Pregnant with the Bad Boy

20

I woke up with a jolt and realised Dylan was gone and panicked until I heard him out in the kitchen, I looked at the clock quickly, it was around ten in the morning, I must have been more tired than I thought as I hadn't even noticed I had fallen asleep.

I sat up exhausted, I wished all the secrets that were out there in my family were over soon because I couldn't take it anymore. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and put my feet down on the awful laminate floor that had seen better days and walked straight towards the sound where I knew Dylan was, he was standing by the stove and I rushed over and put my arms around him without a word

“good morning sleepyhead.” He laughed as I mumbled back and let go of him, he was dressed in a t-shirt again and had a pair of old ripped jeans on and he was barefoot, I looked down at his feet sceptically, I don't think I would have ever seen him without shoes if he wasn't asleep.

“I'm not complaining baby but why aren't you at work?” I looked at the clock once more as he turned around with the frying pan in his hand and he pulled me away as he put it on the small table where I saw he had put two plates, I smiled, it was the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life.

“That's why my love, I've taken the day off because I don't want you to be alone after what happened yesterday.” He smiled happily at my surprised face, something told me that didn't happen often.

“You didn't have to do that.” I must have sounded ungrateful because his voice immediately sounded drier.

“I don't f*****g care what you think, I'm doing it because you need me so I'll just accept it.” He pointed to one place, and I quickly sat down at his command, there were eggs and bacon in there, I could have kissed him as he immediately looked happier at my reaction.

-Did I tell you I love you? I started to reach for the spatula as he took it before me and I stared stupidly at his teasing face.

“Forget it babe, I've learned that if I'm going to get something, I’m going first.” He laughed and scooped over half the food on your plate before handing it back to me, I took it sourly and rasped down what was left on my own.

“Do you think I eat a lot!?” I wanted to be teasing like him but it just sounded hurt and serious as I looked questioningly at his face which shifted from teasing to worried as he leaned forward so we almost met across the table as I had leaned forward without knowing it.

“no.” His answer was honest and brief, but I heard he had more to say, but he didn't dare.

“Dylan, just say what you want to say.” I leaned back wearily and sipped the water in my glass as he leaned back too and crossed his arms, perfect - now I knew he was going to bark at me.

“I don't think you're eating too much; you are not eating enough.” his voice was concerned, and I sighed, damn mum and gossip about that when he'd come home to the farm.

I laughed insultingly and put the water glass down with my eyes fixed on the table.

-I eat all the time, you've seen me, right? my voice was annoyed as he shook his head and slammed his finger into the table in front of me.

“Yes you eat with me, but when I'm not with you? Do you eat at all?” His voice was accusatory and there was a twinkle of anxiety in his eyes as I looked up angrily at his accusations.

“I eat when I'm hungry thank you verry much.” My words were harsh, and he laughed mockingly at my answer as if he had never heard anything more ridiculous in his life.

“Just face it Jen, I have eyes to see, you're never hungry.” His piercing gaze made something in me gasp as he had pushed me into a corner of my consciousness that I didn't want to be in.

“You're only saying that because mum said so.” I said the words coldly and his eyes went hard, and his voice was angry for real now.

“I'm saying it because that's what I see.” I looked hurt at his gaze that slid over me and I stood up and wanted to take the plate and threw it in his face.

“You have never complained about me before.” I stood with my hands on my hips, there was nothing wrong with me, I was fine.

“No, I didn't, because I was selfish, and I was only thinking about myself and that I wanted you at all costs and I didn't care how you felt until your mother pointed it out.” he dropped his head, and I grabbed the plate and threw it on the floor it shattered around us. I was tired of secrets.

“Is there anything else? Do I have the wrong hair color, am I too tall, the wrong nose?” I continued to rant while he just looked down at me and I cried as he still looked at me with his hard grey eyes.

“f*****g say something then!” I gasped angrily as he walked up and grabbed me without saying anything as I protested for him to let me go and threw me up on his shoulder and carried me over the shards without saying a word as I cried hanging on his shoulder.

He laid me down gently on the bed and I looked up at his devastated face that burned worse in me than when he had been angry.

“I promised I would take care of you Jennifer, trust me when I say things because I love you, not to try to hurt your feelings.”

I cried even more now because I know he was just telling me the truth and I, as usual, didn't want to see it.

“I don't know why I forget it, or don't care but I've always been like that...” I fell silent as he sat down beside me and leaned forward on his knees.

“Not in high school Jen, you weren't this skinny then or seemed that unhappy for that matter.” His voice cut into me like knives as I looked at him in surprise, had he even noticed me back then?

