Pregnant with the Bad Boy

29

We made up for the rest of the week and neither of us talked any more about what had happened at the beginning of it, it helped that Dylan had gone back to work as I still felt something was bothering him even though he didn't say anything and I didn't want to offend him any more than I already had by now, our relationship had barely made it through the last crisis and I was so grateful I had stayed on.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I had made Dylan bring my full body mirror from the yard that now sat on the side of the bedroom path and I looked at myself slowly in it, I had circles under my eyes and I was tired again after sleeping half the day already as I pulled on a white blouse with a pencil skirt that went below my knees and I pulled on a pair of white pearl earrings, I sighed, she definitely wanted to meet at the church, mostly so that people would see us together, me and Dylan.

Accept us.

I straightened the ring on my finger again, I was nervous, not about what people would think, because as Dylan would say, I didn't give a s**t what people thought about us but I didn't give a s**t what Mom thought, she was probably hoping it would scare us. I looked up at myself again, everything felt wrong today, the skirt felt tight, and my bra was chafing under the white blouse, I wished so much right now that I could just put on one of Dylan's T-shirts and shorts.

I only had mascara on, but I pulled on some of the red lipstick I've had for years, I had cut my hair back with a buckle so you could see my whole taut pale face so my green eyes looked even greener.

“You look so beautiful.” I saw Dylan behind me, he of course looked handsome in his black suit that made him look like a model next to me where I stood weighing my feet in my too tight black heels.

I smiled weakly, he was just trying to cheer me up, I knew he could see I was tired as I spun around and put my arms around him, I was glad he was here as he seemed to be away more and more lately.

“I don't feel like it...” I glanced at myself at his side, we looked good together but he looked better as usual, I sighed and turned it back to his gaze.

“But you are.” he smiled wider and turned me towards the mirror, I blinked at myself, I looked so grown up now, like all traces of my childhood were gone from my face, but I was looked happy too, I always was when I was with him.

“The world's most beautiful fiancée.” He took my hand and kissed it so I blushed at his flattery, what a dork he was when it came down to it.

I laughed as he put his arms around me and spun me around in the air in the cramped bedroom.

“Forget it, now that I have you, I'm not letting go.” He laughed as he put me down and I smiled happily at him, there he was the man I had fallen for who always made me laugh, it was the best feeling in the world.

“mom has sent three messages already and check that we are coming.” He smiled and took my hand and started walking out towards the door and whistled to himself as he grabbed the keys from the dresser by the couch and I laughed to myself again as we walked out and we raced to the car, he won of course not wearing high heels and I watched him breathlessly from the middle of the stairs as he ran back and held my hand down the rest of the stairs like the gentleman he was when he wanted to.

He helped me into the car, and I leaned back and pulled on my seatbelt as he pulled away his tie and sat in the driver's seat with a big smile on his face, I was so happy I could crack up right now that we weren't fighting, just enjoying each other's company.

“I can drive if you want.” I laughed as he looked at me like I was crazy and drove out of the parking lot.

“Forget it babe, I love you, but this is the love of my life.” He winked playfully at me as I rolled my eyes and laughed again at his childishness.

We sang along terribly in the song that came on the radio, we didn't know the words and I hardly knew where to put myself when he came in with a loud improvised solo... I leaned over and kissed his cheek, pulling off the red that my lipstick had left behind and he quickly ran his hand over it as we drove onto the country road towards the church where Mom and Clark were waiting, I sighed.

Clark.

I gulped; it would be exciting to see her boyfriend again who I had told to shut up.

“Jenbabe, it's going to be fine.” He had seen my face change and I nodded but still looked worried, he didn't know that mom could still be against us and I hadn't had the energy to have that discussion after everything that had happened between us.

“I don't know how Mom will react.” I decided to tell the truth even though it was awful but he looked calm now and I watched enviously as he wheeled us in without even looking stressed in the parking lot that was full of cars.

“She likes me Jennifer, take it easy.” He turned to me with a confidence instilled that made me feel a little better, but he hadn't heard her the times I'd begged her to give us her blessing I didn't trust at all that she'd just changed her mind.

