One more time : Where Oblivion meets Obsession

#24 – MY SHAM

—Present—

What has become of her. From a little princess dependent on her parents to this bold, outstanding woman, she had travelled a long way.

For some time, she simply sat back and took in the view of nature. After she was bored, she got up, walked around, followed birds, chased butterflies, jogged and ran around, while Shahmeer just stared. Never had he seen her so happy. He thought she could never be like that.

After a few hours passing like minutes, it was Myra who asked him, "Aren't you freaking out about reaching the Cottage before night, like you always do." She asked, looking at the sky. It was almost evening.

"No, I brought the torch and compass. We'll be fine. Take your time." He said.

"Actually, I'm done. Let's go."

"Really?"

"Yah. I am never going to get enough of this place. No measure of time will be enough. So, it's okay." She said sadly. "But I do wish I could live here forever."

"Then live here forever." He blurted out.

She looked into his eyes and said, “These woods are lovely dark and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. Miles to go before I sleep."

He smiled. He remembered that poem. The words got engraved on his heart when the teacher taught it. The poem, the significance. No matter how beautiful the journey is, we travel for destination. No matter how alluring the path is, we have to leave it all behind.

"Robert Frost." He said and she nodded. "Myra can I ask you something?"

"Go on. "

"What kind of guy do you want for yourself?" He asked easing into it.

"I don't want a guy. I don't need a guy. I'm content and complete all by myself." She scoffed.

"Oh." He went silent for a few minutes gathering courage for his next words.

"Let's go." Myra asked.

"Myra! I have to ask you something." "Yes, go on."

He securely held both her hands in his and said, "Myra I don't know how to say this. I don't know it's consequences but you must know. I have no way out of this confusion except to acknowledge my feelings. Ever since I saw you, I feel this... a longing for you, an unexplained happiness sparked just by your presence, the strong urge to shield you from everything that's wrong in the world."

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was doing but her mind was too numb to respond.

"I'm not good at putting thoughts into words but I feel much more than I could say. The thought of being without you kills me every time. I want to end this pain, this restlessness, this fear." Her heart started hammering against her chest as he stepped closer to where he was leading.

"N... no Shahmeer don't-"

"I love you Myra. You are the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Marry me and come back to my house again, from where you left, your memories didn't."

It took her a minute to sink in and she took a step back horrified.

'No. No. No. I know that God is playing with me yet again. But not this time. I know how twistedly sick love is. I know what it brings. It comes wrapped in pain and hatred, tied in ribbons of the risk of being unloved, ignored. If I learn to love again, I'll have to compromise with all those and I don't compromise! Falling in love with another man? No, I love Amaan and Amaan only.

And things don't happen in my life unless I make them happen.'

"Let's go." She turned around to leave.

"What?"

"Yes. You confessed your feelings and I heard it. Now let's forget this and not talk about it." She said rushing away from him when he held her wrist.

"My love is not just a feeling Myra. It's a decision, a commitment, a promise. I want to love you forever. To marry you and spend my life with you."

"Love? Really? Is this some kind of joke? What do you know about me?" She snapped. "No seriously, except the useless talks we have about silly topics, what do you know about me, my work, my family, anything?"

"I don't care about anything else. I care about you. All I want is you."

"And I don't love you. I don't love anyone other than myself. Don't do this to yourself Shahmeer. Forget all this happened. I don't know the meaning of love. I can't love anyone. This decision will only inflict pain and more pain on you."

"Don't you see! I can't. I told you how I feel and I am helpless in front of fate."

"There is nothing like fate. It's just our corrupt decisions and when we cannot handle the results, we label it fate." She spoke loudly which caused her breathing to become uneven.

"Myra calm down." He asked seeing her breaths getting heavier. He moved forward and rubbed her back slightly, only inciting Myra more. She moved away.

"At Least give me a reason for your decision. Why can't we be together? I know we are different in many aspects but I promise I will fight every barrier between us if you are with me. Is it family, work, religion or is there someone or something else?" He asked desperately and She realized just like the last time, this reason could get her out.

"Yes I... I love someone else."

"Who? That Dead guy or you are going to pretend it with someone else." He snapped making Myra's blood boil.

"Why is it so hard to believe huh?"

"Because it's a lie." he said with full confidence.

"Ok. It is a lie and I don't want to tell you the truth. Let me go."

"Myra if you don't want to answer just yet take your time but don't say no." He said heaving a sigh and continued, "Because I cannot give up on you ever."

She turned her face to him and asked, "what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I will always be yours, today and forever, either you are close to me or far away, either you say yes or no, I will always be waiting for you."

"Shahmeer stop it! The thing you want is impossible. That is never going to happen. Why don't you understand?" She said loudly.

"What are you so afraid of? You don't trust me or yourself." He asked with confidence.

"I don't trust you." She said confidently, staring back. "This is something you're doing to mess up with my head." She shook her head.

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

"Myra... think about it. Look into my eyes. Do you see any lie, deceit, treachery in them? It's just you and only you."

For a few moments, she could see herself through the filter of his black eyes. Him, herself happy, contented, safe.

But she reminded herself she had to be strong. She pulled away and said, "I don't see anything." And walked away.