“Did you even know I existed?” My voice was surprised, and he laughed low again like when he thought I was crazy.

“Of course, I knew who you were, not only were you like the smartest girl in the whole place, you looked sexy when you weren't wearing clothes that hid your body.” His voice got warmer and I was embarrassed for some reason, I hated myself at the time and here he sat saying he thought I was sexy even as a teenager?

“You could have said something when I said I liked you instead of going your way...” maybe I was still hurt about it as I knew how much we needed each other now.

“I was young and stupid, and so selfish and angry at everything and everyone, you wouldn't have liked me back then.” His voice was amused now and I was glad we had left the worst of the seriousness behind us.

“I'll make it up to you, okay? I'll think about it that I'm going to eat.” I sighed as he pulled his arm around me and I sighed at the fact that I had ruined my plate, I was actually hungry.

“That's all I ask...right now...” he looked at me and I knew he would be watching me even more the next time.

“I'm really hungry now.” He laughed and folded me down on the bed where he just lay looking at me with his loving eyes as he ran his finger over my lips.

“Damn I wish I could go back and kick the s**t out of myself for not just kissing you then and there, so I could have protected you from the world.” His voice was resigned and playful, I giggled to myself now, I would have liked to see that.

“Dylan, I was already sad at the time, just that you didn't know me to know it.” I kissed his mouth tenderly, I too wished he had done something that time, but it wasn't his fault I'd been sad most of my life.

He bit his lip uncertainly as I looked in surprise at his face, which was filled with self-hatred, I recognized it anywhere.

“Dylan, you don't think it was that time that made me so bad at eating, do you?” He nodded now and there were tears in his eyes and I held his face to mine.

“No... no. I don't want you to think that I had already slipped into the darkness by then, I was just better at hiding it.” I smiled honestly as he didn't seem to believe me.

“I was miserable, my parents were miserable, it was all just a bunch of hormones and crap.”

 I smiled reassuringly at his self-pity.

“And I was an asshole.” He smiled even though I could see the moisture in his eyes as he intertwined his hand in mine.

“Yeah, that was you.” I rolled my eyes at his comment as he laughed to quickly at my response as I continued seriously.

“But today you are my light, the only one I trust completely.” I had said I didn't trust him anymore but that was a lie, I was so damn angry over something that seemed like a trifle now.

“So don't ever think that you're the one who made me this way, you're the one who wants to make me better.” He had listened quietly to my words oh kissed me softly now again on the lips and I pushed myself closer to him as he suddenly stiffened and I looked down where his feet were bloody, the fact that there was a lot of blood. Hell, he had been barefoot and carried me over so I wouldn't cut myself. I was a f*****g i***t. I was being selfish as usual and hadn't even noticed he'd cut my feet open for me.

“Okay, let's get you to the hospital.” I helped him up as he smiled happily at me the maniac.

“A small price to pay for your safety babe.” I rolled my eyes at his chivalry but secretly smiled at his words as I had forced him into the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt with a smile and he watched nervously as I started the engine of his second great love of his life.

“Yeah, if I haven't proven my love for you yet now that you get to drive my truck, I don't know what I can do.” His words were so light as I looked at him quickly, his looked greyer than I had seen before now, there had been a lot of blood on the floor...I swallowed the worry and drove out onto the highway straight to the Hospital.

“You can walk on glass shards for me.” He grinned at my joke, and I was glad we were making up and I promised myself dearly that I wouldn't let him down and eat when he wasn't around.

I stopped in front of the entrance and told one of the nurses what had happened, and she called out for a stretcher, and he crawled out on it and I looked shamefacedly at his ruined feet dripping with blood, why didn't he say anything too instead of trying to make me feel better? I looked towards the hospital, it was all my fault, if I had just eaten instead of acting like a child, he would have been fine, at home with me. I promised myself one more thing, that I would start to take care of him like he did me, stop being so damn selfish all the time and see what he needed from me.

I quickly went in after but they were already gone and I walked up to the counter where a woman with eyes that had seen too much was looking up at me as I stressed trying to get what I wanted.

“A man, around his twenties, good-looking, where did he go?” I stammered out the words as she looked calmly at me and pointed to the seats next to her booth.

“are you a relative?” She eyed me from head to toe and I nodded quickly at her question, clear as hell I was, I was the only one he had... it hit me hard in front of her as I realised it was true as she watched my revelation calmly before handing me a form to fill in. I looked at it dumbly and she raised her eyebrows questioningly from where she sat.

-You'll find out where he is when I get it, alright, but I need details on him. She pointed to the form in my hand and I took it heavily and went and sat down one of the ugly blue bench chairs that were there.

