Divorced, but Not broken

Chapter 9

I was in the shower; it felt good getting the grime and hospital smell off me when I heard the door open to my place, and I didn’t care; it was probably one of his friends, he had a lot of them I noticed, but only the three guys I had talked to was Tom, Chris, and Joey.

I was getting out when the bedroom door was open enough for me to hear small passes of what he was talking about. It mainly seemed to be about him being pissed at the person in my apartment, wanting him gone.

“I don’t ever want to see your ugly face inside again! Like before, you go to my door, this is my friend's place, and if I even see you around her, you are dead! You f*****g got that, Toby!?”

I just held my breath when the man seemed to leave and shook lightly. What was that about? I had no idea…I made a slight squeal from slipping with my foot on the wet floor, making the door slam open. I just watched him stare at me with wild eyes like this was not the thing he was expecting to see me almost naked walking into the room, me still dripping and only wrapped in the towel from my shower.

I smirked when his eyes were following my body, making his Adam's apple bobble from the small gulp. He stared at me before shaking his head the slightest, like he had forgotten why he had stormed in here in the first place.

“Andrea, just how much did you hear right now?!” he looked concerned suddenly when I frowned back. What the hell did that have with anything? I was happy that he had done all this for me, buying me stuff, wanting to spend time with me, and more…. and now he was ruining it by being cold again.

“Well…. you said to a guy I was your friend… and that he was supposed to keep away….” I stopped. What more was there to say? He did say more but did it matter? I was just a friend to him, I guess, my heart was pounding when his serious face started to light up a little, and before I knew it, the darkness over him was gone and replaced by a sweet smile that he that made him look cute instead of cruel, dammit he was dangerous as hell.

“Yeah, I told him to f**k off, and if you see him, or he tries to talk to you, tell him that I will f*****g know if he did, and then, he is dead.” He got a dangerous glint again in his eyes. I didn’t miss making me shiver in the towel I was still wearing. He was standing there and didn’t even look at me, naked underneath, before he shifted his eyes and stared right at my breasts, and I knew it.

“Nice t**s btw.” He smirked when I blushed again at his face, which was happy, before turning around and leaving me hot again, really, he was going to kill me, and I was sure of it.

I looked at myself in the mirror, blow-drying my hair. I was wearing some old jeans and a band t-shirt I had when I was a teenager, the print was old and broken, but I still liked it. I bought it at a local show. I knew that the fit was a bit too snug for me since I was slightly skinnier and smaller-chested when I was a teenager. However, I still looked good, and I wanted to show him the real me, not the sobbing mess and not the hardcore b***h that was dressed in an expensive dress I didn’t even own. It was just me, Andrea Wilson, and I hoped he liked it when I put the finishing touches on my makeup and just made a couple of more sweeps with my brush, probably making my hair messier than it already was, but that’s the best I could do.

I took my phone with me and walked out of the bedroom, I was already looking for Jonah, that stood in the kitchen area, lifted his head from his phone, and just made me blush from the way his eyes widened in shock and the grin that was over his face told me that he liked it, the way I looked, making me even more embarrassed and hot and bothered….maybe he needed time to, but then again, why did he f**k every other girl that I saw leave the apartment, why didn’t he want to do that to me?

“You look hot, Andrea.” I felt my cheeks flaming up over his raw words as he meant it. I looked up from my eyes on the floor for a few seconds, meeting the impressive green-blue orbs that were staring at me with hunger again, making me feel like I was going to pass out from the way he just made his eyes travel up and down my body, so f*****g hot.

He looked good standing there in just a brand hoodie, a pair of jeans, and sneakers. He really looked his age, and I smiled more. I liked that he didn’t try to look older or do anything to make an excuse that he wanted to hang with me, even if I was ten years older … at least.

He didn’t say anything, still texting, when I looked up at his serious face, which seemed to have lost every ounce of emotion in them when I had just studied him from where I was standing. He sure could switch a button and go all cold on me. However, still, I wasn’t going to ask.

