Heart of Darkness

4 - Getting to Know her

The next few days go by smoothly as I try my best to stay away from the princess. I place my conquering plans on hold as I first have to find a way to block her grip on my heart. I have left Elias in charge of her training, instructing him to be precise with her. After all, why should I consider her accommodation? Why would I wish to keep her comfortable, when what I need from her is her role as a royal princess? I just have to force her to become the perfect princess so I can marry her and then kill her. That is all there is.

I impute these thoughts in my mind as I immerse myself in paperwork and diplomatic matters. There is much to do now that the princess has been publicly introduced to the noble society. I have been sending peace treaties to every nearby landlord in order to renew their loyalty to our kingdom and so far they have responded positively. It would seem they took quite a fancy to the princess.

How could they not? The girl radiates kindness.

Indeed, these have been quite the peaceful times. Even the attacks on the village have halted. People seem content, even though they know I am still the one in charge. The king remains in his bed, unable to move as I continue to give him poison, but even though his state has not worsened, I can see he is holding on to his life, as if he is waiting for something to happen. Every afternoon I go to give him his tea he asks for Mika’s development as a princess.

Elias has been bringing me reports on how she is doing on her geography and history lessons, adding the detail that she asks for me every day. I suppose the kiss we shared that night contributed for her interest in me. I should be satisfied with this, but instead I feel as if there is a warp hole in my chest.

Every night, I head outside the barrier and test my powers, but they do not seem to return to their former glory. It does not help that every time I have nothing to do, my mind wanders to think of her. I always remember her sweet scent as we danced and her soft lips as they touched mine… Every day I struggle to remain as busy as possible.

In Elias’s reports of the princess’s training, he also refers how she seems rather eager to return to her own life, even though she has everything a girl ever wished for. I suppose she still misses her foster parents, like she confessed to me at the night of the Ball. She will have to pull through that feeling. I cannot have her trying to leave again. I don’t know if I could survive another consolation act.

One day, Elias comes to me exactly during the time he should be teaching her, and my heart falters nearly guessing what has happened

“Should you not be elsewhere, Elias?” I ask him, trying to appear calm as my eyes never leave the papers I am reading, but inside my stomach flips nervously. If she has indeed ran away again, I do not know what I will do.

“I’m sorry to intrude you, my lord, but the princess has not shown for her training. She has never done this before so I thought I should report this to you at once” There it is; the news I have been dreading, but somehow expecting.

“She must be tired from it all. Ask Jena where she is. She’s probably playing with those annoying dogs again” I say, still trying to act uninterested and secretly hoping I am right.

“That’s the thing, my lord. She seems to have sneaked out. Her horse is gone and no one has seen her whole day”

I finally look up at him. “What?”

“I’m sorry, my lord” He bows to me already sensing my anger.

I get up from my chair, knowing there is no escaping my predicament. She has run away and now I must go look for her and console her from her sadness in order to bring her back. I wish I didn’t need her anymore for my plan, but she is still the heir princess of the kingdom. Without her, I will never be King, and if she decides to dislike me, I am not in position to force her to marry me. That would only cause an uprising; one I could never withhold in my current powerless state.

“I shall go look for her. Send the guards to search for her as well if I don’t return before sunset”

“Yes, my lord” He bows again and I leave the room with haste, now allowing anger to take over me. I have dreaded this moment. I do not want to lose any more of my powers.

That stupid girl! Where has she gone off to now?!

If she has taken the horse, that means she has left the castle. I am not sure how long she has been gone, so I do not know how far she must be right now. I get on my horse and ride it to the border of the barrier, all the while thinking I might have been the cause for her sudden disappearance. Sharing that kiss with her and then completely disappearing from her presence, followed by Elias’s exhausting and boring lessons, leaving her with no time for herself. I suppose I cannot blame her for suddenly leaving. I was in her same situation when I decided to leave my father’s mansion.

Once outside the barrier, I use my powers to sense around for her pure energy. Nothing. Surprisingly enough, she is still inside the kingdom, perhaps in the village.

Why didn’t she just run away as far as she could? With all this, I honestly thought she would try to return to her previous home on her own, but it appears I was wrong.

I turn my horse around, ready to rage into the village and demand to know where the princess is, when I notice something strange for the first time. The barrier is somewhat different from when I first came into the kingdom. It is… fading…

I sit there on my horse for a moment as I allow this new information to sink in. Without the barrier, I could use my powers inside the kingdom, but so could any other wizard and witch. And I am sure no one would pass the opportunity to take over this legendary kingdom.

How could I not have noticed?

Without the barrier, any chance I had to become the most powerful wizard of all time will be completely eradicated. Instead, such title will be taken by another. I could never hold my stand against other wizards in my current state. I would be able to take them on in my full glory but Mika’s pure heart has taken too much of my original powers.

I try to evade my terror riding back into the barrier and towards the village. I now know how limited my time is. I must become King before the barrier is fully destroyed, or all my efforts will have been for naught.

Once I reach the village, I search for the girl, but it takes me some time before I can find her, since the people there absolutely refuse to cooperate with me. When I finally do find her, she is surrounded by children wearing a big smile on her face. She looks as if she is part of the village and not their princess, wearing her commoner’s garments and hair pulled back in a ponytail.

I have the urge to hide in the shadows, watching her smile; it makes me feel my heart aching again. I have not seen her since the day of the Ball, and I have to admit that even looking like a commoner, she is awfully beautiful.

