These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

WAKING UP THIS MORNING HIT DIFFERENTLY because Adam was sleeping next to me and I admit that I feel relieved that he was still here. Attachment hits hard when you both share something intimate. I took a moment to stare at him while he was still breathing steadily- in deep slumber, I lifted my hand and touched his cheek to memorize the intricate details of him- his scruffy hair, and his rough face and the sparse hair on his eyebrows. What a strange time to find you, I thought. Right exactly at the time where my world ended and began at the same time, even I’m still unsure what to call this. But I feel whole, even having him next to me right now. I wonder if he feels the same way as I do, as if I am seeing the tiniest glint of hope amidst the wreaking havoc.  I can still feel the lingering heaviness within me, from all of the moments I secretly cried when I remembered the whole process of my mother’s death. I’m still not over it up to now, but it feels different to have me with him right now. As if everything is bearable and permanent. It was still early in the morning, the light barely creeped in the window as I just basked in the coldness of the morning and just melted upon the view of him. I felt how curious I was on him. I want to know him way more than anyone else does, but at the same time he feels utterly familiar as if I knew him somewhere, in another time in another space. His eyes softly lifted, as I removed my hand feeling embarrassed; but he smiled to himself, took my hand and whispered with his gravelly voice. “It’s okay, you can let it stay there,” He placed my hand on his cheek, with his smile lingering for a while so I did let my hand rest on his cheek and swiped my thumb on his skin, despite the rough texture.

“Have you ever felt this way before?” I asked him in curiosity, his eyes still look tired at this point. I motioned my hands to touch his scruffy dark hair that was quite messy, softly running my fingers on it. He was still breathing steadily. “I did, but just one time. And after that, I mostly felt nothing,”

“You’re so full of mystery and secrets, Adam.” I softly laughed, and he smiled.  I just noticed that his dimples appear when he smiles. “I want to ask you, but I know you wouldn’t tell me either way,” I told him.

“Hmm,” he hummed, “If you want to know, I can tell you.”

“But would you?”

“It’s about a girl, I met on a getaway when I was nineteen. We were just on the sea, for about a week; seems like we had everything, but she was younger than me and mostly confused that’s why we didn’t press anything and it didn’t end well. After that everything became mundane for me… I still remember that in great detail up to now,” He said as he stared at the ceiling. I was fascinated with him telling me these things as I become more interested with his life, and what mostly happened before and I’m becoming more involved as he shared things about himself.

“Would you take her if you meet her again?” I asked, as he gazed at me and by this time he was the one who placed his palm on my cheek. His eyes are so beautiful.  “In another time, in another place, in another universe, I would.” His eyes seemed to glimmer with all sincerity upon saying that. “That sounds so lyrical,”

He smiled softly, and rubbed his face. “It is, but the world is too chaotic sometimes it holds no place for the things that are less than tormenting,”

“I like how you think,” I told him, because indeed it was lovely- the way he just speaks his mind without holding back. I wish I had that kind of courage.

“You like this rotten brain of mine?” He smirked, and it made me want to just smooth that smug smirk on his face.

“if that’s how you name it, then fine.” His hand then travelled on my lower back, inflicting an electric rush on my skin, I tried to keep calm and have my breaths remain steady. “Come closer,” He whispered and so I did move closer to him, with both of our proximity allowing me to feel his warm breath on my skin. “I do want you too, Charlie and I wish we can stay this way as long as we want to.”

“I wish we can too,” I sighed as I felt him press his lips on my forehead. We both smiled as I felt relieved that even up to this hour, I have him with me. We didn’t take that long on bed, as we both decided to have something to eat and I was glad that he would let me prepare something for him with his excitement plunging me further to fulfilment. Sometimes the smallest things in life are the most fulfilling ones. Adam was sitting on the stool in the kitchen, staring by the window as if he was watching some kind of film, I was stealing glances and I was glad that he did not notice. I honestly love the moment, as if for a while I had a new way of being although the anticipation of something bad that might happen never abandoned me. I just wanted to seize the moment with him.  I was cooking fried rice that had toppings in it, and some wonton soup; my parents have always loved Chinese food, and their love for it was kind of passed on me that’s why most of the ingredients I bought are good for Asian food and I also find it utterly warm to eat. We didn’t talk that much while I was cooking and I was slowly learning that there are really times where he had to pause and ruminate although I’d like to ask what’s going on his head.

However, it didn’t take me long enough to prepare as I placed the food on the small table. I was taken aback by how he suppressed a smile. “I hope you like this, I mean I’m not really good at this,” I felt my face heat up and I was feeling embarrassed for no reason at all.

“Are you kidding me, I haven’t had any home cooked food for a long time.” He said, and tasted the soup with dumplings that I made yesterday before I left for work. His eyes lit up and my heart fluttered. “This tastes so damn good, where did you learn this?”

I laughed, “Stop flattering me, okay. I learned this from my mom, like what I told you before she trained us so bad like we’re some kind of lab rats,” I retorted. I’d be glad to do this for him every day if this makes him happy.

“What a great lab rat you have become,” He chuckled and I found myself laughing too. “Oh God, stop it,” I said while laughing.

“Okay, fine. No more lab rats for you,” Once we have simmered down from our laughter we continued eating and he seemed to enjoy it like a little boy trying to shake off a bad day. I found myself staring at him, but he didn’t seem to notice. “How was work doing for you? I wish I was there when you had your first day,”

“Well, I think I’m still trying to adjust with the pace. But I was paid in advance for my first week, I don’t know for what reason, but I didn’t oppose.” I told him, and it was quite odd for me. Laura was indeed right about the weird system going on, but then she told me money is a good motivator so she just did that to motivate me more although I was doing well.

“You did a great job for sure, even when I wasn’t there. You should credit yourself more,” He said, as he took a sip of his coffee. I don’t even know if I did good and I’m never even used to crediting myself.  “Oh, it was just some kind of training, it’s not much,”

“But you still made it, right? After everything that happened,” Across the table, he held my hand which made my heart skipped a beat. Why does he know what I always want to hear?  

“You know what, we should get something memorable with that cash advance.” He suggested as I immediately thought what I could possibly get myself. I wasn’t that materialistic. “Oh, I don’t think I need one,”

“It’s a way of crediting yourself, c’mon,” Adam prodded as I took a time to contemplate, if I really should. I’m never really used to this, “You haven’t gotten yourself something ever since you got here,” He said and I found myself agreeing with him.

“Alright then,”