Heart of Darkness

3 - The Ball

It is the morning of the day of the ball and everything is as it should be. Guests are starting to arrive and I am sure to be present to receive the most important ones, gladly noticing everyone I invited is to be present; everyone except the landlord of the north. He has been avoiding contact with me ever since the king fell ill. When I am sure everything is underway, I leave Elias in my place receiving the remaining guests and head to make sure the princess is getting ready.

She is the center of attention today. I made sure she would not be seen by anyone except the castle workers until she is introduced at the Ball. I would not want any noblemen to see the princess when she does not look like one. Walking towards her room, where I have already instructed Jenna to go help her prepare, I shout some other commands to the castle workers to ensure the guests have food and entertainment ready until the actual Ball begins. I decided to have them all gather at the Ballroom and dispose the castle lobby for their stay.

I hired several entertainment dancers, jugglers and clowns to keep the crowd entertained throughout the day. At late evening, I shall introduce the princess publicly and the Ball shall commence with plenty of music, food, and drinks.

When I reach the princess’s quarters, I am surprised to find the door wide open, and no one inside. Could they still be in the bath?

I check the bath house and everything is prepared for the princess’s bath, but it does not look occupied. Where are they?

I start enquiring the castle workers on where they could be, but no one seems know. Anger starts boiling inside me. This is the last thing that could go wrong on this day.

Then, I finally find Jenna. She looks rather flushed and with a very concerned look on her face. Her expression changes to fear when she sees me approach.

“S-Sir Lynus…” She mumbles. Jenna is not a woman to feel such fear towards me. Something terrible must have happened. I try to control my boiling anger as I guess what has happened.

“Jenna… Where is the princess?” I calmly ask, but I am sure my eyes betray my calm tone.

“She… She is gone, sir”

I take a deep breath.

“What is it you mean by gone?”

“She never showed for breakfast this morning. No one has seen her. Her bed is still made. Her horse is still on the stables though, so I thought she might still be in the castle. But I have looked everywhere, sir. She is nowhere to be found!”

Jenna is actually starting to panic. I have to look away from her not to destroy the image I have of that strong willed woman capable of managing an entire castle. The princess is missing… I clench my fist, suddenly wanting to go outside the barrier and destroy everything in my sight; actually I could do that right now.

Suddenly an idea comes to mind.

“Have you checked the gardens?”

“Yes, Sir Lynus. She is not there” Jenna answers with a slight nod. She is calmer now, and somehow her calm reaches me.

“I shall go search the gardens again. Make sure everything is in order with the guests and return to the princess’s chambers when I call you”

She quickly nods and bows to me, retreating from my front hurriedly. I swallow my anger and head to the gardens. Something is telling me this is where the princess is. She must have felt pressured and ran to where she felt most at home: surrounded by nature and animals. I sweep the entire area of the gardens, trying to find the quietest place, wishing I could use my powers to find her.

I finally find a quiet place with a cherry tree, surrounded by a whole lot of bushes, making it difficult to directly access the trunk. The gardener is yet to work on this area. The bushes grow however they want, having no particular beauty to them, except for the flower petals from the tree over them. The shade of the cherry tree covers a large part of the garden, filling it with the pinkish petals characteristic to this plant. The princess is nowhere in sight, but I know she is here. I start penetrating the wild bushes to access the trunk of the large tree and sure enough there she is: sleeping at the shade of the cherry tree.

I watch her for a moment, taking in her petite form, dressed in her villager’s garments. She is filled with dirt. Had I not known better and I would think she is just another castle worker, sleeping while on duty. I notice her somewhat reddened cheeks and swollen eyes. She has been crying, until quite recently, I’m afraid.

Has she spent the night crying outside?

Then I notice the small patch of soil next to her. It was tampered with and smoothed out to create fertile ground. In fact, it seems there are already a few seeds planted there. I look back at her curiously, now noticing her dirt filled hands. She has spent the night crying AND planting.

What a strange, fragile creature…

I slowly approach her and crouch next to her sleeping form. She looks calm now, despite her after-crying look, lying on her side on the ground. I realize I have been pushing her too hard lately, anxious to have everything prepared for the Ball. I so wanted to introduce her to noble society and end all those war threats. I did not even wonder how she felt with this entire ordeal. Until a short few days ago she was just a farm girl, caring only for the farm animals and plants. She never had to worry about impressing other people or learning how to dance for that matter.

And yet, she has been trying so hard to surpass my expectations of her. It is only normal for her to be scared, terrified even, but she just kept working and studying, always doing her best. She must have reached a breaking point last night.

