Younger

Four

Light makeup lamang ang nilalagay ko sa aking mukha tuwing papasok sa eskwela. Binabash kasi pag makapal. Mukha daw kasing pokpok kahit hindi naman. Mga tao kasi, hindi nalang diretsahin na naiinggit ang dami-dami pang sinasabi.

Those vexed critics must prohibit them selves to shut up. Being an out-frank in a bullshit way won't make reasonable fixes so you could standout. It makes you look horrible trying to hurt someone who doesn't deserve to be treated that way.

Iyon nga lang, walang taong kayang umamin sa kanilang kinaiinggitan na naiinggit sila. People are hypocrite. Pumupuri sila ng iba ngunit may kasamang pangungutya, because that's their way of comforting themselves-- ang maghanap ng mali ng iba.

"Hindi ka po kakain?" Kulot worriedly asked me when she saw me hurriedly stepping down the stairs while combing my hair.

Late na ako. 8:30 na kasi nang magising ako. Saradong-sarado kasi ang mga kurtina sa aking kwarto kaya hindi ko na nakita ang sikat ng araw sa labas.

Umiling ako bilang tugon sa kaniya. I turned to the other maid. "Ate Nida, please call mang Natoy. Late na late na talaga ako!"

My panic signaled her to immediately call our family driver. At dahil rush hour na ay naabutan kami ng traffic. I literally spent my thirty minutes on my seat cursing these f*****g people's car. Ang pobre ng bansa natin and yet ang daming sasakyan? Goodness, philosophers, I want an elucidate explanation.

At exactly nine, nakarating ako ng school. And this No Id no entry, sucks. I wonder who implemented this policy. The guard even has to check my bag first before letting me pass! Does he thinks I'll bring with me a lethal weapon? For what? To kill the guard himself for wasting my minutes and patience? Ganoon ba iyon?

Umirap ako matapos niyang tusok-tusukin ang bag ko. I walked through the wide space. Hindi pa man ako nakararating sa gitna ay narinig kong tumunog iyong bell. Nagsilabasan ang mga estudyante.

Their hands are on the back of their heads and the teachers are guiding them to this way. I stepped back. Nasapo ko ang aking noo. Perks of being late. f**k, dahil sa pagmamadali ko ay nakalimutan kong may gaganapin palang earthquake drill ngayong araw.

I don't even know where in that crowd were my classmates. Or maybe I should just mimic what they're doing at makisingit na lamang sa kung kani-kaninong linya. But that's... improper.

I sighed. Nanatili na lamang ako sa gilid and busied my self checking the ants of students, hoping to see my belonged row.

Isang kamay ang kumalabit sa akin. Nilingon ko iyon. It was Nathaniel, my classmate. Mukhang kararating lang din nito.

"Mag-isa ka lang?"

I looked at my side. There's no one... I looked back at him, didn't bother answering. It is obvious na mag-isa ako. Why does he have to ask?

He scratched the back of his head and laughed at his own query. I stared at him, trying to figure out which part of that was funny. "Uhm, alam mo ba kung nasaan ang mga kaklase natin?"

I stared at him even more. He's asking stupid questions. And I do not entertain stupid people. Instead of answering, bumalik nalang muli ang aking tingin sa mga estudyante. Mas may sense siguro itong gagawin ko kaysa ang makipag-usap sa isang ito.

Unintentionally, I saw Clark running towards me. Nanliit ang mga mata ko. Aside from that frowning face, he's also wearing potter glasses and a red handkerchief tied around his head. Bagong porma nanaman niya siguro.

I shrugged, he nailed it anyway.

Tumigil siya sa aking harapan. Saglit niyang tinignan si Nathaniel, pagkatapos ay ako. His knotted brows are very evident. He doesn't look happy. Something's clogging his mood.

"Kararating mo lang?"

Tumango ako. I kept my eyes on the crowd, pero parang lumalabas na nakatitig lang ako roon. Hindi na ako makakapag hanap. I'm a bit, distracted.

"Mga kaklase mo?"

I'm annoyed with that question. But here, I have to answer this. Someone here is not in a good mood.

"I can't find them."

Suminghap siya at hinawakan ang aking kamay. He looks mad. Hindi na iyon maitago. But he gently dragged me to a row of students na sa tingin ko ay mga kaklase niya.

"Hindi ako pwede dito..." Nag-aalala kong sabi.

"Gusto mo ba do'n?" He was stern. Hindi siya nagtu-turo pero alam kong tinutukoy niya iyong kung saan ako nakatayo kanina.

"May sisita sa akin dito."

"Wala nga." He looks irritated already.

