didn't know what else to do. My mind was jumbled to the point where I was walking the line between crazy and insanity.

“Ava came over last night when Dylan called her so she could look at your hands. They’re not broken, but at the rate you were punching the bag and the floor, they were headed in that direction. They’re going to be swollen and bruised for a bit, so you’re going to need to calm it down with the boxing until they are healed, and you see Art, Ava, or Ollie.”

“My head…” I groaned as I rubbed my temples.

“You started to hyperventilate yesterday and caused your blood pressure to skyrocket until you passed out in my lap.” I looked up at the door and saw Dylan come towards me, holding a bottle of water and some Tylenol, “Here. This will help your head.”

“What time is it?” I asked after I took the medicine he gave me, “What happened last night? I remember you showing up, and I was yelling at you and then everything was kind of a blur.”

Dylan looked at mom with a slight panicked look on his face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’ve only passed out like this a few times and every time I do, I don’t remember what happened to cause it.

I tried really hard, but nothing came to mind, but I knew whatever it was, it was life-changing.

“You've been out for at least fourteen hours. It's four in the afternoon the next day." he looked at mom, who nodded her head and then back at me, "We should talk and this time, you should stay in bed.”

“Can I shower first at least?” I asked and they nodded. As I swung my feet off the bed and made my way to the shower, every step felt like a giant weight was tied to my feet.

And it wasn’t until I had my eyes shut and leaning against the wall of the shower when everything came rushing to me all at once.

I can see the look in Jo’s eyes, her beautiful, blue eyes as she saw me for the first time in years. She looked just as beautiful as before, if not more so, and if I wasn’t upset about being the stupid i***t I was about Dylan, the whole night would have been different because, I know for sure, it would have ended on a hell of a lot better note than it did.

But that doesn’t excuse my behavior towards everyone in the last couple of days. They were all trying to get a hold of me and talk. Ray was asking if I would come over and talk to them about what I said, but I told her I couldn’t look at my brother right now. Aiden and Gage wanted to talk it out with me and see where my head was at, but I refused.

And every night when Jo texted me before she called and left a voice message, I sent her a simple emoji, because I didn’t know what to say to her. I said a lot of things, and it came out in a harsh way because my emotions were running wild. I couldn't listen to the voicemails and hear her voice without going crazy, so they sat in my inbox, taunting me.

I meant what I said to her, but I wish I had said it differently.

But the argument I had with my brother was in the forefront of my mind. He saw the bruises on my body and accused me of sleeping with someone when he knows well I didn’t do it. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to, because every night when I closed my eyes, all I saw was her.

The bruises were from one of my guys at the station. I had him come down here the other day and box with me, but he grabbed me a little too hard and left some bruises. I didn’t even realize it until Dylan pointed it out.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed back into my bedroom to see Dylan sitting there on the chair, waiting for me. Once dressed in sweatpants, I sat on the bed with beads of water dripping down my body and looked over at my brother.

“Where’s mom?” I asked.

“Downstairs with her guests. She wanted to be here for this chat, but I told her I got it. Besides, we have some unfinished business to discuss.”

“I’m ready to talk about this.” I sighed, “I’m…I’m so confused, Dylan. I’m so confused, and lost, and hurt, and I don’t know how to handle this.”

“I’m here for you, we all are, but you need to remain calm while we talk about all this.”

“I’ll try.” I sighed, “But I need to apologize to you and Ray. I should never have accused you of cheating on her. I just…I didn’t know…”

“Forgiven. We both forgive you, little brother,” He shrugged, “I don’t take what you said to heart. I know you were thinking the best for Ray, but you have to understand, the idea of touching another woman disgusts me. I would never do that to her.”

“I got it.” I sighed, “Do you…do you have those books?”

I needed to see them again, this time with a clear head. When Dylan showed them to me yesterday, it was like tunnel vision. I was over-emotional, in a period of pain, and it was all overwhelming, which all caused a panic attack when I saw the pictures.

Now, I’m calmer. I’m ready…I think. But I need to see them again.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to pass out again.”

“I get it, but yesterday was hard. I needed a few days to wrap my head around the fact she came home and was in front of me, but everyone was blowing up my phone and not giving me a second to think and come to terms. I had questions only she could answer, but I’m scared of facing her because I’m so mad, so damn hurt because of what she did. I know for sure once I see her, I’m going to forget about the hurt and pain I went through.”

“You two have a lot to talk about.”

“The books, please.” I held my hand out. Dylan went over to the dresser where they were, because, of course, I didn’t see them there, and handed them to me. I placed them on my lap and opened the first one.