"Fine. Don't love me but I will. I will keep loving you and keep saying it, until you're convinced."

"Fine then. Good luck." She mocked as they started walking towards the Cottage.

The silence was still prevailing as they were halfway through. They kept walking and Myra was washed with disappointment which she couldn't understand why?

Why was she feeling such emptiness? This was how it was supposed to be right? Her, the master of her thoughts, words and happenings in life. Then?

***

As they reached the Cottage, Myra declared she wanted to sleep to prevent anymore confrontations. He just nodded and sat in front of the fireplace.

She lied down on the bed but her mind was occupied with something.

'How could I let you down? '

She reminisces her senior's words,

'Be careful of futile things like religion, love, marriage etc. It'll tear your loyalty, twist your thinking around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong.

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to tie yourself to a single person and helplessly watch your life revolve around him.'

And Amaan's words,

'A woman's love is like a flame of a small oil lamp. As long as you're there, refilling it with the oil of your presence, attention, providing them, making them happy, it stays. And when you stop doing that, the loyalty shifts to the one who does it. I may sound rude but I know it's true.'

That's not true Amaan. My love is extraordinary. Something that cannot be erased or forgotten.

I was so lucky to find you. There is no one like you.

Men can't love. It's either an unstoppable obsession to satisfy their ego or some temporary infatuation. There is nothing else, nothing more than that. It was only you and it will always be you.

She peeked over the duvet and saw Shahmeer fast asleep on the couch. I have to get away from him before I lose my sanity. Far faraway, where he can never find me nor create this whirlpool inside me.

She got up from her place and tiptoed downwards. She turned around to have a last look at him. "Good bye Shahmeer. May you get all the happiness you deserve." She said and walked out.

***

The sky was silvery and thundering by now. The wrathful skies were a reminder of a storm coming. As she walked a little further, she was doubting her decision of leaving like this.

She continued walking despite the increasing cold. The thundering winds woke up Shahmeer and he threw extra wooden logs in the fireplace and lit them for warmth. Taking an extra blanket, he walked to Myra and was shocked to see the bed empty. He felt like his breaths were getting sucked out of his body.

"Myra!" He shouted scanning the place. 'If she's not here, she must be outside.' He said and ran outside covering himself completely.

'What is wrong with this woman? Can't she see the horrible weather?' He snapped worried.

He felt his feet slowing down due to the cold and had no energy to walk further but the thought that Myra can't tolerate this either kept him going.

After some time, when the winds rose violent and it started raining, he called Myra's name hoping she would be nearby.

He called again and ran further worried but no response reached his ears. To his shock, his eyes fell on his love lying unconscious a few blocks away under a tree.

"Myra!" He yelled and ran to her. He Patted her cheek and shook her vigorously to wake her up but she didn't. She had been in such a cold for almost twenty minutes and it was enough to lower the pulse rate and body temperature to a dangerous extent. He quickly wrapped his blanket around her and picked her up. He could feel adrenaline pumping through his veins and didn't know how he became so strong all of a sudden. His feet were cold and lacking blood circulation but he continued to move forward up till he finally reached the Cottage.

He placed her on a thick blanket in front of the fireplace, got rid of her wet clothes, draped her in layers but she didn't open her eyes. "Myra wake up! Please." He pleaded in a broken voice. He tipped the thermometer between her lips to see any signs of improvement but it kept dropping further.

In order to get warm fluids into her body, or get her breathing to normal, he had to wake her up.

Her pulse dropped lower than before. He had to warm her up. By now her lips and skin had started turning cold, numb and blue.

Left with no other, no time to think, without wasting another minute, he cast off his clothing and blanket and wrapped himself around her, covering them with more duvets. She may never forgive him for this. He kept looking at her, feeling guilty. Somewhere, somehow, he was responsible for her condition. He messed up her mind, fσrced her to move away from him. She wouldn't have pushed him away if not for his confession.

Now when she was so close, it was driving Shahmeer crazy. Her warmth, her ticklish breaths in his neck, her rapid heartbeats, her soft skin, fruity aromatic wet hair, golden glow of fire reflecting on her already beautiful face... it was all a tortυre. He shook his head trying to get away from those thoughts.

'Stop it Shahmeer. You are responsible for her condition!' He reminded himself. He didn't want to feel this strongly for anyone but he was powerless. It just happened. Yes, he didn't try to stop those feelings because he wanted them in his heart, in his life. He wanted her in his life.

Ever since the day he saw her, he has felt this connection. He believed it would fade away with time, so he tried to ignore it, tried to distract himself, only to be sunk in emptiness.

Fate... would be the right word.

He never imagined falling into such a mess. Whenever his Nani Maa (maternal grandmother) or Rajat asked him what kind of girl he wanted for marriage, he always firmly replied;

'I want a wife who is obedient, submissive, traditional, hijabi Muslimah. Whose heart and soul are sealed with me in it. She must have never looked at another man nor let anyone look at her. With all these qualities, I’d love her even if she is average looking, or stunted.'

And here he was, dazed at his own obsession, which he called love. In love with a woman, he knew nothing about. Was anything she ever told him true? Even her name? Her work? Her family?