Chapter 17: What I want
2036 Words
(operation room)
(30 minutes into the operation)
In Yoru’s head
“Astra, where were you and what do you keep on doing” was a question I always ask myself when you’re away, whether you leave or come back. When you don’t let us in on the things, you do. Now I’ve been thinking about what has led you to that decision, something that’ll even hurt you more. Was it something for you to keep drifting apart again? This is not you, Astra.
“Huh, is this the hideout?” the night light glimmers as I open my eyes in a somewhat familiar place. It was Astra’s room in the hideout, and there he was in his window, looking under the starry sky.
“Astra,” your back was facing me again as the moon’s light shimmers down your pale skin, the wind blows your hair while you look at the stars from afar you look peaceful in a way I don’t want to bother you, this what is what I wish for and this is what you longed for, for your heart to be at peace but then you look at me and smile.
“Astra,” I called to you again. We were always this close until then. You keep a look at your back. What went wrong? It was because of that attack, wasn’t it? Because of someone, you think you could trust betrayed you, but you didn’t really trust him nor anyone, and at that point, you watched over yourself more. I can’t blame you; I blame myself too because I could not watch over you enough. I felt useless like it was all my fault. I have been watching you from your back all this time, but I still cannot guard you that day, you became less and less approachable and cold towards people, and I can’t approach you anymore, but we didn’t give up. We swear to watch over you, and that’s what we keep on doing.
“Hey Astra,” I called your name again, as you smiled and reached out your hands to me; I ran onto you to grab your hands.
“Astra!” I was so happy finally! I was almost there.
“All this time, I thoug..” I almost finally caught up to you, almost...but something took you away
“where am I? What is this place?” I asked as I realized I was standing in the city in the middle of a long tiring road, but something was different there were no people, no cars, no noise, just the confining sound of silence and street lights liting up the dark road, but in all of this I saw you far away, walking, walking alone,
“Astra,” I should have expected you’d ignore me, but I still tried
“Hey, Astra”
“Hey, Astra, wait up!”
“Hey, Astra, where are you going?” I shouted, but you keep on walking and walking. I was so close but yet so far. I called and called for your name, but you never looked back. I ran to you. I followed you. I was so close again, and yet again, you vanished. Every time I will get nearer to reach you, you’ll start drifting far away from us.
“I-I’m lost where am I?” an inky-black swirl swirls right through me, looking like it was going to take me away. Then suddenly, the streets I was standing in were covered in darkness.
“Huh”
“Astra, where are you.”
“Hey, Yoru, watch over my back.”
“Watch over my back.”
“I know you got my back,” hahaha.”
“Hey, Yoru watch over my back, hmm?” I heard it again and again, your voice, watch over your back, you said as you chuckled, and at that moment, I stopped.
“Where am I again” I have traveled into another place again this time; I don’t know where am I
“Ha?” I didn’t understand what you meant; what do you mean? I always did watch over you, Astra, so what are you saying?
“What do you mean?”
“Hhahahahah” huh? Laughing, I recognize those laughs. I looked on my side to see there was Chico, Velo. And the gang having fun and laughing, tapping my shoulder.
“I see…”
“Astra, is it all about this? Is this what it’s all about?”
“I didn’t really notice them as well” now I see I keep minding you and never got the chance to see them too. I was not always walking alone, but they are here with me watching you, is that it. “Do you want me to protect them?”
“Astra,” and again, it brings me back to you walking.
“I’ve misunderstood you again, didn’t I ?... Astra”
“Astra, just look at me!”
“Please!”
“Patient’s heartbeat down to 60, doc.”
“Astra, please turn around” is this what you want me to see? You don’t want me to take the path that you take. You keep drifting apart. You stay, not noticing people far from you, but you always watch your back isn’t that right, Astra? You did know we are here. You noticed us too all this time. I thought you never did, but you.
“you keep walking alone.”
“Why do you keep walking alone, Astra.”
“I-I don’t want to.”
“We’re losing the patient’s heartbeat, doc.”
“Perform CPR nurse pump the patient’s chest.”
“Ha.. wha..t is this a-bout?” I don’t know what was happening, why did it all suddenly become noisy. I can’t see anything.
“Astra, where did you go.”
“I don’t want to see you drift away from us.”
“Stay with us, sir.”
“Coming through, coming through!”
“Make way”
“Okay, pump the oxygen.”
“Patient losing heartbeat”
Velo’s POV
I was sitting there tirelessly waiting for Yoru to get out; I knew he’d be okay. That kid is a tough one. He’ll survive, I know. But
“Patient room 214 code blue”
“Code blue”
“Coming through, coming through”
“What is happening? What is this?”