“Come now before they come looking for us.” He smiled and jumped out before coming in on the other side and lifted me down with ease, I laughed again as he kissed me quickly and we took each other's hands and started walking towards the entrance, we were out at the last second and were the last to enter through the doors, I quickly looked for mom as my heart sank, she was of course sitting at the front, damn.

I squeezed Dylan's hand tighter as we walked through the creaky church with faces I recognized from childhood but hadn't spoken to since moving to Oklahoma.

I was sweating as I could see the stares and people mutely whispering things as we walked past and one or two actually gasped at the sight of me and Dylan together.

Mom had seen us and looked at me urgently and I unconsciously stretched, Dylan always walked proudly so I held on to him as we slipped past the curious crowds and sat down next to mom, Mandy sat wearing a pink pretty dress that matched her hair and rolled her eyes at us being late.

“im sorry.” I quickly whispered to my mom who smiled at us being here and squeezed my free hand, I was grateful that it was the right one and not the left one that Dylan was holding the ring on.

“so where's the boyfriend?” I looked around, relieved that he might not be here, when my mother laughed and nodded at the man who came out.

Fuck.

It was Clark, he was a pastor. He was the pastor of the church. I looked suspiciously at my mother, no wonder she had found him quickly, they had probably been flirting for a long time when I had left.

He looked at me and smiled, I smiled back, I don't know if it was real but I hope he believed it, no wonder mom was sitting up here, it wasn't easy to get these patches and hold them for us.

I looked everywhere but forward as he had started to speak, and I twisted the cross around my neck, Dylan smiled at me, I know he liked me holding it because he thought I was a believer like him, but I just wanted something to hold me over when I got nervous, and his love was the most important piece of my life.

People bowed their heads, even Mandy, so I followed the movement and closed my eyes.

Good God don't let Mom have a change of heart. I looked up and people around were muttering things to themselves as I looked at Dylan, he looked worried as he sat with his head bowed and I knew he was praying for real and I let him be afraid to disturb him, he needed this.

Clark spoke again and I looked at my feet, they were a little swollen from the shoes, I wondered why I had shoes that I couldn't wear? I would buy a pair that were bigger if I had to do this every Sunday and from the look of Dylan who seemed to be at peace here, I would have to reckon with that.

Mom nudged me discreetly and I looked up again and followed Clark dutifully as he wandered around until he stopped and looked straight at me, and I went cold inside as he smiled broadly with his big mouth and pulled his glasses up a little higher on his nose.

“I am honoured to announce that two of our members have decided to bless our church with an engagement, Dylan Hopper and Jennifer Thompson. He waved his arm at me and Dylan, people were talking louder, and I wanted to sink down through the earth.

“Head up Jennifer.” Mom smiled at me as I understood that this had been her plan all along, she had taken advantage of my engagement for her own sake, I would have been angry if I wasn't so relieved that she wasn't mad at me for doing exactly what she didn't want.

Dylan hugged my his happily and I kissed his cheek lightly, I looked back mom was right, I would sit up straight, no one here knew what I had with him or what he was giving me, I smiled happily at his face, had he known about it? I looked at mom, it wasn't an impossibility I assumed and shrugged to myself, what did it matter, mom would have given in if I was lucky.

 The congregation would really gossip now, I could already hear them starting to discuss how and why we had chosen to do this. I stared at Clark again, this was going to be a long day.

His sermon lasted forever in my opinion, I listened as little as I could, I saw Mandy sitting with her phone on the edge of the bench and I looked at her jealously as she smiled slyly at me when she saw that I had caught her.

Dylan sat spellbound, nodding along and I smiled at his empathy, I was happy for him, I suspected he'd had a hard time with his mother's death, I swallowed and took up the cross again, I was so grateful for him, for loving me even though I was like a mess that couldn't decide what I wanted or why.

