Pregnant with the Bad Boy - Second Book

” Crap….” just lying on the side sucked when I moved the slightest, feeling the hard kicks of my baby, my girl that was being born soon, and now here I was. Right back where I started. In my bedroom, with mom and dad and Mandy across the hallway. I closed my eyes again. I have been here for two weeks, after…. Everything…. My heart was still hurting after what happened…. Grant…. Just when I thought that I was getting my happily ever after…. I just ruined everything like I used to…. I was playing with the phone that was confiscated from Mandy. She was still angry about that part, dad taking it so that I could speak to Dylan, plead him to talk to me again… if that ever would happen…. I mean, I got it…. I cheated on him… but he wasn’t that innocent either; this was not just my fault. The sound of moms steps on the stairs told me that it was morning, or at least I was giving up on sleeping, seeing that I had been up all night more or less, just thinking, not getting anywhere like I never did when I took the first steps on the familiar floorboards, I knew every creek and nook in here, I was always thought that I was stuck here, but right now I had never felt better, being home… just… tired of the drama that was surrounding me and of my own making and I knew it. I walked slowly down the stairs, just trying not to draw more attention to myself; when I came down to the kitchen and mom was eating, she was definitely feeling the whole pregnancy thing; that was still weird in my eyes. It just was. I was happy for her, but she and I having a baby just a year apart was still weird when our eyes met over the kitchen island. She made a smile stuffing the banana inside her pretty mouth. Oh god, she could stuff her face and still look flawless, unlike me; that was a walking whale, a boat, a truck. “Morning…...” she made another smile when I just made scoffed…. Yeah sure…. She made an even slyer smile when I sat down, heavy, and just wanted to get this over with; when the hell was this baby supposed to come out anyway? I was sick of walking around, not waddling like I needed a car with a big sign that said big load ahead when I walked over the floor. “So…. Jennifer…. I was thinking…. And don’t hate it before you hear me out….” She was looking at me like it was something she would love. I was going to hate when I took the water glass she served me and the bottle of pills, not missing a beat of me taking one and getting scrutinized the entire moment before the pill went down. I showed her my tongue, and she smiled when she snatched the bottle away with my anti-depression like she didn’t trust me not to flush them down the toilet or not take them. I was not trusted in this house; the worst part was that I didn’t even care that much anymore. I knew that they didn’t. mom and dad didn’t trust me with anything anymore…maybe it just was for the best…. I was going to be a crappy mom anyway… always just thinking of myself and ruining people’s life’s around me… f**k… “I was thinking we should do something, have some kind of baby shower….” I looked up at her frowning. Was she kidding me? a f*****g baby shower? How was I going to show up to that? I was hated in this town after what happened with Dylan… and that fucker…. I didn’t want to say his name, and I sure as hell didn’t want any baby shower where I had to pretend that everyone around me was not just there to stare at me. See the poor stupid crazy girl that had screwed over poor Dylan Hopper, the hot criminal with an alcoholic billionaire that just loved me because I was a creepy clone of his dead younger wife. “No.” I just said that sternly when mom's smile faded away from her face for a second before it got up again. She was happy now that dad was back and they were going to have another baby, her second chance when I was on my third one and had screwed that one up already. Had my arms crossed over the huge belly that didn’t fit the rest of my body. I looked like a freak. “Just hear me out. I’m not saying that we are going to be all crazy and invite the entire Perryville, just some of the people around us, maybe that friend you had, the younger one?” she smiled, even more when I made a surprised face was she asking me to invite Liam? How the hell did she even know about him? I made a heavy sigh feeling my feet that were swollen and heavy. Well, if he came, he wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore. I was a monster. “So that means people you know from church that are just going to be there to stare at me?” she dropped her smile all that way this time like she didn’t understand all of the sudden that I didn’t want to do that, I just didn’t. “Yeah… I mean, yes, there will be a few people over from church, but so what? Honey… this