Divorced, but Not broken

Chapter 5

I was getting out of the car when we arrived at the club, and Austin was nice enough to let me lean on his arm. I didn’t hate it when Kayla marched right up and started talking to the bouncer, who just looked at her before her date dragged her back, chuckling at her being pissed off that the guy ignored her.

I just followed Austin’s lead when he walked up and said some words in the ear of the man. He let us in right away, making me look at him in awe when he winked at me. We walked inside, and someone took my coat. I was bare again; my skin felt electric against the tension in the room that blasted music, and there was light everywhere. I just stared around the place. I haven’t been out since… well, since I met Ryan, and s**t, things had changed but were still the same.

He walked us over to an area that was sealed off. I looked back at Kayla, whose eyes were about to pop out of her skull when we were seated in what seemed to be a VIP area. I looked around, nervous, still tipsy about what was happening. I don’t even know how I got here, in the busy club with a guy that seemed important, but here it was.

Kayla was pouting on her side of the table and just pushed back her date. She looked pissed that she suddenly didn’t want him, and Austin just smirked when I rolled my eyes at her childish behavior. She was changing like the tide, never being satisfied; it was just the type of girl she was.

“Whatever, Austin, I’m f*****g leaving.” He just nodded after Kayla refused to give him any more attention and I looked suffering at her. Why did she do that? Suppose she was just going to have fun. In that case, she could have just said that not drag me along to the next place, making these guys pay for us; it was already awkward as hell that she let him pay the tab, and she didn’t even look sorry when she was staring us down and smirked,. I didn’t like the way her eyes were glittering in the darkness. She looked like a predator ready to pounce.

“Must be nice to be out again, Andy. I mean, after eight years and being dumped for some younger girl, that must be so liberating.” She took one of the drinks that were coming to our table, and I just stared at her. Why the hell did she have to bring up my f*****g divorce right now in front of Austin? She looked even more uncomfortable than before of her talking like she was having fun at my expanse right now.

“Please, Kay, no more Ryan tonight. I don’t want to talk about him….” I didn’t look at the man at my side. He must think I was the worst f*****g catch to have when he heard that I was just a dumb girl being married for so long to a guy that cheated on me when I just stared at my drink. I didn’t want to get drunk more. The opposite, my mood had dropped, and I just wanted to go home.

“No, of course not. I don’t want to talk about him, either. I’m more interested in that college kid that you wanted to fuck.” She made a hard statement at the end when my heart just dropped, and I closed my eyes from her powerful eyes. What the f**k was she doing right now!? Why the hell did she bring up Jonah, he didn’t f*****g want me, and I was sitting here next to a nice handsome man that was sweet, and she was ruining the night for us all!

“We are just neighbors. I told you that! what the hell is into you tonight!?” I raised my voice when she just chuckled at my strained tone. I don’t know why she was acting like this. Sure she could be a b***h to me but not like this, she always had my back, and now she was just trying to make me upset.

“Nothing, I just don’t want Austin here to get his hopes up that you are not going to dump his ass at the end of the night and never call again.” She smiled when her eyes met his, and he looked confused and slightly distressed from how she was acting, me too, for that mattered.

“Austin, maybe me and Kayla should go home. Clearly, she is too drunk, and I don’t want to keep ruining your evening….” I just swallowed the hard shame that burned on my cheeks and in my stomach from Kayla’s words and behavior when he nodded as he thought so. Still, he did look sad when I got up, and he followed, and Kayla just sat there, she wasn’t moving, and I stared at her. She really had lost it tonight, hadn’t she?

“No, you can go home. I’m staying. I’m not like you, Andy. I don’t go home and cry over guys that never liked me, I see what I want, and I take it.” She smirked when her eyes met mine, and I sighed. I know she did, but why did she have to be so f*****g rude about it?

“No, Kayla, you are too drunk. I can’t leave you here. How are you getting back home?” I stared at her pretty face when she just shrugged, and I exhaled, I loved her, but man, she sure was a pain in the ass right now.

“don’t you worry about me, I always land on my feet…” she smirked some more and drank from the tall glass when I just gave up; sure, she was a big girl, and I looked at Austin. He smiled at me, and he did seem sad but not broken up. I was leaving the story of my life.

“Well, in that case, thank you, Austin, for a lovely evening….” I just said that nervously. I still didn’t know what Kayla was going to do when I left. I just shrugged when he smiled back and sat down. I sighed, going back to the entrance and getting my coat. I just stood there outside, waiting for my uber like a damn fool, s**t, I wished I had never come here. I could have been home, listening to awful music through the wall and pretending that I was drinking wine that just stood on the small table.

I paid for uber and got out in front of Kayla’s building, it was almost one am, and I was getting cold. Luckily my coat was thick when I walked inside the lobby, going to the elevators, when I heard a voice stopping me.

“I’m sorry, mam, I can’t let you inside without permission or the resident escorting you.” I just turned around to the guy sitting behind the desk. He was wearing a uniform, so he was security, and he was not the same man that had been her during the day.

