Freeing Katie

Ch. 19 Truths and Reality

CHASE POV

Christmas has come and gone, and since New Years is on a Wednesday, J.R. wants to have a small party tonight with just a few friends.  I prefer small get togethers anyways, plus, maybe he gave give me some advice on how to approach Katie.

Ever since her freak out on me about a month ago, I can tell she’s been distancing herself.  I must have moved too fast, even if both our bodies were giving the green light.  I tried playing it down, but part of me wants her to open up to me.  She’s been going to her cousin Becca’s every Friday and not coming back until Sunday night.  During the week, it seems like she’s hesitant to go to her room with me again.  Our kisses have remained chaste, not like there’s anything wrong with that, but I was hoping she could trust me enough to move a little forward.

We both went out of town for Christmas to our respective extended families, and I’ve barely seen her since we came back.  We exchanged gifts beforehand, and it was such a great night, but I could tell something was off.  Her mom would give me glances, as if she was worried about me, and Katie was looking like she was being forced to just smile.  I tried to shake it off, but now I’m wondering if there was something going on…

“Chase, Katie’s here!”

I throw on a long sleeve shirt as I hear her footsteps.  “Knock, knock,” she smiles out.  I open my arms, and she’s quick to come over. 

“You look beautiful,” I say letting her go within arms reach.  And she does, too.  Like a caterpillar into a butterfly, Katie has blossomed in her fashion sense over the year, and actually cares about her appearance when we go out.  Wearing her contacts, her hazel eyes twinkle with her subtle makeup and hair framing her face.  She’s wearing a long t-shirt dress that’s not too formfitting, but the dark red color gives her a pop of color with the black jacket and ankle boots.  “Absolutely stunning.”

She rolls her eyes.  “Yeah, right.  We ready to go?”

Instead of answering her, I pull her in by her jacket and kiss her- definitely not an innocent kiss.  I back her into the wall as our mouths open to each other.  Her subtle sigh/moan stirs me on, and I grip her neck to keep her in place as my hand travels down her waist.  I feel a beat of hesitance on her part, but maybe I should push her to get her to talk? 

She immediately goes stiff when my body presses on her, and I feel anger towards her for the first time since I’ve known her.  She doesn’t say anything but lets me continue what we’re doing!  I open my eyes as I kiss her, and hers are shut tightly as if she wishes this was over, and that’s a blow to my ego.  Is she getting disgusted by my actions now? 

I pull away quickly and turn around to get my jacket on.  I try to understand, but nothing is coming through that makes sense.  She should say something if she’s uncomfortable with me.  I hear her breath attempting to even out, and I grab my keys to head out the door.  “We don’t want to be late,” I gruff out.

We bid my dad goodbye and get into my car.  Neither one of us are talking, and every time I glace over, her brows are furrowed and her fists are clenched.  But she looks… sad?  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to start a fight right now, so maybe this party can be a good distraction for both of us.  I’ll talk to J.R., get his opinion, and sit her down tomorrow for a serious discussion.

We pull up, and before I can open her door, she’s already getting out and walking ahead of me.  I huff out and walk inside the house behind her.  She steers to the kitchen where I hear Taylor and Brenna call out to her.  I decide to let her be and go find the guys.

Everyone’s down in the basement- maybe 15 people total.  Music is playing low as a few of the guys are battling it out on the game system and some at a beer pong table.  “Hey dude!” J.R. says, bro hugging me and leading me to the mini bar.  I wasn’t on planning on drinking much this morning, but right now, I do need a drink.  “Where’s the Mrs.?”

“Upstairs with Brenna and Taylor,” I say flatly.  Nate and Josh saddle up next to us, everyone mixing their own drinks.

“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?”

I shrug my shoulders.  I don’t want to spread my information to everyone.  J.R. and Katie have a special bond, so I know he would understand, but I don’t want the other guys opinions just yet. 

“Heard Taylor’s been coming around, J.R.  Not corrupting our girl, are ya?” Nate laughs out.

We all laugh as J.R. actually blushes.  He’s such a softy.  “Nothing’s going down.  I just give her a place to crash when she needs it.” 

He acts like it isn’t a big deal, but I know they spent Christmas together, since both of their parents are too focused on their own thing.  Katie was right in wanting to set them up.  I was happy to see my friend have someone that could share something similar with him.  And it seems they are hitting it off well.

We all take a couple of shots, then head to the beer pong table.  The girls come down and start to mingle with other people.  I can tell from here that Katie is drinking, and she’s drinking fast.  Within an hour, I’ve seen her empty out three solo cups.

….. and has completely ignored me the entire time.