Without noticing, I reach out to her and touch her cheek. She slightly squirms and her eyes slowly batter open. She looks startled when she focuses her vision on me, sitting up.

Now she looks scared as she realizes it is already morning. She must think I will scold her. And I should, but I find my anger has dissipated.

“You must be cold, princess. Let us head inside” I simply say and stand up from my crouching position. She does not comply, looking up at me. Her eyes suddenly fill with tears and a hint of something I do not know pinches my heart. It is different from the pain she usually inflicts on my heart.

“I… I can’t do it…” She says, now starting to sob.

I look down at her, not really knowing what to do in this situation. My desire is to simply pull her back to her quarters and force her to wash and get dressed. Why do I not do that?

Instead I crouch back down, meeting her gaze.

“What is it you cannot do, my princess?” I calmly ask. I have never seen her cry before and I hate the sight. It does not suit her. Suddenly I just want to see her warm smile again, no matter how much it may pain my heart. She takes some time to answer, and when she does, it is between sobs.

“I… I can’t… be a princess… I can’t… I can’t impress noble people… I can’t dance properly in front of a… of a crowd… I can’t be the only heir to the throne… I’m just a farm girl! I… I miss my home…” Her crying has now developed to a childlike wail.

I do not know what possess me as I suddenly hold her closely in my arms, consoling her. Her crying stops abruptly. She must be shocked at my actions. I am quite shocked too.

“You are so much more than a farm girl”

I slowly let go of her and push her back just enough so I can kiss her forehead.

“It will be alright, Mika. You are a fine princess and everyone shall see you as such. There is no need to be afraid. I will be there with you at all times”

She looks up at me and I am not sure how I feel about her flushed cheeks. She softly nods and seems to be calmer. I gently wipe her tears with my thumbs and then hold her hands in mine, slowly getting up and urging her to do the same.

“Thank you…” She averts her eyes from me, now appearing embarrassed.

I am not sure myself, but I believe I am smiling for she smiles too when she looks at me once more.

“Come. Jenna has been looking for you all around the castle and is starting to get frantic. Make sure to let her know you are alright” I tell her and she nods. I realize I am still holding her hands, so I let her go, allowing her to leave. She still glances back at me before leaving the gardens. Her thanking smile fills my heart with… With what? What is this feeling?

After I warn Jenna of Mika’s return, I busy myself with maintaining the castle’s current event going smoothly in order to eliminate this morning’s memory from my mind. When it is time, I head to the princess’s quarters, hoping she is ready then. The time for her introduction has come. I knock at the door.

“Princess. The guests are all here and waiting for you at the Ball room. Are you ready?”

“J-Just a moment!” I hear her voice from inside and nearly flinch. There is a slight hint of panic in her tone. I cannot have her run away again.

I am about to urge her to hurry when I hear her speak whisper to Jenna. “Are you sure this is alright? I can barely breathe”

If not for my fear of her running away, I would disdain at her lack of selflessness. The dress I chose for her is only proper for a princess at such event. There are much tighter dresses for her to wear. She still has no idea what it means to be a real princess, but I intend on making her learn soon enough. Our training has only begun. But those are plans for the future. Right now, I must focus on keeping her behavior in top shape throughout the entirety of the Ball.

Finally the door opens and Jenna steps out looking back inside.

“It’s alright, Mika, you can come out now” Jenna urges her to step outside, but the princess seems to be shy. Either that or she can’t walk in the shoes I chose for her. I really have to press on with her lessons, but for now this will have to do.

Finally, she appears at the door and I feel my breath catching in my chest.

She looks absolutely stunning with her hair branded up in an exquisite way and the shining golden dress I chose for her, which reveals her tiny waist and well built bust, evolving to a large wheeled skirt decorated with flowers. The short sleeves allow for the diamond bracelets to shine on her wrists. I had this dress made for her especially for this moment, even though I did not know her then. Her chest is adorned with a diamond necklace and I notice she pinched her mother’s necklace under it. Her eyes seem to sparkle with the glow of the diamond earrings she is wearing and her cheeks are still rosy from her previous bath, or perhaps from the nervousness she is definitely feeling.

She blushes, adding to her rosiness, looking down. I look at her for a few seconds, furiously trying to calm my beating heart and commanding it to slow down. I do understand her embarrassment. She has never worn anything so picturesque. I pick up her chin, making her look at me.

“You look absolutely stunning, my princess” I hope this compliment will be enough for her to control her nervousness.

She softly smiles and I know that smile will enchant everyone throughout this afternoon. I take her by the arm and lead her towards the Ball room where everyone awaits our arrival. I give the signal to Elias and he loudly announces our names. I can hear everyone in the ball room quiet down upon the announcement.

