These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

CHARLIE

ADAM LEFT ME HIS NUMBER TWO DAYS AGO but I didn’t call or text him. I was expecting that I would see him anywhere or somewhere along, even when I know that I shouldn’t be hopeful of his presence. I just came from a breakup, I’m coping with a loss, I’m starting a new life and this is the last thing I don’t really need. But he was nowhere to be found, and in a span of two days I tried stopping by the floor of his unit, but I didn’t see him anywhere. I don’t want to call him. I don’t want to grow any kind of dependence. So I tried going on with my day, although I felt the threat the hid behind his voice telling me that he wouldn’t go anywhere. Of course, that’s too good to be true and I hated myself for believing it, even when I feel utterly confused on how I feel. It’s just that I genuinely haven’t felt this way, even with Trevor. Certainly, we shared a couple of moments together and he accompanied me through trying times but after that, he always made me feel guilty for having him take care of me and with that I always felt the need to justify how I feel for it to be even valid. The way Adam listened to me, and even had the chance to share his pain was something quite overwhelming in a way that I start believing the idea that people like him still exist.

 I don’t even know why I am having a comparison of them in my head when it’s definitely nothing at all. He’s just some guy I met. But I couldn’t get it out of my head, the way he kissed me. And now he seems to be gone. What a blurry circumstance.

It was a relief that Chloe did not call me and I don’t feel my conscience with everything that I told her because within me, I also know that she will never feel bad or contemplate about what she told me and wishing that I was dead instead of mom. I just tried not thinking about it.

Chloe and I used to be really close when I was younger because our age gap wasn’t that far. She used to share secrets with me from her feelings to all those boyfriends she sneaked out with since our parents were pretty uptight with us being in relationships which is also the reason why I mostly sneaked out with Trevor. Although our bond wasn’t that strong, she was a friend of mine who was pretty generous to me despite her feisty personality and being argumentative at all times until she began college where things drastically changed and it was something I didn’t mind at all since I never felt any place at home but I never knew she would lash out on me this much as if I literally killed our mother, and even when I expected her to be like this it still hurt in some way. She was still family to me after all and with all of these it makes me feel as if I don’t really have anyone else.

I sighed. It doesn’t matter. I’m on my own now and I have to be at least less mediocre when I meet Laura. This is the last chance I’m setting for myself.

I was feeling partly intimidated and partly timid as I stood by the Hobbit Hall establishment waiting for nothing, I took steady breaths and tried to feel my presence for a bit. I guess this is it. I still have troubles of being alone and dealing with situations not due to the fact that I clearly have no idea with what to do, but it was due to the fears that I might do something wrong or something threatening might happen to me. It has always been like this and the entire process is tiring. Soul-ripping, mind numbing experience. Even now that I am on my own, I can still hear my mother’s voice in my head each time I made mistakes with the tasks she asked me to do. ‘When I was at your age, I wasn’t like that. I was smart, and brilliant, now prove me that you are my child.’

‘If your sisters were able to do it, why can’t you?’ Same question I ask myself. My mother wasn’t really revolting at all times, although there were times I remembered a few moments but she sounded sharp, precise and judging like a strict professor with a threshold that cannot be crossed. She always managed to make me feel dumb and I still carry it up to now. I wonder when will I ever be free. I hope I don’t screw this.

I pushed the glass door as the bell above it rang the moment I entered. I’m not really good at this, considering the fact that my traumatic experience as a helper kind of thrashed me. I hope I don’t screw this up. Upon entering, I heard the sounds of heels clicking on the floor approaching me. I remained frozen on my tracks for a bit, sketching scenes in my mind on how to approach her. But I didn’t come up with anything at all and the next thing I knew, Laura was already in front me. She was wearing a tea green square pants and a cropped top with those Coachella inspired jewelry.

“I can’t believe you showed up!” Laura squealed, she sounded too excited as if she was dying to hug me. I never felt this welcome, so I just smiled to myself. “Of course, I would show up.” I said. She seriously got vibes like sunshine.