My heart stopped in my chest. Was he kidding me? My stuff was up there, not that I needed my toothbrush and a pair of underwear that much, but I was still drunk. I couldn’t get f*****g drive home right now, and he was telling me that I couldn’t get inside because Kayla had chosen to stay at the club along with Austin.

“But I’m staying here, just over the weekend. My friend stayed behind, Kayla Starland, suite 403.” I just rabble her name and apartment number like a robot when he just looked at me, sad like he couldn’t, and I just stood there for a couple of seconds and held my breath. I was so f****d.

“Can I at least call her; she can tell you that I am allowed to go up?” I was panicking. Where the hell would I go if I couldn’t get back inside? I had no place to go, my car maybe. But it was an old one and didn’t even have a heater that worked as it should. I would freeze to death over the night before being sober enough to go home.

He nodded like I could do that, and I relaxed a little bit when I picked up my phone and swiped Kayla’s name. I was cursing when she didn’t answer me. When I had called her five times, I just got this really sad look from the guard, that just nodded to the door and sighed. Sure, I was leaving, out in the cold to die, f*****g Kayla.

The cold hit me when I stepped outside, and I shivered; it wasn’t that cold. Still, I was bare under the coat, making the wind go through the layers faster than it used to if I had been wearing my usual clothes instead of Kayla’s stupid dress.

I just walked over the big road and stood there, traffic passing me by; when I looked at my phone again, I was going to kill Kayla when I saw her acting so rude and telling my secrets to people that were strangers. She knew I hated to talk about my private s**t, even if she got to drag it out of me, and then she was just telling all that s**t in front of Austin, and then she f*****g stranded me here outside her home.

I was still drunk when I scrolled my phone at my calls. Ready to call Kayla again, telling her exactly what I felt about being abandoned by her, when I saw the call I had made to Jonah, and my heart dropped. That, too…fuck…was there any point in going back home knowing he was waiting for me? He was going to give me so much s**t for even calling, and his friends would laugh at me when I just sat down on a small pillar in the road and watched the cars go by, so this was it. I was going to die here, alone and humiliated, the perfect ending on my other so f*****g crappy life.

I had been sitting here for about thirty minutes, my toes were starting to numb, and I had told off at least three guys who wanted to help me. I snorted, sure they were, helping me to their place and raping and killing me! I had seen CSI, and I knew how that s**t worked when my phone started to go off, and I got mad again. If that was Kayla, I was going to tell her that she could go to hell when I snatched the phone out from my purse and was shaking from the cold that made me shiver to the point that my teeth were shattering against my will.

My heart dropped again when it wasn’t her; it was Jonah. I didn’t even have his number logged, and I just knew that it was him calling me, f**k. I didn’t know if I should answer him, and I was not sure I could take more rejection and humiliation after tonight.

I took a deep breath before answering. I hated myself, and I still wanted to hear his voice. That was the worst part; I meant every word when I called him the last time.

“Hello?” I sounded so scared, and I knew it already when he was on the other side and didn’t answer back the first second, like he was just as stunned as me for answering.

“Andrea, where the hell are you?!” I just became quiet. Why did he care!? We were neighbors, and that was it. He didn’t need to call me just because I made a drunk dial to him, f**k, that was still feeling like crap out here in the cold.

“Honestly, I’m outside my friend's place, she is still out, and I’m here just waiting for her to get back so I can sleep.” I closed my eyes, hearing the slight snarl on the other side, he sounded like he was pissed, and I didn’t know if it was me. He was mad at Kayla, maybe both.

“Just get a f*****g motel or something. Why the hell are you alone on the street this time of night?!” I just snickered. He sounded worried, that was cute, but not cute enough for someone that f****d a girl last night, and it wasn’t me.

“Oh, I can’t. I’m f*****g broke! Welcome to the fabulous life of being Andrea Wilson, a divorced 33-year-old woman with nothing more than debts to my name!” I was still drunk. I realized when I wanted to kick my own ass for just telling him all that, he didn’t care, and he shouldn’t; maybe we should just hang up, and I could go back to dying of cold on my own.

“Just get a uber back home.” I laughed when he said that. Didn’t he f*****g hear me?! I was broke. I was broke today and tomorrow too, oh, and next week, the rest of my f*****g life!

“I¨ll pay for it.” I just gasped when he said that. No way! I wasn’t going to let him do that, he was in college, and they were poor, just like me. Nope, not happening.

“Keep your money. I will just find a bus station or something like that. I promise Jonah, I’m going to be fine. I’m an adult.” I tried to sound confident when he just chuckled at my response like I was funny. I hated that just the sound of his voice made it harder for me to resist him, that my body was getting warmer in the cold from just talking to him.

“just get that f*****g car back here, Andrea. I’m not asking!” he hung up on me, and I just stood there like an i***t, hearing the sounds of cars going by. I took it down and started the app, he was crazy, and I was trembling from both the cold and how turned on I was. I really shouldn’t be, but he was so powerful, and how the f**k couldn’t believe I got sucked in by it?