I looked down at the paper, what did I know about him, other than he was my everything? I quickly wrote down his name, social security number I didn't know, I stared down at the questions, I knew nothing about this, but I wanted to know. I walked slowly back to the reception where the woman looked at the paper and then looked at me.

-I love him, and I'm going to find out all that stuff when we get married. I put my head down as I was sure that on would dismiss me when instead she smacked her mouth and said tiredly.

“you're in the emergency room, follow the blue line.” She quickly looked away and I nodded at her kind gesture and started running for the taped line, I had realised it now, I wanted to be with him, I didn't care what others said and that it was crazy. I was going to marry him, today if I could.

They were still working on his feet when I came running and a nurse quickly stopped me outside the curtain as I was about to throw myself in.

“Miss you will have to wait outside.” She was about to lead me out to the waiting room when I ignored her orders and pushed my way in.

His face sweaty with pain as they picked every bit out of his feet soaked in disinfectant, I ignored their sour looks and took his hand as his looked at me through the pain and clenched his jaws.

“Don’t you have anything for the obvious pain his in!?, give it to give him!” I angrily scolded their incompetence as they sighed at my accusations.

“We have, so if you could wait outside...” I bit angrily at the sentence the young male doctor was trying to push me out, no f*****g way that arrogant bastard thought he could keep me away from the man I loved.

“No, I'm staying.” I looked tenderly down at his face, Dylan’s pale face made a slight smile like he knew I was here, even If he was I some serious pain by now and I quickly kissed his forehead and the doctor shrugged his shoulders and continued to put shards into the small box next to him if clinked every time he dropped a piece, it made me flinch every time.

They went on for what seemed like an eternity when he finally bandaged his feet and he fell asleep from exhaustion, I was still sitting by his side when the doctor came up to me and looked at me wearily still annoyed that I had been rude to him.

“I got most of it out, there may be some left but the ones I can't get hold of but the body will expel it itself.” He took off his glasses and I felt the shame descend on me again.

“I would recommend that he doesn't walk for the next few days so he has time to recover.” He looked at me half accusingly as I nodded at his request.

“He's lost some blood too, not enough for us to need a blood transfusion, but it would be good if we knew his blood type...” he fell silent and I agreed, I'd find out.

“Thank you.” I said the word sincerely as he just waved his glasses in response and walked out of the small booth.

He had barely been able to make it down the stairs at home, I frowned at the memory, I had to do something as I realised, I had no one to call, he only had me... I kissed his forehead a couple of times before I picked up the phone quickly and pressed Mandy's number and explained what had happened, she had screamed at mum before I had had time to ask her and I had told her all about it too, she had been quiet and then said they were on their way.

I sat down inside with him again and I could barely sit still as my knees shook with the emotions stirring around in my head, I had to fix many things, but he came first for me, everyone else could f**k off.

“Jen?” I heard Mandy's voice as she and mum came in through the curtain, the daylight coming in revealed exactly how pale his face was and I had stood up and pulled my sweaty palms onto the same jeans as yesterday.

“Jennifer...” Mum looked at me disappointedly and I sat back down knowing what she meant, that it was all my fault.

“I already know mom; I know it's my fault he's here.” I clenched my jaws and stared at his beautiful face lying there lifeless and making me want to die every second he lay there.

I twirled my hands restlessly as she remained standing in the opening, watching me wordlessly, driving me crazy just by fuelling my own guilt that burned me so badly it hurt to breathe.

“I love him, and I'm going to marry him, and I don't give a damn if you think we're crazy.”

I looked straight into the eyes of Mum who didn't seem to have taken in what I'd said while Mandy squealed with delight, I was glad to have a supporter on our side.

“Jennifer, I know you like him but think about what you're doing...” her voice was scarred by Dad's betrayal as I ignored her warnings.

“No, I don't like him mom, he is my life.” I was breathing heavily from the adrenaline of finally admitting what I thought of him openly to the world.

She got a more serious look on her face and almost whispered to me now as I stood by his side.

“Jennifer, are you pregnant?” Her voice wasn't judgmental, and I assumed it was her way of trying to explain why I had gone crazy.

“No mom, I'm not pregnant.” I said the sentence dryly as Mandy's face changed into all the colors of the rainbow as I didn't bother to be embarrassed anymore.

She exhaled and I rolled my eyes at her obvious relief.

“Dylan want to get married?” She looked sceptically at his sleeping face as I pulled out the gold cross around my neck that had been under the t-shirt.

“He gave me this...he wants to marry me, Mom.” I looked pleadingly at her for her to understand and Mandy gasped in surprise.

