Pregnant with the Bad Boy - Second Book

Chapter 10

It was morning when I hadn’t slept all night, staring out into the blank space before me that was my wall; it was white. I hated my life; every good part was gone, and if I thought I had done something clever trying to break things off with the man I loved… it wasn’t going great… Grant was gone, Dylan had another girlfriend, and I was a lone loser that believed the word of an eighteen-year-old playboy…. How couldn’t I get that he was keeping his options open? He told me right to my face that it wasn’t serious and…. Yeah, that was my fault too… just like everything else…...

I couldn’t cry when my inside felt carved out, and my mind was blank like I was just waiting for someone to come and save me, but nobody did this time.

My eyes blinked again, hearing Mom walking outside, knocking on my door when I didn’t answer, and calling Dad like she was worried that I had blacked out and faded away, but I hadn’t. I was still here and felt everything around me, hurt, shame, and disgust for myself still lying in my bed smelling of Liam, that had been having s*x with my sister in the bathroom last night, just as I had done with Dylan.

Mandy was right; everything was over now.

My hand was reaching over for my phone that was hidden underneath the pillow, making the light shine up the whole room when I was opening the messages of Marnie that she had been sending for so long, and I never cared. In some weird way, she was the only one who had ever shown any interest in my baby, my girl that wasn’t my parents feeling obligation, and my sister was annoyed. Grant's obsession or Dylan’s desperation, she was just happy. I wished I was more like that.

I had sent the first message when my door was being opened up; it had been locked when Mom and Dad were looking inside, their faces already stern and stressed out, expecting me to be out and having to take me back to the hospital the second they had unlocked my door with the keys from the hallway.

“I’m coming; let me just use the bathroom….” I wasn’t screaming or even trying to sound angry; I just wanted them to leave when Mom was about to say something before being stopped by Dad’s hand on her shoulder; he was happy I was up and speaking and didn’t want to push further, not like she did.

“Okay, that’s good; breakfast downstairs….” Dad was taking Mom back when she didn’t like this, not one second of leaving me alone in the dark even if I was speaking and having my phone out, still writing back to Marnie and not caring about breakfast; that was not my end goal.

I frowned, walking inside the bathroom and turning on the shower, feeling the heat washing over me when I closed my eyes, Lilly kicked again when I washed my hair faster than I needed, wanting to pretend what I had heard yesterday never happened and just wanted to get out turning off the water and taking on of moms perfect fluffy towels and scowling at my own image, I looked like crap being heavily pregnant, no wonder Liam had f****d Mandy, she was still hot compared to me…

I sighed and got dressed, hating that I had to go downstairs and pretend I didn’t hear what happened; I was not telling anyone. Nope.

Everyone else had already started to eat when I was taking the last few steps inside the kitchen, hair still wet, and seeing the spot beside Dad that was the only one free when Mandy and Liam were sitting together on the other side when I sat down slowly not saying a word when Mom got up and served me the plate of egg that I didn’t want.

“Eat.” Mom was not giving me any choice when Dad gave me a nod to do what she said to my suffering; I hated this.

“Good morning….” I was eating slowly, seeing Liam look at me like he didn’t just f**k my sister last night, well that was just great, wasn’t it, him sitting here and pretending to give a s**t when he didn’t, and I was not going to be the second choice to him being bored if Mandy wasn’t available, no way!

“Sure…” I didn’t say more with my eyes down, eating more and wanting to gag when Mom looked happier. Dad was smiling like this was some big deal, me eating some damn eggs in the morning or whatever it was… who cared…

“Oh god, I’m so tired; why are we up so early anyway? Is it Saturday?” Mandy was complaining, tilting her head and looking at Liam, smiling back at her, making me want to spit out the eggs in my mouth more; they disgusted me, looking so damn happy; I wasn’t happy with anything!

“I bet you are…” I couldn’t help the snide comment that followed with a scoff before drinking almost all the water and wanting to leave, knowing that I probably wasn’t allowed until my plate was empty.

“Whatever, Liam… you want my plate? I’m stuffed….” Mandy was shoving over her food left when she had eaten half of what she liked and gave the rest to the guy before me like he was some stray she cared for; how nice!

“How cute, just like a little doggy; I hope he is fixed….” I smirked at Mandy’s face that lost her smile when she had shuffled over her food on Liam, that had looked happy when I didn’t care, let him see the real me, a b***h that was selfish and didn’t care for anyone’s feelings, just like he didn’t care for mine when he f****d my sister!

“Jennifer!” Mom was gawking at my rudeness when I didn’t care, giving me a look that she was ashamed of my behavior; what else was new?? She was just happy. Her favorite was sitting beside her new boyfriend and having the best f*****g time of her life when I was supposed to be miserable and alone!

“Where are you going? You’re not done eating??” Mom wasn’t letting me go when I got up, my hands still on the table, staring down at Liam, who seemed ashamed to the point that he couldn’t even look me in the eyes; good! He could burn and take my sister along like the w***e she was!

“I don’t care, and if I want to f*****g starve to death, then you have one less problem to deal with, Mom!” I switched my eyes to my shocked mother, who was still unsure where my anger was coming from, like I hadn’t been angry for so long!

“What is wrong with you??” Mom was scowling when the words were sipping inside my chest, wanting me to start screaming over everything wrong with me!

“Everything, according to you! I can’t do anything, and I can’t find anyone good enough, not even a billionaire that loves me!” I was screaming when Dad got up, taking hold of my arms like I had another panic attack again; I wasn’t! I just never wanted to stay in this house, and they all were the reason for it!

“I hate you, all of you! I hate you so much, and I hate you the most, you little backstabbing b***h! getting anything you point your fingers at!” Dad was still holding my arms when I was panting, screaming at Mandy, that hadn’t said a word; she knew I was right; what the hell had I gotten that she was just walking away with everything! It wasn’t fair, and now she had Liam too!

