Meeting you in the City

Chapter 27: Leaving you be

Yoru's POV

No...

No...o

No, this can’t be

Just a while ago, everything was running smoothly, just me, you, and Velo just laughing and making jokes.

You finally called us friends

What happened?

Why did we end up here, Astra?

Was that all an act

Did you do that on purpose just so that you can place us right on the palm of your hands?!

Why are you doing this

Do you even see or even treat us friends

What do we even mean to you?

What was that?!

Why are you messing with our heads our feelings? Why are you messing with us, Astra?!

“Ha..haa?” no

Velo...

Velo was just standing there as Astra glowered at him with those obscure distant eyes.

Velo…

this can’t be; those eyes of so deep and enraged. How can Astra look at Velo like that

Just how,

how far have you fallen, Astra?

I can’t let this continue anymore.

Somebody needs to make a move.

This fight has to end.

Velo, please do something. I begged him, but I couldn’t say it out loud. This feeling, why can’t I express them right now? What was holding me back?

But as I hope Velo did look at me with a concerned look

Velo?

Did you hear me?

Velo screamed at Astra, ordering him to stop,

“ASTRA, STOP THAT AND GET OFF NUBES!!!”

Why? Why? Just why? My hands made their way up to my head as I anticipated the discomfort in my head. I grasped my hair, seeking to resist the pain, but it didn't work; it was no use. This feeling of chaos, turmoil, and tension adds to the pain.

I'm so out of it. I'm so confused

Why are you like this?

No, why are you like this again, Astra?

What happened to you?

Why did it end up like this?

What did we do wrong, Astra?

Why are you doing this to us?

Where?... Where?

"You don't know what it is like to be me, so shut up, you stupid-looking mushroom!"

"Fvck you get off of me, you brat!!!" Astra, please

"ASTRA! STOP IT!!!!" but again, just like before, I'm just a voice you can't hear. I'm just somebody watching you inch by inch, pieces to pieces, lose yourself, and little by little drift away. You’re not just the one who's in pain, Astra. I'm so, so tired I can't take this anymore.

I...

I want to give up Astra.

"A-astra" I muttered as it all occurred to me all at once an overwhelming emotion that was ready to burst. It recurred to me the feeling of frustration and agony that made my body frail like any time I could shatter into pieces. Cause why? Why is this happening again, seeing you come back to your old self constantly struggling to know who you are. You are fighting to understand your real Identity and feelings. Did it always occur to you the questions “who am I?” and “what am I doing here?” what's my purpose? does it pass through your mind Astra every day, just constantly suffering until you lose it all, and that's why when there's nothing left to you, you don't know who you are anymore, continually finding the answer, constantly handling the pain guilt agony and misery that boils inside you and what will you do when you can't hold it anymore it will c***k and rupture like lava full of madness endlessly overflowing and you

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I DON'T CARE IF YOU LEAVE THE GANG OR DIE. I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU," you self-destruct. You inflict pain on others without knowing when to stop, and that's why

"A-a-s-tra li-sten to me" you need to stop.

"I know you never did, Astra, cause you're a rascal!"

"You never did!..."

"Why will I even care about someone pitiful like you!" Astra, please

"So I'm the one who's pitiful now, huh Astra?!"

“Stop that, both of you” Nubes, Astra, Velo, guys, please stop...

"A-a-s-tra Ju-just" hear me please, please listen to me

Ha-ha-ha, a quavering voice who would listen to someone useless as you if I'm always like this if I'm always weak

"You’re just trying to be me. You’re just jealous! jealous because you can never be me" then you’ll never hear me

" Before! I wanted before, but now I don't know who would even want to be a scumbag like you."

“Arghhh! You listen to me, you shithead!” Nubes clutches bot wrist of the hands that were holding him, gripping on it tightly as he wants Astra’s attention to his

“YOU!”

"You have... have them, but all you do is trouble them and push all of them away?!"

"They don't matter to you. You just...You j-ust keep on letting them suffer!”

“It may not be the same pain to you, but it hurts!”

“It hurts a lot!”

“I hate! Hate you, Astra! Because deep down, all they do is to watch over you and care for you, but all you do is burden them" that grip. that face. Those tears were the sincere feelings of someone who wants his feelings to reach the other person.

"YOU HURT VELO,” pour... Tears when you can’t hold them anymore. They pour like rain in stormy weather.

“YOU HURT CHICO! AND YOU!

“YOU HURT HIM," Nubes pointed at me.

'"YOU DISREGARDED HIS FEELINGS ALL YOU DO SI HURT THE PERSON WHO WANTED WAS TO BE BY YOUR SIDE" please stop this! Stop this already!

"AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU'RE... YOU'RE LEAVING SALVY YOU"

"YOU'RE LEAVING SOMEONE KNOWING THAT IT WILL HURT THEM YOU'LL HURT SOMEONE WHO CARED AND BROUGHT YOU JOY!"

"I KNOW, YOU HAVE HIM, AND THAT'S WHY I'M SO JEALOUS OF SOMEONE LIKE YOU!"

"BUT WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WOULD THAT MAKE YOU" Stop! Don’t talk any further, please.

"WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WILL HURT SOMEONE HE KNOWS THAT IS SPECIAL TO HIM" stop it! Stop it! Argh!!! Stop it already

“OR DOES HE EVEN MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!”

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD LEAVE HIM WITHOUT EVEN LETTING HIM KNOW AND WILL JUST WAKE UP AND ASK WHY?!"