I haven’t paid attention to my own drink until my head started spinning after another hour.  I plop on the couch, watching the room as people enjoy themselves.  A small group went upstairs outside for a smoke, and the vibe of the party officially went into chill mode.  I hang my arms on top of the couch, close my eyes, and slouch to get comfortable.  It wouldn’t be the first time I crashed right here.  Seems like a good idea to me.

All of the sudden, a soft body is pressed to mine, and I smile, knowing my girl is done being mad at me for the moment.  Her head leans on my shoulder, and I turn my head to kiss the top of it, but the scent isn’t familiar.  I open my eyes to see Nikki right next to me.  Before I can even react, I hear Katie’s voice.

“Wow…. Rweally Chase?”  I turn my head and see Katie’s eyes half hooded, and given her slur, she’s definitely drunk.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I say, my own alcohol state being way to slow to get my arm from behind Nikki.

“A little birdie told me you don’t put out.  I’m just giving him another option sweetie.”  I feel a small crowd form around us, mainly our circle of friends.  I haven’t even talked to her in months.  Why the hell is she f*****g around on my relationship?  “At least I would enjoy his touch more.”

I jerk my head to look at Nikki, who looks like a conniving b***h with a smug looking directly at Katie.  When my gaze turns to her, my heart breaks.  Embarrassment and vulnerability shine through her widened eyes.  “You…. You told her?” she mumbles out, fists forming and shaking.

I go to stand up, hoping to solve this clusterfuck.  “Of course no-“

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY?!” she screams loudly, shocking the s**t out of me and causing me to land back on the couch.  Her body is trembling and tears form around her eyes.  She doesn’t even look like herself.`  “YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH?!”

“Katie, not like this,” J.R. rushes out, but she pushes him to the side as she focuses all the attention on me.  But nothing, absolutely nothing could prepare me for what she said.

“I was r***d Chase!  r***d and beaten for half a year when I was twelve years old.”  Tears start flowing down her face and my gut plummets.  “And the whole damn reason I won’t let you f*****g touch me is because I’m so disgusted with myself!”  She shocks everyone further, reaching for the hem of her dress and pulling it over her head, standing clad in her bra and underwear.  Brenna and Taylor rush to cover her up, both with tears in their eyes, but she shrugs them off as well.  “Look at me!  Look what I’ve done to myself!” she cries, gesturing to her body with shaky hands.

Katie…. I say in my head.  My throat has long dried up as a sob threatens to spill out.  Tears burn my eyes, seeing scars litter across her abdomen and thighs.  The sight of her body trembling as she holds her stomach as if she was going to vomit kills me. 

“This is me, Chase!  Damaged and broken.  I’m so f*****g sorry!” she cries, grabbing her dress from Taylor.  “Have fun f*****g Nikki!” She turns around, showing more scars that decorate her back.  The girls are right on her heels, and finally my brain and body decide to jolt together.

“Whoa- Katie!”  Just as I rush after her, J.R. grabs my arms.  I’m going on autopilot, and take a swing at him which gets him off me.  I need to get to Katie!  I take a few more steps, then both of my arms are restrained.  I groan and scream, attempting to haul them off.  I feel the tears going down my face.  “Let. Me. GO!”  We all land on the ground, but I use every bit of energy I have to stand back up.

“Chase, let her go!” J.R. says, coming in front of me.

“No!” I spit out.  “You don’t know what you’re f*****g talking about!”

“I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT,” he screams in my face, causing me to pause my struggle.  “I was in treatment with her, remember?!”  We are both breathing heavily.  The mark on his face is starting to swell and he looks torn on his emotions.  I look beside me as Josh and Nate still have a hold on my arms and we are all panting.  J.R. looks around at his guests and runs a hand through his hair.  “Everyone go home or crash upstairs.  Leave the basement.” 

As people shuffle out, Nikki passes us, looking down at the floor, and I take a step towards her aggressively, but the boys hold me back.  “I don’t want to see your f*****g face again.  I will never, ever choose you over Katie.”  I don’t even give a s**t about her tears that are dropping down her cheeks.  Katie feels hurt because of what she think she saw and what Nikki said, and I don’t know how to handle this.

*

*

The whole basement is silent.  We turned off the music and the TV as J.R. grabbed some ice for his face.  I’ve kept my head in my hands, trying to process everything she said.  Katie was f*****g r***d as a child.  No wonder why she was scared for me to touch her.  I could not imagine the horrors she went through.  And her scars…. Self-harm.  I’ve vaguely heard about it, but this is my first time actually seeing evidence.  So many damn scars- some deep enough to bubble up the skin, and some where pale white…. But they were all there.  “f**k!”

“Here, take this,” Nate says, walking over and handing me a beer.

