Heart of Darkness

5 - A new Healer

Weeks pass by and everything is going smoothly. I have resumed my duties as the princess’s tutor, even though every once in a while Elias still takes my place whenever I have business of the kingdom to attend to. She is becoming a true princess as I teach her everything she needs to know about noble society and even history and geography. She seems very interested on these last subjects, but I am afraid it is still far too early to introduce her to proper politics. Not that it is of any importance; she will never make any big decision on her own.

Peace has been established with the nearby lands with the signing of the new contracts. All of the landlords accept Mika as their future leader, all except the land to the north, the land to northeast, where my father resides, and the land to the south. There is nothing I can do about the northern lands, for they do not respond to my letters. Not that I bothered much with sending regards to my father. However, the landlord from the south wishes to meet the princess personally seen he was unable to be present at the Royal Ball.

I look through my window to see Mika gathering her herbs for her afternoon visit to the village. After our morning lesson, she takes a quick meal and rushes through the castle to leave to the village along with an escort assigned by Captain Jack.

For the first time since she first came here, she appears to be truly happy. While she is away at the village, I take my time to gather my thoughts. I am still unsure of what to do about my situation. With the barrier fading, I have little time to seduce Mika and have her marry me in order to become king. But then there is the matter of my power loss. If I approach her any further, I will become completely powerless. Even if I marry her and become king there are no guaranties that I will recover them.

Truth is, I came following after this power over a tall tale. Throughout time, a prophecy travelled across generations of wizards and witches which said: ‘Whoever becomes the ruler of this kingdom will become the most powerful wizard of all times’. How that was achievable, no one knew for sure, but I still tried my luck coming here. Of course, with the prophecy came a curse: ‘Whoever tried and failed to rule over this kingdom would forever lose their powers. Their powers would be lost by the purest of hearts’.

The last part of the prophecy never made much sense to me until I met Mika. The first time I laid my eyes on her I knew she was the pure heart the prophecy mentioned. And that she would lead me to my loss of powers. Regardless, I pushed through and now here I am left with half my powers and a heart filled with regret and doubt.

I could still force her to marry me and hide it so everyone else would think she was not being forced at all, but a thought reached me. What if that would not work?

What if what the prophecy really meant was that I should earn the place as the ruler of this kingdom? I would certainly not earn it by forcing my way into the royal family.

By the end of the evening, I push my thoughts aside, still having found no solution to my problem, and gather the king’s tea to take to his chambers. It scares me that he seems to be doing so much better, despite the fact I have been increasing the dose of poison lately. He is mostly back to his usual self, and I don’t complain much since I can have my regular talk with him like we used to when I first arrived at the castle.

I still remember how he welcomed me so warmly as if I really belonged there. Little did he know I would start poisoning his tea as soon as he started trusting me. At the start he taught me many things, much I would pretend I didn’t know just so he wouldn’t discover my noble origins so easily. Soon enough, he would trust me his most guarded secrets, including the one of his daughter and where she was being hidden.

Truly the man led himself to his own doom. He trusted me too much. But even so, after being on the brink of death, the king is once again speaking coherently. The only sickness about him is the inability to leave his bed. Fortunately that did not change.

Talking to him about normal affairs of the kingdom does sooth my mind, I admit. It helps forget about my difficult decision and pretend I actually belong to this family.

It will actually be sad when I will be the one to tear it apart.

Winter reached our usual warm kingdom and with it, the cold. People here hate this weather and dread the storms and freezing cold nights. As for me, it does not bother me. I grew up in a cold harsh weather to the north, where snow filled the days and nights. I am quite used to the cold, and do welcome the cold rain when it comes.

Mika has been particularly busy during these cold times. As usual, sickness invades the village and castle as people everywhere start coughing and sneezing. Nearly every year, there are casualties, mostly among old people and little children. Mika was bound to avoid any casualty now that she was here.