I gasped at the price I was getting. I mean, sure, it was a two-hour drive, but still, I would have to spend my next paycheck paying him back when I waited for it.

Shit.

How the hell did I end up here, on the street, taking an uber back home, getting Jonah to pay for me? My life had officially hit a new low.

I just got in and didn’t talk at all, I just closed my eyes when the driver was listening to some soft music that made me even more tired, and before I even knew what had happened, I was awaked by the man driving me and snapped my eyes opened, slightly confused on where the hell I was when he wanted me to pay. I just put my head down in shame. I couldn’t even pay for my own ride. I was really just a waste of space by now.

I lifted my head when I saw the gate open, and there he was, walking fast and determined in just a t-shirt and jeans up to the driver seat and paid. He didn’t even blink when he was done, and I took hold of the door and opened it. I was still drowsy from sleeping, and the wine made me tired, and I didn’t usually drink, not like Kayla did anyway.

I was stumbling and knew it, but I didn’t care. I was cold and tired and, frankly, still a bit drunk when I felt the arms around me. I took a deep, sharp breath from how his body was holding mine up outside our apartment complex in the middle of the night.

“You know what…. Thank you for helping me, really… but please, I just want to sleep. I can’t take any more tonight. You got that, Jonah?” I didn’t turn around when I felt him stiffen around me, and I pushed his arms away, and I made a small sobbing sound since I had no f*****g shield up or even tried to have one. I liked him, and I hated it, he was too f*****g young for me, and I was just a bitter divorce woman drunk in the night.

“And here I was thinking you just wanted to hear the sound of my voice?” he sounded slightly hurt and angry when I made a noise that I didn’t know what the hell it was, sorrow and frustration at the same time, that was me.

“I do….” I just made a small whine again and took a step forward or stumbling when he just followed me. I felt even more pathetic, he was still helping me, and all I was doing was being a b***h and whining like I was a child. How attractive.

We were finally inside the doorway when I was walking toward the staircase only to feel his hand holding me back, the thick fabric of my coat not shielding me at all from the strong heat that was going through, making me shiver all over again from his touch.

“No f*****g stairs, we are riding the elevator, and that’s it.” He was already pushing the button when I turned around and stared at him, begging him not to make me. I was still terrified to be in one. Didn’t he understand that?!

“NO! Jonah, please, I do whatever you want, just don’t make me ride the elevator…. he left me in there, and I was all alone for so long….” I was panicking, and I felt his hands of him on my face steering me back when my eyes finally found his steady ones. I tried to breathe slower, just looking into the determined blue-green eyes that didn’t waver for a second.

“I’m not leaving you alone. You got that, Andrea. I’m going to be there all the time.” I just nodded at his answer. He said every word slowly, and so sure that I believed him, I did. The heat from his hands was burning me, but I didn’t care. I loved every second of it and just smiled at him when he let my face go slowly, still giving me a trusting smile, and the elevator had arrived, and I just stared at it in horror. Oh s**t.

He walked in first when I just took his hand. He pulled me inside to my whimpering, and I flinched when the door was sealed in place. The elevator started moving when I was probably breaking every bone in his hand, breathing like crazy.

I felt myself being yanked toward him, and when my face was against his chest, I just buried myself deeper into it. I closed my eyes, my hand in his and my other one around his waist. I didn’t care right now. Let him f*****g laugh at me; it felt better, feeling that he was there and I wasn’t alone.

The door opened, and I was still holding onto him. His hard chest against my face was the best feeling I had ever had in my whole life. I just inhaled his scent before I forced myself to let go, and I saw that he was smirking at me when I smiled. I didn’t care if he saw me, he smelled so good, and that was his problem, not mine.

He was still holding my hand when we stood Infront of my door, and I just looked at it and felt like I wanted to die again. I didn’t want to go inside and wanted to stay with him.

I didn’t say anything when; I just turned my head and stared at his face; that was hard all of a sudden, and I let him go with my hand the moment I saw it.

He didn’t want me to stay, and I just turned away my head again and started to look for my keys in my purse, not being able to help that I was shaking from the rejection and the cold when I finally got a hold of them, I felt that he was still staring at me. I didn’t look up when I put my key in after missing the slide a couple of times, opened it without looking back, and closed it softly.

I knew he was still standing on the other side of my door because I didn’t hear the footsteps of him leaving when I gave in to the hard sob that clawed its way out from my chest.

I kicked my shoes off and dragged my way to the couch, and I knew that the whole building could hear me crying in the dead of night when I just didn’t care. I just didn’t learn. This was the second time this week he had rejected me. Stop f*****g trying, Andrea, just stop!

I just threw the phone over the floor and dragged the blanket over me, still crying. I was never going to leave this f*****g apartment again, never, ever! They would have to find me here, being dead for weeks when someone missed me, meaning absolutely nobody, not Ryan, not Kayla, not my parents, and not Jonah.

I hated my life.