The very first picture was the ultrasound. My fingers traced the photo of the little nugget as tears welled in my eyes. Looking at this, it was real. She was really pregnant, and the proof was right in front of me.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I whispered, my eyes never leaving the ultrasound. Pain filled my chest, just thinking about everything I missed. I missed her growing belly. I missed helping her with morning sickness. I missed going out in the middle of the night and running to five different stores to get the things she wanted for her cravings. I missed the doctor's appointments. I missed feeling him kick inside her belly. I missed seeing him grow. I missed being there for her in the room, holding her hand while she screamed at me. I missed seeing my son born. I missed cutting the cord and hearing his cries for the first time. I missed holding him as a baby.

I missed everything I should have been part of and that hurts more than anything.

“She did.” Dylan said, making me look up at him with furrowed brows, “She did tell you, but that is her story to tell. That is something you need to sit down and hear from start to finish.”

I looked at him and then looked back at the book. I took my time, flipping through each of the pages and seeing her body progress each month of the pregnancy. She looked beautiful, stunning, like a damn angel and I missed out on seeing this happen.

The smile on her face in each picture was a sad one, and it broke my damn heart. She must have thought the worst of me. She must have thought I didn’t care.

But I did. I never stopped.

“Who took those pictures?”

“Nick.” And I snapped my head up and glared, “And before you go all caveman crazy on him, just know, they are best friends and nothing has ever happened between them.”

“So, you’re telling me, that this guy helped raise the son I didn’t know about as his father for the last four and half years since he was born and nothing ever happened between them?”

“First, he never raised him as his son. He knows him as Uncle Nick, so you can calm your possessiveness down a bit, and he’s gay.” Dylan shrugged, “So yeah, I can say for sure nothing happened.”

“Good.” I mumbled, “Or I might just have needed to break my hand against his face if he touched her.”

With every pass of each picture, more tears silently flowed down my face until I shut the book and went to the next one. That one hurt more than anything.

Pictures of Jo in the hospital holding him broke my heart. The way she smiled down at him with so much love and care melted me in every way possible. The photos of him throughout his years, every first, every moment, broke me more and more.

My hands were shaking the entire time. Every emotion flowed through me, from sadness because I wasn’t there, happiness because they were happy and healthy and that was everything I could ever ask for, and then anger.

I couldn’t help but be angry.

I’m angry because I wasn’t there. He said she told me, but I obviously didn’t get the memo. What the hell happened over the last few years where she didn’t think about coming back to town and tell me about him? She had years! I had no idea! What did she think I was doing the entire time? Did she think I was living my best life? f**k no! I was miserable, missing her! I was miserable looking for her and when I saw her in the arms of that guy, who now I know was Nick, I broke!

Then as I kept flipping through pictures, I stopped at a page that made me see red. And it was then that everything came together all at once.

Mom and dad, Tristian, Sarah, Eli, Bella, have all been going there and seeing Jo over the last few months. I don’t know why they started to do that, but they’ve known about them for over four months and didn’t say anything to me.

Right in front of me were pictures of my mom and dad with my son, smiling, hugging, kissing his cheeks, holding him. There was a picture of Tristian holding him as he slept on his shoulder. There was a picture of mom and Bella tucking him into bed and reading a book.

“How long did you know about them?” I asked as I closed the book and looked at Dylan, “How long did you know about her having my son?”

“Honestly, I found out last week.”

“Mom and dad, and all of them knew for months…”

“And they tried to tell you, but you shut them down in an instant, not wanting to hear about her.”

“And Gage…Drew…they knew years ago…and didn’t say s**t to anyone.”

“You tried to choke him!”

“I did not! I pushed him against the wall and grabbed the collar of his shirt because he decided to try to tell me right after the court case with Tara!” I snapped, “I was in a bad spot at the time, and I wasn’t in the mood to revisit my past.”

“You shut us down every time we brought her up!” he stood up and yelled, which caused footsteps to rush up the stairs, “You didn’t want to hear anything about her whenever we talked about her!”

“So why not just tell me anyway!” I yelled as I stood up, “It’s never stopped anyone before! Everyone has always told me the hard truths, even when I didn’t want to hear it. It's what everyone in this family does! Haven't we learned from the past to not hide secrets from each other because when the truth comes out, it hurts a hell of a lot more than it should have been? If I had known years ago, I could have been there! If I had known four months ago, that's four more months I could have had with him! Yeah, I may be an adult, but I am also one of the youngest ones in this damn family, and everyone who knew should have told me regardless of what I wanted, because I deserve that much! How would you feel if you didn’t know about Eliana or Trey for five years? How would you feel if they grew up without you and everyone around you knew information about them and kept it from you!”

“I see your point, but Archer, you need to understand why they did what they did.”

