Guarded heart

Chapter 14 Breakfast part 1

CHRIS POV

After I said bye to Lisa and her parents I headed to work and prayed I wasn't late. I was cutting it fine when I heard my phone vibrate on the passenger seat. I decided to wait until I reached work to check the message since I was far away at all. When I pulled up I saw I had 10 minutes until my shift started and I was glad time was on my hands. I quickly grabbed my phone and read the text as I hurried to the locker room.

Lisa

Breakfast just as friends right?

To Lisa

Yes, unless you want to call it date. You decide.

"Your with me tonight" Sarah says

"okay I just need to get changed" I say continuing Mt way to the locker.

I hurry into my uniform and I quickly check my phone before heading out.

Lisa

I don't do relationship you know that.

To lisa

I know, I also know you know that so why did you question it if you wasn't thinking about dating? Breakfast as friends or even as a date I don't mind you choose. But don't stress yourself out over it follow what your gut tells you.

Then I hurry to briefing room. Callum gave his run down to everyone and me and Sarah when put on town Dury with a few others. Being a Saturday night no doubt it would be busy. Sarah opted for driving which was fine by me. On the way to the patrol car I checked my phone.

Lisa

I will be ready for 8am. But I'm not deciding. You should off been more clearer when you asked me for breakfast. You can put that kind of pressure on a women

To Lisa

You hold all the cards though. Your wish shall be my command. Breakfast at 8am but weather its a date or not we shall find out when your ready to decide. Your the person who doesn't do relationships do only you can decide. Weather you want just friendship, a date or hell even try a relationship I'd be willing to try all with you. So you decide because you hold the cards.

"What's got you so distracted?" Sarah says

"Hmm?" I ask.

"oh god don't tell me you fallen for Lisa" Sarah saysn

"I don't know what your talking about" I say getting into the patrol car.

"You have, haven't you? I could tell with the picture that went up today" Sarah says.

"No, I'm just doing as I said plus Lisa doesn't do relationships" I say opening f*******: to see today's post.

It's a picture of me and Lisa looking at each other smiling as I help support her up. It's captioned thanks B&Q and Icelands for today's gift. I'm about yo have a lovely dinner. I'd also like to thank once again PC Walker. The wonderful Chris assembled the whole thing for me. Then helped me when I was feeling very tired and weak today. He became my personal crutch before he even got to his real job. Let's all be nice tonight. If you see PC Walker out and about be good and say hi.

I couldn't help smiling at the photo and the caption. So beautifully writtern and she is beautiful to look at as well I think to myself. Then I see Lisas text pop up

Lisa

I'm not ready to decide such things. Be safe at work. Have a good shift and I shall see you for breakfast. Goodnight

To Lisa

Then I shall not force you to choose. I will be safe don't worry about me. You have a good evening goodnight. Sweet dreams.

LISA POV

I've been on and off sleep all night. I just felt restless. Is it a date or not. He said its up to me yet he would force me. Damn it Lisa you don't date I mentally tell myself. But it's just a date it's not a relationship and I like Chris to dont I? I think to myself. Lisa you need to sleep I tell myself. I look at my phone again its just gone 3:30am.

To Chris

How's work going?

I laid in my bed wondering why I'm so torn. But I knew why I was torn. I was damaged goods and I let my family's words with Chris damn smile effect me. Now I'm here wondering mauve just maybe I could have a relationship. Ahh this is driving me insane.

I see my phone light up.

Chris

Work it's going good. Are you worrying about me? I told you I'd be safe and fine. Why are you not asleep?

To Chris

I wasnt worrying about you. I simply couldn't sleep and thought I'd see how your shift was going

I see my phone light up quickly

Chris

What's keeping you awake? We are actually on break at the moment so you choose a good time to message.

To Chris

I don't know I'm just having a restless night. How long does your break last?

Chris

You have me for roughly 15 minutes. Afterwards I can message as I get chances.

To Chris

Tell me, what do you do this time of morning on break.

Chris

I grab a drink and usually play a game on my phone except today I'm saved by you, I can have a conversation instead.

To Chris

Do you not talk with your colleagues?

Chris

Yes, I do but there not as interesting as you to talk to

To Chris

Really? So anyway where are we going for breakfast?

Chris

Yes really. Breakfast is a surprise mainly because I haven't fully decided yet. But don't worry food shall be involved for sure.

To Chris

So you ask me to breakfast without knowing where we are going.

Chris

Yes because no matter what breakfast ends up being I know it will be fun having breakfast with you.