“I was quite worried that you wouldn’t, you see this job is quite going haywire for me,” Laura said, as she hooked her arm on mine as if we have been acquaintance for so long. It was quite surprising but I admit it made me feel warm at the very least.  “Come, I’ll take you to a tour for a bit, I mean there’s not much to see here, but yeah” We walked together as my eyes roamed around the room. The atmosphere was utterly relaxing although it’s strange how she runs this place. The shelves were in a wooden color which adds to the exquisite simplicity of the place, as I noticed the books were arranged by categories. It almost called to me.

“So basically, the owner of this branch is quite M.I.A which leaves me with everything and when I say everything, I mean everything… I sort the products, I do the inventory, I act as the cashier, and everything. And yes, that is possible. But I’m not going to pass the curse on you, okay?” Laura giggled at the end of the statement, I smiled upon finding her really chatty and social which makes me feel less uncomfortable.

“How did you end up here, anyway?” I asked her.

“Well, I worked in Spain for three years after getting a degree in Business Management and I came back here to take a break since I did not take any pauses… am I sharing too much of myself?” Laura laughed. We were just casually strolling on the shelves as I looked at the titles of the books; they were mostly familiar with me.

“No, you’re not, I’d love to listen,” I saw a book of V.C Andrews and pulled it from the shelf. “Oh no, I remember this book,” I said referring to flowers in the attic, and I was even more surprised when her eyes widened. “That book seriously broke my sanity as a thirteen-year-old girl,” We both laughed because we knew how this book terribly told a story about i****t yet I found myself continuously reading it. I put the book back on the shelf as we continued to walk.

“You were saying something, right?” I said

“Oh I almost became oblivious about it…  So the only break I had was about, three months. Generous amount of time, until my uncle who’s quite old gave me this offer and he asked me if I wanted to work as a part time staff here but when he saw how I worked and organized with my suggestive ideas, he dropped this to me” 

“I’m totally okay with this though, but the stress makes me so wordless,” Even with her saying this, she was smiling and her eyes are glowing. I think I’m quite admiring her already. “That’s really wonderful to hear, it seems like you had a zesty experience.” I commented, while glancing at her. Her gaze seemed to be so full of life. How fascinating it is to see someone like this.

“I like exciting things to be honest, I like ideas, I like creativity which makes me like this, Do things like this interest you?” She asked, but before I could speak, she continued talking. “Oh, I wasn’t being specific, here in Hobbit hall it’s like a bookstore…as you can see the shelves have books there, and there’s a rack with calligraphy needs and some cute tote bags,”

“And we sell coffee and some bread which is limited to bagels and croissants only. And once a week we organize mini events such as inviting writers, motivational speakers and about 25 people can sign up,” I nodded as I followed through the information she gave me.

“Wow, that’s quite a lot… but I like those things, honestly. I’ve always wanted to write,” I told her and it has always been one of the things I wanted to do. I always deemed myself and the way I think differently, not considering how deteriorated it is, I used to be so swarmed with many ideas as I continuously sketched scenes in my head and even wrote it on my journal years ago until my parents somehow assassinated that desire of mine and let the mundane pattern of life swallow me.

“That’s good then, I don’t really guarantee you all the best things such as a laidback job, although there’s no such thing as a laidback job, but if you have great interest on that you’ll pretty much survive until we get a proper cue from the boss,” She said, with her smile lingering on her face. How can a person manage to be this sunny?

“Thank you so much, Laura. I appreciate it all,”

“So talking about what you’re going to do here, You’ll be the cashier but you’ll be doing other things such as inventories while I keep the whole place together, and you can go all out on me, I can be your friend.”  

The remainder of my stay consisted of her showing me things inside the hall, and shared mostly about her life and how she craves so much for adventure and how free-spirited she is. I found it quite enthralling how this is possible even inside the workplace despite her statement about the system here being tangled. I never knew the possibility of this. I hope I’ll be fine.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE