These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

EVERY MOMENT WITH HER FELT LIKE heaven and hell colliding both at the same time. Her presence brings me peace not just some kind of quick fix, but I feel whole for the first goddamn time, as if some void within me is filled. However, I couldn’t deny the lingering ache I feel on my chest that this moment is bound to end, sooner or later and I have no control on it, or even tell her. The thought of it occasionally visits my head as we both took a walk outside where the skies were once again gloomy, sending precautions that it might cause some trepidation again and it hits me, but I just try to forget it all. 

The streets were still busy even it was a weekend, same mundane view wherein people seemed to look like robots needing to accomplish certain tasks but I wasn’t immersed under the intricacies of the plain and draining image of this city; I was indeed drowning under the sight of her, with my stealthy glances. I wonder if she knows how ravishing she is despite her simplicity. Her hair wasn’t extremely shiny, it was braided with a green tie on the end, with a few strands escaping and dark circles was indeed evident under her eyes, but the way she’s so real with the transparency of those flaws make her look so beautiful as if I am in touch with the real world for the first time. Is this how falling in love feels like? It stirred my insides and I haven’t even fully recovered that I slept next to her last night; it’s as though it was something I didn’t know I need, as if I don’t need to deal with my f*****g father and his endless threats of pressing charges on me. I wish I had more control in my life. Who knows, I might just f*****g end up in jail.

Even the thought of losing Charlie was already painful to me. I’m attached and this is not f*****g good, but it feels like it.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know where we are headed and I can feel it by the way she clutched my forearm as we walk seemingly trying to know by intuition where we’re going. She’s adorable this way. I know exactly where to take her and I know she’ll like it, I know a record store a few blocks away with a listening room although it’s shutting down next week; perhaps it would be nice to listen to music with her and I’m certain that she’d like that.

“Where are we going?” She asked. At last, I was waiting for her to ask me that. “Where are we going?” I shot the question back to her which made her giggle. Oh God, I love hearing that. I’d love to pretend that we’re going to be this way for a long time.

“I asked you first,” Charlie said as I nodded. “We’re getting near, I just thought of taking you here. I hope you’ll like it but we still have to buy some kind of remembrance from your fruit of labor” She laughed upon the term I used, and after that we were just silently walking while patiently listening to the wheels of the vehicles making contact with the pavement, and the soft morning cacophony outside. Moments after, we reached the store and it didn’t take her long before she reacted. “I never knew there’s a record store around here!” she exclaimed and she sounded way too excited, just like how I wanted her to be. I really want to give her something good to remember amidst all her troubles. I want to make her smile. Charlie has been through a lot, even when I weren’t there, I knew where all of the heaviness is coming from. I am certain that I am no antidote, but maybe just one good thing will make a difference. As soon as we reached the small establishment, I led her inside the vintage themed store, the walls were painted cream and there were retro posters of the Beatles, Elvis Presley, The Rolling Stones and a jukebox. There were shelves that had vinyl records piled alphabetically and along the corner, there was a listening room that had two compartments.  although its theme was similar to a red British telephone booth. It was fascinating. Her eyes immediately widened upon the sight of the aesthetic place and I could tell it by the way she clutched my forearm.

“This is f*****g gem,” Charlie said as her eyes roamed around the room, “I didn’t even know that there’s a place like this here,” She said as she began to walk towards the shelves, checking out the vinyl records, I followed her and just observed her facial expressions making me love her even more, with the way she smiles and shows great interest with this,

“There’s a listening booth over there,” She looked over to where I pointed which caused more excitement to her. I love seeing her like this; it’s as though it was my own excitement as well. “We can try later when you’re done browsing,”

“I’d really love to,” She said as we both started browsing in the shelves, the man on the counter seemed so jaded, with his chin resting on his palm as he watched a few people roam around the place. He must be really done with his work, but this is going to shut down anyway. 

“You know, I really dreamt of existing during the fifties, I tend to obsess about their fashion style, music and even the movies… it seems so less problematic.” She said while browsing on the racks, I was trying to browse for some interesting record, but I was lost in the sight of her, yet I still try to keep up with the conversation.

“But war existed during those times with the prevalence of bigotry, discrimination and racism,” I told her, just trying to see how she would react. She didn’t argue.

“I know, but what time frame would even be better? There will always be chaos, and I’d rather be in a timeline wherein technology isn’t deteriorating the humankind that much,” She said.

“Do you think technology somewhat destroys human connections?”

She paused, and looked at me. “Of course it does, I often wonder if it’s me who thinks this way, but that kind of destruction is quite limited to the use of internet and social media, but apart from that…technology used in the medical field and other fields are quite okay,” I found myself smiling upon her remark.

“You see, my thoughts are quite scribbly and I’m not really spontaneous.  It’s just that, the social media, and the easy access to some things are sometimes, you know… causing brain fog, creating unnecessary dramas, stigma, fighting for what needs to be normalized, it’s chaos.”  She added.

“I understand what you’re trying to imply, I don’t even have an i********: account, I guess I can say that I’m a boomer myself,” I chuckled as she raised an eyebrow. “Even boomers have social media accounts,”

“Oh hey, I love this,” She tugged a record and it was an album of The Rolling Stones, ‘Stinky Fingers.’ “You love the rolling stones?”

“And many other bands from the same timeline,” She said, which fascinated me even more. It was rare for me to have someone who has the same music taste as mine.  “That’s interesting, it doesn’t show that much on the way you look,” I joked, as she raised her eyebrows once again, it was one of her features that looked best, it was so natural which emphasizes her beauty even more.

“Are you judging people’s music tastes by the way they look?”

“No, I’m not, okay? It’s just that most people I know who has that kind of taste somehow manifest through their personality,” I told her.

“Well, I don’t even know what kind of personality I have. I was confined early in the way they want me to be, never had the chance to express myself, and see what would I be like if I was pretty much liberated and as you can see, I’m pretty much average,” She said, holding the record on her arm.

“You are too beautiful to be average,” Her cheeks noticeably flushed upon my compliment. “Stop it,” She playfully smacked my arm.

“I’d really love to listen to this record,”

“I’d love to hear the story why you love that record,” I led her to the listening booth with my palm on her lower back.  The man at the counter didn’t even notice us passing by him. Inside the listening booth was a turntable, and more retro posters on the wall. She quietly observed them as I put the record on the player with my heart seemingly skipping a beat once I hear the intro of Wild horses, one of my most favorite songs.

“Oh, I really love that one,” Charlie spoke softly, almost toning down her voice to bask in the music.  I took a deep breath and tried to keep steady, I’ve never shared a moment like this with anyone at all and it makes me feel as though I am catching up with everything I thought I lost during my earlier years where life wasn’t that limited to paying bills and keeping up with expectations. 

Wild horses, couldn't drag me away.

I glanced at her, and she is still here but the tension between us was swelling up again. Instead of being eaten up with my own emotions and my thoughts I just held her hand as we both took the music within.