is still Perryville, and people will talk and look anyway. Why don’t we let them do it here where we can control it instead of being attacked in town? You are going to hate that even more.” She made a sly smile again that I hated. She was right. Just like always. s**t. “Fine.” I had my arms crossed, showing my obvious hate for all this. Why did she sound so damn smart on me whenever she wanted something, it was annoying as hell. “Great! Because I already did some calls, and I was thinking maybe this weekend? That’s plenty of time to get this place to its old glory days….” When I stared at her, she made a chuckle, not a giggle like she was Mandy. Okay, she was so going crazy after dad got back. It wasn’t bad; it just was different. “mom.… I'm hungry….” I looked at her when she rolled her eyes like she thought I was being a baby too, and I couldn’t agree more, a big needy baby that was just in everyone’s way. “Jennifer, really…. You are old enough to cook, and even if you are not that good at it, you are going to have to learn, don’t tell me that I am going to have to get up and feed your child when I have my own one to take care of later?” she didn’t mean to sound snappy, I know she didn’t, but that hurt me, I didn’t say that… I just was hungry, that was it…. f**k I missed Grant…. He would have done it… not even made a complaint, just taken a pan and be the most perfect man there ever was…... I didn’t even know I was crying until mom handed me a tissue and gave me a sympathetic look like she knew what I was thinking about. I bet she did. Like the freaking mind reader, she was. “You did the right thing, you know? Even if it doesn’t feel like that anymore…. Jennifer… I know you loved him… but he had some problems…. that he wasn’t going to fix when he had you as some … solution…” she stopped talking when I just cried more into the tissue, not looking up at her. I knew that. I knew all that, and it didn’t get better of her talking about him like that. I knew Grant better than anyone. He was still my best friend, no matter how you looked. “I know…. I know that … I miss him; is that so bad? I miss him….” I was still shaking, my shoulders trembling, when I finally looked up at my mother, that was looking back at me like she was trying so hard to help me, but she didn’t know how. She couldn’t heal my broken heart. Nobody could. “You know what…. Let me do this for you…” she was picking up a pan when I shook my head. No, she was right… it was time that I did something. No Grant was going to save me this time. Help me. It was just my daughter and me in the end since every man I had loved had pushed me away, and it was all my fault. “No, no. just let me get up first….” I leaned my hand, getting up with more effort than was supposed to be needed to get up from a seat by the kitchen Island when my mother’s blue eyes just flashed with the hard guilt of seeing me struggling, having pity on me. Story of my life. “Jennifer, no, sit down again…” she stopped when I just gave her a scowl. Was she going to make up her damn mind? Was I going to do something, or was she going to stand there and look at me like she didn’t want to do anything other than pity me?! “No, you are right, mom. I need to do this.” She looked even more guilty backing away from the stove when I took the pan she still had in her hand, placed it on the stove, and just stared at it. There, and it was on the damn burner. “Alright baby, that’s enough for now…. Just sit down, and I will get you something… alright?” I felt mom’s hands on my arms when I didn’t know what I was doing. I had done this before, and I had, and right now, I was lost. Not knowing what to do. Just staring at the pan that was still on the burner like the damn freak I was. She was leading me back to the chair, over by the table, when I sat down, not even fighting back, I couldn’t. my mind was blank, and I hated that, hated that I didn’t know what to do with a damn pan anymore. I wasn’t stupid, and I had a college degree that wasn’t finished to back me up. “There we go…” she was patting me on my head when I just looked over at her, walking back and turning on the gas like the freaking pro she was, the expert mom and wife. Something I would never be. The sounds of heavy feet’s just bashing the old stair made me snap out of whatever I was doing seeing the small girl with long blond hair, all fake since she had ditched her pink hair and decided to use all the money she saved up, aka asking dad for it when she was flaunting all that long blond hair that made me snort, that was so stupid, she cut off her real one to get it all back, only blonder, if that was even possible. “Morning.” She sat by the counter, taking her phone out, the new one that dad bought her. She even had to ask that many times for