These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHARLIE

IT WAS ALREADY AFTERNOON when I decided to leave to take a walk for a bit and explore the streets to check if some store is hiring because I’d definitely bite that. Any job would do for me since I don’t want to terminate the savings that I have left although my body was demanding for rest. I have to get going. Apparently, I blocked Chloe’s number without feeling bad about it, I just feel like I need some time off from all her accusations and insults considering the incident that pushed me to leave Stinson’s household without formally approaching it, would surely cause her to go haywire since she cared about her reputation more than anything else and besides, it would be senseless to talk to her. I remembered how I was last night. Vulnerable, deteriorated, weak. And it’s unbelievable how I allowed myself to overspill on a guy I barely know.

I’m ashamed of myself.

This is the last thing that I don’t need. Igniting any relationship that may just cause destructive attachments even though I am sure as hell that it is not what he’s after. After all, Adam is a ravishing kind of guy, tall, lean, with a natural wavy hair and the eyes that seemingly seep in your soul, he’s probably with someone else. I don’t know, I know nothing that much about him and I already loathe myself due to basking in his company and the comfort it offered knowingly that I should be alone and learn to function by myself.  

When I reached the lounge, I could already see it being filled with several people who I assumed as college students that seemed to be just around my age. Some were just staying in the couch, and some were leaving the building to go to their classes where a university is just a few blocks away. The university wasn’t that prestigious but it was quite known mostly for engineering and architectural courses I haven’t heard that much of. Somehow, a pang of envy was shot through my chest after overhearing their conversations about their schedules and what to do after as I try not to let it consume me. However, I was beginning to think of the possibilities if I was actually able to begin my freshman year of college but if that occurred, my mother would be alive by now which is favorable for everyone but I’d be eventually forced in law school which is purely tormenting for me. I just can’t go for something that I don’t have the hearts for. 

I brushed my thoughts of and just exactly when I did, I saw Adam leaning on the counter of the reception where Thomas seemingly took place once again. I wonder where Julie went. Adam was dressed casually with a pair of jeans and sweater making him look really different compared with the way he looked in a corporate attire. He was chattering with Thomas, the maintenance guy as their voices sounded elated but not loud enough to cause noise. He eventually noticed me when I walked past him as I just gave him a timid smile and proceeded outside even when I’m quite unsure why I was avoiding him. I just feel bad for being so vulnerable in front of someone I barely know.

 Just as I was about to go farther, I heard footsteps behind me. Looking around, I saw Adam trying to catch up with me so I paused in anticipation but I was thinking if it would be better to avoid him. I didn’t reach that far that’s why it was easy for him to catch up with me.

“Hey,” Adam said with the daylight hitting his face causing his features to appear more vivid with the color of his eyes more enticing at this point. He was looking at me which made me remember the way he looked at me at the rooftop last night with so much concern and understanding that I feared the comfort it’s giving me.

 “Hey, uhh.” I trailed off “About last night, I- I’m sorry,” I stammered as I just panned my gaze to the ground.

“There’s nothing to worry about it Charlie,” He said. “Where are you headed by the way?” I was already walking as he was following through. The streets looked fine today, it wasn’t that clear but it has its usual appearance in which people of different kinds navigate their way to wherever they were headed. They were mostly people in corporate attires.

“I was thinking of taking a walk somewhere else and at the same time hope that I’ll find a hiring sign post anywhere,” I told him as I softly nodded. “I mean I could easily look for it online, but I guess I just wanted a breather and I don’t have that much credentials anyway,”

He mulled for a bit and replied, “This is a commercial area, so maybe you’d find something here, and also do you mind me coming with you?”

“No, not at all,” I told him although some part of me was hesitant to allow him to come with me in as much as I’m forcing myself to be alone but also deep down I could feel how I’m alright with his company and how unimaginable it is that I don’t feel any constraints upon telling him things about myself despite the conflict of whether I should or shouldn’t be telling it to him. I never had any good friend. We passed by a couple of blocks and stores that were mainly boutiques and bakeshops along with the faint sound of the wheels of the vehicles making contact on the road with the soft murmurs of the people along the way.

 “Where would you like to work if you had a chance to choose wherever you want to?” Adam asked with his eyes slowly observing the people around. His gaze was indeed piercing, as if he’s always in deep thought, processing things inside his head. His question spiked a sudden excitement in me as my mind instinctively rushed with the thoughts of my dreams before but at the same time it plummeted easily as soon as I remembered how tragic it turned to be.

“I don’t really know, honestly… do you think work should be something a person really loves doing? Something like, his or her passion?” I asked him since the question itself is conflicting.

“I think so,” Adam replied, but he was still thinking I could tell, by the way his eyebrows were furrowed subtly. “If people did follow their heart and believed with what they can do, perhaps work wouldn’t be as tedious as how it makes most people feel. You know, the endless cycle of waking up, and being enslaved with the standard shift, crappy workmates and going home feeling empty, if people did what generally makes them feel like less than a robot, no one would curse the goddamn world.  But sadly, others aren’t as privileged as those who managed to thrive so I can’t really advice that.” He elaborated. I find the way he thinks so fascinating, as if it stretches farther than what’s just socially acceptable.

“I hope life is not just limited to that,” I said.

“But if they had the chance, they should. It’s a perspective, a way to live.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to escape the pattern? But unfortunately, some dreams die early. And they just float in the sky like embers,” Indeed some dreams do. They become abandoned until they decompose themselves and just scatter around like dust.

“I don’t believe those dreams die, they just lie passive and gets ignited when one talks about it even when those dreams are never achieved.” The certainty on his voice was quite enthralling. We continued passing by the blocks which made me oblivious by what I was looking for due to the conversation but his occasional glances to the signage of the stores seemed assuring.

“Isn’t it lovely how dreams are so vast, and not compressed… They can be little but can be colossal as well. They can cultivate peace but can wreck a whole country. Like a seven-year-old child dreaming to land to the moon, or a middle aged woman to give birth to her first baby, or just anyone who dreams to have unlimited ice cream for a day. Fascinating enough,” I said. His lips curved into a soft smile that made him look less brooding.

“When I was seven, I dreamed to own a farmland with twenty-six barns that will shelter animals alphabetically,” he laughed making his eyes appear smaller, and it did make me laugh too.  

“Okay, that’s some crazy ass dream. I mean what if the animals from a certain alphabetical category doesn’t have the same habitat as the others? Say for example, a polar bear and a parrot?” I inquired, which made him chuckle slightly.

“That dream went dormant, okay? I didn’t know that much about habitats before, I was just a kid with a wild mind and I abandoned that thought after owning a zoology for kids book. I felt horrible.”

“Okay, you’re forgiven,” I jokingly told him. “About you question, hmm.”

“If I were to choose where I’d work despite my very pathetic credentials, maybe I’ll work as a writer or somewhere far from here, maybe as a teacher for the underprivileged children or a volunteer to whatever,”

“It’s sublime to feel needed isn’t it? And to genuinely feel like you are a part of this world fostering change,”

“But that dream died easily for me, since my parents never supported my endeavors even when I was a part of the editorial team during high school, they just thought of it being pointless and living the life in mediocrity.”

“And eventually, I didn’t fight for something that wouldn’t go anywhere,”