Forever and Always

Chapter Five: Jo

Jo

Austin wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked back into the living room with sad smiles on our faces. This was a bit overwhelming, but in the best way possible. Bella stood up and walked over, taking me into her arms and hugged me, crying. When she pulled away, she cupped my face and shook her head, “You did this all on your own…” she whispered, “We could have been there for you from the beginning. Why, Jo? Why? Why not come to us?”

“The better question is, does Archer know about this one? It's like literally looking into the past. It's...I don't know how to explain it, but does our boy know about his damn son?” Eli asked as he crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at Jamie as he continued to play with his toys. Tristian reached over and smacked him in the back of the head, “Ouch. Jerk.”

“Give her a chance to explain everything before you start with the macho routine. You have to remember, we know her and we know for sure she would have said something and if she didn’t, there must be a reason why.” Tristian defended me before snapping his head back at me and Bella, “Right? You have a good reason for keeping this a secret from everyone, right?” he questioned.

With a sullen face, I nodded, “Yeah. At least, I think I do.” Bella linked her fingers with mine and walked us over to the couch where Eli and Tristian were sitting. Tristian got up and sat on the arm of the couch so we had room. Their eyes kept drifting to Hannah and Austin, who were now on the floor playing with Jamie. Austin kept looking up at me with a sad smile, “Where do I start?” I gave a nervous chuckle, avoiding eye contact.

“The beginning, please.” Hannah asked as she looked over at us, “There is so much we don’t know…so much we missed.”

“Well, as you know, Archer and I broke up after our senior year because of the distance from the school I was going to and home. Since he was staying home to go to the academy and decided not to go to Massachusetts with me, we thought it was best, so at the beginning of the summer, we decided to break up and take the summer to try and get used to that fact. It wasn’t until the dinner with everyone before I left when he pulled me aside and said he had made a mistake. He wanted to make the long-distance work and I did too. We both thought that as long as we had each other, we could make it through the distance. We thought we were stronger than most couples, that we could go the distance. We believed and with that, he gave me a promise ring, promising me, us, that we would make this work, and that when I came home, we would get married and start our life together. It was what I always wanted. So, we tried. We tried really hard, but life got in the way…

…I went to a lot of college parties with friends that I made. I never got drunk or did drugs. It wasn’t my scene. I didn’t mess around with anyone. I couldn’t, not when Archer had my heart and every bit of me. I was faithful in every sense of the word. I didn't flirt. Hell, I barely hung around anyone of the opposite s*x because they made me feel uncomfortable. I went with friends and had a good time, but Archer didn’t like me going to parties and thought the worst. I felt like he didn’t trust me to say no when needed, and it hurt so badly. But then, I kept seeing pictures of him and the girls from the academy and I got upset, jealous, that they were able to spend time with him and I couldn’t. I thought there was more going on, even when he said there wasn’t. We got into lots of fights over it and decided that this was harder than we expected. So, we broke up…

…After my first semester, I transferred to a college about an hour or two from Crossdale. The school I was in was way to expensive and I was was so beyond homesick, it wasn't even funny. Just being in the same state made me feel better mentally. The plan was to come back home and try again with Archer, but it never worked out. So, I concentrated on school because I kept seeing things on his social media. Pictures of him with other girls he was tagged in. It was breaking my heart. I figured he was doing it because he was single now and had no ties to me, so I tried to move on without him. That is, until he showed up at my dorm one night, drenched from the rain…

I was sitting on my bed, working on a paper when there was a pounding on my door. My roommate was out for the weekend visiting her family, so it was just me. The room was dark, nothing but the light from my screen and the sound of the clicking from my laptop. The pounding made me jump because it was so sudden, that I didn’t move right away.

“Jo!” I heard him from the other side of the door, making me freeze on the bed, looking at it. I didn’t want to believe he was here, I couldn’t. Not after everything that happened. I didn’t want to believe it at first. I couldn’t. Why would he be here right now? This made no sense, “Jo, baby, please open the door.” He sounded desperate as he pounded on the door again, "Angel, sweetheart, please, open up. I need to talk to you. I need to see you," I looked over at the clock and saw it was eleven at night. I rushed out of bed and opened it, grabbing his shirt and pulling him in before he woke someone up, and I got reported for the noise.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I snapped at him while I crossed my arms over my chest, forgetting I was wearing the shortest of shorts and a tight tank top with no bra.