“I need to talk to her,” I spout, ignoring his beer and pulling out my phone.  Straight to f*****g voicemail.

Josh sits to the side as J.R. sits on the coffee table in front of me.  “She needs to sober up, then process what she did tonight.  She’ll probably hate herself for telling you like this…”

“And you f*****g knew..” I growl out.  “You could have f*****g told me!  Warned me about it at least!  I would have nev-“

“What?  Touched her?  Dated her?” he spits out angrily.

“I would have never let her deal with all that s**t on her own!” I yell, knowing it’s the truth.  Shock displays on his face as I get up to pace.  “She could have trusted me!  I know I’m not the best person in the world, but she’s my girlfriend!  Why couldn’t she talk to me?!”

“Because she was holding on to the normalcy you gave her,” J.R. said quietly.  I stop to look at him, and he sighs out.  “The facility we met at was for at risk teens… It wasn’t just a counseling center.  I lied by omission to you as well.”  He looks at me with pained eyes and I sit down.  “I tried to kill myself....  that’s why I was there.”

“no,” I say to myself, but apparently out loud.

“I swallowed a bunch of mom’s pain killers when she left me for a weekend, and... yea.”  I swallow air, unable to comprehend that my best friend actually tried to end his life.  “Psychiatrics referred me to that place the day after I had my stomach pumped.  I just couldn’t tell you, man.  You were my only friend at the time, and I didn’t want to lose what we had.”  I just stare at him, going into information overload/shock, and he lets out another sigh.  “Katie had already been there a few weeks before me.   Our first group session, the counselor had everyone state why they were there- to help with the ‘path to healing’.  When I heard her trauma, my problems seemed so damn mediocre, and I promised myself to get the help that was offered, and try to take the best path of life.  I’m just saying, I know she should have told you sooner, but it’s hard to tell someone you care about, about all the things that make people look at you in a different light.  She didn’t want you to see her any differently.”

“I wouldn’t have…”

“Yea, you would.  Just like how I got the look from you just now when I told you my truth.  It’s a look of pity and sadness.  It’s one of the reasons why she moved away from her old town- everyone had that look.”

“Who r***d her?  Hope he’s dead in a ditch somewhere… how the f**k can someone do that to a kid?” Josh says, taking a pull of his beer.

I look down to see my hands shaking.   After a moment of silence, I look to J.R. wearing a grim face.  “It was Jason’s father…. He apparently used to abuse them all, but when she turned 11, he began to assault her.  Since her mom was at work all the time, Katie became an easy target.  Her hometown was small, so everyone knew what happened the day he got arrested.  I used to hear some of her phone calls, begging her mom to move away because she didn’t want to go back.”

I get up and take my phone out, tears threatening to leave my eyes again.  It still goes to voicemail, and I feel like someone punched me in the chest.  I hear movement and whispers behind me as I call her number over and over again.  I would text, but my hands just won’t stop shaking.

J.R. comes into my sight, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.  “They went to call the girls to get some information,” he says with his head bowed.  I barely nod while looking at my phone and we stand in silence.  Everything feels different, and I have no power to stop it.  “Do you hate me?”

I finally lift my head up.  J.R., my friend that always laughs and surrounds himself with people, looks entirely unsure of himself and scared.  I shake my head, putting my phone back in my pocket.  “You’re my brother, Jeremy.  I’ll always be there for you, man.  Just like you are for me.”  We both lean in for a real hug, something I know he doesn’t get too often.  Knowing what I do know, I squeeze him in harder.  “You can talk to me anytime bro, no matter the time, okay?”

We pull back and I think both of our eyes are red.  He simply nods.

“The girls got her home.  They’re talking with her mom right now.”  Nate says, coming down the stairs with Josh right behind him.

I groan out, running a hand through my hair.  “What do I do now?”

Josh goes behind the bar and dishes out shot glasses as well all take a stool to sit on.  “Brenna was sober enough to see that you weren’t hitting on Nikki.  Plus, Katie was wasted.  I say give her a day to sober up and think,” Nick says, motioning to the whiskey for him.

“Tequlia,” J.R. says.  “I’d say give her two, but still try to call and text her to show her you’re not giving up.”

Josh pours us both vodka shots, and he lifts it in the air for us all to clink.  “Don’t worry man.  She deserves happiness, and anyone with two eyes can tell you both make each other happy.”

We clink and down our shots, and he goes to pour another.  I know they are trying to distract me, but all my thoughts are for Katie.  In the span of an hour, my world has shaken up.  Before tonight, everything felt easy and smooth… now it seems like the road ahead is anything but.

We need to have a talk, but even the truth won’t keep me away from Katie.  She means way too much to me.