These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ADAM AND I DID NOT TAKE LONG to stroll in the streets after I found what I was looking for. We immediately walked back to the apartment complex for me to be able to revise my resume before submitting. I was just elated and excited about applying for this even though I haven’t roamed around the area of myself depreciating thoughts, I just prioritized my main objective which is to survive and avoid terminating my savings for the mean time. The rest can wash over me like a tidal wave on the latter part. I was glad I still had the laptop I used during my later years in high school and it wasn’t deteriorated yet; I wouldn’t know what to do. Apparently, as I browsed my folders I found myself looking at the files of me and Trevor, mostly photographs and videos as my heart still ached upon the sight of it even when we only dated for a year. It slightly felt lonely as soon as I started watching a couple of videos of us the majority of our senior year. Trevor was a lovely boy, with almost golden brown hair and honey brown eyes that stand out most of the time, I don’t even know how he landed to me and why he chose me and it was indeed difficult to fit in with him due to our differences as well. But despite that, I had a wonderful time with him and I won’t ever deny that. The memories that the photographs hold indeed made me long and feel nostalgic as it brought me back to the last time I saw him. He’s probably happier now, and more free. The thought of it was certainly lonely, but it hits differently now that I am being devoured by other things, starting a new life, getting accustomed in a new place, and needing to comply with myself with all the things I need to do for survival despite its pointlessness.  I found myself deleting the folder and just exhaled a deep breath.

The moment I planned to close my laptop, my phone vibrated on the coffee table. I opened it and saw a text message from Laura. ‘In case you haven’t checked your e-mail yet, please check your e-mail no matter what happens because I’m desperate. Thank you!’ I smiled upon her text message and how her character is so evident through those words even when we just met for a few minutes. I opened my e-mail discovering a response from her having my resume sent two hours ago. 

‘Hello, this is probably the most informal way to hire someone. You see I’m not a human resource manager and my role in the branch is still unknown but you can assume that I am hiring you because I am in dire need of a staff and I’m dying with all the work. I would be really really glad to see you on Monday, Ms. Winterwood. We can work this out.” –Laura W.

My initial feeling was suspicion, but I tried to resist it and just allow myself to be happy about this not even trying to consider my horrendous experience in the Lacour household. I just don’t want to think of last minute hiring as a dreadful curse so I’d definitely give this one a hit. One last hit and if this doesn’t turn out good, I don’t know what I’d even do. I wanted to tell Adam about this but timidity was starting to eat me up. But I eventually just allowed myself to try and go to his unit because I don’t have his number yet. Although this wasn’t my true nature, I broke it just for the sake of this day and to let myself feel okay with things. I pressed the doorbell once. Just once.  And if he doesn’t open up, I’m out. I’m just not very social. Fortunately, Adam opened up right away without further stressing me and I don’t know why my heart was pounding. Perhaps due to the reason that I don’t share that much to anyone at all.

“I got it.” I broke the silence as Adam was in anticipation of some kind of elaboration as he was still holding the door knob and leaning on the door frame. “The job,”

“Oh damn, really?” His eyes widened in surprise which kind of tugged my also making me feel excited. “What do I do? Should I panic? Should I be suspicious about it?” I realized I was now rushing the words but I sounded utterly vigorous notwithstanding the anxious inquiry. 

“I’ll ask about this later, but we can be suspicious about it tomorrow right? For now, this calls for a celebration.” He smiled. “A little celebration wouldn’t hurt, alright?” He smiled, and it looked so promising as if everything would just be as fine and the comfort it brought me was terrifying enough. We headed to the café a few floors down. Upon entering, the chalk board sign post had a different quote written on it again that says ‘I want someone to look at me the way he looks at chocolate cake. Catch our luscious chocolate cake truffles. You’ll forget how single you are.’  I find myself pausing, as Adam read to. We both laughed softly.