We enter the Ballroom and everyone looks at us. Mika feels very stiff next to me, gaping at the large amount of people standing in front of her. I tighten the grip on her arm, reassuring her. She softly smiles at me and I slowly take her to the center of the ball room. Everyone gives us room.

Placing her in front of me, I make eye contact with her and hold it there.

“It is just you and me” I tell her gently and she nods, understanding what I mean.

I hold her closely to me, no longer bothering with the distance between us and wait for the music to begin. I can see Elias give the signal and the musicians start.

I start dancing with Mika in our so rehearsed dance. She looks absolutely magnificent and I know everyone in the room is watching her in awe. Our long lost princess turned out to be a beautiful graceful young lady. I keep my gaze on her throughout the dance, taking in her beautiful features and her lovely smile. Truly, our princess is a fine lady.

I spin her one more time at the ecstasy of our dance and then pull her back to me to continue our swirling throughout the dance floor. Towards the end of the dance, I lift her up with my arms and when I descend her, she appears to be some sort of angel descending from the skies.

The music starts to fade as we finish our dance. We bow to each other, showing our respect and I take her hand as we let other couples take their place at the dance floor. It is time for introductions. Everyone is eager to meet the princess.

Immediately, the highest ranked Dukes, viscounts and what not gather around the princess, carefully introducing themselves and their social status. I have to keep a tight grip on Mika’s arm as I feel her nervousness and also because I can sense the fascination these disgusting men feel for her. One of them actually has the nerve to compliment her beauty and then ask her to dance. I respectfully decline his request on behalf of the princess and appreciate the look of disappointment on his face.

I should have realized this would happen. I glance back at Mika as she smiles to another Count who approached us. She is too beautiful. Every unmarried men in this Ball will try to court her and I will be damned if I allow that to happen. No one will take my princess away from me.

Throughout the most important introductions, I keep Mika’s arm wrapped around mine. This seems to keep away unwanted suitors, but soon enough when I am busy talking to an ambassador, I sense Mika remove her arm from mine and stray away. I wish to go after her and keep her by my side, but am unable to terminate the conversation abruptly for it would infuriate this important nobleman.

When I finally finish my conversation, I go looking for her, but there are too many people in the Ballroom. It takes a long time until I find her again and when I do, I nearly snap. For the first time since I arrived at this kingdom, I thank the barrier for blocking my powers. Had I had my powers intact, I would have destroyed the entire room.

Wait, why is that a bad thing again?

After all, it would destroy the image I have to endure right now. Mika is being held in that brute’s arms as they dance across the dance floor. I clench my fists when she smiles as he whispers something in her ear.

Who does he think he is to have such proximity with the princess?!

Thankfully, their dance finishes shortly after and Jack is intercepted by a hoard of jealous ladies desperately wanting the next dance. I do not know what they see in such a brute. I watch as he starts dancing with one of the forceful ladies and Mika strays away from them, heading towards one of the many verandas of the large room. I silently follow her. It is already night and I know this day was extremely tiring for her, having to meet so many strange people and acting like someone she never had to impersonate. Unfortunately, this is how things are going to be from now on to her.

I gaze at her as she looks up at the stars, much like the time when we were travelling to reach the castle. I wonder what she is thinking. Perhaps she completely regrets coming here altogether. I suppose I did not make this week very pleasant for her with all the lessons and training. But I do not want her to leave. I cannot have her leave. She is far too precious for my plan to work.

In the back of my mind, I wonder if that is the entirety of the reason I want to keep her here. Do I not just simply want to keep her for myself? Have I not grown fond of the girl just by being in her presence for a few days? Certainly, simply forcing her to stay and marry me has long evaded my thoughts…

I push these thoughts to the back of my mind again. The only truth here is that I do not want her to leave, and for that I need to make sure she is happy here.

I step closer to her.

“Princess”

She seems startled and looks behind at me.

“Oh, Lynus. Sorry, I just came to get some fresh air. Is there someone else I have to meet?”

She seems stiff now that I am here. She is treating me as if I am another one of those many Counts.

“No, my princess. You have already met everyone” I let myself smile at her, trying to appease her. “You have done a most extraordinary work today. Everyone is quite pleased with you”

She smiles softly, but the smile doesn’t go to her eyes.

“I’m glad”

I step closer to her, standing next to her on the balcony. She is far from happy. I would say she is on the verge of escaping this castle through the night and never coming back.

What can I do to prevent this?

“Is something the matter, my princess?” I carefully ask her, wanting to gain some sort of clue as to what to do with her.

“Oh… Nothing… It’s just…” She looks up at the stars again. “I miss my parents… I wish they could be here with me…”

I look at her, knowing her request is impossible. Her parents are long gone, and I was the one who killed them. But right now, I cannot have her know that.

“Of course, but you must understand you cannot return just yet…” I say, trying to change the topic of the conversation.

She nods softly. “I won’t ever be able to return, will I? I have to stay here”

I look at her, surprised at how she seems to have accepted her fate, even though she is not content with it. She understands she is the sole heir to the throne after her father is gone. She understands she will have to be the one to rule this kingdom in the future, and she has no vote in it. It simply is to be.

“This kingdom needs you. You are our future Queen” I simply declare, verbally sealing her fate.

She nods softly and I hate the gloomy look on her face. She looks about to cry. Inadvertently, I reach out to touch her cheek.

“You will make a fine Queen. I am sure if your parents could be here, they would be extremely proud of you”

My words seem to catch her off guard. I know they caught me off guard. She looks down and slightly shivers; I’m not sure if due to cold or because she is about to cry. I allow my arms to envelop around her small form and pull her closer to my chest. She does not hesitate to return my embrace this time, burying her face in my chest, seeking comfort. I caress her back gently, wanting to appease her.

A tight cringe on my heart alerts me back to reality and I slowly let go of her, slightly pushing her away from me. The seal on my heart is giving away, with something as simple as a hug. I cannot afford to lose this seal just yet.

“Come, princess. It is getting cold out here” I say, trying to hide my sudden discomfort. She sullenly nods and takes my arm as I lead her back inside. Besides my hard efforts to lift her spirits, she still appears desolate.

I look around, trying to distract myself from her and scan the room for my father. I am glad he had the good sense of not showing up. He would be expelled immediately if he did. I made sure to give out that command when he threatened to come.

The ball is being a success. Everyone loves the new princess, just like I knew they would. I am sure the war threats will be called off now that everyone has seen the kingdom has an heir to the throne. The problem now will be to keep off suitors from asking Mika’s hand in marriage. But as I look around the room again, I notice many young men looking at me with envy and even anger in their eyes. I realize why as I look down to mine and Mika’s crossed arms. I am, without a doubt, a big candidate to becoming the princess’s future husband, and everyone in this room has realized that. Good. Let them think she is off limits, because soon, she will become my wife.

From the corner of my eye, I catch Mika yawn. I realize it has gotten quite late by now. Even a few of the guests are starting to retreat as they say their goodbyes to us and then are escorted back to their carriages by the castle workers. In fact, the Ballroom is starting to get quite empty. I look back at Mika and understand she is already very sleepy, and bored. This Ball was quite a doleful evening for her.

“Perhaps you should go get some rest, princess” I say to her and she looks up at me with tired eyes.

“Is it alright?”

I slightly smile at her. “Well, a proper princess should remain until every single of her guests has left the Ball to retreat for the night, but… That does not mean we cannot make a tactical retreat”

“A tactical retreat?” She questions, confused.

I smile, remembering how many times I did this myself when I was simply a counselor to his majesty, the King, and he was still in good health. Back then, the days of talking with other landlords and Counts were as dull to me as they are being to her and many times, during dancing events such as these, I would grab a random lady and dance my way out of the room without anyone noticing I was gone, except the King himself, of course. Those times seem so long ago. I realize now I have been living at this castle for nearly two years.

Mika is still looking at me in inquiry when I let go of her arm and take her hand, leading her to the dance floor where only a few couples remain. I take her into a dancing stance and before she can ask, I start our dance. I am glad I taught her well enough that she can accompany me.

“Lynus?...” She starts as we dance through the room.

“Do you see that corridor over there? That is where we are heading” I say to her and when she looks at the corridor and back at me, I can tell she has understood what I am trying to do.

She smiles as we dance, slowly closing in on the corridor. She even starts laughing when I spin her towards the corridor and go towards her, as if finishing our dance.

She giggles when she sees me following her and we enter the corridor.

“What now?” She asks me. I glance behind us and see the Count of the East closing in on us, obviously wanting to talk about financial matters or maybe just try to flirt with Mika.

“Now we run” I simply say, holding her hand.

“We what-?” She starts, but I pull her after me as I start to run. She quickly starts running too and her laughter echoes through the corridor and in my heart. It is as if bells are ringing inside me.

When we are at the end of the corridor, she trips due to her shoes and instantly I raise her up in my arms. I do not even think twice as I continue running with her in my arms up the stairs and through the many corridors and halls to reach her room.

I know I am smiling when she holds onto to me by my neck and continues laughing as I run. She is happy; she is laughing. A warm feeling fills me from the inside and I want to hear her laughter throughout the night, but too soon we reach the entrance to her chambers.

I hesitate to place her down and the familiar cringe in my heart assaults me when she looks at me, still in my arms. Our faces are inches away. I place her down, wanting to relieve the pain in my heart. I can feel the seal on the verge of breaking.

“Have a good night’s rest, my princess” I say, and bow to her respectfully.

“Thank you, Lynus. You too” She smiles and is about to enter her bedroom, but then comes to a halt and turns back to me. I look intently at her deep brown eyes, glad to see there is no more sadness lingering over them, being replaced by a glint I can’t recognize.

She smiles brightly one more time and before I can stop her, she closes in on me and kisses my cheek with a soft peck. This is enough to make my heart stop.

Before she completely pulls apart, I stop her, softly holding her arms and ever so slowly I lean to her and allow our faces to be inches away like they were before. I can feel her warm breath mixing with mine. Then I close the gap between us and crush my lips to hers in a loving kiss.

At first, I feel shock coming from her, but then she relaxes and leans towards our kiss placing her hands on my chest. I pull her into a close embrace and caress her cheek slowly parting my lips to get a full taste of her sweetness.

Then I freeze as I can feel the seal in my heart breaking and her grasp on my heart returns, stronger than ever. I break the kiss, slowly as to not to scare her and part away from her.

Then I leave without another word, not even daring to look back at her.

I feel the need to run away as fast as I can as my heart aches as it never did before. I run to the stables, wishing I could just fly away from this castle and away from everything which reminds me of her. I get on my horse and ride towards the barrier as fast as I can. Already, I can feel my powers leave me as her presence lingers over my heart. What have I done?

I have jeopardized everything I have worked for all this time! How am I supposed to become the most powerful wizard of all times if I have no powers at all?!

Once outside the realm’s barrier, I fully release my powers.

And am terrified to discover they have weakened substantially.

I fall to my knees, feeling exhausted and trying to recover my breath. What have I done?

I was an i***t to think I could surpass the powers of a pure hearted one. Now I am left with half my powers and if this continues I won’t be left with powers at all. I should have just killed her when I first saw her. I should have just used her the way I planned to and ended this matter as quickly as possible. I would not be in this position had I done so. Now there is no turning back. Once my powers are gone, there is no way to retrieve them.

I allow despair take over me as I lay on my knees in the middle of the forest losing track of time.

“Stupid fool”

So he did show up. I am surprised to discover I don’t feel anger towards him. He was right, after all…

“If you have come here to ridicule me once again, you might as well go back to where you came from”

“You ridicule yourself! I warned you my seal would not be able to hold on to her full power. But you insisted on keeping close to her. Your pride will be the end of you, Lynus”

“Do not tell me what to do, father” I slowly get back up, facing him with a stern look. A strange calm washes over me. What is done is done, and there is no turning back now.

He scorns at me. “Foolish child. You will lose your powers before you can notice”

“Powers or no powers, I will become king” That is right. Even if I lose my powers, I still have a great chance to marry Mika and become king. That part of the plan is not yet impossible.

“You think just because you marry the princess, the people will accept you as their king? No! These people have to be ruled by power! And you will be powerless if this continues!”

Now I am angry. He has ruled all his life using his wizardly powers solely. Why should I be like him? After all, in this kingdom I would have no powers to use either way. The barrier would keep it that way forever. Marrying Mika and becoming king was always the primary plan.

So why do I still feel this sharp fear stabbing my heart?

I am desperately afraid to lose my powers. It is what I always had for granted. If I lose everything else, I still have my powers to ensure my good life. If I lose them, and then lose my chance to become King, I will be left with nothing. My father is right after all. Even if I do marry Mika and become King, there is a high possibility there will be an uprising against me, and I would be powerless to do anything about it. In this end, if this continues, I will be left with nothing.

I cannot afford to lose my powers…

Anger hits me again as I realize this and I discharge this dark energy on my father, hitting him with the few powers I have left. He easily blocks them, adding to my anger.

“Enough! I am not here to hear your lectures!” I shout at him, wanting to vanquish everything in my path. Knowing I no longer have the power to do that, I turn my back on him and start walking away.

“You fool! You are falling in love with her. That will be the end of you”

These words strike me as a spear as I halt in my movements. Am I falling in love with her?

The more I think about it, the more I realize it is the truth and that is the main reason why I have my powers cut in half. My love for her will destroy me. I have to stop it. I make my decision as I stand there with my back turned to him.

“I will deal with my own problems” I declare and walk back to my horse, ridding back to the castle.

Whatever feelings I have for her will be vanquished from my heart. One way or another, I will become King, and then I can kill her and her father.

I will put an end to this soon.