Guarded heart

Chapter 15 Breakfast part two

CHRIS POV

We sat and ate our breakfast without any words. I put the radio on so it would seem so awarked with silence. I thought over what Lisa said. She was honest with her words and I could see how torn she was. I meant every word I said. I didn't ask questions I just listened as she opened up to me. I was so happy when she said she liked me as well. The only question I asked. I knew it. But I also felt sad at how I could see it was troubling her in what she should do. I don't like seeing Lisa troubled. It bothers me and Ijust wanted to bring her into my arms and hug the fears away. Yet I also knew right now I shouldn't touch her when she was probably thinking over her past that haunts her. I didn't wasn't to scare her. So I kept my hands to myself. I'd never do anything to scare Lisa.

We finished our food around 10 minutes ago and I see Lisas eyes never left the river bank with the swans and ducks. I was tired, but I didn't want to leave u til Lisa was ready. She seemed to look more at peace the longer she stared out at the river bank. Like it was refreshing and what she needed. If I had to sit here all day I would. Suddenly a new song starts in the radio. Lisa looks at me and says "This song it's remind me of me. It's what I sang alot after what happened. Id play it over and over again". Then she starts to sing it.

I thought I saw a man brought to life

He was warm, he came around like he was dignified

He showed me what it was to cry

Well you couldn't be that man that I adored

I can feel Lisas emotions as she sings quietly. But the her voice volume increases a little.

You don't seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for

I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where he used to lie

Our conversation has run dry

That's what's goin' on

Nothing's fine, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lisa then has a lose tear slide down her face. I take her hand in mine and I stroke my thumb gently over it as I listen to the lyrics. There so powerful and I read the reports. She is singing rememberong when she was alone broken on a cold floor naked. After she was raped. This song just became raw. And I feel a lump in my throat.

Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed

Into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late

I'm already torn

I won't be late in fixing this women I suddenly think to myself. And suddenly I realise that I want her as my women more than I realised. To cheerisuh to hold the right way. I don't want to see her cry no more. I want her to know what real love is.

So I guess the fortune teller's right

Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

But you crawled beneath my veins and now

I don't care, I have no luck

I don't miss it all that much

There's just so many things

That I can't touch, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed

Into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

You're a little late

I'm already torn

Torn

I look at Lisa as he tears silently slip down her face yet her voice doesn't quaver its singing so beautifully. But so heartbrokenly. It's should destroying. I feel my own tears hit my eyes. But I can cry. I take my other hand as Lisa doesn't look at me and I wipe away her tears gently from her face as she continues to sing.

There's nothing where he used to lie

My inspiration has run dry

That's what's goin' on

Nothing's right, I'm torn

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

I'm cold and I am shamed

Lying naked on the floor

Illusion never changed

Into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

I'm all out of faith

This is how I feel

I'm cold and I am ashamed

Bound and broken on the floor

Lisa takes a deep breath then continues.

You're a little late

I'm already torn

Torn

Oh

Oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah

These last few lines were barely a whisper. I look at Lisa and I just hold her hand while she composes herself.

"I'm sorry, I always end up crying during that song. I could of let you turn it off. I could of turned it off myself. But then this way you see the real me. Broken. Damaged. Destroyed. That smile you talk about its all fake you know. Deep down I'm to broken and damaged to be loved. So you should find someone that doesn't come with baggage. Someone who is more worthy than me. Don't waste your time wanting to be with me because I'm to much hard work" Lisa whispers yet she doesn't face me. But she also doesn't take her hands away from me.

"Your wrong. You maybe damaged in your eyes. You maybe broken in your eyes. To me your wonderful. Your amazing. You went through hard times but your fighting your way back in this life. Your doing so much for others without wanting anything for yourself. You give without wanting to receive anything. Yet you deserve to receive more than anyone else I know" I say and I don't let go of Lisa's hand.

"You must be tired. And it's unfair that I ruined your breakfast plans. You should take me home so you can go rest" Lisa says changing the subject.

"You didn't ruin anything. You showed me who you are. And I see who you are but your not scaring me off" I say as I bring Lisas hand to my mouth and gently place a kiss on her hand before I continue to hold her hand in mine.