“Understand? How could I understand they kept him a secret! They had months with him, Dylan. Months! And I just found out yesterday! They have pictures with him, they’re holding him, kissing him, hugging him, tucking him into bed when it should have been me! I don’t know why she kept him a secret, but it hurts.”

I shook my head and walked over to my closet and grabbed my shoes, slipping them on.

“Archer, calm down before you do something stupid.”

“Something stupid? Some stupid like keep things from my family? No, I wouldn’t do that. I was honest with everyone. You all knew how much she broke me. You knew everything I went through with Tara and the hell she put me through. You were all there for me and knew everything, but while all this was happening, my supposed friend and partner decided to seek out the girl who broke my heart and found out about my kid. He’s supposed to be my friend!”

“I am.” Gage said from the door, “I am your friend, but I tried to tell you.”

“Archer.” I heard her whisper as she pushed through the small crowd that formed at the door.

She was here. She was here, in my mom’s house and she looked beautiful. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun with some strands hanging down. Her skin, flawless, not a spot of make-up on. She was wearing shorts and a flowy top that hid her body and her curves that I know she has.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I wanted to go over there and just pull her to me.

“Why?” I asked her, instead of doing what I wanted. I needed to know the answer to my questions first, “Why did you keep him a secret?”

“It’s complicated.” She whispered as her lips trembled.

“Archer, can we go downstairs and sit so we can talk about this?” Mom asked, “I want to get this cleared before your father and I head out soon.” She sighed, “We don’t want to leave when everyone is angry and emotions are heightened.”

“Then you might as well leave, ma.” I shook my head, “Because after what I just saw? I’m going to be angry for a while. You and dad have been meeting him for months.”

“There was a reason…”

“then why? Why won’t anyone tell me what’s going on?”

“I will tell you everything.” Jo whispered as she took a step towards me, “I’ll tell you everything tonight if you come over…”

I shook my head, no, “I don’t think I can. Not tonight, not feeling the way I am right now because it would only make things worst.” I pushed past them and headed down the stairs. As I reached for the door, I turned back around and saw they were all behind me, “I’m mad. I’m hurt, and I have to gather my thoughts. I…I need to calm myself down before I do something stupid, or say something I don’t mean.”

“I can respect that.” She whispered as she gave me a small smile, “I can respect that because I can see where you’re coming from. You’re hurt. I hurt you and I have no one to blame but myself for the way this is happening. But when you’re ready, we need to talk because there is so much we have to go over.”

“I guess those are some things we can agree on.” I glared as I took her in. f**k, she’s beautiful. God, I wish she was mine, but I don’t know if that can ever happen again. I want to, so badly, but how do I forgive her? How do I get over this and what she did? “We can agree that you are part of the blame for this because at the end of the day, Jo, you had five years to come back and tell me about him, and you didn’t.”

“Archer…please…”

“Space. That’s what I need right now is space. I'm angry, but I need to calm myself down.”

"Please, make sure you come back. The last thing I want is for you to leave because you hate me and this situation."

"The funny part of this thing, Jo, is I could never hate you. Not in a million years. Not even if I wanted to and just so you know, and everyone knows, now that I know about his existence, I'm not going anywhere. I just need time to cool the hell down and when I'm ready I'll come to you." I scrunched up my nose a bit, twitched, glared and walked out the door and towards my jeep.

I needed to get out for a bit. I needed space and I knew exactly where to go. My hands were shaking as I tried to turn the car on, so I could leave, but I kept dropping the keys. f**k, why did I have to have Felix’s old jeep? I could have just gotten something newer with a push start, but no, I had to buy this off him.

“Get out and let me drive.” Gage said as he rounded the jeep and opened the door.

“No. I want to be alone.”

“f**k that. You’re not going to be alone right now, not in this state where you can’t even hold your damn keys. I’ll drive you wherever you need to go and while we’re there, I’ll tell you what I know.”

“There’s more to this…isn’t there?” I asked as I looked at him. He wouldn't be so involved if there was nothing else going on, so, whatever it is, must be pretty bad.

His face was emotionless, stone-cold, but I could see it in his eyes. There is more. And he’s worried and if Gage is worried, it’s bad.

I just didn’t know how bad it was.

So I did what he asked. I went to the passenger seat and let him drive to the creek on the other side of mom and dad’s, driving the jeep through the woods and on the trails until we got there. When we parked, we both got out and went to the giant boulder that had all of our initials carved into it. Right under my hand was a heart with ‘A+J’. My fingers traced over it, over and over, remembering how long it took me to carve this in it, “So, how bad is it?” I mumbled as I listened to the flowing stream of the water and the birds chirping flying overhead, “Tell me everything you know.”

And at that moment, I wished I had known sooner because everything, everything would have been one hundred percent different and hearing what he said to me, just made me even more pissed off because it was worse than I could ever imagine.