The Gamma´s Equinox

Chapter Four: Feeling Like A Failure

Maeve

Two days.

I had been two days since I found out that my mate, Elyes wasn´t dead as I had originally thought so. It had been two days since I last saw him in the middle of the battlefield before he vanished.

Two bloody days filled with silence at least on my part and raging emtions that were bubbling inside me like a lava ready to burst and burn everything in its way.

I felt emotional. The feelings were mixing inside me like two different opposites. I was excited, but scared at the same time. Happy, but sad. In love, but heartbroken.

I was missing him like crazy. People often said that you couldn´t miss something you never had. But then why was I feeling like part of my soul is not there with me. Why did my heart ache with every sigle beat? Why did my chest hurt with every breath? Why did I feel incomplete?

Did it even make sense?

I honestly didn´t know. It all happaned in such a fast way. One moment I was fighting the f*****g witch and the next the most intense and alluring scent of coffee and cinnamon filled my nostrils making me flatter in my steps. I looked around and searched for the way the scent was coming from until my eyes laid on him.

I could still remember the electric blue eyes as bright as a new day, but the look in them was what confused me the most. They were empty. Cold and void of any emotions.

I had always dreamt that when I would meet my mate for the first time it would be like in holywood film. Our eyes would meet and the mate bond would snap in place, making us both be in love with each other almost immediately. The other people would disappear, disolve into nothingness and I would be seeing just him. That honestly happened, the second part of my girly imagination unfortunately did not.

We would hug, kiss, mark and mate the same night. We would be having a mating ceremony and then live happily ever after. But instead I first thought my mate had died making me heartbroken and out of life, taking all the hope and faith from me. Just then I would find out he was alive giving me a hope that maybe my life was not entirely f****d and that the Moon Goddess actually cared for me.

Another catch, he was an enemy!

He was helping the rogues!

Yeah, I was pretty much f****d and back to where I was starting.

Alone and without a mate. Time for yet another depression to hit me.

I groaned as I ran my fingers through ym pale purple hair. My original colour was blond, but I liked to dye my hair a different crazy colours, recently I chose pale purple and I loved it. I laid down on my bed after a night full of dreams about my mate. Some of them were hot, some were sad to the point of breaking my heart again. I dreamt that he was rejecting me, ripping my heart and soul out of my body. I thought that believing my mate was dead was the worst pain I had ever experienced, but maybe it was not at all.

Even the thought of my mate rejecting me was making my heart squeeze painfully, crushing it in tight grip and essentially breaking it into thousand pieces like a glass of wine without a possibility to be put together ever again. So, yeah I was just fine. I laughed a little, more like hysterically as I was slowly but surely losing my f*****g mind here.

It made me realise that I felt the same way for the previous days. Empty, void, emotionless, completely dead inside. I was set on my revenge and nothing else. However, the moment I saw him, it all had changed.

The emotion I was pushing back came into surface bringing a massive wave and making me flatter in my step stopping all the fighting I was focusing on in my mind as I only had one goal now.

Get to my mate!

I wanted to leap into his arms, hug him close to me and kiss him senseless before we would disappear from here and I could have my way with him. The strong jaw covered by beard, the head full of curly and fiery deep red hair paired with piercing and electrifying blue eyes that were burning with fire that appeared behind the irises.

The combination was making my knees wobble and my focus slip for second before I saw a fireball heading my direction ready to burn me alive like a witch on stake.

Oh, what an irony!

My eyes were connected to his and I saw a shift in the electric blues of his before the fireball disappeared. Vanishing into the thin air it came from. The next part of the night was quite blurry for me. I remembered the attack on my Alpha and best friend Sawyer. I had also remebered the dreadful moment when he took the last breath and the life left him

In that moment when I felt the bond snap and the pain erupt inside my heart I knew I failed. I had failed as a warrior protecting my pack and my Alpha. I was distracted by my newly found mate and failed to realise the rogue attacking my Alpha.

The miracle happened afterwards, my Luna Violet was able to save her mate. She used some mojo witch power to bring him back to life. I had never saw anything like that before, the blue light made us all blind for a minuted before we were able to clearly see our Alpha was back and alive.

Maya was howling inside my head from the feeling of disappointing our leaders and loosing the sight of our mate. After the fight was over and Sawyer was brought back to life by his mate and a witch we returned back to the pack victorious, but without a pup.