To Chris

Are you flirting with me Chris? Because I'm not sure if you are or not. I'm out of practice in knowing if someone is flirting with me or not.

Chris

No, I was being truthful but if you want me to flirt with you then I shall. Do you want me to flirt with you Lisa?

To Chris

Do I want you to flirt with me? Do I want breakfast to be a date? I truthfully don't know what I want Chris. I don't do relationships but I'm layed awake debating that point of view of mine. So I do I want you to flirt with me? Do I want to go on a date with you? I don't have the the answers right now Chris.

Your due back at work soon. So have a good rest of your shift.

Chris

I will wait for you to be ready. I wasn't flirting. And breakfast is just breakfast. Don't stress over it, get some more sleep. Sweet dreams Lisa

CHRIS POV

The shift went by really slow since Lisa was messaging me a few hours ago. I'd showered at work and got changed. Part of me was hoping Lisa would say she wanted it to be a breakfast date. But I've decided Lisa can run this show. I like Lisa and I won't push her into anything she can take full control in what she wants. Of she wants to date I will be happy. I can tell she likes me just from the last few messages we shared. I suspected it before but know I know. Even if she doesn't know it herself she likes me. I will wait patiently u til she is ready to admit it to herself. I will do all she needs. Because to me Lisa has been the light that brought me joy with her smile for months when I walk into the cafe after bad shifts. She would smile at me and the stress would leave my body as her smile brightened up my day. The more I get to know her the more I really like Lisa. I want to be the person to bring light back into Lisas life. And I can wait a life time so long as its what Lisa wants. So long as I get to see her smile. I pull up to Lisas parents drive and I actually feel a little nervous myself. I decided breakfast was going to be going through the mcdonalds drive through then I'd pull up at a local park that over looked the Swan and duck near the river bank. That way it wouldn't feel like a date. But it was also peaceful. Plus that way Lisa didn't have to drain herself keep getting in and out the car. I walk up to the house and as I'm about to knock the door it opens. Lisa is stood before me in a baby blue strappy dress.

"I thought you hated dresses?" I ask.

"I do, but all my short are in the wash. Please don't remind me of this disgusting dress" Lisa says rolling her eyes.

"I think you look lovely. It's far from disgusting. Are you ready?" I ask.

"hang on two seconds" Lisa says and she hands me one crutch. I take it as she balances on the other one and takes a little strappy bag placing it over her neck to hang off her body. It was on the door handle the other side of the door. I couldn't help smiling at how Lisa is learn to tackle obstacles with the broken leg.

"Thanks" Lisa says as she holds her hand out for the crutch.

"Here take my arm, its probably more comfortable than the crutch" I say holding out my arm. Lisa links her arm with mine then says "It is, my hands are getting rough and sore from these crutches so I won't say no to ditching one crutch".

"Really?" I ask

"Yes" Lisa says showing me her hand quickly. I can see parts of the skin is starting to look sore and rough.

"Give me the other crutch. Let me help save your hands" I say.

"It's okay, I wasn't saying it to ask for more support. You must be tired after work" Lisa say.

"I know you didn't and I'm not tired. Let me help you" I say holding my handout for the other crutch.

"Okay, thankyou" Lisa says looking at me as she passes the other crutch over. I take both in one hand as I gently lift Lisa on my other side with my arm around her waist. Her arm grips mine and its cute because I wouldn't drop her. She is as light as feather after all. Her other arm wraps around my neck. I can tell she has showered this morning as she smells like soap still fresh and amazing. She has straighten her hair and it's down. Lisa has even applied light make up today and she just glows naturally.

"Did you manage to get anymore sleep?" I ask as I walk us to my car.

"Nope! I gave up at 5am and decided to get ready for the day" Lisa says.

"Your be tired this evening" I say

"I think your be more tired. A night shift. Breakfast with me. Didn't you say your working again tonight? Then your fit in the daily gift as well. Your crash and burn keep going on like this" Lisa says as I lean the crutches against the car so I can open the door.

"No, I won't. Trust me. Anyway I need to eat as well so breakfast was a must anyway" I say.

"Then make sure the daily gift matches up with food time before your night shift. You can join me for dinner just state the time and it shall be ready" Lisa says as I help her into the passenger seat.

I look down at Lisa while I hold one arm in the roof of the car. "Are you worrying about me?" I ask.

"Id worry about any of my friends the same. You need to rest and eat as well. What's the good in doing this daily gift to make me feel better if you crash and burn yourself out?" Lisa asks.

"I won't crash and burn. I promise. As for dinner I will be fine. I'm eatting at the fire station when I pick up your daily gift today. My dad will see to it I'm fed" I say smiling.