it, arguing that he had taken her old one and given it to me. Spoiled brat. “Amanda, sit over by your sister. We are eating breakfast as a family.” Mom was scolding her and making me smirk when she did a big sigh, acting like it was the end of the world, sitting next to me. “Fine, but I’m having pancakes. You hear me, princess? So don’t even give me a frown that you don’t like the smell.” She was looking up at me fast when I made a sigh too, great so now I was going to be here and get sick, perfect. “Nope, we have what I am making, and you don’t like it? you can always eat somewhere else.” Mom’s voice was a little sharper underneath the chirpy, light voice. She was still upset over Mandy not attending college, and I could tell since she hated the thought of her going on some around-the-world trip where she couldn’t see her. “Goddamn prison…” she sneered when mom wasn’t hearing the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan. I leaned back, making a face over my body, getting kicked in my kidney over some other lovely place. However, I said that pregnancy was all glow was a f*****g liar. “Speaking of prison…. Heard anything… about that man of yours?” she looked up from her phone like she finally had found something she wanted to talk to me about, surprise. It was Dylan. I made another frown, no, he hadn’t called, and she knew it. Why did she even ask? I didn’t care if she was in love with him; that was not her business! “no.” she just nodded like she got that I wasn’t going to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about the same man that told me that he would never abandon me and then just did it in a drop-off a hat. I didn’t understand anything. Why did he do this?! Why was he pushing me away when he told me, the last thing before he walked away, that he was getting back to me, to her? “Don’t worry, he can’t call every week, sometimes s**t happens and ….” She stopped when I made a sneer at her; what the f**k was she talking about him like that?! he was my husband, and I didn’t care what kind of messed up relationship she believed they had, he loved me. Not her! “Amanda. Stop that. right now.” Mom had walked over with plates, and her voice was just as cold as her eyes. She didn’t want to hear anymore. We all had to accept that I was messed up, just as much as she seemed. “What?! I just explained that he can’t call weekly; I’m not the bad guy here! she is the one that cheated on him, not the other way around….” She said it slightly mockingly, like she still was blaming me for everything, and I knew since she confessed that she was in love with him, she was not talking about Grant and me. No, she was talking about me coming home, even showing my face to her crush and getting him. “Yeah, I did. I cheated on Dylan, just like he did against me, so stop acting almighty and eat the damn eggs!” I held my fork hard when she made a face of surprise, seeing that she wasn’t expecting me to fight back. I had been a zombie since we left Grant's place, and she was forced to come home, the same as me. Mom’s eyes made her stop whatever she was going to say back. She started to eat when I took my first bite, mom was the best cook, and I promised myself that I would try harder; as soon as I got better, I would. The sound of a truck pulling up on our driveway made mom drop whatever she had in her hands and leave us. I had just walked out when I saw the white pickup truck that was our dad’s. I dropped my fork, not even hungry anymore. I don’t know how much more of their rekindling relationship I could take. I mean, I was happy for them; I was. Mom walking down and dad kissing her hard and long like he had been off to war when all he had been doing was being away for the weekend on a job and spending time with Levi… oh and fighting with Linda… that was probably a big part of it all… “Great…. Now he will ask if I want to come along and help him….” Mandy had cleaned her plate and was looking out for our parents when I didn’t answer; that was her problem, she was done with high school, and she couldn’t live forever free… even if I did just the same, the hard shame of being here again was awful, I wanted to make it on my own, I really did. But as soon as I tried lately, whatever it was… I failed. Just like I did with everything in my life. “You know I’m right about Dylan calling soon; now that mom can’t be here and make me shut up, you need to snap out of whatever the hell you are doing, depressed or not!” She made a judgy face that made me feel even worse, right... just snap out of it… I blinked and looked down; she sucked. “Yeah, I know…. I just can’t.” She looked at me like she didn’t understand with her icy blues. She feared nothing and never was the type of person to not speak her mind or get what she