She devotes herself day after day to her concoctions and syrup making. I was even forced to shorten her lessons as she started to spend the entirety of her days at the village caring for the sick.

Then one day, I am signing some papers to confirm the construction of a new road to the land of the southeast, when I hear commotion outside. I head to the front window in my office to check what is going on and what I see makes my heart freeze. The princess is unconscious being held by the guard who was accompanying her today. Upon watching this scene, I take but a second to act as I nearly fly out my office, through the halls and down the stairs, wishing I actually could fly to get there faster.

When I reach the front gate, Jenna is already accessing Mika and is ordering for the guard to take her to her bedroom. I try to be rational as I let the guard carry her to her room and turn to Jenna for answers. What I really want to do is rip Mika away from the guard’s arms and secure her in my embrace.

“What has happened?” I ask Jenna, trying to appear and sound calm; something I find extremely difficult in this situation.

“It would seem she contracted the same disease as her patients, milord. Her fever was so high she fainted on her way back to the castle. I do not know how she has managed to hold on all this time without anyone noticing” Jenna sounds genuinely worried, which only increases my own preoccupation.

It seems I revealed my worry for Jenna looks at me strangely.

“I will prepare medicine for her, milord” She slightly bows excusing herself and leaves in a hurry towards Mika’s room.

I take some time to gather myself and slowly realize I am still standing at the front gate as everyone else present has gone about their business, whispering to each other their hopes for the princess’s well being. I head back to my office and close the door behind me.

I find I have no idea what to do. If Mika dies… The mere thought dreads my mind. But if she dies now, everything is lost. Suddenly I am not sure if I wish her to live simply because I need her for my plan, or because I have come to care for the girl.

It dawns on me I have not been indifferent to her charm and beauty after all. The simple possibility I might not see her smile again is like a stab in my heart. And I am not mentioning the pain I used to get every time she looked my way. No, that pain has long since been gone. The pain I am feeling now is somewhat different. It feels like a void has filled my heart from within.

It is worse than any other pain I have ever experienced.

I cannot go by another moment without seeing her. I go out the door and head to Mika’s room. I am not sure how long I spent glooming in my office, but it would seem Mika has stabilized, for Jenna is leaving her bedroom when I arrive at the door. I do not need to inquire her; it seems my expression did it for me.

“She has awakened, but is very weak. She needs to rest now in order to recover”

I simply nod afraid my voice will fail me. Jenna allows me to enter the room and I close the door behind me. Mika is lying on her bed, apparently asleep, but when I come closer to her and sit by her bedside, her tired eyes softly open to look at me. The void in my heart lessens when she smiles at me weakly.

I do not know what sort of expression I am making right now. My insides are twisting and turning with worry as I try to keep a stern face. I realize I am on the verge of tears, and nearly hit myself for being such an i***t.

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” Finally I manage to speak and am glad my voice comes out firm.

“I’m sorry…” She lowers herself more into the blankets and coughs terribly. “I didn’t mean to worry anyone…”

I look at her for a moment before managing to say something else. The void returns to fill my heart as she starts coughing again. I wish I could just take her; take her outside the barrier where I can use my powers and heal her from this sickness. But that would only lead to her finding out who I really am, and would cause too much suspicion on everyone else if I took the sick princess out of the castle.

I place my hand on her forehead, wishing for her coughing to stop and am shocked to find her forehead burning hot. I fight the urge to pick her up and take her to where I can heal her.

I sigh when she stops coughing and instead seems about to fall asleep. I allow for my hand to slip to her cheek and caress her gently.

“Rest, my princess”

She is so tired, she immediately falls asleep. I am relieved to hear her breathing is clear enough for her to have a quiet night. I am about to get up and leave the room but instead I stay there, unable to move as I hear her breathing and watch as she peacefully sleeps.

I cannot leave her side. I do not have the strength, so I just stay there with her throughout the night.

Morning comes and I still linger by the princess’s side. Her breathing is getting worse, I notice, so I call for Jenna. She immediately comes, and discards me from the room, leaving me with a void in my heart and my head in a blur.