"Okay, but if your tired then don't fret about the daily gift. I can wing it in social media and you can rest" Lisa says.

"I will be by later that's a promise. Now stop worrying" I say as I close the door and walk around to the drivers seat.

I get into the car and Lisa is looking at me with serious eyes.

"What?" I ask amused.

"Just because you closed the door it doesn't mean end of topic" Lisa says.

"And just because your worried doesn't mean Im going to not stick to my word. Now show me your smile instead of your worried eyes because I'd much prefer that over breakfast. I will sleep better when I go home knowing you were smiling not worrying. You worry to much" I say then I strap myself in with the seat belt. I noticed Lisa did hers while I walked around to get into the car.

As I look back up from clipping in my seat belt I see Lisa has plastered this huge fake smile on her face in a mocking way. "Better?" she asks then maintains the smile. I can't help laughing.

"It's a start. However don't force it I want your natural smile it's more beautiful than faked" I say then I start the engine.

"I'm not beautiful, I think you need your eyes testing" Lisa says as she turns her head to look outside the passenger side window.

I take Lisas hand in mine. "look at me" I say. Lisa turns to look at me and I see a flicker of sadness cross her eyes.

"Your beautiful. Inside and out your beautiful don't ever forget that" I squeeze Lisas hand gently and she just stares at me thinking of what I've said. I decide its time to start our breakfast journey by pulling away.

"What's for breakfast?" Lisa says changing the subject.

"Nothing fancy, just mcdonalds drive through. I didn't want you thinking it was a date forced into you. So I figured mcdonalds was safe" I say.

"The drive though?" Lisa questions.

"Yeah it's okay we can pull up somewhere to eat. But I figured you wouldn't want to keep getting in and out the car. So I opted drive through. We can go in if you want though. You decide. Or we can go else where" I say

"Mcdonalds drive through is good with me" Lisa says.

"Okay, feel free to put the music or radio on" I say.

"I'm okay" Lisa says.

LISA'S POV

I don't know why but I was feeling nervous. My hands felt clammy and I swear my heart was going ten to the dozens. My mouth felt dry it was like I was on a date again but this wasn't a date. This was friends having breakfast. That's what I wanted isn't it? Chris wasn't forcing anything. Chris is only ever nice to me. I don't want to date or have a relationship so why was I feeling this now. Why was I disappointed this might not be a date. Get a grip Lisa I tell myself mentally. This is what you want. This is what you promised yourself years ago. You promised you wouldn't ever date or get into relationship again. It's safer that way, I can't get hurt that way. Emma wouldn't ever see me suffer that way. I only have to be a good mum and my life would be fulfilled. So why do I feel sad now? Why do I suddenly have a racing heart and clammy hands?.

"Are you okay?" Chris asks. I look at him and smile. "Yes, why?" I ask.

"You look lost in your thoughts far away" Chris says as we pull onto the mcdonalds drive through.

"I was just wondering if Emma was awake yet. If she is having a good time" I say.

"Emma is a lovely little girl. I bet your proud of her" Chris says.

"I am. I may not have much to be proud of in life but Emma I'm so proud of. She is my greatest unexpected achievement" I say as we get intrurrpeted by the bloke over the intercom. "Welcome to mcdonalds what can I get you?"

"one egg mcmiffin breakfast meal" Chris says before turning to me. "What would you like?" he asks.

"What drink would you like with that?" the bloke asks.

"sausage and egg mcmiffin breakfast meal with orange juice please" I say.

"bottle of water and a saugages and egg mcmiffin breakfast meal with orange juice please" Chris says

"Is that it or would you like anything else?" the bloke on the intercom says

"That's all please" Chris says then he turns to smile as me.

"Please go to the next drive through window for p*****t" the bloke on the intercom says. Chris then continues driving as he says.

"I'm not surpised Emma is your greatest achievement. From what I can see you can achieve anything you want. Just look at the cafe" he says as he pulls up to the next women. As the women says about p*****t I barely whisper under my breath "Your wrong, I failed" then I clasp my hands together and take a deep breath. I didn't even take in what was said between the mcdonalds worker and Chris but we were moving to the next window as Chris took my hand in his and said "What am I wrong about?".

Damn it he heard me. I thought I said it quiet enough just for myself to hear.

"My cafe is my second dream. My first dream career would mean I'd be working in hospital right now. So your wrong. I failed because I feared to much. I like my second choice career because I don't have to touch people. I don't have to come across men. I don't have to fear. I can hide behind a counter with bodyguards near by if need be. I can take down anyone after myself defence lessons but still I fear to work my dream job. So your wrong" I say.

