These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ADAM

AFTER TELLING HER THOSE WORDS the light that seemed to linger on her eyes while we were both laughing moments ago seemed to abandon her which got me thinking if I said the wrong things. Perhaps I reminded her of something, and it instinctively made me feel as though I shouldn’t have said it. She seemed to be in deep pain, considering how I saw her at the café- suppressing those tears in which her eyes had so much brokenness that it almost spilled all over the place. I wasn’t supposed to approach her, but my gut told me so which is the reason why I did. How come no one notices how much she suffers? Although I am not clearly knowledgeable of what she’s been carrying aside from starting from scrap, no university, no job and that guy named ‘Trevor’. I remembered it so well, in as much as ever since the day we met, I couldn’t stop thinking of her and how on earth, of all the people, after a few years, I’d meet her again in the apartment she’s supposed to be in. I’m sure she remembers nothing, which is better.

But I do remember it all.

“I wish I can just see things clearly,” Charlie paused as her chin was resting on her palm with her gaze fixated on the plate where the lone cupcake is placed. I didn’t respond and just waited for her to speak, it seemed like she wants to say something. “It’s hard to wake up and see no point of things,” She sounded so lost.

“It’s obnoxious how most of us are just enslaved of how horrid our days go,” I spoke and she looked even sadder at this time; my heart was beginning to race how I was swarmed by memories of her, memories that she surely does not know by now and I have no objective of reminding her but deep down inside, I’m wondering if she knew. Even for a bit.

 I wanted to keep her talking, but my phone was vibrating on my pocket indicating that I should go and face the person I have been dismissing for a long time now. I don’t want to go, to leave her yet, and there is no underlying romance, I just want to keep her company considering how vulnerable she looked and how much I want to understand that.

“I’m sorry, Charlie, but I have to go.” I spoke as her facial expression did not change at all, as if she was pretty much used to this. “You don’t have to apologize, I’m really thankful I had a nice conversation with you,” She tried to smile, as I exhaled a deep breath.

“I hope you had a less horrible birthday,”

“I did, Thanks to you.” She smiled, as I pushed back the chair and stood up. She led me to the door as we both sucked in a deep breath, “See you when I see you,” I told her. I didn’t wait for her to say something more a she just nodded and waved before closing the door.  I sighed as I walked to the hall and went straight to the stairs, I like taking this better than elevators, it gets my heart pumping as if I actually do feel something even in offices and besides, I was just five floors down.  I didn’t take a long time, I reached the floor where my unit was located where I would stay temporarily until I eventually make up my mind on the steps I’d make.

When I reached the door, there was Levi sitting on the floor, resting on the door with his legs stretched out. Upon the sight of me he groaned in exhaustion. “Sitting here for a long time kinda broke my tailbone,” Levi said. Levi was a college friend of mine wherein we mostly went to the same classes together and completed the internship in my father’s company, which was no thrill at all; I couldn’t say if my friendship with him is something sublime, perhaps he just filled a void to get me talking during my blank days but it was more like parasitism to me. He eventually takes from my cup as well, which is apparently, no big deal to me until he developed an unpleasant character that made me just want to steer away from him although my parents still believe that we are great friends.  He stood up and brushed the dust off the back of his black trousers as I fished for my keys inside my pocket.

“You know there’s a lounge downstairs right? And also there are cushion chairs over there,” I pointed at the end of the hallway, where there were cushion chairs and a small coffee table beside the small window. He didn’t look at it at all.

“I don’t even know what took you so long,” He complained.

“Can I not have a life?” The door creaked open, as we both entered my unit that doesn’t feel like home at all. I don’t even know what home is supposed to feel like. I just merely perceive houses, hotel rooms and apartment unit like a survival box which is also the reason why I have zero plans on unpacking or fixing my things here knowingly that I won’t stay here forever. I don’t know. I still have no idea; all I want is just want a better situation.

Levi casually propped himself on the couch as if he was more at home then I am and exhaled deeply; I loathe how much he changed just in a course of eight months after being employed by my own father wherein arrogance crept under his skin after constantly receiving positive reinforcements. “What do you want?”

“Chill, are we not friends anymore?” His demeanor was already getting under my skin, but I know I have to hold on and not let it get to me. I no longer want an irrational outburst.  “I was just sent here to convince you to just come home and make amends- “

“You’re just wasting your time if that’s what you are here for because I am sure as hell that I will not do that,” I cut him off and I hate how he was looking at me with pure nonchalance as if he predicted it well that this is how I’ll respond and I am only limited to this. It’s so deeply unnerving how someone puts a period on who you are just because of something you did that is abhorrent but justifiable.

“Why can’t you just shrug it off? To make things less dramatic? You just shut your world away from everyone else thinking that the problem will be solved itself.” He scoffed as it immediately boiled my insides to hear the remarks of someone who cannot completely comprehend what happened. How can someone be so biased? So blinded by the title and power they acquire from people, that they fail to see things objectively. I rubbed my face in frustration. 

“You clearly understand nothing,” I tried to tell him calmly but he seemed as though he kept enough motivation, is he getting paid for this? I can’t believe this.

“Passive aggression, I get it.” I crossed my arm and looked at him in disbelief. He wouldn’t even stop.

“Why? Is it because you’re seeing someone else?” He prodded and I somewhat felt guilty even though I am not dating or falling in love with Charlie. Her presence just hits differently, together with all those memories and the deep kind of familiarity.

“I am not seeing someone else,” I sneered as he just smirked smugly. “You’re just being defensive,”

“You know what, Levi? Just get the f**k out of here.” I told him which took him aback. “You heard it right,” I pointed towards the door in as much as this conversation is not helping me at all. It just ignited how deep and vehement my grudges were towards my family and unfortunately, him, the one who used to be a friend of mine.

“I just came here, now you’re shutting me down as well? That’s not fair.” He seethed. What is the definition of fairness in his lens? In my mind I could see how I would hit him but I was just holding back since it would just worsen the situation, but what I feel is too much and how I was spilling with so much grudge.

“Out now.” I emphasized, but he was still anticipating until I gave him a sharp gaze which made him stand up although I could sense that he was still waiting.

“Just get the f**k out!” I hollered. Loud enough for him to leave without further saying anything for I have no plans of coming back home. I was glad he didn’t slam the door or else I might gouge his eyes out. I sat on the couch and rested my forearms on my thighs, panting in frustration and restraint. I tried to breathe deeply but everything seemed so blurry than I ever imagined it woul