chapter 18: Why do you hate me
2082 Words
Nube’s POV
“Tsk stupid, stupid!”
“Why do I even need to look for Astra all by myself.”
“If this isn’t for Yoru, I won’t even bother.”
“I hate his guts.”
“Tsk” that stupid Chico really has the guts to punch me and leave me all alone. What even got him and Velo so worked up? I was just stating facts. Why can’t they see that their leader is naive, stupid, selfish, and a coward? And also, just because I’m just one of his minions does not mean I’m not any better than him. I know I’m much better than him, far more better than you, Astra.
I continue to head towards the place where he seemingly would be. I just guess that if he and Yoru fought over a misunderstanding, this would be the best place to cool his head. He sort of likes being alone. Every time I observe him, he always seems to have something deep in mind. I wonder what is constantly troubling him. No!
“Tsk stupid Astra, what do I even care about what’s bothering you” I walk to the corner of the hall then take the lift from 3rd to the second to the last floor. As I walked out, I walked silently, barely making up any sounds. I took the stairs that would lead me up to this hospital’s rooftop. I carefully opened the door, so Astra wouldn’t notice me, as he always kept his guard up.
He sat at the other end as I got in there, viewing the city from the top. See, he didn’t even notice me, ha! In your face, Astra! might as well sneak up to him.
“Take another step, and I shoot a bullet through your head.” my body stopped.
“Huh,” what does he mean? Is he talking to someone else? I could have sworn I made it up here unnoticed, so how could he know I was here? Was it all my imagination? He was still facing the other direction, so he clearly couldn’t see me, so I took a step, and he quickly turned around, pointing a gun at me. I knew how dangerous he was. In a matter of seconds, he could lock at his desire place or target and pull the trigger. My body felt heavy; I couldn’t move.
“Oh, it’s you, Nubes. How did you know I’m here” his instincts are really on point that it’s frightening to even from afar. He could still sense me coming. Nothing could slip a pass through his vision, not even when his back turns, or his eyes are closed. That just how incredible you are. No, you’re not. This is just a piece of cake. I could have done this too. I’m pretty sure I made a noise that you heard me… ha my thoughts struck me… I keep convincing myself I did. Even though, even though I know, I didn’t, just what kind of monster are you, Astra.
“No, how did you know I’m here?” I throw back the question that I never thought would be a mistake
“What does that mean? Nubes”
“Do you want me to leave my surroundings unattended?”
“Or to not notice you?”
“And why is that exactly are you planning something?” his voice soft yet so deafening. The voice is so delicate, but every word that comes out of his mouth makes your soul want to leave your body.
“No, not at all, boss. It’s just that I wanted to try if I could get to you without being noticed.” what am I even doing? Why am I so nervous!
“what exactly is the reason behind it? Why are you here?”
“Nothing, boss, it’s nothing at all.” dumbass, just say it!
“Don’t lie to me, Nubes.”
“We all know that you hate my guts.”
“And I don’t trust you as well.”
“So if there’s nothing even more, then that’s what you came for” this is Astra? The real Astra, the one who everyone feared. A nerve-racking aura surrounded him that made my body felt a deep shock causing my body to be immovable.
“If you want things to be settled, fight me and don’t ever attack me from the back” his really this intimidating in a real fight? I can feel my knees weakening as his fierce eyes peer through mine, scanning me. Fvcking hell, just talk already, you dumbass!
“Such cowards only do that.”
“Are you a coward!”
“So, what the hell do you plan on doing!”
“Proving that I’m better than you jackass!” I yelled at him, finally having the courage to talk and move, but he just smirked like he was mocking me. I hate how he looks down on me. I really hate you, Astra. You think it’s all about you!
“Damn you!”
“Stop looking down on me… You; I”
“Heh,” he smiled again as his sneering eyes burned through his wavy hair, making its way to me.
“You can’t even move earlier. If It wasn’t you, I could have shot the gun right away..”
“Do you even think you could dodge that bullet” his eyes look down as it scorns at me
“Damn you damn you!”
“Stop mocking me” he grinned and invited me to come and sit with him.
“Astra?”
“Hm?”
“What happened between you and Yoru,” I asked him. Maybe I could know what happened between them and see if he had something to do with Yoru’s condition right now.
“It’s just something he didn’t agree about,” he said
“And what is it?”
“You don’t really need to know Nubes.”
“Hmm! You’re really arrogant!”
“And why is that so?” he questioned
“Just because you’re the boss, you’ll look down on all of us.”