Lisa looks at me shocked and I'm surpised she finally looked at me. Our eyes lock and I see so many emotions running through her eyes. Shock, maybe a little hope, sadness, pain.

"What did you say?" Lisa says.

I gently touch Lisas cheek "I said your not scaring me off" I say as our eyes don't leave each others. I swear Lisa held her breath briefly. And i see conflict in her eyes.

"If that's what your trying to do. I'm not running. I will stay here and accept all of you. I will stand by your side until your ready to stand on your own and say what you want. If you really want me to take you home I will. But I think you find it peaceful here watching the riverbank. I'm not tired and I find it peaceful so we can also stay a little longer if you want. Stop worry about me I'm fine. Tell me what do you want right now? Do you really want to go home?" I ask.

Lisa takes my hand that's gently touching her cheek still and she holds that hand as well as she looks out over the riverbank then back at me. She looks in my eyes as of searching for a answer then the riverbank again before turning back to me and saying "Your really not tired? Your not lieing to me are you?" she asks.

"I'm honestly not tired enough to go home yet" I say.

"Then a little longer to watch the the swans and ducks be carefree" Lisa says as she realises one of my hands and looks back at the riverbank.

"Then that's what we will do" I say.

"Thankyou" Lisa says.

"You don't have to thank me" I say.

LISA'S POV

"Lisa?" I hear while I feel someone rubbing my hand gently with there hand.

"Lisa" I hear again and I realise it's Chris's voice. I open my eyes and see Chris is looking at me smiling at me.

I look around and see we are outside my parents house. I have Chris black jacket he was wearing earlier covering me. My seat is slightly more back in the car. We are no longer at the riverbank. It's really sunny outside now.

"You feel asleep watching the ducks and swans so I let you sleep. But it's now 11:30am and I need some sleep myself. If I wasn't working tonight then I'd of stayed there all day until you woke up. I didn't want to wake you when you looked so peaceful" Chris says.

"I'm sorry" I say running my eyes.

"It's okay, don't be sorry" Chris says.

"But you must be exhausted yet I fell asleep on you" I say. Damn I feel asleep alone with Chris. I must really trust him and feel safe to do that I think to myself.

"I will be okay, will you be okay though?" Chris asks.

"Yes, don't worry about me I will be fine" Chris says smiling and I realise his hand is still resting on mine.

"Your to nice to me" I say placing my other hand on his as I offer a smile.

"I can live with that when you smile at me like that. It then makes letting you sleep worth it" Chris says.

"Don't crash and burn for me" I say as I sit up but maintaining the eye contact.

"I won't, don't worry I will be fine" Chris says.

"I should get inside, and let you go sleep. Thankyou for breakfast. And I'm sorry for being so low spirits this morning" I say feeling bad about it.

"Thankyou for joining me for breakfast. And I enjoyed spending time with you no matter your feelings. You were honest. I'd rather have honest over a fake smile any day. Good or bad" Chris says then he opens his door and walks around to my door. I watch his every step and I wonder how I haven't scared Chris off. I wonder how he is still being so nice to me. I wonder how he can look me in the eyes with out pity. I wonder why he still seems into me. I wonder why I still like him.

"let me help you out" Chris says holding his hand out for me as I undo the seat belt. I take his jacket off me and leave it on his seat. It reminds me he took care of me when he was tired himself. I look back at Chris and hold my hands out to him as he helps me get my balance on one leg getting out the car. Then Chris gently lifts me up and starts to carry me to my door.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"You just woke up and look tired still. I don't want you to fall. I will get your crutches in a moment" Chris says.

"Why do you care so much?" I ask.

"Because I care about people who deserve to be cared about. I care about you because your to nice. You don't see how amazing you are. But I see it. You hold the world on your shoulder, you stand on your own feet very independently. You find it hard to accept help. But I see through that. And I refuse to allow you to struggle" Chris says as he stops by the egg chair outside the front door. But he hasn't put me down yet he looking at me.

"your wrong, I can't stand on my own feet atm. I can only stand on one" I say as smile creeps on my face as I try not to laugh.

"Your right, therefore I don't mind lending my feet to help you get around until you can stand on both feet again" Chris says as his own smile I adore so much creeps on his own face and I can see amusement in his eyes.

"Are you going to put me down or stand here all day holding me when your ment to be sleeping" I ask.