"Miss its never to late to try again. I see your pain and sorrow but from what I hear your stronger than you believe in yourself" I look past Chris and see a bloke stood in the final window and damn it I hadn't noticed as I rallied off my thoughts. I smile weakly and he passes Chris our food. "Thanks and your right in your words" Chris says

"Have a nice day, and don't forget it's never to late to be happy" the bloke says.

"Have a good day yourself" I say then Chris passes me the food before he drives off.

"He is right you know. And I'm not going to act like I don't know details once I linked up the peaces. I figured it out. I don't blame you for changing career but you changed it around and still help people. Don't let it get you down. Plus that bloke is right it's never to late do to what you want in life. If you want to go back and study for first choice career do it. If not then at least don't beat yourself up over it" Chris says.

"Well this just turned into a serious conversation for casual breakfast" I say clutching the mcdonalds paper bag slightly tighter than I anticipated.

"We can talk about whatever you want to talk about" Chris says

"I don't want to start my day thinking about my past. Yet I find myself keep thinking back to it these past few days and I don't know why when I am wanting it to stay in the past. It haunts me from time to time and I suppose its just one of those times. I'm sorry for being in low spirits this morning. You wanted breakfast not to see me throw a pity party" I say

"Don't say sorry for how your feeling. Isn't friends ment to be there in good and bad times for there friends?" Chris says.

"True, but you do so much already since the car accident, I don't want to add more to you. I have great family and friends that can take the burden. So I should of added to you this morning" I say

"I'm honoured you told me. It means your starting to trust me and see me as a trustworthy friend. I don't see the down side I see the positive side of it" Chris says.

I look at Chris and he looks back at me as we pull up to a red light. Our eyes meet and I can see he means it within his eyes. There caring. Not the pity looking eyes I usually see. No i see a caring set of eyes looking back at me with determination behind them. But what is he determined to do? I wonder.

"Stop worrying about me. And just be yourself" Chris says then he turns his face back to the lights as there about to change.

"My friends and family keep telling me I shouldn't give up on love to be loved. They say I never actually experienced love and I should give someone a chance to show me what love is. They been telling me this alot this week and it keeps bringing me back to what happened. And I hate it. And now I'm dwelling on it as it keeps going round and round my head. I made myself promises that I wouldn't ever give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Yet I don't think they understand that" I say and I don't know why I'm telling Chris. But suddenly I feel like I need to just saying how it's getting to me.

"You just do what you want to do. You hold the cards to your own life. You run your own show. There right you shouldn't let past events hold you back in anything. But then it's easy to say that when it didn't happen to anyone else things happened to you. Therefore only you can decide what's best for you. I'm sure they only want what's best for you" Chris says

"I know. But what if there right? What happens when I start to doubt my own decisions? What happens then?" I ask.

"Then you rethink what you want and follow your gut and heart. But you only do what you want. Not what anyone else wants. You take your time and do as you want and need. I'm sure no matter what you want and decide everyone will support you no matter what" Chris says.

The car comes to a stop and I see we have pulled up to river bank where there are swans and ducks. I see there's a park and I also know where we are. I've often come here when I've felt lost and confused. Me and Emma have fed the ducks here often. And I was feel at peace watching the swans and ducks swimming care free.

"I like it here. I come here often" I say.

"Me to, it use to be my get away place after a bad shift until I stumbled across a lovely lady with the warmest smile" Chris says as I pass him the mcdonalds bag.

Chris takes out the food and hand me mine.

"You keep the hash brown I don't like them" I say taking my mcmuffin.

"You should of said" Chris says smiling.

"I forgot, I was distracted with my thoughts" I say.

"You like me and it scares you doesn't it?" Chris asks.

"I think your right" I say looking out at the swans and ducks swimming care free.

"I like you to. But I won't ask for more u less you want more" Chris says.

"I wish I was care free like the swans and ducks. Yet I've felt the world on my shoulders since still young. I had to grow up fast. I don't want to confuse you. I don't want to lead you on. But I also don't know what I want" I say.

"I've got all the time in the world while you figure it out. You don't have to fear me. You don't have to worry about me. I wont do anything you don't want" Chris says

"I know. I believe you. I don't know why but I do feel safe around you. I just fear things and I fear I won't ever overcome them" I say.

"I'm glad you feel safe and I can understand what you say. Now let's not fret on the unknown. Just enjoy breakfast with me" Chris says.