“I’m afraid to say that this but I’m starting to sense that this café has a personality,” I remarked as we both scanned the place for a good spot “Well, it’s the entirety of James’ personality,” Intuitively, we ended on a booth by the glass window that revealed the view of the setting sun where the colors pink and orange scattered vehemently on the sky. I found myself locking my eyes on it upon the exhilaration it brings. “Who is that James guy? I’m curious. “His eyes were now locked as well on the glass window.

“He’s a high school friend of mine, about two years ahead of me. We became friends due to being forced to attend a convention because of some detention and yes, he was innately funny… But he used to be a troubled guy though, almost didn’t finish high school. Got arrested multiple times, but look at him now… he comes by here every morning to check if the signs on the entrance are less boring.” Adam said. He tugged a napkin from the dispensed and rolled it into a ball.  

“He sounds like an interesting guy,” I commented.

“He really is, that’s why up to know I still see him and the reason why some staff here know me well. A quality friend.”

“Anyway, that’s not the point why we’re here and I’d like to really know how it happened, how you got the job, it’s really quick.”

“Well, she e-mailed me two hours after I sent my resume and told me that they’re in desperate need so I can assume that I’m hired and I’ll see her on Monday in the same establishment and I’m not sure if I should start the anxiety engine yet but I kind of feel happy about it.”

“That’s quite informal, but I do believe it happens in some businesses or some sort. Unorganized owners. But for now, I don’t want you to worry, worse comes to worst, you won’t deal with it alone. Okay?”

“Thank you, seriously. I barely get support from anyone at all.” I timidly said and found myself looking at my lap as soon as I felt his gaze pressed on me.

“It’s nothing… so do, grant me a favor to just allow yourself to be happy for a bit and to celebrate your survival. It’s more than anything.” I was taken aback with what he said. It sounded so new that I couldn’t exactly describe how it’s making me feel and if I even want to know about it. It’s making me nervous. All my life I’ve dealt with people who never cared about the words that slide off their mouths, and if I did there was always some catch and I don’t know how to protect myself either.

 Just for once. I want to free myself from the constraints of my thoughts.

Before I could even say something, the sound of the feedback of the microphone caught our attention as I noticed that the dancefloor was organized already for some band gig, where the instruments were settled on the center. The members were testing their instruments as the front man with crazy curly hair stood in the middle. People were already piling inside.

“Welcome to the ‘sun sets’” He air-quoted. He was keeping a straight face which was quite awkward but I believe it was part of the personality he was establishing. “I don’t like crappy and lengthy intro’s but we all know that we’re here for the music and not for some preaching, amen?” And then the small crowd simultaneously cheered. “Amen!” And then I heard the intro of Melt with you, a song from Modern English.

“Oh God,” He was smiling as his fingers tapped along with the beat of the song. “I f*****g love that song,” He said causing me to smile. “f**k, I love that song too.” He grinned.

“I know a spot,” He stood up as I followed and left the booth even we just sat here a couple of minutes ago. He held my wrist as he jostled past the people that were piled up which didn’t take him too much effort until we were in front where I could feel the music more, and its vibration. The music was loud from our proximity with the band, but it got my heart beating as though I am alive after being decayed for a long time.

“He insanely sounds like Robbie Grey!” I exclaimed hoping he would hear how fascinated I am despite the loud sound. “I know!” He laughed. I could feel how much this small moment was becoming an escape for me, and perhaps for him too. Adam’s kindness has been saving me for the past few days, but I know deep inside him there’s something that’s hiding underneath; The way he looked when I saw him for the first time held so much story and I still remember it up to now. At some point I want to know about it.

I glanced at him, and I still see the same trace of happiness from a while ago.

 It’s been a long time ever since I felt like this, feeling genuinely upbeat about something even when the definition of happiness is extremely vast and hollow. It’s been a while since I laughed like this and tried to take my mind off things for a while and just allow myself to melt in the moment. But even when I’m trying to recognize this feeling again, I know this won’t save me from the things I’m running away from.

CHAPTER NINETEEN