Mom just looked at Clark. I realised she really liked him now, he didn't look anything like Dad who was more like Dylan, no Clark was a middle-aged man with a rounder shape and a soft face that looked like he would never touch a fly if it even landed on him, maybe that was exactly what she had needed all along, not the troublemaking man that had turned her life upside down twenty years ago.

The thought made me sick, I didn't want to be sitting here in twenty years knowing Dylan was anywhere but with me, I blinked away the tears and I was grateful he was so engrossed in what Clark was talking about to have time to see my panicked expression on his face.

“Stop it!” I grumbled out loud to myself, I wasn't Mom and Dylan wasn't Dad. I forced myself to smile as he looked quickly at me and I had already seen that he had registered that something was wrong and looked a little more worried than before, I was so sick of myself and all my insecurities.

We loved each other. Period.

I pushed away the last of the panic and took his hand, smiling wider at his beautiful face, my future husband. The thought made me warm inside and I welcomed the heat that took over and pushed away the darkness as I looked at him.

He squeezed my hand back and we smiled at each other, I rolled my eyes at his miming if I was okay, I was okay.

He looked a little more pleased but not quite as he looked forward again and I sighed with the joy in me and looked at Clark again in exasperation.

I gratefully got up when it was over and mom stayed of course wanted to stay which meant we would be staying, perfect.

I nervously looked over at Clark who was shaking people's hands and talking to fellow churchgoers, and I was left standing with Dylan who turned me towards him after Mom had walked up to Clark and started talking to him like she hadn't even thought it was weird that I had gotten engaged to a man I had only known for a few weeks.

“Are you okay?” He was looking at me worriedly now and I put my arm around him and smiled happily.

“I'm okay, just a brainwave.” I glanced up at his handsome face, he really was the best-looking man in here and he was mine.

“Great.” He smiled and pulled me closer as I enjoyed his closeness and looked around calmly at the people watching us until I froze completely by a blonde woman who had seen us and came walking like a hunter who had seen her quarry.

“Fuck.” I whispered quietly when he had heard me and his whole body stiffened like mine as she stepped forward in a blue dress that made her body look like a dream to any man with the figure-hugging outfit she wore and the white smile that gleamed dangerously as she came up to us.

“I must congratulate the happy couple.” She didn't look at all like she wanted to congratulate us anywhere, on the contrary I saw her anger at a distance, not that she was trying to hide it either.

“Lorraine.” Dylan's voice was constricted now as she swallowed him with her gaze directly in front of me, I shuddered inwardly, hoping it wouldn't show on the outside of me.

“Dylan.” she smiled as she said his name wider with the more dangerous smile before after a few seconds she turned her gaze to me as she hadn't seen me standing there right next to him.

“Jennifer.” she said my name coldly and looked at me with dead eyes, I didn't answer, I knew she wanted him, I could see it in her eyes, I would sneer at her pain if it wasn't for the fact that Dylan looked embarrassed in a way, I had never seen him with any other woman who had openly shown that she wanted him.

“you guys aren’t waiting for anything, are you?” She was laughing loudly now, it sounded light, beautiful even if it hadn't sounded like glass shattering in my ears.

“What the hell do you want?” He looked almost angry now and she just smiled secretively at him, I had never felt so out of place at his side since we met, if he didn't understand that I saw that they had something between them then he was stupid.

“Nothing Dyl... like I said just congratulate, I know myself how lucky you are when you're getting married...” her eyes lit up and Dylan's turned black out of nowhere. I understood absolutely nothing.

“Now you've done it, leave.” His voice was so low now that he had forgotten all about joy and she was the one who made him like this. I held my breath when she had arrived, and she just looked at me quickly like she felt sorry for me and then turned to leave.

I exhaled again.

 I was shaking; the nausea had taken over completely and I held on to his arm tightly as he didn't even seem to feel me leaning hard on his weight.

“What the hell was that?!” I hissed the words as he just looked straight out and I swore inside, he wouldn't even answer.

“Nothing.” He answered briefly and blinked a few times as if trying to get rid of the image of her in front of him, I had never in my life been more f*****g jealous as when they were standing in front of each other, I felt like nothing in comparison to her.