“I need to leave, and I will probably have people over later. I bought you headphones, noise canceling once, and they are in the box under the bed, left side.” He smiled when I just looked at his handsome face, confused. Didn’t he want me there, alone now that we were whatever we were, or did I miss something?

I just looked hurt when he just got an annoyed look on his face, like he didn’t want to deal with the s**t I was already giving him coming back from the hospital.

“So, I can’t come over. Why will every other person you know be there but not me?” I looked even more hurt when he was frowning and looked away, he didn’t want to answer that question, and I just turned my head down, fine… I guess that I didn’t need to go, and I did hate that music that he was blasting, and I was going in for work tomorrow, I guess…. f**k…. I just stared at his back when he left me, and I was alone again.

What the hell was his deal anyway? He just told a guy that he didn’t want him around me, and then he just left. Something was up, and I didn’t know what, and honestly, I didn’t know if I even cared after spending a week at the hospital when all I wanted was to sleep and eat.

Not a word from Kayla either, it was like she just disappeared on me, and I didn’t want to speak to my parents after they told me they were going to Ryan’s wedding. Damn traitors.

I walked inside the bedroom, looking at the left side of it, the one on the other side of the door. Did he really tell me where I was supposed to sleep? I looked at the bed and at the table beside it. Yeah, I saw it now. My stuff was there. Did that mean he wanted to sleep here with me or that I was just supposed to wait for him to come around, seeing that he was going out and didn’t want me around later….

Whatever.

I just walked out again and opened the fridge. I was hungry and smirked when I saw it stacked with energy drinks. Did he drink that because I didn’t,

I just stared at them; he was tough to get. He clearly had plans to spend time in here with me, but I wasn’t even allowed to stay more than two minutes inside his walls. I mean, he had been escorting me out every time these last three weeks.

That felt insane, too, three weeks, I had known Jonah for three weeks, and still, I trusted him, he helped me, and he was so sweet when he wasn’t a cold bastard.

I just sat down, ate some sandwiches I made, and looked at my phone; Kayla was going to flip when she heard that I was friends with a younger guy. I could see the shock in her eyes when I showed her Jonah. He was hot and, attractive, powerful. She was going to die from jealousy.

I giggled when I sent her a text again, my hundredth when I still was chewing. She did s**t like this sometimes when she found a new guy, just dropped from the face of the earth, so I wasn’t that worried that she hadn’t talked to me for a week; it was just her nature.

I just sat on the new sofa and watched tv, feeling confused and bored, every second I was thinking about him, Jonah.

Shit… I really had it bad for him, didn’t I? I watched the show that was on, not even caring what was happening. What did it matter when I had that hot guy on the other side of the wall telling me that he cared for me, whatever that meant? No show in the world was going to beat that.

I just sighed when the music started and was about to get up and get the headphones, as he told me when I stopped. Really? Why should I? If he was serious about me, about us, didn’t I deserve to be inside with his many, many friends? I stared at the bedroom door and then at the door leading out to the corridor, where I knew that people were already having a good time. I didn’t get that either. He didn’t seem like he was actually drinking or getting high like the other kids, just that one time when he barged in and made Chris pay for the pizza…

I took a deep breath, courage Andrea, f*****g courage; if he was as serious as the apartment seemed to be, he would understand, right?

I walked slowly towards it like I was scared, but I wasn’t. I just wanted to see him, that was it, and I was needy and jealous. Let’s not forget that part, he was a beacon of power, and girls just opened their legs for him, but he didn’t want to f**k me? Was it because I was old, or was he ashamed of me for being older? But his friends had seen me, talked to me, freaking guarding me when he wasn’t there.

I just opened the door and walked outside; it was still early, but people were already there, drunk. I walked in the small hallway towards his open door, and people passed me. When I just stood there on the edge of the door, it felt like I was doing something terrible, that this was forbidden, even if at least ten people were walking past me. More people were inside. I just knew in my heart that I wasn’t allowed to go inside.

And that sucked so f*****g hard.

I was just about to turn around, still standing in the doorway, when his bedroom door was opened, and I saw him come outside, laughing, his bright eyes were glittering, and he looked good, still talking to the girl that was bubbling and purring, touching him when she pressed her t**s against him in the door opening, and I just turned down my eyes, didn’t want to see any more than I already had.