“WHY DID HE LEAVE ME?!”

“WHY DID HE NEVER COME BACK?!”

"EVERY DAY, HE WILL ASK HIMSELF WHY?!"

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON WILL DO THAT?!" Nubes, please stop it

"WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU CALL SOMEONE LIKE THAT? THAT SOMEONE IS CALLED YOU!" Astra, Nubes...

"THAT SOMEONE IS YOU A HEARTLESS INCONSIDERATE JERK!"

"ARE YOU EVEN A PERSON!"

"sto-sto-stop it" stop! please!

"WELL, I DON'T CARE EVEN IF WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE"

“DON’T YOU HAVE ANY FEELING AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE REMORSE ON THAT STUPID FACE OF YOURS?!” He looked at him, Nubes, Nubes look at him, and there’s nothing to see, just cold, lifeless eyes

“Wha..not even a, WHY YOU SON OF B*TCH!!”

“YOU’LL SEE I WILL DO ANYTHING!”

"HE WILL LEARN TO HATE YOU, AND EVENTUALLY HE WOULD FORGET YO-"

"ASTRA, STOP IT!" my voice

"Astra, please!..." I shouted. I shouted as loud as I could. I didn’t care anymore if I bothered other patients. Suppose they'll kick me out of this hospital, but I don’t care! as I yell, begging Astra to stop. To stop him from punching Nubes. Those words, as much as it hurts, it's true, it's so true, and I'm so tired of this Astra. I’m so tired of defending you and just hurting me again. I’m so tired, Astra!

"Please stop it already" I give up. There’s no sense in continuing this. I give up. I'm so foolish enough to believe if I try harder, you'll hear me. That when I get better, everything does, and I reach you. I'm such a fool, and I give up!

"I give up" I give up; I give up.

"I GIVE UP!!!" Tears flow down my cheeks, leaving its bitter, waterily trail as my emotions get to me. How long? Huh? How long have I been holding this? It’s so heavy. How long?! how did I manage to carry this for so long? I cried and cried. Is this how it feels just to explode? To just let out your emotions and the voices win? This is how it feels. I feel so weak. I'm so tired, I so tired!!!

"Yoru..." Your voice calls out to me that soft, husky voice that makes me all soft for you once again that makes me always want to come back, but this time I wouldn't... I wouldn't look at you look at your eyes that wish every time for me to stay and understand you those sad brown eyes that's is so lost and can't find anyone to go that face that is so pale and beautiful that I can't bear to see it frown those eyes that said it cared about me before, but it's now empty I don't want to see... I don't want to see you anymore and all at once just help you again!

I don't want to see you anymore!

I don't want to help or even care about you anymore

I just don't want to see you

"'I don't want to see you again."

"Yoru, this is just a misunderstanding. Don’t do this to Astr-"

"Yoru, I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies. I don’t want anything to do with the lies that come out of your mouth. What is it going to do about this pain inside me."

"Yoru, look at me."

"No!"

"Yoru please"

"Ain't this familiar to you that day I'm beginning you to look at me too."

"Yoru, just look at me."

"I don't want to look at you and feel sorry for you again!"

"Yoru pl-"

"I said I don't want to see you, Astra, so what the hell is your ass still doing here? Start to move your feet and get your face out of here!"

"Yoru, stop this, Yoru, don’t do this, Astra."

"If you're against this leave, leave leave leave!!! Go with Astra and leave me alone, you insensitive jerks!" I heard Astra's footsteps heavily and soundly walking away from this room. It's always been like this, right you walking away from us from me, and I can't stop you, but this time it's different. I would not force you to stay. I will not beg you about anything you don't want to involve us. Nothing, no me bugging you about anything. I'm, after all, a nobody for you. I controlled myself by begging you to stay. I never looked up or took a glimpse at your back that I always had watched before.

“Leave!”

“Leave! Leave! Leave!”

“LEAVE, I BEG YOU, JUST GO, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE CAUSE IF YOU STAY HERE ANY LONGER, I COULD JUST CHANGE MY MIND, SO PLEASE LEAVE SO YOU CANNOT HURT YOURSELF OR US ANY LONGER!”

“Yoru…”

“Leave now, Astra” Your presence was gone. I didn't look up.

"Yoru, are you okay?"

" This is your battle now, Astra."

I let my feelings flow in me. I can’t hold this burden anymore for so long. For many years I kept it bottled in me, and this is where I ended up. Finally, I say what I want to say, what I feel, but it still worries me to let Astra be. If things didn’t go this way, I would listen to you, and the cycle continues, Astra.

Now laying here in my hospital bed, turning my back on Nubes and Velo as I don’t want them to see me in this state, tears welled up in my eyes as confusion still lingers. My mind regrets? Maybe just now, but I will not run after him this time. I sob quietly, my body quivering as I hold in for them not to hear, but I snivel, and they notice

“Yoru, are you okay?” Nubes asked, but I felt like talking. I don’t want to see anyone; I just want to be alone.

“I want to be alone,” I requested

“Are you sure we can leave you?” Velo concernedly asked

“Yes, just give me time.”

“Alright, we’ll just be outside. If you need us, just call for us” I didn’t utter a word; I’m sure Velo will understand it either way as they walk out the door.

“Hey, you gnome, let’s talk,” I heard Velo talk to Nubes quietly. Hmm, haha, I leave you with that, Velo. Thank you