“I’m going to the ladies.” I let go and quickly walked through the people who had seen everything, if he had wanted to embarrass me, he would have succeeded, and I ran in towards the first stall of the empty toilets and sat down on the empty toilet seat.

I knew they had been together; I had known it all along, but I hadn't known it would be like this, I thought they had just had some teenage romance, but I had been wrong, he had loved her.

I was crying now as I felt the tears trailing down my cheeks and black drops falling onto the white blouse, I didn't care, I was already the most talked about woman in Perryville by now.

I resisted the nausea that hit me in waves before I gave up and opened the toilet lid and quickly got on my knees with my heels pointed downwards and vomited up everything I had eaten today, it wasn't much and I stared blankly into it before I flushed and stood up, thankful that I had been alone in here, I couldn't bear any more gossip about me right now would flourish.

I opened the door to the booth and walked over to the mirror, I looked like s**t. What the hell was I compared to her? I clenched my teeth angrily as I saw her in front of me, how with a few words she made him react. I rinsed away the black under my eyes and dabbed cold water on my forehead and neck, hanging onto the sink before looking up at myself.

Who was I trying to fool? Lorraine had married someone else and if it hadn't been that she had been so stupid as to choose him, she would have been standing there with him, and he would have been happy, Without me.

 The last one cut me more than I expected, and I painfully touched my chest, he even made it hurt in my body, I guess that was the price for loving him.

I stood up again, I tried to smile at myself, but it just looked pathetic, hell, I couldn't hide in here for the rest of the day.

I stretched and pulled my hair back a couple of times, wiping off the last of the water that was left on my face before trying to look as neutral as I could and taking a couple of deep breaths before heading for the door.

There were only a couple of people left and I thanked God for that and walked towards the centre aisle where my mom was still standing, she looked worried and I shook my head and decided to go to the car, I didn't want to talk to anyone but Dylan right now.

I quickly went out and was about to round the corner where his black truck was when I saw it.

They stood together.

Dylan looked angry but not like he wanted her to leave as she spoke, and I stayed, frozen in place, watching as the man I loved with all my heart looked intently at another woman.

I gasped as she took his hand and he let her touch him and I swallowed several times, trying to catch my breath as my throat had constricted from seeing them as his eyes were only on her and touched her cheek tenderly as she put her hand on his and before I realized what I was seeing he had pulled her to him, and they were kissing each other hard and passionately. His face was filled with emotion for her.

I had seen enough.

I closed my eyes and turned away from them, disgusted by what I had seen. I sank to the ground, not caring that I was soiling my skirt, why was he doing this to me, if he wanted her why hadn't he just let me go the first time, or at the beginning of the week when he had the chance?! I pressed my hands to my mouth and tried to stop crying, I really was pathetic. I had thought he wanted me, that he loved me, but all I had been a stand-in for her, until she came back to him.

“Jen?" i looked up, i didn't want anyone to see me but i was grateful that it was Mandy standing there, i didn't say anything but just cried louder as she ran down the big stone staircase towards me and squatted in front of me.

“What has happened? Is that Dylan?!” she looked around angrily and saw them as I laughed, it sounded miserable, not like I was laughing at all, more like I was crying even more.

“Can I go home with you?” I didn't even want to look at him now, damn him, I hoped with all my heart that they would both burn in hell for doing this to me.

“Of course.” She pulled me up quickly and understood that I couldn't say any more, I had forgotten how to say anything at all.

I staggered after her as she put me in mom's Mercedes and threw herself into the driver's seat, I didn't even care that she was driving mom's car without asking permission as she ripped into gear and drove quickly past Dylan and Lorraine, I saw his face for a few seconds as he met my gaze and I quickly knocked my own down, he had looked ashamed, like he understood that I had seen everything.

“f*****g Dylan Hopper!” Mandy swore loudly and shifted gear, she was driving more than was legal on the otherwise beautiful country road, I blinked blankly, I was empty. From the inside out, there was nothing left, I had given him everything and he had taken it and left me with nothing.