“Who says I look down on all of you?”
“Then why is the reason Yoru’s in pain? Why does he keep trying to prove himself to you.”
“He does not need to.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“You’re really arrogant, aren’t you!” I quickly stood to pull his shirt, but it was useless against his speed. I’m no match.
“Why you!”
“But It’s not my choice.”
“Ha?”
“It’s not my choice to keep following someone around.”
“Did I forced him to do that? Did I held him against his will”
“Yoru was the one to decide that, not me.”
“You really don’t have a care about anything, don’t you? Even if we all die, you won’t even care!”
“It’s..”
“Let go of me!”
“No, you don’t need to explain. Do you even know where Yoru is!”
“He’s now fighting for his in the operating room, and you’re just here doing nothing!” he looked at me with shock; the confusion on his face was evident to me he cared, but that’s not enough as he turned his gaze away and why is that.
“I...do you see now why,” he asked something that confounds me
“What do you mean? Astra”
“Everyone who’s near me always gets hurt.”
“And why is that enough reason why don’t you use your ability to keep them safe.”
“It’s not that easy, Nubes.”
“You’re selfish, Astra!”
“Maybe I am.”
“You don’t know how it works. The more I get stronger, the more I lose people, so this is fine being alone. I can’t hurt anyone anymore; I won’t lose anything anymore.”
“That’s why I’m better than you.”
“You already are”
“All those words, ha! You fool them the way they think of you. You really blind them. You’re just using them!”
“Say that again!”
“Or what, Astra, what are you going to do? Kill me too” I didn’t even see his hands grab me and drag me to the edge of the rooftop.
“Maybe I will” I hold on to his hands tightly as I look at his dead eyes.
“Let me fall then, Astra.”
“You can’t do it, can’t you? You’re really a coward.”
“You’re beautiful and intelligent. You are very talented, but you don’t even have a heart, you s**t!”
“YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAD TO TO SURVIVE IN THIS WORLD!”
“DO YOU EVEN HAVE A CLUE DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW I FEEL!”
“I DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS”
“I DIDN’T WANT ALL OF THIS”
“I-I don’t even want to be beautiful to be intellectual I don’t want any of these”
“If it means I lose everything I have, then I don’t want to have this curse!”
“I DON’T WANT ANYTHING, I DON’T WANT TO BE MYSELF!” The anger in his eyes fired up I could see a deep feeling that he had been hiding
“But I lose everything already.”
“I wanted to be you….” I said as he pulled me back from the edge
“I hated you because I saw you are smiling...happily smiling with a boy you just happened to be with.”
“It’s unfair; it’s really unfair. How can you smile like that? You should be emotionless!”
“You should be suffering just like all of us!”
“But why...why did you.”
“Why did you find happiness, and I can’t!”
“Nubes…”
“You also cried I thought you’re really heartless, and just as everyone thought you are.”
“I thought it was cool. I thought that should be a way to be someone to be strong.”
“But you’re weak, Astra. You became weak because of him you don’t even have a reason to live. You can’t even save yourself!”
“You’re really useless!”
“You’re weak, Astra!”
“I’m much better than you I am!”
“Why do you even hate me.”
“Because you’re selfish, a coward, and just taking advantage of people.”
“Might as well be true maybe I’m selfish and cold, but that’s the way I know how to lessen the pain if I don’t have anything, I can’t lose anything.”
“I’m a coward, I’m really am, cause after all this time, after everything, I felt numb. I can’t even feel anything. I’m so empty, and If I start to feel again, it’ll hurt me more..”
“Why is that, so people always take advantage of me because I was once weak, but when I do just to live, I’m wrong this world is unfair.”
“They ruined my life.”
“I never even walked down the street without getting harassed.”
“They all take advantage of me.”
“Astra,”
“They used me!”
“They all do!”
“So yes, you’re all much better than me.”
“Astra”
“Astra, get your s**t together.”
“Do you still want to be me”
“I didn’t know.”
“You don’t need to know.”
“I already buried everything away.”
“Or do you just run away from it”
“Just leave me alone, Nubes.; I”
“Astra”
“Just leave me alone.”
“I planned to leave Salvy as well. Are you satisfied” this man! I couldn’t control it anymore. I can’t deal with the anger I have that I punched him straight in his face.
“huh?”
“Why didn’t you dodge it.”
“Why would I? I’m as good as dead to me” I pulled him again with both hands dragging him near my face
“You’re stupid” I pushed him hard to the floor and left him there
“You’re really a coward, Astra.”
- Writer