wanted; in that area, we were opposites. “What does that even me you can’t?! You are having a freaking baby soon, and are you just going to sit around and feel sorry for yourself?? You left the rich guy, not the other way around, he could have helped you, but you just had to push him away too!? God damnit, Jen. Make up your damn mind! Do you want Dylan, or are you just keeping your options open?!” she hissed the last part seeing that mom and dad were coming inside the kitchen. I just blinked again when the smiles and small laughter were gone the second they saw me, dad giving Mandy a scowl like he could tell that she was the one hounding me, just like she always did these days. “What is happening here?! It’s like I can’t be gone for two f*****g days without you two butting heads! Amanda, what did you do this time?!” He was upset when she just made a gasp like she was sick of being the one that was blamed ever since we came back, but he was right. She was mean. Too mean. “What?! I haven’t done anything. I’m just talking, is that forbidden all of a sudden? I thought this was a free country!?” she made a dramatic pause when I just stayed silent. She was right. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Me pushing away Grant. f**k, that still felt so bad… “No, no, don’t pull that s**t on me… if this is a free country and you are being an adult, then you should just come and work with me as I told you so many times since you are not going to school anymore!” Dad was sick of this, arguing with Mandy when she didn’t care. He hadn’t been here for the last ten years and thought he could tell her what to do… good luck. I tried not to look so smug when mom saw me and gave me a frown like she knew what I was thinking too, but she didn’t stop him. I bet she was glad she didn’t have to do it anymore, trying to keep Mandy out of trouble. That was a full-time job and then having me, the depressed one. I felt sorry for her. “I’m not even eighteen yet, I have two months left, and still you are talking like I’m some taxpayer, no way! I told you I'm out of here the second I’m legal. I’m not getting stuck working like some free laborer like Jen was doing before she went nuts on us!” she was pointing her finger at me when I deflated; of course, she had to find a way to drag me into the argument. She always did. “Yeah, that’s right, missy! Two more months and you are on your own, you hear me!? If you don’t go to school or work, we are going to have a problem!” dad was barking back when she was already making a run for it; that was Mandy for you, a b***h. “Ed! Calm down! She is just a teenager!” Mom was already thinking that he had taken it too far when he turned around like he couldn’t believe she just said that when I stood up, knowing that this would be ugly. Honestly, I had enough of this on my own without their infighting. “She sure as hell isn’t supposed to be talking back like that to me! I’m still her father whether she likes it or not!” he was trying not to scream at her when she had the same face she always had when they were fighting, great…. I was going to kill Mandy when I found her for making mom and dad start to fight five minutes after he got back. “She isn’t used to you being home; give her some time…please!” Mom was pleading now when I was still struggling to get up, the hard slamming of the door upstairs only making me more annoyed; she was so going to pay for this! “Used to me? What the f**k is that supposed to mean, Grace?! I know I haven’t been here, but that doesn’t give her the right to act like that. She should know some f*****g boundaries seeing that she doesn’t have any!” he was cursing when I had it and just walked away. They had no idea how bad their fighting made me feel, worse than ever when I just had been waiting on it. Their happy façade came crashing down, there was a reason they divorced in the first place, and I was looking at it. “Oh yeah! Well, tell that to the w***e you been f*****g and had a son with behind my back when I was raising your kids!” she was sneering back when he did the same, just making a scowl. I walked up the stairs slowly when the sounds of screaming behind me, more tired than I already was. I knew there was a reason why I didn’t want to come home again. The steps stairs were killing me too… According to the nurse, I was just a week from labor and stuck with my parents. All I wanted was to get out and get my own life, and I couldn’t, not when I could just shut down, and I couldn’t risk it now, giving birth being around the corner. I was on the last step, breathing heavily when my pocket started to vibrate, and I looked down, picking up the stupid unicorn phone that Mandy had. Holy s**t! I just stared for a few seconds before realizing that this was it, this was it! Dylan.