These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

And when it all gets to be too much; we must baptize ourselves in forgiveness so it washes out all the bitterness we have a hard time letting go of.”

-Kayil York

THE AROMA OF BREWED COFFEE roamed around the kitchen and apparently I didn’t have a coffee maker with me, so I just heated water and made use of the coffee press that my father brought in a vintage store as a souvenir for me when he traveled in France and it worked pretty well. I placed two mugs of coffee on the table as Adam smiled and thanked me upon my gesture. The plate of fortune cookies was still untouched at this point on the center and I hope they don’t go bad even when it was out in the open air for a couple of minutes. It was quiet inside my apartment, although the faint sound of the vehicles motioning outside was quite audible but it was tranquil enough to quiet my mind and with the presence of a friend as well. Adam folded his hand and looked directly at me as if some form of negotiation, as I laughed softly. “What now?”

“Are we not going to open these?” He looked utterly serious about the fortune cookies and the thought was fascinating enough for someone to look forward to small adorable things such as cracking a fortune cookie open and just read senseless things.

“Apparently, you are more excited than me aren’t you?” I commented, and he smiled upon my remark. The steam of the coffee was now escaping from the rim of the ceramic mugs that were in pastel colors, one had a print of a mermaid and has a cursive text that says ‘Mermaid at Heart’ and the other one was in pink with a text that says ‘*signs legal document with a glitter pen*. The aroma of the coffee itself excites me, and it never failed to do so, not even once.

“I hate how I can’t deny it at all. They’re like small presents for me, that’s why I got you those, in hopes that it would make you feel like actual presents. “

“I really appreciate these, really. And if you think fortune cookies don’t excite me, they do. It’s as though there’s some gossip in it. But I was kind of thinking how they get their ideas for the messages,”

“Hmm,” He hummed “They probably assign someone to type the message and print it, and that person has a vast way of thinking,” He explained as I laughed.

“I see,”

“Do the honors to c***k one,” I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.  “I shall go for what my gut feeling says so,”

“Gut feeling huh, I see you really are a witch.”

“No, I am not okay,” I protested and he was smirking. I picked the one that was on the right side of the plate.

“Yes you are, first, you were talking about candles and now you are talking about gut instincts, you are a witch and witches get burned.” His gaze was pressed on me upon insisting as if it was a serious matter.

“That doesn’t give enough justification, Witches are not limited to candles and gut instincts,” I said while cracking the fortune cookie.

“You laugh now, wait till you go home later.”  I read slowly.  “Apparently, this is my home but this is cruel and sad because I’m having a great time. “

“You’re having a great time?” He seemed taken aback by the though as we both smiled at each other momentarily. It was considerably strange to have a great moment like this with a person I just met for the second time around.

 “I am, and this is depressing.” I said and the smile on his face lingered, as if he was free from all the sorrow in the world although I know it lies underneath.

“Yeah, I’m having a great time too and unfortunately that applies for me, I really think.”

“And for class clowns too,” He added as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Oh yes, class clowns.

After sipping his coffee, he placed the mug on the table. I was so absorbed with the conversation I was still holding the cookie. “I remember way back middle school, I went to a private school and there was this guy called Chip- the school was pretty uptight with the rules and the teachers were pretty strict. Somehow, Chip managed to make everyone laugh every day and he was everyone’s best friend, people were kind to him but he always walked alone and declined any offer of company,”

“And so one day, some of the guys in my class decided to follow him and they found out that Chip doesn’t have parents, and he takes care of his extremely ill grandmother. “

“Oh, that’s so sad,” I commented.

“And he eventually disappeared in the middle of eighth grade, some say his grandmother died,”

“Do you know where he is right now?”

“Nobody knew, but he wasn’t forgotten eventually. But I hope he’s alright now, wherever he is.”

“I hope so too, even though sometimes… the predicament of a person doesn’t magically change overtime, it’s really sad isn’t it? But I hope he is okay,” I ate the cookie as the sweetness spread on my taste buds, it was really good especially when you have black coffee to complement the sugary taste.

“It’s my turn,”

“So, we’re taking turns…Alright, I’m catching up. Adam took a fortune cookie without further contemplation and broke it in half. He immediately pulled the small strip of paper.

“You will die alone, and dressed poorly.” He read as we both ended up laughing upon the comical phrase.

“Oh, okay. This is very cruel. This is not what I signed up for and it’s loaded with crap.” He rubbed his face in disbelief while suppressing a laugh, I noticed that his face gets red when he laughs and I’m not sure if I do too, but I hope he doesn’t notice it.

“Don’t you think that’s what it makes it utterly interesting? The silliness and all,” I told him.

 “Yes it does make it more interesting but that wasn’t my point why I bought those. And what does it actually mean to die alone, dressed poorly? The possibilities are endless.”

“I don’t know maybe dying at your own place by yourself and your body will be discovered after a year?” I responded, taking a sip of my coffee.

“What a horrible way to die…  But a year is too long, the body is fully decomposed by then, I don’t know.” He shrugged, chuckling.

“But what if you live in the mountains? Or somewhere uncivilized, it would probably make sense. “

“Okay, no point in arguing. I shall die alone and dressed poorly.” We both laughed once again as the realization suddenly hits me how obnoxious it would certainly be once I get alone with my thoughts again. But despite that thought, I also need to address how I should need to get by with myself even though my thoughts and the events that have toppled is quite my problem right now. His company is warm; I couldn’t help but enjoy it although no one is falling in love at this moment. We cracked a couple of fortune cookies and laughed at how peculiar the messages were but some were moving although the majority of it is plain crap. The person who prepared the message is surely a strange snarky one, with a good sense of humor. We didn’t notice that it was already quarter before midnight which made me confirm that time really is in the state of mind, longer when you suffer and shorter when you feel less alone. I cracked the last piece of fortune cookie leaving the cupcake on the center alone as he anticipated the message it contained. After pulling the small piece of paper, I read it quietly to myself first and felt how warm the message was before reading it to him out loud.

 “You don’t need strength to let go of something, you need understanding,”

 “This is nice,” I said, smiling softly although the thought of letting go was quite tedious and lonely but the thought gave a gentler approach.  He was still looking at me and I was relieved that I wasn’t uncomfortable with it.

“Does it remind you of something?”

“It’s probably the nicest thing I read today, even though it’s not really made for me.” I was still staring at the piece of paper.

“It is made for you, that’s why it found you on your exact birthday,” He said.

“I just never thought of things that way, I always believed that the reason why we can’t let go of things it’s because we’re too weak to do it ourselves but I guess all we need is a little understanding sometimes.” I explained, folding the piece of paper.

“Oh God, I hate this, I’m becoming sappy over a fortune cookie that gave me tons of crap minutes ago,” I tried to laugh it off but he seemed so fascinated upon the thought of it.

“And that’s totally okay, Fortune cookies apparently tend to have more substance, more wisdom and more fun crap than most people do.” And I apparently agree to what he just said since the world tends to be empty and cruel at times.

“Is there anything you need to let go right now?” He asked, curiously and placed his now empty mug.

“So many things I have to let go to be able to begin again,”

“Letting go is such a complex process isn’t it? Like the parts of it won’t usually conspire in the beginning but when you choose to like… make yourself okay with the entire process of it that’s where it actually makes sense,”

He sighed. “Apparently, it’s easy to say, but when you’re actually on the process everything seems so unfathomable.”