“He's not lying mom, I've never seen Mr. Hopper without that cross on since he started.” She spoke without dropping it with her gaze and mum sighed deeply, of what it I don't, but I think it was mostly worry that was in her heart at the moment.

“You are so young...” she looked sad all of a sudden and I got up again and walked towards her away body.

“I know it's crazy, and I know things didn't go well between you and Dad, but you have to give us a chance.” I put my hand on her arm and she looked up at me as she turned her head away before.

“If you're really going to do this... remember it's not a game, you barely know anything about men Jennifer and yet you want to marry the first boy you meet.” I looked down sheepishly, she was right, I was inexperienced, but I didn't care.

“I love him mom. He's the only one I want to be with.” I smiled weakly as she looked at me sadly.

“I know, but I can't in good conscience support you throwing your life away.” I looked speechless as she turned in the door and left. I looked at the empty doorway, and then at Mandy who looked equally shocked.

“You know I'm your biggest fan, but it seems weird that you would get married after a week?” She blinked incredulously as if she didn't know what to say either.

I sighed deeply and sank back into the chair, pulling my hair back behind my ears in frustration. They didn't understand what we had. I barely understood it either.

“Jen... I care about him very much too...” Mandy looked away at Dylan's sleeping face, which finally didn't look like it was writhing in pain.

My chest tightened, what did she mean but that...? I put my hands over my chest in dismay at what she had said.

“Mandy?!" I looked at her sourly as it dawned on her what I meant, and she laughed lowly at my jealousy.

“But stop it, I mean like an older brother or something, he's always been one of those people who believed in me.” I sank into the chair; I was embarrassed again. I was just too much.

“I'm sorry... I have no control over my emotions right now...” I ran my hands over my face as she smiled apologetically at me.

“Well, sis, I know how crazy you are.” She laughed louder and I immaturely stuck my tongue out at the pink pretty teenager she was.

“You know you can always call Dad...” she fell silent as she saw my face darken at his name and I looked sharply at my sister.

“No.” I looked at Dylan, he needed me, but I would never call him, I would rather die.

“Not even for Dylan's sake, how did you expect him to make it up the stairs, are you going to carry him?” Mandy's snotty voice made me angry because she was right, there was nothing I could do, I was helpless as he lay there suffering.

“He abandoned us, Amanda.” My voice was dark and she shrugged like it was nothing.

“I'm beginning to understand that maybe it was just as well, don't you remember how angry he was all the time at home?” I stared down at my hands, I remembered, all too well.

“Have you met him?” I looked at her accusingly and she nodded a little ashamed of not telling me.

“Well, he said he'd talk to you about everything too...” she fell silent and I sighed again, stroking Dylan's hair.

“He did.” I continued to stroke his hair calmly even though I was so angry I almost fainted from it.

“So you know everything?” Mandy's eyes were a little sad now and I didn't understand how she was handling all this better than me.

“He didn't tell me much before I asked him to leave.” I turned my head up to my sister who stared sadly at my hateful look before she stood up.

“I've forgiven him so you know.” I couldn't help but sneer at her naive view of the world and she pursed her lips angrily.

“You have two choices here Jennifer. Either you go around being angry your whole damn life over something you didn't even have control over, or you try to get over it, god if you're really going to marry but Dylan, won't you for his sake try to be happy?” I sat stunned for the second time since calling my family. Mandy wasn't joking with me.

“I'm happy with him.” I drew in my breath in frustration and now it was her turn to make fun of me with that cute pink mouth.

“are you? I know you're happy because he does everything for you, my God he goes on his knees for you but it's never enough, because you're miserable with life.” I felt the anger boil up again, f*****g brat. Who was she to try to tell me anything about me and my life?!

“You don't know anything about us Mandy, so don't even try to understand.” My voice was low and threatening as she ignored my hostile face and crossed her arms.

“I may not understand everything, but I can see what's going on, you're using him Jen!” I stood up now and she sighed and put her hand in front of her eyes for a few seconds.

“Watch your f*****g words, Mandy. I growled the words out as she took her hand away and looked at me.

“I didn't mean that. But you take more than you give.” She looked honestly into my eyes before walking away without saying more. I angrily followed her steps out and stood there until she was no longer heard.

“Fuck.” I sank down hard on the chair. She was right.

I looked at Dylan, he was giving me everything, making sure I wasn't sad, trying in every way to look after me and I just took without giving back.

Maybe he would be better off without me...I quickly looked at his peaceful face and bit my lip hard, I'm sure he would but I was too selfish to let him go. I cried bitterly at everything Mandy said. I would die if I left him, no, I wasn't going to do that, he loved me, and I would repent.

I looked resolutely at the phone, I would call Dad - for Dylan's sake, I would give more than I took.