I know I cannot do desk work in this state, so instead I head to the training field. I am relieved to find the soldiers are not training at the moment and instead they are all guarding the castle and the village wearily. The princess’s current state has taken a toll on everyone’s peace of mind. After all, if the princess is gone and the king remains bedridden, this kingdom will have no heir to the throne and chaos is sure to ensue. Not even I would be able to prevent that.

I grab a sword and take my stance, imagining a worthy adversary. It does not help my temper when my father comes to mind. I start stabbing and slashing thin air as I discharge my anger and frustration into the world. After a moment of reckless moves, I actually start to calm down and move more eloquently, training my movements and actions as if I were in a battle field.

I do not know how long I remain in my practiced moves, but the emptiness I feel as I repeatedly s***h at nothing over and over again is a blessing over the turmoil washing over my heart. When I come back to my senses, I realize it is nightfall.

All at the same time, the feelings of worry and weariness take over me once more. I cannot go by another moment without checking how she is doing. I put away my sword and rush, in a somewhat calm matter, to Mika’s bedroom. I feel my heart nearly slipping through my throat as I slowly open the door without even bothering to knock.

Utter silent resides in the room. I slowly approach the bed, expecting to see Mika sleeping soundly, but I don’t. I don’t see her. She is not here.

Panic installs.

I run out the door and scream for Jenna. Jenna comes running, sensing my urgency.

“Where is she?” I ask, nearly shouting. She looks confused.

“She is not in the room?”

This was the last drop. I don’t even remain to hear another word. I run past her and down the stairs, heading to the outside garden. I know exactly where she is; I only wish I am wrong.

But I am not.

When I reach the garden, I immediately locate her passed out next to her herbal garden. She had actually slipped out of her room and went to gather more herbs on her own. Had she not fainted from the fever, she would certainly head to the village next in order to deliver the daily amount of herbs and concoctions.

I rush to her side and pick her up in my arms. Her face is burning red and her breathing is worse. Had she remained here a second longer, she would perish. I am not entirely sure she will not perish all the same…

I push these thoughts out of my head as I run back to her bedroom, carrying her in my arms. I pass through Jenna in my sprint, but care not to say anything to her. I do not stop until I reach the princess’s room and place her back in her bed. Jenna soon follows me entering the room and looks at Mika and back at me in inquiry.

“Her fever has increased. She needs a cold bath. Now!” I do not usually shout in this way. Fortunately, Jenna knows this and understands the princess’s situation is dire.

She runs out the door to instruct the maids, leaving me alone with Mika. Her breathing has worsened and when I feel for her forehead, my heart drops. I have never seen anyone in such a bad state. She must have hidden her disease for a very long time. I curse myself for not noticing before.

Jenna soon returns and I carry Mika to the bath room, then leaving her in the care of Jenna and the maids. As I wait outside the room, I nearly go mad with how quick my insides twist and turn. I go from worry, to anger, to revolt, to worry again and back at anger. In the end, I am left with the now familiar void in my heart.

If she dies, I will be left undone.

A few moments go by before the bath room door opens. A more relieved Jenna steps out and I look at her, trying to find some comfort in her peace.

“Her fever has gone down. She is ready to go back to her room now”

I don’t even bother to nod as I enter the room. The maids care for her as she sits on a chair in front of a mirror. She is awake now. I approach her and don’t bother asking for permission as I lift her in my arms and start carrying her back to her room. She simply wraps her arms around my neck, understanding my state.

Truth is, I do not understand my own state, but I realize I feel much better with her in my arms. I do hesitate to place her back on her bed and am surprised when she wraps her arms around me more tightly when I do.

“I’m sorry…”

I do not dare to look upon her eyes. She is far too close to me now; I am afraid I would not be able to control myself.

“You could die, Mika…” I cannot hold back the pain I feel from my voice. She reacts to this by holding me tighter and buries her face in the crop of my neck.