"May problema ba?"

"Wala. Pagkatapos nito, ihahatid kita sa room niyo."

"Kaya kong mag-isa." I hissed.

"Oo, e..." He said, sarcastically.

Napipikon na ako baka mapatulan ko ito kaya tumalikod nalang ako at humarap sa iniinstruct sa harap. I gritted my teeth. Akala ko si Justin lang ang may kakayahang bwesitin ang araw ko. Mayroon pa pala...

Maya-maya lamang ay narinig kong may kung anong pinagtatawanan na si Clark. Kumunot ang noo ko. Parang kanina lang, ang init ng ulo niya tas biglang ganiyan siya?

"Stay strong, ah!"

Pamilyar na sigaw iyon kaya napalingon ako. I caught that person on the act na may kung anong senesenyas kay Clark at tinuturo pa nga ako. Tumawa silang pareho. It was the guy who gave his flannel polo to Clark noong SKB Camp.

"Lagot ka!" Pahabol na sigaw pa nito.

Naiiling na tinakuran siya ni Clark. Mabilis akong bumaling sa harap bago pa man kami magkatinginan.

Later that day, after the drill, everyone flocked back to their respective classrooms. My girl classmate found me kaya hindi na ako hinatid ni Clark katulad ng sinabi niya. And even if he insisted, I'll scape. I must be indifferent.

"Ang galing niya talaga ano?" Anang aking katabi habang nakatingin sa reporter sa harap.

Nakikita ko ang lubos na pagkamangha sa kaniyang nga mata habang nakatingin sa nagsasalitang si Gicelle. Her were words and explanation were on point, I can't deny it. Magaling siya. Kaya nga ayaw ko sa kaniya. Sa tuwing siya ang nagsasalita, imbes na kutsain siya dahil napaka-nerd niya ay namamangha lamang ang aking mga kaklase at nirerespeto rin siya.

I also gain respect, but that is not because of my skill in school. They respect me for I am an Ignacio.

It's very unjust in my part. Dapat nakikita nila kung ano ako. Hindi iyong nakikita nila sa akin ang mga magulang ko. I am working hard. Kung ano-ano na ang sinasalihan kong patimpalak, extra curicular activities and I also have nice grades, but still. I'm just an underrated dust on their eyes.

Nai-insecure ako pag pinupuri siya. I never hated someone in my life this hard. Maybe I less hate her. Nangingibabawa parin sa akin ang inggit. At dahil tao ako, I'm hypocrite. Hinding-hindi ako aamin.

My eyes were like hawk habang pinagmamasdan siyang bumalik sa kaniyang upuan matapos siyang makapag-ulat. I can't help it. Sometimes I tend to be transparent. Sometimes I can veil the real I am feeling.

It depends. Depende kung kailangan o hindi ko na makontrol.

"Anyone here who would like to volunteer for Ms. Mabello?" Sabi ng aming teacher.

And no, I won't volunteer. Kapag sumali ako. Mas lalo lamang madedepina na lamang lang ako sa mukha. Hindi... I won't risk my pride.

"Ma'am, si Jehyla Recreene Ignacio raw ho!"

Nagsitindigan ang balahibo ko nang tawagin ako ng ilan sa aking mga kaklase sa aking kompletong pangalan. Mabilis akong umiling.

"Why don't you try Ms. Ignacio?"

Umiling akong muli. "I don't think that'll fit on my schedule po."

"Ah, sayang naman. Ang ganda mo, e..." Sabi ng aking katabi.

"Si Gicelle Petrin nalang kaya?"

Mabilis akong napatingin sa gawi doon sa nagsalita pagkatapos ay kay Gicelle. She looks calm and... indefferent about what's happening. Walang bakas ng pagiging sakim sa kompetisyon ang kaniyang mukha. Unlike me. Oh damn, I feel like I'm the b***h here.

"Wanna try it, Ms. Petrin?"

Everyone is urging her to say yes. Habang ako nama'y nag-aabang lamang sa isasagot niya.

And then, she nodded. f**k. Hatred ate me again for the nth time.

Nanuyo ang aking lalamunan. I decided to relieve my stress in the library. This is the less loved place of most of the students that's why I love being here. It's serene in here.

I picked an old thick book and sat on the edge of the library.

"Lala..." I almost shrieked when someone whispered on my ear.

"Ano ba!" Pabulong kong sabi.

He sat very close beside me. "Please, I just want us to talk."

"Vince, wala na tayo. Ano pa ba'ng gusto mo?" Binaba ko ang hawak na libro.

"I want you back. Mapag-uusapan pa natin ito. Hindi pwedeng maghiwalay nalang tayo ng ganoon. I love you!"