"I could live with standing here all day, but your right I should put you down" Chris says without taking his eyes off me but he gently places me on the egg chair.

"Have breakfast with me again tomorrow?" Chris asks suddenly.

"I can't it's the start of the school holidays and I have Emma" I say.

"Why would that stop you? Bring Emma along as well" Chris says.

"Then breakfast shall be on me" I say.

"Deal" Chris says then he walks off to his car while I sit here thinking what just happened. Did I really just agree to breakfast again? After I ruined his breakfast this morning! Why Lisa I think to myself. Chris hurry back with my crutches.

"Do you want me to help you indoors?" Chris asks.

"No, I'm going to sit here for a whole and enjoy the sun" I say smiling at chris.

"Then I shall see you later. I promise to be by at some point with today's daily gift. And 8am okay for you and Emma tomorrow morning?" Chris ask.

"Yes, that's fine with us. And don't fret about the daily gift. Please go home sleep until your next shift. I can survive one day without a gift. I'd rather know you got some sleep" I say.

"Your see me before the day is out Lisa. I like seeing you. And it won't be to much for me. Until then have a good day" Chris says smiling.

"Have a good sleep" I reply then I watch as Chris walks back to his car. Before he opens the door he turns to look at me our eyes meet. And I swear I could lose myself in his eyes. There warm kind caring. Chris smiled and me and I wave then he gets into his car. He gets himself all set to drive off. But then he is looking down at his lap. I wonder what he is thinking. Why isn't he going yet?.

PING

I get my phone out and see its from Chris

Chris

Thanks for a lovely morning. Have a good day Lisa, and don't over think things just smile.

I can't help smiling and I look up to see Chris is looking at me while he smiles at me. I smile back as I wave then Chris drives off.

To Chris

Goodnight, sweet dreams Chris. Make sure you get home safe.

"Your back?" I hear my dad say and I didn't even realise he opened the door

"Yes, I haven't been back long" I say.

"Did you have fun?" my dad says

"We are just friends" I say as I look at my dad take a seat opposite me.

"You look dad what's wrong?" my dad says

"I think I really like Chris. And it scares me dad" I say.

"I quite like Chris as well. I think he would be a keeper. It's okay to be scared you know. It's okay to fall in love. And it's okay to be loved" my dad says.

"Don't you think it's to soon? I know I've known him a while in passing. But I feel like we are just getting to know each other. But I also feel safe around Chris. I feel excited, scared and nervous. He makes me want to break my own promise to never date or do relationships. I don't know what to do?" I say.

"Sometimes you know straight away. I think you should give him a chance love. Give him a chance to show you what he is about. Give him a chance to show you some happiness. I haven't got involved in trying to push you into something your not ready for. But what I do know is these past years although you have thought really hard to be happy. To move on you haven't been truely happy. You haven't smiled like you have these past few days when Chris has been around. Give him a chance love. I think he is good for you" my dad says then he stands up.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"To get ice cream. Then you can tell me all about your morning" my dad says.

"We had breakfast while we looked over the riverbank. We watched the duck and swans. I tried telling Chris I'm damaged good and he should not be bothered with me but he refused to accept that. He listened, he didn't judge. He let me sleep after sleep consumed me dispute he is tired myself. He was to nice to me. Why is that dad?" I ask.

" Because he likes you. And I can see he likes you and would treat you well. That's why I like Chris. That's why I hope you give him a chance to show you what I can already see in him" my dad says.

Then he goes indoors to grab us ice creams.

PING

Chris

I will sleep. And I will get home safe. Stop worrying. I will message you before I come over later. Enjoy your day

To Chris

Okay, I will stop worrying. And I will see you later. I don't think I can talk you out of the daily gift anyway. I look forward to seeing you after you have rested.

"Here you go" my dad says handing me a twister ice cream.

"Thanks dad" I say taking the ice cream from him.

"So when are you seeing Chris next?" my dad ask.

"Later today, he has to bring by the daily gift. I insisted he leaves it as he needs sleep but he insisted he promises to come by. I also agreed to breakfast with Emma as well tomorrow morning. I think I shall take jade as she comes back tonight. She can linger in the background" I say.

"That sounds nice. I hope you have fun. You shouldnt over think things. I know you you think to much. Just go with the flow and enjoy yourself. Trust me everything will be fine" my dad says.