“Sir, excuse us.”
What was happening? Why are there many people going in the operation room? Why are they in a hurry? Did something happened? Something did; something terrible is happening.
“Yoru no, no, this can’t be.”
“Yoru!” I ran to the door.
“Sir, you can’t go in.”
“What happened to him? You said this would be over fast”
“Sir, calm down.”
“Let me in. I want to see what’s happening!”
“Let me see, my friend!”
“Sir, we will take care of this”
“We need you to calm down, sir.”
“Calm down? How do you think I’m going to calm down!”
“We are doing our best to save your friend, sir.”
“But I thought he was already okay.”
“You can’t do this. You gotta let me in, maám!”
“I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t.”
“We are doing our best.”
“Let me in, please!”
“Sir, we have a patient to save. Please cooperate with us” the nurse closes the door.
“Let me in!”
“Let me see my friend!”
“Let me see him!”
“Yoru no!... no!”
“Yo-o-ru..” in a small clear glass, there I see him lying hopelessly in a hospital bed.
Yoru’s head and operating room
“Patient down to 20”
“Don’t stop. What are you guys doing? Don’t just look at me.”
“We could save him.”
“Is this it for me, Astra”
*toot-tooot-toooooooooooot*
“heartbeat lost“
“Patient’s heartbeat is lost, doc.”
Velo’s Pov
“Patient’s heartbeat is lost, doc.”
“Yoru”
*Toot-tooooooot*
“YORUUU!”
Yoru’s head and operating room
“Shi..”
“Time of death”
“No! He can still make it.”
“Perform CPR. Keep doing what you’re doing until we have this man’s heartbeat again.”
“Astra, I decided not to follow you anymore.”
“But I guess I won’t have the chance to do what I want.”
“Patient unresponsive”
“I have been so ignorant all along I been blaming you for the decision I made.”
“All I wanted was to finally reach you.”
“For you to see me too.”
“And I could not do that if I keep watching from afar.”
“I have been a coward all my life.”
“All I just wish was you to see me as your equal too.”
“But this is it, Astra, this is farewell.”
“Patient unresponsive!”
“Sir, hold on, sir!”
……
_____________
“I refuse to die here.”
“What I want is to die protecting you, Astra.”
Velo:
“You can’t die. You can’t leave us!”
“You can’t just leave us!”
“Not me or Astra, so you better live!”
“Fight for your life Yoru!”
Yoru’s Head
“Patient is still unresponsive, doc. What should we do.”
“I told you to keep doing what you’re doing.”
“Defibrillator getting ready, doc.”
“Good perform CPR.”
“Okay, get back 1,2,3.”
“Clear”
“Still no response.”
“Again high up to 200.”
“Yes, doc”
“I still wanted to live.”
“Not to always be at your back, but I want to be by your side.”
“No matter what, even if I don’t know.”
*TOOOOT*
“1,2,3 CLEAR”
“Still no response.”
“Step away, everybody back away.”
“I can’t hear anything anymore, Astra. I guess this is it for me.”
*Toot-toot-toot*
“But I still wanted to support you, Astra.”
“Patient’s heartbeat back!”
“Patient’s heartbeat back!”
“He’s back!”
“You did great, doc.”
“Thank Goodness!”
“Ha! He survives”
Velo’s POV
“HA! YOU F*CKER!”
“Thank Goodness!” I said as I sat to breathe, a long sigh of relief that I didn’t know that I was holding all this time.
“Damn you, Yoru, you made me worry for a sec there.”
“Don’t you scare me again like that”
“I never thought we would lose you.”
“But I was worried about you too, you know.”
“You made me worried back there.”
“You dimwit” I know I act dumb sometimes, and we’re just a pain in your ass, but you’re dumber and a pain than me.
“I can even hear your reaction to what I said in my mind,” but you know you’re already like a little brother to me. So wake up again soon, okay? It does not matter if we keep being left in the dark by Astra; I just hope you’ll realize what watching over him genuinely means to you. I hope you’ll find that in your heart sooner, Yoru.
The doctor came walking out of the room, and I approached her immediately, wanting to know Yoru’s situation.
“So, how is he, doc?” I asked
“He had lost a lot of blood.”
“But your friend is in a stable condition now.”
“He’s really hanging there, sir.”
“He’s a survivor.”
“He is. Doc. Thank you for saving my friend.”
“He might not be awake for some time.”
“But he will be”
“And we still need to monitor him.”
“Alright, doc, thank you.”
- Writer
