Fireside secrets

A toast

Eivan POV

I admit that I'm f*****g scared.

January can destroy a man like me. I can lose everything because of her, my job, my reputation, my girlfriend.

So yes, I pushed her away last night.

I know I said all that stuff about fixing things with Diana, but I am pretty sure that is not going to happen.

I don't expect Daina to just magically stop having an eating disorder.

I tried to let January know the truth and I messed it all up.

Because the truth is that I barely know her and I already have thoughts of her being my bride and getting pregnant right away.

I think I'm obsessed with her.

When Thomas and I were working in the basement the sounds of her pleasuring herself echoed down through the vents. It sent a jolt of pure lust coursing through my c**k.

I saw the same look on Thomas' face.

" I'll go." He said, as he practically ran upstairs.

I just stood there and let him go.

I just froze.

January has made it very clear that she doesn't want marraige or children.

I do. I want it all, and I think that I want it with her.

She said she was so stupid, that she practically forced herself on us.

In truth, I went along with her seduction and took her virginity.

And..even worse, I broke things off with her shortly after that. I'm pretty sure that is every virgins worst nightmare, being used by a guy and then discarded.

This wasn't me, was it? I never treated a woman like this before.

Oh f**k. I did do just that to her.

And what does she say?

She blames herself.

See it's s**t like that, that makes her so special. She doesn't even know how she affects me.

I decided it's best that I keep busy and try to stay on my new path. I love Diana, I owe it to her to try to fix us.

I love Diana. I kept up this mantra. But... everytime I hear January whisper something to Thomas and every touch that he places on her body kills me.

Those should be my fingers on her, not his.

I know he will dump her as soon as we get back to normal life.

Part of me never wants to get back there.

I groaned with frustration.

I love January.

No! I meant Diana. I love Diana.

************

I was working in the kitchen to organize our food supplies.

Coming across a canned ham and sweet potatoes, I thought it would be nice to try and make dinner special. Christmas dinner for January.

I set those aside and decided on a menu.

Thomas approached me as I worked.

" Think that we could have a nice meal together, you know for January. I think she is homesick or something.

Everytime I mention Christmas she gets this look of dread on her face." he sounded worried.

" Actually I was just looking for items to make dinner special. Want to help?"

He nodded as he picked up a can if lima beans.

" Gross not these." He said laughing.

January came over to us and asked what was so funny.

I was shocked when seeing her neck. She had red and blue marks all up and down the side of her...oh.

I felt my gut sieze. Hickies.

That asshole bit her. He marked her real good.

I noticed several more on her wrists.

My mind was full of rage and jealousy.

" Looks like you got bit by a spider or an asshole or something." I barked out.

She shrugged.

" I bruise easily. Is it bad?" She looked at Thomas.

He shook his head.

" I like how you look. You should see your inner thighs." He said as he rubbed her lower lip with his thumb.

" You're just letting him hurt you like this?" I glared at her.

" There are worse pains to have than physical ones. Besides...Thomas makes me forget about..."

I started to realize what she was about to say.

" About the monster?" I asked.

" No...I was thinking about you." She said as she basically dropped the mic she was holding.

Shit, I had hurt her worse than Thomas' love bites.

She turned on her heel and went into the blanket fort.

" I'm sorry." I called after her.

************

Dinner

I had all the food set up and Thomas set the table. We found some decent crystal glasses and a sealed bottle of whiskey.

I finished the ham with a canned pineapple glaze. It wasn't the best, but it smelled good.

" Dinner kids!" I cried out.

Both of them came out of the blanket fort. Thomas was holding her hand.

January had red rimmed eyes and when I looked at Thomas questioningly, he barely shook his head. I took the hint that he would tell me later.

January took a deep breath and sat down.

We passed the food around and everyone looked kind of sullen.

" I miss my sisters Apple pie. She always makes that crumle top on it, you know the good kind," Thomas said to no one in particular.

" Well, I like those hard candies grandma insisted that I pry apart and remove the cat hair from." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

" I would like to be excused please." January said as she put down her fork.

" Wait, we still need to have our toast." I said, not wanting her to leave me just yet.

She held up her empty crystal glass and Thomas quickly filled it with a shots worth of whiskey.

Then he filled his and mine as well.

She held up her glass and pressed it to mine, then Thomas'.

" Merry f*****g Christmas."

It went down in one big gulp.

The smooth taste of the liquor mixed with honey and other spices tasted very good on my tongue.

I wanted to taste it on her tongue.

Thomas quickly filled our glasses again and toasted.

" To lovers, and coaches and the warmth of a good fire. Nothing beats a very frozen Christmas with both of you."

We downed another shot.

It was my turn next.

" Cheers to family, especially those that aren't blood relatives."

Next January refilled all of our glasses "To my dear sister and her new fiance. May they enjoy a long and happy life, in Greece."

We all stared at her then busted up laughing.

So that's why she was so upset. She was thinking of her ex.

" Let's not cheers to exes. Not today anyway." I said once everyone stopped laughing.

" Today is the happy day that they consummated their relationship. I have pictures on my phone... I hate Christmas." She slurred.

Thomas began to sing.

"I really can't stay...baby it's cold outside. I've got to get away. Baby it's cold outside..."

January fell onto his lap.

" My Christmas wish is to make a new memory for Christmas. Why don't we all go out and build a snowman." She said- with sad, drunk eyes.

We all stood up and got our coats on, stepping outside into the beauty of Christmas snow all around us. I started to role a big snow ball into a base, Thomas made the middle ball, and January made a lopsided head, plopping it on top and then falling back into the soft snow.

She was laughing so hard that we both layed down next to her. She opened her mouth to catch snow flakes as they softly fell into her mouth, sticking out her pink tongue as she ate them.

This would be a Christmas memory that I held dear to my heart.