The was another failure we all shared together. I was not able to look Dean in the eye before and now it was even worse. The feeling of failing filled me making my heart twitch painfully in my chest as if someone was slowly squeezing and squeezing brining me in the brick of losing my mind and breaking me.

I was literally hanging by a threat here!

I did not know what to do, but I knew I had to do something!

I had to find him!

The knock on my door sounded through the otherwise silent room and I was startled back to the presence. The thought disappearing like a stone in the water and dissolving like the waves. I got up from the bed and went to find out who it was. The scent of the person standing behind the door hit me like a ton of bricks and I immediately knew it was my Luna.

I held her in highest of regards, she was an amazing person, incredibly selfless and kind Luna, powerful and badass b***h of a witch. After seeing her save Sawyer´s life I was sure she was able to do anything she f*****g wanted.

She was a true miracle from the Moon Goddess herself.

I rolled out of the bed and went to open the door for her to come inside. It felt kind of like deja vu of her coming here to my room. Just a few days ago she came over here to find out what was wrong with me after visit to the Rising Sun coven.

"Hello Luna!" I greeted her more cheerfully than the first time around.

"Hello Maeve and please just Violet," she said to me smiling kindly as her smoky grey eyes shone with happiness.

I saw that she was caring a tray with the coffee, tea and Victoria´s sponge that was smelling deliciously making my mouth salivating. She had a new spark in her eyes and tehre was a little bit different scent coming from her. It was more sweet and sugary, but it could be just the sugar, cream and strawberry from the sponge.

I took the tray and went inside my room putting it down on the table near window seeing the sky was clouded with incoming rain in the air. The autumn had just started but the rainy season was definitely making an entrance.

"I am glad you are alright, Violet. I was scared of you." I told her with genuine smile.

"Thank you, I feel great." She exclaimed as something changed on her face as she sat on the chair against me. Her long black ahir were braided in french-styled braid with a couple of strands falling to her face. She was a beautiful woman with a little bit pointy nose and full lips that streched to even more prettier smile.

We were lucky to have her as our Luna.

"That´s good," I said to her my smile slipping from my lips as sadness came over me, "I wanted to apologise. It was my fault that Alpha got hurt. I got myself distracted and I have not noticed the rogue attacking the Alpha." I told her with my head held down in shame.

"What are you talking about?" she asked me with bewilderment.

"I mean, I got disturbed by an event that caused me to stop fighting the rogue and ..." I started to say, but got silent after I saw Violet holding her hand up as a gesture for me to shut up.

"Maeve, I know you think Sawyer getting hurt was your fault, but let me tell you. It is not." Violet told me with sweet voice as she pour me a cup of coffee and handed me a plate with sponge.

"It is. I was there with him, covering his back and I failed to do so." I admitted with shame in my vocie as Maya whimpered inside me remorseful of disappointing our Alpha and losing the sight of our mate at the same time.

It was very hard for her as our mate didn´t have a wolf. She would be connecting just with a human side, just like Sawyer did with Violet.

"You shouldn´t feel guilty, Maeve," Luna Violet told me with a gentle voice and kind smile on her face, "Sawyer and I are both alright." She tried to reassure me, but it was hard for me to let it go.

I was a Gamma, my duty was to guard and protect the Luna and I failed. She almost died saving my best friend and Alpha. All thanks to me, because my attention was solemly on my mate and I didn´t see the threat coming. I let my focus slip and it almost caused the whole pack.

"We are definitely not blaming you," Luna Violet continued to say drinking a little bit of a tea from the cup she was holding.

She didn´t need to I was already blaming myself. I wanted to get back in time and punch myslef.

"You might not, but I am." I said to her putting my head in my hands.

"What it was?" Violet asked interested.

"What was what?" I asked her back not understanding but then I did when I saw her eyebrows raise.

"Oh, I...I..." I started to say biting my lower lip, "You remember I learnt that my mate was dead, or at least disappeared?" I asked her seeing her nod in aknowledgement.

"Well, he might not be as dead as I have originally thought." I said to her running my hadn through my shorter pale purple hair.

"What are you trying to say?" Violet asked me moving closer to the edge of her seat as if to hear me better.

"I saw him. In the fight. He was there. Alive, in the flesh and blood." I exclaimed making her frown and tilt her head.

"Eyles," I whispered into the silence that was broken by a cup falling down on the ground breaking.