"I will try" I say smiling.

"That's my girl" my dad says.

CHRIS POV

When I arrived home Nathan was already awake watching TV.

"Man I feel like we barely seen each other this week" Nathan says.

"That's because you slept loads" I say.

"Yeah well the sleeping tablets are under control. And the Councillor says after a few sessions she will realise me back to work" Nathan says

"Good because I need my partner back at work" I say.

"You need a women calling me your partner" Nathan says laughing.

"Don't go getting any ideas. Did you get lucky the other night?" I ask.

"Sure did. Her mate was totally into you. You missed out" Nathan says.

"I'm good. I have my eye on Lisa still" I say

"You been after her for months. Only the other day you said she wouldn't do relationships what's changed?" Nathan asks.

"I realised the best ones are worth waiting for and hell I'd walk over fire to not see her cry again. I'd wait a life time for her so long as she smiles" I say.

"What happened?" Nathan asks.

"She likes me she admitted it. But that women is so scared. She sure had a number done on her in the past. But I'm willing to wait my time to show her what real love is about" I say.

"You love her?" Nathan says.

"I like her a lot" I say.

"Nah, you have fallen for her. Man I hope it works out for you both" Nathan says

"Cheers. I'm going to bed I'm working tonight. Make sure I'm up at 4. I need to do the daily gift still before work" I say.

"Okay, go sleep you look knackered" Nathan says.

With that I head up to bed I didn't even underdressed I just collapsed on the bed and fell asleep pretty quickly.

I slept until Nathan came and woke me up. I still felt tired but I dragged myself out of bed to the shower. As the water poured over me I couldn't get Lisas sad face and tears out of my head when she sang that song. I still felt like my heart was breaking for her in this moment. I didn't even realise I had tears slipping down my face until I looked in the mirror. Damn this women really gets to me. Maybe Nathan is right maybe I have fallen in love with Lisa. Thats why I'm crying now I think to myself as I wipe the tears away. Get it together she doesn't want you to pity her. I don't want to pity Lisa. No i want to be her rock. I want to protect her with my life from anymore heart break. Pull yourself together Chris I tell myself. I will wait and I will bide my time until Lisa is ready then I will make her happy. Truely happy I vow to myself while I'm stood looking at myself in the mirror with determined eyes. I then quickly wash my body and hair before I get out the shower. I opt for black jeans and a white t-shirt before heading downstairs.

"I made steak and chips, it's the least I can do to make sure your fed before a night shift" Nathan says.

"Thanks" I say taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Who are you working with while I'm not in?" Nathan asks.

"It was Sarah the other night I'm with lance tonight" I say.

"That's not to bad then" Nathan says

"Nope, what's your plans this evening?" I ask.

"I have a date with that chick from the other night" Nathan says.

"More like hook up" I say laughing.

"You know it" Nathan says smiling

"Just make sure you wrap it. Im not ready to be a uncle to someone you don't love" I say.

"Oh I will, don't you worry about that. I'm to young to be a dad" Nathan says and we both laugh. We then eat our food while we just chat about random stuff to pass the time through the meal. After I finished eating I said my farewell before I headed off to the station. I was glad to see Nathan starting to come back to his normal self again. The sleeping tablets were now doing the right Job.

When I pulled up tot he station I hurried in to grab today's gift before I dashed out. Only for callum to stop me on my way out.

"What are you hurrying for?" he asks.

"I over slept and need to get the daily gift done for Lisa before tonight's shift" I say

"You fool! You should of slept longer. You look knackered. You can do it on shift as well you know. I told you anything you need just ask. Don't go making yourself ill. But I have been keep tabs on the soicla media front and things are really good. Everyone is loving Lisas updates. And it's getting big. You can have tomorrow night off. You need sleep. No arguing!" Callum says

" Thanks" I say

"Oh and you can do the desk duty tonight I don't want you falling asleep behind the wheel. Nipe not on my watch" Callum says

"Okay" I say but mentally groan. Desk duty is so boring I'd more than likey fall asleep there than behind the wheel I mentally think.

"Okay, off you go. Take as long as you need. Don't you hurry back here" Callum says

"Thanks" I say then I continue to my car.