I nearly gasp for air when she does this, feeling my heart fail.

“I’ll be more careful…”

I simply nod, now afraid to speak and slowly place her back on her bed. She reluctantly lets go of me and lays back. She looks better than before, but she still has problems breathing.

“I shall leave you to rest, then…” I am about to leave the room, hearing Jenna’s steps towards the room, surely with freshly made tea for Mika to drink.

“Lynus…” I nearly go back to her and take her back into my arms when I hear her calling my name is such way. I only dare to look at her through my shoulder. “Thank you”

Her peaceful smile makes my heart fail again. I turn back to the door.

“Just be sure to pass on what needs to be done on the village to Jenna. Surely, she and the maids will not mind to take on your work” I say to her. “That way, you will be able to rest without having to worry for your patients”

I do not turn to see, but I am sure she smiles at my suggestion. I don’t wait for her response and leave the room just as Jenna enters with herbal tea on a board.

I head outside for a stroll as it dawns, trying to clear my head. But no matter how hard I try to push away my thoughts of her, I always fail.

I come to the one dire conclusion; there is no longer any doubt. I am falling in love with her, and now I know there is no turning back.

The next few days bounce by and so does Mika’s condition. One day she is doing better and can even hold her food, the other she is struggling to breath and her fever rises to dangerous levels. Every day I struggle to keep my calm as I watch her deteriorate over time. I have seen too many other cases of this disease at the village to know she is way past the recuperating faze.

Today is one of the days she is doing worse and I fear she won’t bounce back to health this time. I sit next to her as she struggles to breathe and hallucinates due to the high fever. Jenna has already done everything she could with the herbs and medicine she has at her disposal. There is nothing else we can do to help her…

Nothing except magic.

I cannot hold back any further. If I do, I will lose her forever. I shall take her outside the barrier at night, when no one is near to see. I make my decision as I hold her hand while she tries to sleep. She mumbles nonsense as she tosses and turns in her bed, holding my hand tightly.

“No… No… Don’t hurt him”

She is hallucinating again. I hold her hand tightly in mine. “It will be alright soon, my princess…”

“Lynus…”

Again, her voice pronouncing my name makes the void in my heart melt, but it grows back the moment she suddenly wakes and starts coughing. She can’t breathe. Then she starts to lose consciousness.

I call her name in despair as I see her drifting away in front of my eyes. In a swift move, I pull her to my arms and carry her as I run through the halls and down the stairs. She lays limp in my arms as I pull her to my horse, not even bothering to saddle it.

I pray to the heavens I am not too late.

I ride my horse as fast as he allows me towards the end of the barrier and once outside, I jump down, pulling Mika with me. Immediately, I chant the spell to heal her sickness.

There is no response from her as the green light penetrates her.

Again, I chant the spell, feeling the all too constant despair taking over me.

There is no response. I am too late.

I allow myself to fall to my knees as I hold her. I shake her, shouting her name, desperately trying to bring her back to life.

“Mika!” I shout again and hold her against my chest, not wanting to believe I lost her.

I have not felt this way since the lost of my mother, and neither have I ever cried since. I hold her limp body against mine as I cry out my despair and sorrow.

Then suddenly, a gasp for air wakes me from my gloom.

I look down at her and she is breathing again. She moves to cuddle against my chest and I hear her murmur my name.

She is alive. She is healed.

I hold her closely in my embrace, relishing the moment. A moment too late and I would have lost her. A moment too late and I would be doomed for the rest of eternity.

We stay in our close embrace for sometime, until I realize she has fallen asleep. I gently pick her up and place her back on my horse, crawling up next.

I ride with her back to the castle and avoid the guards’ patrols so no one will know what happened tonight. I have managed to heal her, but no one must know what I did, or I will be judged as the evil wizard I am. I look down at the sleeping princess in my arms as I carry her back to her room and wonder if she will recall what has happened. I hope she won’t.