So, the mystery was solved.

He didn’t want to stop f*****g other girls, even if he cared about me. Just my luck.

I felt nausea hitting me hard, and my chest felt heavy when I just turned around. I was so sick of this. All guys were were the same; they told you that they loved you and cared about you and then dipped their d**k in some other, younger, prettier girl. Why would he be any different?!

Tears burned hard in my eyes when I clenched my fist and decided, right there and then, we were over; whatever he had planned, I didn’t f*****g care anymore! I deserve more than this, being used like some freaking charity case when he felt like it and then just dumping my ass like I was trash for another girl, just like Ryan had done.

“Andrea?” I looked up, still holding my breath, my eyes burning from anger, when I saw one of his friends, the last one, Joey. He sure didn’t talk that much to me; pretty sure he didn’t like me, but I didn’t care when he just looked at me confused, like he forgot that he didn’t like me, staring me down when I smirked back, f**k him and everyone else here, I didn’t care anymore, I was leaving, no I was f*****g moving out from this goddam club Jonah was running almost every damn day.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving.” I just turned around and walked back to my door, the hate burning my inside again, making my throat feel like a snare and my every breath like I was breathing fire and opened my door hard, slamming it when I walked inside and picked up my keys, my phone, and my wallet since I got f*****g paid, I could do whatever I wanted, he didn’t decide over me, not a f*****g thing!

I grabbed my winter jacket on the way out, and I wasn’t going to freeze my ass off this time; when I slammed the door again and locked it, people were looking at me, and I just sighed. I bet I was famous since the police dragged me out of there, and I ignored them, going for the stairs. I was not taking the elevator, not without him, no way….

I turned around in the opening, feeling my heart sink even more… I don’t know what I was waiting on, for him to come out and chase me down? Beg me to stay? Yeah right…. I swallowed the hard lump of shame and rejection when I just started walking downstairs slower, andI snickered between the crying. I knew I was walking slowly to give him a chance to catch up with me, but he wasn’t coming, and I needed to stop this s**t, so what if he said that he cared for me? Ryan had said the exact same thing, and he still f****d another girl; Jonah was no different. No other man, no matter how old or young, they were all f*****g liars…

I stared at the front gate. This was it then. I still didn’t know where to go, I only had Kayla or my parents, who weren’t that keen on helping me, and I knew that.

I stared down at my phone when the one person that I thought I would never call came to mind, Ryan.

He was a bastard, but at least I knew him, the parts that weren’t f*****g another girl. We had been together for ten years and married for eight. That had to count for something?

I just walked over to the street and kept walking. I was still staring at my phone, deciding if I should call him; it would be weird. But he was still one of my closest friends… or I don’t know, but we had been friends first. He had been dating Kayla, and when she dumped his ass for some other guy, he and I started to date, and it was amazing since I had had the biggest crush on him all along. My dream came true.

Fuck it.

I just needed to talk. I wasn’t begging him to come back or say that he loved me. I know he didn’t. I just wanted to talk to someone that knew me, that didn’t judge me as my parents and Kayla did. I wanted some support, and if that was coming from my cheating ex-husband, then so be it.

I just stopped at a smaller coffee shop, walked inside, bought the smallest cup I could get, and sat down. I really was pathetic, being here all alone in the evening, about to call my ex over the young guy that I really liked, that made me feel like I was alive again when I just swiped his name and drank a small sip of coffee, it tasted like s**t, but I didn’t care, at least it wasn’t just water.

The signals were going out, and I rolled my eyes. He had probably put his phone somewhere he couldn’t find it and was looking like a madman where it would be when I was smirking, knowing that I was right when he answered slightly out of breath on the last signal before going to voicemail, typical Ryan.

“Hey, Ry…. It’s me….” he was quiet for some time, too long for it to be natural, before letting out all the air from his stunned body. I didn’t even need to see him; I knew him better than anyone. He didn’t expect me to call, and believe me, neither did I.