I didn't answer but just stared out the front window, she drove fast but everything went in slow motion, everything we had had went through my head, how he had said from the beginning that he was a bastard, I hadn't believed him. I guess I was wrong.

We had reached the yard and I was still sitting when she yanked open the door and helped me out and I stumbled into the house. I wasn't crying anymore. What was there to cry about, he was never mine to begin with, so why could I grieve something that hadn't even been between us?

Mandy was frantic and throwing things around, I wished I could feel something right now. Not just the echoing emptiness that devoured every inch of my body. I lay down on the brown couch and had sat up and closed my eyes.

I didn't want to see anything, just lie down and feel myself slowly disappearing into the darkness and not needing to be there anymore.

She was talking to me, but I didn't hear, just closed my eyes and waited for the pain to go away that was burning in my chest, which was the only thing that made me feel like I was still alive when I heard screams outside and opened my eyes.

Dylan. I got up slowly again, he was here, and he yelled for me as Mandy had locked the door and she was talking quickly to someone on the phone, I assumed it was mom before she nodded quickly and hung up before she started to call again and shouted at his pounding and swearing on the other end.

“Mr Hopper! I'm calling the police now if you don't get out of here!” Her voice was threatening, and I batted my eyes, she was calling the police on him? I got up staggering and walked slowly towards one of the windows where he was standing on the other side, I looked blankly at him, he looked furious, like he didn't know what to do, like a wild animal running amok. why was he here? He had chosen her. I stood still with my arms crossed.

“Jennifer! Please!” he screamed my name again and I closed my eyes from the pain his voice gave me, f**k him. I just looked at him, he hadn't seen me yet and I saw the sirens coming in the distance, he was still there, and Mandy hadn't come with empty threats.

She stood next to me as I closed my eyes painfully at his screams and she put her arm around me comfortingly as two policemen got out of their car and one of them tried to calm him down, but he didn't listen and was still screaming, I closed my eyes again as they pulled him to the ground and handcuffed him, so that was the end of us, him in jail and me dead inside.

-it will be fine again. Mandy's voice was low, comforting as they pushed him into the back of the car and the other knocked on the door, Mandy quickly opened it and I let her. I didn't care I just looked at the back of the police car where he sat, still mad. His voice was still heard, and I looked absently at the rocking car.

I watched as they drove away once the policeman had got everything he wanted and he had glanced at me, I didn't look back at his pitying look, as he had seen my face on too many women already.

Mandy led me calmly up the stairs and I lay down apathetically on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, it was clean, perfectly painted.

Not at all like it has been with Dylan.

I closed my eyes again and cried even though I felt like I had nothing more to give, my body continued to burn with the image of her kissing him, of them touching like he and I had touched.

I twisted around and pulled my hands up over my head and my knees up as high as I could get them and held them tightly over my ears hoping the sound of his voice in my head would go away as my tears still fell onto the bed beneath me and I shivered from the sadness that had gripped me.

he was gone, he was gone for real.

I heard movement outside the door, and I didn't look up as my mother stood there, wild eyed and she was pissed off, like I had never seen her before as she lay down next to me and put her arms around me, we didn't say anything, she understood because she had been me herself.

I just realised that I hadn't made a better choice than I had. I turned and looked at her, she was crying now too and I mimed a low apology to the extent that my lips would let me as they felt pursed, she shook her head quickly at me and smiled lovingly at me and quickly ran her hand over my face like I was little again, I cried more and she pulled me closer and I leaned into her arms, I hadn't cried with her since I was a teenager and it felt good to feel her next to me as the pressure in my chest relieved a little of her being here.

Mandy came in and lay on my other side and put her arm around me, I wanted to smile but it was just a quick faint smile that was gone again as I lay here between my sister and mom.

They said nothing at all, just held me and that was enough for the moment as I relaxed for the first time in a long time, I was tired, so much more tired than I had ever felt as I batted my eyelids, my mother kissed my forehead tenderly and I closed my eyes and quickly disappeared into the darkness.