He started to pace back and forth; his hand kept running through his wet hair. It was like he was panicking, “I don’t know…” he whispered.

“If you don’t know, then you should leave,” I stated. I started to walk towards the door to open it for him, but before I could open it, he grabbed my hand.

“No, please.” He whispered, shaking his head, “I just…I had to see you.”

“What happened?” I asked as I looked at him. I could see it written on his face. Something was wrong. He was broken and lost. He was sad and it was concerning. I’ve never seen him like this before.

“I messed up, Jo. I messed everything up.” He shook his head and sat on the bed, his head falling, and he started to cry, “I don’t know how to fix it, fix us.”

“There is nothing to fix, Archer.” I whispered as gently as I could while I dropped to my knees in front of him, “There is no us anymore. You made that clear and so did I. We decided it was best to move on. You didn’t trust me when I was at the parties and I didn’t like the fact you were close to the other girls, making me insecure. This isn’t healthy. We are young and have our lives ahead of us and holding onto something of the past can't be good for us." I reached out and grabbed his hands in mine, holding them tight, “You will always be in my heart, Archer, always. You will forever be my first love, my greatest love, but this was never meant to work out. We both know that.”

“But what if I need you in my life, Jo?” he whispered as his eyes met mine. He was starting to cry and it broke my heart, “I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m irritable. I keep seeing you in everything I do, everywhere I go. I haven’t felt whole in the longest time and now that you’re so close, I can’t…I can’t walk away from you.” He whispered, "I keep envisioning our future, the one we talked about. I keep imagining you in that damn wedding dress, walking to me while I cry. I imagine you pregnant with our kids. I keep seeing you in every room I walk into. I can't...I can't stop."

“What happened to make you do this? What happened to make you say those things, Arch?” I asked and he shook his head no, scared to say something, “Something happened, Archer, and I need to know…”

“I…I made a mistake…” he whispered, “I don’t want to say it. You’ll never forgive me.”

“Say it.” I whispered as I cupped his face.

“I…I slept with someone else…I think.” he sighed and the news of that just crushed me, “I was drunk and alone. I was scared and desperate and she was there. I don’t even know how it happened but we were drinking and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in bed with her naked next to me. I freaked out, Jo. I don’t remember a damn thing that happened. I know that’s not an excuse. f**k, I hate myself for what happened. I just…I don’t…I…god…” he dropped his head and started to cry into his hands.

“Archer…”

“I love you, Jo. Hell, I never stopped and it was a mistake. I, f**k, I don’t even know what happened last night. I don’t remember anything.” He was panicking.

“What was the last thing you did remember last night?” I had a funny feeling about this. This wasn’t him. He wasn’t one to drink until he forgot and I’ve seen him get plastered. Something was telling me deep inside that something was wrong.

“I took a shot of tequila with my buddies when Tara gripped my shoulder, making me turn around. She asked me to dance and I said no, so she sat with us and ordered another round…then I woke up in bed with her next to me…she was naked, but I was still in my boxers. I looked around and saw the condom wrapper on the ground. I ran to the bathroom and threw up and there I saw the used condom, filled and…I just…fuck.” He looked up at me with pleading eyes, “Please, please forgive me. I’ll do anything. I’ll drop down to my knees, please. I didn't want it to happen. I don't know how it happened. I never wanted you to find out, but I knew if I didn't tell you, it would be worse.”

“There is nothing to forgive.” I sighed as it broke my heart to say that,but it's true, “We weren’t together. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt, because it does. The last thing I would do right now is sleep with someone else, but that’s me. I can’t fault you for that.”

“I love you, Jo. Please…” he begged.

“It’s late, Archer. Come on.” I stood up and moved the blankets from the bed for him to lay down, “Lay down and get some rest. You can go home tomorrow.”

“No.” he shook his head, “I came here to talk to you. To beg you to come back to me.”

“I can’t…” I whispered, “I will always love you and care about you, but we can’t, not right now. You’re just starting your career. I’m in school. You…you’re dating and that’s okay. It really is okay. I never expected you to never look at another girl, but that's unrealistic. We need to find ourselves before anything can happen, if that, with each other. We will always be in each other’s lives one way or another, but this, us, can’t happen. At least, not right now, and if something happens when we cross paths in the future at the right time, who knows what will happen.” and I truly meant that.

“Jo…”

“Please, don’t make this harder than it has to be. I’m not mad. I promise, but we can’t go back to how it used to be…”

“I messed up, didn’t I?” he asked softly, his face falling.

“No.” I shook my head and grabbed his hand in mine, “You didn’t. Of course, you did not mess up. We’re just young and have so much going on right now. It’s all too much.”

“You’ll still be in my life, right?” he whispered.

“Always and that will never change. Now, come on and lie down and get some sleep.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll sleep in my roommate's bed.” I shrugged, “It’s okay.”

“No. Come here. If we can’t be together, then can we at least have this one night for me to hold you?” I stood there, thinking hard about it. With nervousness, I gave him a slight nod and climbed into the bed, my back facing his front. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled me closer to his body. I felt his warmth. The tingles spread through every inch as his fingers trailed up and down my arm and the next thing I knew, we were kissing and then so much more…

I shook my head out of the memory of that night. Both our broken hearts were trying to find a glimpse of past happiness on that night.

“We slept together that night, and we were stupid, so stupid. I wasn’t on birth control because there was no need for me to be. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone, and he didn’t have a condom, and if he did, we forgot about it. After we had s*x, we fell asleep and a small part of me thought that we could be something again, even though my mind was telling me otherwise…

…and my mind was right. We spent the weekend together, just hanging out and talking about old times and everything that's happened. The last night, he held me again, kissing my forehead and said he loved me, but that was short-lived. I woke up the next morning, and he was gone. He left a note for me, apologizing, but he had to get back to Crossdale for the academy and that he would reach out. Later that day, when everything clicked, I went down to the campus clinic and picked up the plan b pill. I wasn’t ready for a baby and I knew he wasn’t either. I thought it was the responsible thing to do, and I was still within the 72-hour time frame to take it.”

“It was. It was the responsible thing to do.” Bella whispered, “You guys had a night of passion with some mistakes, but you going down there and taking that showed you were being responsible. You were both so young and not ready to have a family…”

“She’s right.” Austin mumbled, “As much as it pains me to say, she is.”

I nodded, “We talked on and off over the next two months. I tried to concentrate on school, but it was hard. Something felt different. I felt off and it wasn’t until my roommate came back and complained about cramps and getting her period that it clicked. I rushed out of the room and bought seven different pregnancy tests and they all came out positive. I lost it. I didn’t know who to call or go to because I felt like I was alone…”

“You could have called us.” Hannah said as she tried to hold in her composure, “I would have been there for you the entire time, every step of the way. We would have supported you in everything, held your hand, taken care of you both.”

“I didn’t know that.” I wiped away a tear, “Archer is your son. Being pregnant was not part of the plan. I was afraid you guys wouldn’t believe me since I was at school and everything. I was scared. I called my mom and she told me to abort it and move on. She said having a baby wasn’t worth it.” and hearing that broke my heart, "She said there was no reason to have a bastard child ruin my future when I have everything I could ever want and then hung up on me."

“That bitch.” Tristian groaned, his hands turning into fists, “What happened next.”

“Mom’s words got to me…” I cried out, “I went down to the campus clinic with my roommate to talk about my options. I was going to have an abortion. I was set on it. I was young, alone, and scared. I was in no way mentally ready to have a baby and be a single mom. I didn't know how to tell Archer and I figured if I did this, I never would have to. He would never have to know. We sat in the chairs and waited until they called my name and when they did, with each shaky step, I walked into that back room, and I knew instantly it was a mistake…”