I was yanking back my arms, still panting, when Dad let me go, looking like he was just as upset but didn’t want to scream, not when Mandy had started to cry, and I hated her even more; I didn’t care, let her cry her eyes out, same as me!

“Jennifer, just…. leave….” Mom wasn’t asking when I was happy to oblige seeing her coming to Mandy's side; that was bawling her eyes out even more like I gave a damn! She could rot in hell, and I would laugh at her burning!

“Sure, sure, let's just toss me out again! it’s not like it’s the first time, and why don’t you get her another car, and spend money f*****g left and right that she didn’t earn!” I was still screaming when I took the first step back, still boiling from the rage that would make me explode if I didn’t get it out; I didn’t care about the fallout anymore!

“that’s none of your business on how we share the money; you didn’t earn anything either!” Mom was holding Mandy that was pressed against her chest like a baby when I smirked; oh yeah, she didn’t earn anything either, just a stupid housewife dependent on her husband!

“We?? oh please, Dad makes money, and you do whatever you want with them, spending them on things you want; I never asked for anything!” I was looking at Dad now, wanting support; he knew I was right, and still, he didn’t say a word; what?? Was he a goddamn coward suddenly?!

“I raised you, and that wasn’t easy….” Mom was mumbling it inside Mandy’s hair when my heart felt frozen; she said what? I was f*****g hard to raise?? She acted insane on me, wanting me to become someone I wasn’t!

“I’m so f*****g sorry you got stuck with me being so difficult to have; we can fix that! I can leave and never return, and you can have one perfect daughter!” I had had enough of screaming and not caring. My eyes were flooding like they had been since this started, I was going to leave, and this time, it would be for good!

“Don’t even start that s**t with me, and go where?? Dylan is in jail still, and Grant is gone; you are alone and stuck here with us, the same as we are with you!” Mom’s eyes were stern when I stumbled back; she was serious, and it was killing me that she could just say something and hurt me more than any guy could do; she was supposed to be my parent!

“I can’t let you go, Jenni; I told you that….” Dad was saying it seriously when I didn’t want to hear them talking anymore, so I was a prisoner; I would have been better off dead than stuck in this house!

I snarled, not knowing what to say anymore, seeing Mom’s eyes when she scoffed like she was sick of me, and she was! I bet she could wish I never was born and had the precious baby she had when I was only trouble!

“Let’s go… get some air…” Dad was dragging me when I didn’t struggle this time, I hadn’t looked at Liam once when he was still looking like he had no idea what happened, and I was acting insane and not him for screwing my stupid sister!

“Okay… so…. Calm down… just… calm…” Dad was trying to get me to do some stupid breathing exercise when I didn’t care, taking deep breaths and feeling like I was about to pass out; what the hell had happened inside?! I stared back at Dad standing behind me like he was just waiting for it to happen, me collapsing on the porch around this stupid house!

“Did you hear what she just said to me? She said I was f*****g difficult to raise; do you think so too??” Dad was sighing like he didn’t want to answer. That made me feel worse, so he thought so too… great, that’s why no man wanted me, too difficult…. I cried louder, feeling sorrier for myself since that’s all I was good at.

“I don’t know what it was like to raise you…. Jennifer, I wasn’t even here, and you know it…” Dad looked ashamed when I didn’t care, so he could tell me that now?? I wanted to start clapping at his stupid chivalry like it mattered what he said; he was always on Mom's side since he came back!

“…and… it's not like I have that much time; I’m either on some job or back with Levi; I miss him so bad…. you have no idea how hard it is to wake up and not hear him; I miss my son and can’t even say his name….” I turned around, seeing Dad looking destroyed suddenly when he spoke of Levi, to my hurt and jealousy. He was right; I wasn’t his child, not like that, not like he was thinking of Levi, wanting to leave just to see him sleep; he never did that for me.

“I’m going to move back to Oklahoma…” Dad sounded like he finally had decided, standing here with me crying and screaming on the porch, like he was just as sick of being here, same as me.

“Please, take me with you…” I was begging him, still leaning on the railing, wanting to turn back time and never meet that son of a b***h that had knocked me up, and manipulated me to think that we had something real; it wasn’t, just me being stupid and naïve, a stupid silly girl with a crush on the town’s bad boy….

“I’m sorry, I can’t…” he said it like he really would, but he didn’t want more drama, and Linda would never let me inside her home ever again, no matter what happened.

“Okay…...” I sat down on the railing, not knowing what to do anymore, Dad was leaving, and he wasn’t going to help me anymore, be some kind of defense against Mom; my life was going to be worse from now on, and when she would start to drink after he was gone… oh god I was already feeling myself wanting to run away from everything that I knew was going to happen.

Dad didn’t come closer or try to hug me or even say anything when I was feeling more dead than alive seeing the tall man that was my father look like he had given up on life, same as me.

“Just leave then; it’s not going to be any better when you’re gone; she is still going to drink every day and curse at me for being born….” I snickered, feeling my tears again; that was it then; I was stuck with my mom, semi-drunk, and my sister, who had stolen everything from me; oh, and Liam….

“I’m sorry…. I am…” Dad was saying it like he had woken up from my words; he didn’t know what it was like when he was gone. Did he think that Mom was better because of that he left? She hated life, and she hated him for leaving her every day.

“Yeah… “I didn’t say anything more when he started to walk down the stairs, not even turning around to say goodbye and grab his stuff, and I didn’t blame him; I envied him for having a completely different life that was waiting for him, and in that one, he was happy.

“Bye, Ed…” I whispered it, seeing Dad enter his truck and drive the small circle to get out of the oversized driveway, leaving me behind in the dust, just like he had been doing since the day I was born.