Fireside secrets

So stupid

The men started to build the blanket fort around the mattresses on the floor, enjoying an easy bantor as they work.

My eyes can't seem to help but wander up and down their God like bodies as they move around the room.

Biceps and thigh muscles bulging as they put up the blankets.

I have never really been in such close proximity to perfectly built male athletes such as these.

It was making me salivate with want.

In fact, ever since I've started to move past my s****l fears, I want to try everything, like I am starving for it.

I never thought of myself as sexy before.

But the way that I catch them both looking at me. How my body reacts to the slightest of touches. They seem just as affected as I am.

I really like to flirt. I never knew how to do that before, but now...well I believe that I am the biggest flirt in the room.

Thomas and Eivan grow quiet. Now speaking in harsh sounding whispers. I wonder what they are arguing about.

Thomas looks over at me with his brow furrowed.

I decide to move away, going to the kitchen to make some dinner.

Maybe Eivan learned about what we did in the basement and was mad at me now.

***********

I thought about being with Thomas earlier, he just seems to exude a natural, raw sexualality that I respond to. I want to forget who I really am when I'm with him.

He takes control of me somehow.

Yet, he doesn't seem interested in anything long term or any type of commitment with me, I knew that from the start though.

But Eivan, he is loyal and trust worthy. He is definitely husband material.

Not for me though.

I decided a few years ago that I never want to be married or have children.

I set those dreams aside after being so badly hurt by the way Adam treated me.

Eivan is definitely off the table for a girl like me, but...still the way my heart beats so furiously when I am with him....I can't seem to be able to control myself.

You can change for a man like him.

I'm not his type. I'm not sophisticated or super ambitious, I'm not a dancer or a model. I'm too short, too curvey.

A man like Eivan can have any woman he wants.

I shake my head, trying to clear it.

Don't get your hopes up.

We are just surviving here together through the storm, nothing more.

I sigh out loud as these thoughts buzzed around my brain like a bee hive.

"You ok J?" Thomas asked me.

I nodded silently.

" Do you like it?" Eivan motioned, as he put out his hand for me to come see the new fort.

They didn't appear to be fighting anymore.

I bent my head and entered, crawling onto the mattress.

There were several pillows all lined up at the head of the bed.

My stomach fluttered with excitement thinking about cozying up with Eivan tonight at bed time.

" I love it." I said, as I took it all in.

I love you. I wanted to say.

*********

As night-time approached, I held the deck of cards and suggested that we play poker after dinner. They both agreed.

They didn't know my motives nor that I was actually a very good poker player.

It was what the crew did for fun on dad's fishing boat as we turned the nets over for a long soak.

Sitting in our new cozy blanket fort, we are dressed in our pajamas.

" Ok guys. Here are the rules since we don't have chips or money to play with." I bit my lip and looked at the cards in my hands, almost losing my nerve.

" I've never played this specific type of poker, but I've heard all about it from some of the girls in my dorm.

It's called, strip poker. Once you are both naked, and you will be...you will let me see those playboy magazines. Those are the stakes. Do you both agree?"

" And if you are naked first January?" Eivan snickered.

" Well, not that that will ever happen, but what do you both want?" I said, as I shuffled the deck.

" I want you to make me more of those cookies, please. I've been craving them." He sat back and looked at Thomas now.

I smiled. "Ok I will make some cookies just for you."

He grinned as his dimples showed. I felt flustered by the way he stared into my eyes, so intently.

I broke away first.

" And you Tommy?" I asked, turning now to face him.

He put his fingers on his chin as he thought about it.

I kept shuffling, making a bridge of cards arch up in my hands and fold back together like a pro.

The shaking of my legs gave away my nervousness as he was taking so long to answer.

"I want to tie you up and blindfold you as you ride my c**k reverse cowboy style." He blurted out.

I stopped shuffling, my mouth opened, then shut.

" I don't..uh know what that is, but I can learn." I frowned, feeling a bit stupid at my ignorance.

But I was responding with a moist heat rushing between my legs.

I didn't want to play anymore.

I start to feel overwhelmed by the way Eivan is watching me, so serious now.

Like he's mad that I agreed to Thomas' bet.

" Deal the cards J." Eivan said.

I looked at my hands and took a deep breath.

Ok focus.

" Five card stud. Nothing wild." I dealt them and myself each five cards, face down.

As we played the game, the first three hands were lost by me.

I had removed my shirt, pants, and one sock.

But, they both grew over confident as they made stupid mistakes and by the 6th hand they were down to their boxers.

Four more hands won by me and they were both in the buff.

I was down to my underwear and bra.

" Uh...the magazines." I held out my hands.

Tommy leaned over the side of the bed and pulled out several of the old playboys, putting them into my hands.

I shoved them under my pillow for later.

" Thanks. Ok, well goodnight then." I said as I moved to get under the covers. Something felt off tonight.

Eivan made a motion to Thomas with his hand, some type of signal.

Tommy moved to the end of the bed and stood up.

" I'll be back in a few." He said, as he looked at me with a worried expression, then left us two alone.

" I wanted to speak with you...alone." Eivan admitted.

I felt my stomach start to ache at the seriousness of his tone.

" Your ending things with me right?" I guessed.

" Yes. I have to. January...it's eating me up inside to be f*****g you before I even end my relationship with Diana.

I think I owe it to her. I mean...I have been with her since high school.

I feel horrible to think that I'm here with you, while she's probably worried sick about me and why I'm not there with her in NewYork."

I felt like an i***t. Of course he would want to do the right thing.

I didn't want to feel this way about him. I knew it would end up like this. He's just so damn...honorable.

I grabbed his hands.

" Professor, I would never ask you to hurt your girl over someone like me.

It's all my fault. I should never have started all of this. I'm so sorry.

Please, I will sleep in the bedroom from now on. You two take the bed here.

I hurried off the mattress and scrambled to the only room with a mattress still on the bed and shut the door tightly behind me. My eyes blurry with tears.

Oh God I'm going to have a panick attack.

My head was pounding with my heartbeat pulsing in my ears.

I knew I would mess everything up somehow, I always do.

That's why I never want to get married. I would mess that up somehow too.

I threw a blanket over my head and cried.

I'm so stupid.