Fireside secrets

Let me explain

"Eivan, how do you know I'm planning to do anything with Tommy?" I asked him as I held my hands tightly behind my back.

"Tommy now?" he frowned.

" Don't you think it is a bit too soon to be getting so chummy with Thomas, Janny?" he continued.

Grrr, I'm not Janny!

He was acting jealous or something, this was weird.

" I'm so sorry, it was a big mistake for me to kiss you. I apologize for that.

I know you are in a relationship and I would never be that person to cause a break up after the hell I've been through."

" What hell? talk to me please." He said, as he touched my cheek.

" My first love dumped me for my sister and I just found out they are engaged to be married and that's why I don't want to go home.

Because, she's my big sister and it feels quite shitty to know she hates me so much, especially after all I went through with the trial and shit."

Eivan shook his head.

" Slow down, what trial?" he asked, his brows lowered in concern.

Just then, Thomas shoved his muscular shoulder through the doorway. Why was he so damn handsome. His brown hair hung over one eye as he squeezed through the door. I felt a little heat rush through me now with both of these big men so close to me.

" Why am I missing things between you two, let me in guys." He complained.

Eivan let me go and stepped aside.

" Look, January knows about the bet. I'm trying to explain to her that she can refuse you and doesn't need to feel pressured into doing anything that she isn't ready for, ok Tommy?" He yelled.

Thomas took a step back from me.

" I..I was joking January. It was just a guy thing, you know. I think you like me and I like you, I mean if you want to do it later than Christmas eve, I am willing to lose a bet. No problem honey."

He reached his hand to my shoulder and gave me his best sultry look.

I pulled him away from the door by yanking his coat and stormed past both of them.

" January! Stop right there! We aren't done discussing this." Eivan yelled.

I spun around to face him.

" Yes, dad. I can't believe I kissed you. You are trying to control me, though you aren't really interested in me at all.

I'm going to explode with anger in three seconds, so if you don't mind...I'm going outside for a minute!" I stormed outside.

Thomas crossed his arms over his chest. "You kissed my girl. Dude, I told you I was going after her. What the hell? Ever heard of bro code?"

Eivan turned in a full circle before crashing down onto the couch.

" I kissed her back. There's a difference. Besides I'm a professor and a coach at this school. I can't make a move on her, but she's NOT your girl, got that clear BRO?" Eivan angrily warned Thomas.

" Whoah, I'm not the one who kissed the only girl available for me to f**k in this whole crappy snow storm, even though you have a perfect ballerina girlfriend in uppity yuppy New York. Damn, you got balls to lecture me." Thomas yelled.

I heard them shouting now and was surprised when Eivan agreed with Thomas.

" I'm sorry. I know I was out of line to kiss her back. It's just...she's not like your little plaything.

She's different and...innocent and complicated and beautiful. I want to protect her. It's my job to."

His Job? Oh no he did NOT just say that about me!

I ran back inside and up to Thomas and pulled him to me, planting a huge wet kiss on his lip. I missed his upper lip, and it was sloppy as hell.

"I can sleep with whoever I want to sleep with and...your JOB is not to protect my virginity!" I yelled turning to look at Eivan.

"Your a virgin?" Both men said, again in shocked unison.

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

"Maybe." I whispered.

I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. " Maybe, I'm not sure and I desperately want to know."

How's that for honesty professor?

The room got incredibly quiet.

Thomas sat on my left and Evian chose the floor, farthest away from me.

" Listen, let's get dinner going before it gets dark and afterwards, I promise I will tell you what I'm talking about ok?"

I smiled at both of them, one at a time.

" f**k food!" Eivan surprised me by saying this. I mean...didn't he just lecture me about skipping meals?

Thomas glared at him. "Language coach!" He chastised.

A small smile lifted around my mouth. That was kind of funny.

" I'm cooking tonight. You guys hash things out. I am starving." Thomas said standing up.

I squeezed his fingers letting him know I could see what he was doing, giving us some privacy. He was nicer than he pretended to be, or...he was hungrier.

I got up and stoked the fire.

***********

" Listen, when I was 5 years old. My father's best friend...well he would come into my room at night." I started.

" Stop right there." Eivan said as he jumped up and pulled me into a very much needed hug.

" No... you don't need to explain anything. I think we get it. It's not our place to question if you are a virgin or not. I'm sorry January." He held me so tight.

" I don't...I don't know because I blacked out each time he.... Well, the doctor couldn't confirm it and I didn't want to know, I mean until now that is. He never admitted anything at the trial, I was so little, they made me testify."

I was feeling those old feelings of my childhood. A shiver ran threw me.

" I thought I was over of all of this.

But then, when I... couldn't go all the way with Adam, he took it personally, he set out to punish me, taking my sister from me."

I wasn't crying. I thought I would be crying. I think these boys made me feel...accepted. Like they wouldn't judge me or chastize me if I couldn't go all the way like Adam did.

" Why not save it for your husband then?" Eivan said softly.

" I'm not getting married. Or having kids. I decided already. So between you two, only one of you is available and I made a big mistake when I made a pass at you. I know that was so wrong."

" January." He whispered. The sound of my name on his lips sent shivers down my spine. It was like...like a prayer or something the way he said it. Like it was reverent.

" Eivan. Do you understand why I want Thomas to be my first?"

He sighed and nodded.

" Because...I can't be. Right?" he asked me.

I nodded silently.

" I want someone who won't care if I'm a virgin or not, someone who has all of the skills needed to take care of me and not make me feel...'less than' if I can't..uh perform like a normal woman should."

" Besides, Thomas isn't pretending that I mean anything to him. He's very transparent that he just wants s*x. I find that refreshing to be honest."

Eivan nodded, his lips pressed in a line.

"If you decide to do this, I can't be in this house, understand me?"

" Oh yeah, sure I know... you might be in trouble with the dean and all. I get it, I'm not worth losing your job or anything." I reassured him, but that seemed to make him madder.

" Just give me a heads up please." He said, as he swallowed hard.

I kissed his cheek,"Thanks Eivan."

" I'm Professer to you, not Eivan."

That hurt.