"Ayoko ng eskandalo, Vince. Umalis ka na lang pwede. Wala na tayong pag-uusapan." Nababagot kong sabi.

"No, Jehyla. Please listen to me- "

I cut him off.

"Ikaw ang aalis o ako?"

I heared the librian shhed. Napalakas ata ang boses ko.

His jaw clenched. "Okay..." He stood up. "We'll talk some other time."

I have a feeling he'll be insisting and insisting. Kilala ko siya. We've been together for a year already. Basang-basa ko na ang ugali niya. Pero ayoko na. Hindi na magwo-work kung ang isa sa amin ay nalanta na ang pagmamahal.

I fell out of love.

Madaling mawala ang tiwala ko sa isang tao. That's why... kaya siguro wala akong matawag na bestfriend sa buhay ko. Like dad, I'm a perfectionist. I judge secretly. I avoid people subtly. That's life. People's hands are like guns. That's how dirty we are.

"Jehyla,"

Ugh, new person to entertain.

"What are you doing here?" Nakakunot-noo kong tanong. Sa pagkakaalam ko ay library ito, hindi basketball court o skateboard ramp.

"I was..." Naglikot ang kaniyang mga mata. "Looking for that." He pointed the book I'm reading.

"This?" I tapped the book cover.

"Yep. But never mind. Binabasa mo kaya ayos lang. Aantayin nalang kita matapos. Can I sit?"

"Nakaupo ka na."

He smirked so sexy that I almost forgot he's years younger that me. I continued reading. He's really a distraction. Although he was silent while looking at me. He's still wearing potter glasses but took off the red handkerchief on his head causing his hair made messy. His thin red lips pouted.

And that's it. I'm really distracted.

"Wala ka ng pasok?" Tanong ko.

"Wala."

Napabuntong hininga ako.

"I like someone." Biglang sabi niya.

Napa-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. I gave him a so-what-look.

"I don't know how to kiss."

Natawa ako. "You dated girls. Wa'g mo akong pinaglololoko."

"I only dated them but I never kissed them."

"Shut up."

"Smack. But I want to learn passionate. I want to kiss her passionately. But, I can't do. I don't know how."

"You're bluffing." Paratang ko.

"Totoo..." He chewed his lips. "Bakit? Ikaw, hindi ka rin ba marunong humalik?"

"I do... know."

Hindi na ako inosente sa mga halikan. Vince and I shared wild kisses when we're still together. Ngunit hanggang doon lang iyon. I never allowed him touch me.

"Edi turuan mo ako." Nanghahamon ang kaniyang tingin.

Tumawa lamang ako ng peke. "Hindi kita papatulan."

I heared him silently cursed and grinned. "Hindi ka marunong, e."

"Ah, talaga."

"Kung hindi ka marunong. Madali naman akong kausap." Nagkibit balikat siya.

Suminghap ako at nagpalinga-linga sa paligid. We were covered by bookshelves and shelves away from the librarian and the students.

Umusog ako palapit sa kaniya. Nakita kong umuwang ng bahagya ang kaniyang labi, mukhang hindi niya inaasahang gagawin ko iyon. He looked at the distance of our chairs. Parang hindi pa siya kontento sa lapit namin. Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang gilid ng aking upuan at inusog pa ako palapit sa kaniya.

"Okay, teacher. I will be very attentive."

My heart's pounding so fast. Ang bawat isa sa amin ay nag-aantay kung sino ang mauuna. Kung ano ang susunod.

I've been kissed before but I was never been this nervous. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na hahalik ako sa hindi ko nobyo. He's my brother's bestfriend and he's younger. This feels like a sin.

He leaned closer. He wasn't closing his eyes. And so do I. The moment our lips touched, doon na ako unti-unting napapikit. Our lips didn't move for a while. Until he finally gave me one... two... three... four... five shallow and gentle smacks on the lips.

Dumilat ako. "Shh... tumutunog. Don't give me wet kisses."

"Okay..." He nodded. His eyes still fixed on my lips. He looked drunk and eyes' burning with desire.

Oh, God and law. Forgive me. I couldn't stop.

I held his nape to deppen our kiss but I was surprised when he did the same. His tougue flicked inside. It's invading mine. He's even slightly bitting my lower plump.

"Hmm..." I want to push him when I realized something. But I couldn't. He's so addicting that I couldn't stop or I'll regret. "Marunong ka..." I said as continued kissing back.

"Kasalanan mo iyan... Nagpauto ka." He said. He sounds out of breath and thirsty. He then carried my weight and made me sit on his lap.