Watching from the shadows, I notice the children around her are all sick with a typical skin disease. Nothing serious, but it itches so much, children usually scratch themselves into infection. A little girl with dark brown hair and bright green eyes pulls on Mika’s skirt and questions her.

“Will this green thing really make me better, princess?”

I am confounded. So the villagers do know who she is, and yet they do not treat her any differently. Do they not realize they should treat royalty as such? Or was it a request on her behalf. I would not be surprised if it was. I repress my flow of thoughts as Mika smiles and pats the little girl’s head.

“Yes, it will, but you have to make moisture of it and rub it in your skin every day. Come, I’ll show you how to do it” Mika holds the girl’s hand and leads her to where she holds her many herbs and healing moistures.

She has set up a cloth on the ground and put everything on display as if she were selling on the market. I disdain at her lack of thought. A princess selling on the market as a mere commoner… What was she thinking?

“How do you know all of this, princess?” One of the children asks her as she finishes teaching them how to prepare the lotion.

“My mother taught me. She was a wonderful herbalist and a healer as well”

“So now you’re our healer” Another child says and they all look up at Mika with respect and admiration. Mika simply smiles.

“Yes. Yes, I am”

My heart aches as I watch her make sure the children learned how to make the moisture by having them do it in front of her. She appears to be happy among these commoners. She misses her home, her old life. The life I took away from her.

I remain in the shadows, watching her from afar, as it starts getting dark. Soon the children are taken by their parents to their homes and Mika says her goodbyes, turning to stow away her many bottles of herbs and other healing ingredients.

I take the moment to approach her, slowly and carefully. I am all too aware I have not seen her or allowed her to see me from the moment I first kissed her. Now I wish I could erase that past moment. It would make this situation so much easier. When I am nearly upon her, she turns around and shock and guilt fills her pretty features. But there is something else I notice when she averts looking into my eyes. Is it longing? Surely, I am hallucinating.

“L-Lynus…” She stutters when I finally stand before her. We stay there for one long awkward moment, without uttering a word. I look upon her and she simply looks down at my feet, obviously realizing she did something wrong.

In my mind I resume what I had wanted to say to her. But my long, practiced scolding completely evades my mind as I look down at her. I cannot bring myself to blame her for what she did. If anyone has any blame for her leaving, it would be me, for trapping her inside the castle for so long.

“It is getting quite late, princess. We should return to the castle” I finally manage to say and turn around so I don’t have to look at her any longer.

I take a few steps away from her and then wait as I hear her gather her things. When she is ready, I lead the way back to our horses, which are eating grass pleasingly on the fields outside the village. I help her place the things back on her horse, always averting her eyes and when she is ready we take off back to the castle without speaking another word.

I can see the lanterns of the guards preparing themselves to go on a quest for the princess. I approach them, so that they can see the princess is with me.

“Princess! Are you alright? We were just about to go search for you” Jack says to her, looking obviously worried about her welfare.

“I’m alright, Jack. I’m sorry to have you worried”

I can see Jack nodding softly at her and looking at me for an instance, before turning back to his men to cancel the quest. His look was filed with disdain.

I lead Mika to the stables and help her get down from the horse. I signal her to follow me and lead her inside towards my office, closing the door behind us. I can feel her gaze on my back as I head towards the window.

I am still trying to understand what lead me to bring her here with me. I am not sure I fully grasp what I wish to speak to her. It is true for a moment I was afraid she had run away, but she didn’t. Instead she resorted to nostalgia and relived a piece of her old life by acting as a healer on the castle village.

Now, I am faced with a dilemma. I do not want her to leave. It is obvious I need her to stay, but I cannot have her stay here against her will; that would just make my plan a whole lot harder to put in motion.

At that moment, I realize there is only one way to make things right. Sensing my gloom thoughts, Mika starts apologizing for her reckless actions.

“I know you’re angry with me for sneaking off like this… I’m so sorry for having everyone worried, it won’t happen again. I will-“

I cut her off with a gesture, without turning to face her. Her excuses are not needed any longer.

“Do you miss the life you had?”

She looks at my back silently for a minute and I know she is processing what to say. Maybe she does wish to leave and is afraid I won’t let her. “I… Yes… Yes, I do… Very much…” She finally admits.

“You know I cannot let you go back” I say, looking at her through my shoulder.

“I know…” She looks down, as if I had just confirmed her worst thoughts.

I look back outside, holding my hands behind my back.

“However, I can allow you to visit the village every day as a healer, as long as you always take an escort with you”

There is a moment of silence and I know she is holding her breath. I do suppose it is a surprise for her to hear this from me. I have not allowed her to do anything she pleases ever since we arrived at the castle. The silence prologues, then suddenly I nearly fall off when she jumps at me squealing with joy.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’ll be the best healer I can be! There’s so much to do! I have to find the right herbs and prepare my packages!” Before I can respond, she is off through the door, still squealing with joy.

I smile, knowing this is the best for her. She is just a girl, after all. Pushing her too hard will only lead to self destruction in her case. And of course there is the big advantage that this entire situation will keep her away from me until I can figure out what to do about my powers. I am yet to discover a way to retrieve the powers I lost, or find a way to avert losing the ones I still have. There is still a long road ahead of me in order to achieve greatness; greatness which comes with being the most powerful wizard of all times.