“Andy?!.... oh… did you want something?” he sounded more nervous when I just smirked since I hadn’t called him on my regular number and blocked the user id, and he was stressed; otherwise, he would never have answered.

“Yeah, I want something. How about some f*****g money to pay the debts for the mortgage you just skipped town on?” I didn’t scream, I didn’t need to, he knew I was serious when he just made a small sight, he knew what he had done. I mean, come on, he did. He was a junior partner in a smaller law firm, and he didn’t miss s**t like that.

“I know what this looks like, but I’m telling you, I didn’t mean to do this. I swear, it just happened, Sky was leaving, and I couldn't just let her go….” I closed my eyes. How f*****g romantic…...his girlfriend was giving up on him on leaving me, and he finally got the balls to do it, texting me. How f*****g classy.

“You know what, I don’t f*****g care, you and her, I don’t want to hear it, I know you were f*****g her, coming home late and always busy, please Ryan, I know that you think I’m stupid since I never finished college, but you and she are nothing special, just a f*****g textbook case of being whores!” I snapped, and I knew that he would get mad now. He didn’t like me calling him a w***e and cheater, and he believed himself to be better than everyone, including me.

“Okay, you want the truth? I was f*****g tired of you, our boring life, and even more boring s*x that you never wanted to have! Just going around like a f*****g refrigerator and always telling me you had a headache. You made me do this, Andy, we were f*****g happy, and then you just stopped f*****g me!” I gasped when he sounded so serious, like he meant every word. He really blamed me, didn’t he?! For our marriage going down the drain!

“You were always working, day and night, and I was tired too of you just coming home and expecting me to open my f*****g legs for you when you wanted me to, not even caring if I was feeling it or not!” I was standing up now, pissed as hell, when he chuckled on the other side, the dark, sexy chuckle I had fallen for, the one I thought was so attractive. Now, it just made me madder because he was mocking me, that bastard!

“I wasn’t working, Andrea, and we both know it.” My heart just broke when he said that. f**k. He was right. He didn’t work and was spending money and time on another girl. Our savings and dreams were just gone.

I dropped back down on the chair and couldn’t say a word. Not a damn word when he just waited for me, and he was the one to continue when I still couldn’t speak.

“I will send you the money for the mortgage, but don’t call me again. I’m happy with Sky, I really am. You don’t get it because she is everything you are not, fun and young, doesn’t give me s**t for not taking out the trash and making the bed. She is my soulmate, Andrea.” I swallowed, soulmate.

She was his soulmate, not me, not f*****g me, that he had spent a quarter of his life. God, I really was stupid, wasn’t I?!

“Great. Just send the money!” I hung up and started to shake that fucker! That motherfucker…. I felt my body shaking hard when my hands were around my phone, still clutching it tightly. What the hell was I even trying anymore? Nobody gave a damn about me anyway. I just stood up and left the coffee; it tasted like s**t anyway, and I just walked out.

I was wandering around, I didn’t even know where I was when the phone was buzzing, and I didn’t look at it. I didn’t care, kicking the gravel with my boots strolling along the water, making me even colder, the sun was really the only heat source this time of year, and I was glad I had my jacket this time.

This time.

I huffed, thinking about my own words. This was what my life had come down to, walking around like a loser having none, absolutely not a f*****g soul that cared about me.

I stared at the water. If I wasn’t such a coward, I should drown myself and make it end. What did it matter anyway? My parents maybe would cry at my funeral, but they had a son in the end. His name was Ryan, and he was the one they wanted to keep in the breakup, not me.

The phone kept buzzing when I took it up from my jacket and snorted from the hate that smacked me right back in the chest, seeing the number. I hadn’t even logged into my phone but already knew who it was, Jonah.

I watched it go to voicemail several times. Oh, now he missed me, did he? When he was done f*****g the girls that were coming over, and he needed some f*****g care and cuddling from me, the refrigerator.

Old and frigid.

That was me.

I just turned my phone off. Jonah could go to hell, him and everyone else.

Well, if Ryan sends me the money, the cheap bastard, I could at least move out, and I didn’t have to see Jonah send the girls he had been f*****g away when I was going to work in the morning….