Allured

Chapter 3

ZARIN KLAIRE SANDOVAL

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It was almost midnight, but I was still reading and studying all the papers on my table.

Muli kong binasa ang pangalang iyon sa isip ko, Rithwell Pryce Arandia.

Showing no symptoms lahat ng test na sinagutan niya and the following assessments showed that he was mentally stable.

I read my notes about him, and I could say he lied.

He could easily deceive others, but not me. I could sense his nervousness, his lies, and the way he delivered his words. Sinara ko rin ang folder niya at nilagay iyon sa kaliwa ko kung saan nakalagay ang mga folder ng mga etudyanteng mag-a-undergo ulit ng assessment at under observation pa rin.

I used to go to school early even though I had a few units to take for my master's and doctorate degrees. Most of the books I needed were in the school's library. I spent almost all my time there studying. I was also a school psychology intern. Nasa clinic din ako most of the time kapag wala na akong ginagawa. I was handling a lot of students at ang mga ito ang pinagkakaabalahan ko noong mga nakaraang araw.

Dumiretso ako sa pinaka-malaking clinic ng psychology department nang matapos lahat ng klase ko.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Sandoval," bati sa akin ng mga staff with a smile ganoon na rin ang ilang doctor.

There were already used to me not greeting them back or smiling back. They acknowledged my look as a response.

Umupo ako sa mesa sa loob ng isang silid. Kasama ko roon ang and head ng internship ko who had been guiding me. Nandoon din ang isa pang psychologist professional.

Magkakasunod na ang mga folder na nakatambak sa tabi ko before they started the assessment sa kabilang silid kung saan may iisang professional assessing them. They didn't have any idea that we were watching and listening from the glass.

I kept noting and making my own assessment base sa expression nila, movement, and delivery.

"I guess most of them are faking to be fine," I heard Dr. Abel say.

"I agree with you, doc. What do you think is the problem?"

"Fear of acknowledging their state of mind? Fear of judgment, or maybe fear of trusting. Any idea, Ms. Sandoval?"

Tinapos ko ang sinusulat ko bago ako bumaling sa kanila.

"All persons are unique. Therefore, their reasons differ."

Marahang tumango ang mga ito bago muling bumaling sa silid nang pumasok na ang susunod na estudyante.

"It's nice seeing you, Mr. Arandia. You look so handsome. How's your weekend?"

"It was fun."

"Wow, that's good to hear. Would you mind if I start the few questioning now?"

"Go ahead, doc."

"Do you have any... trust issues?"

"I have."

"May I know why?"

"My father is in politics. He taught me not to trust anyone easily."

"Are you close with your father?"

"I am."

"How close?"

"We used to do fishing when I was a kid. Now, golfing is our bonding in his free time. You may also search for him on the internet. You should be able to see our different bonding."

"Can you describe the family you have?"

"Happy," matipid na sagot nito.

"How happy?"

"My parents are the best. It's them making me feel happy and complete. I couldn't ask for more."

"I see you're doing a great job academically. Isa ka sa mga pride ng Sanville and you are a. Have ya topnotcher. Have you ever felt burned out?"

"I always enjoy studying. It's my hobby. We have a lot of maids in the house. I don't need to work just like other students here. It gives me the advantage and more time to focus on my studies. Wala na akong kailangang isipin at kailangang ika-stress."

"Aside from studying, mayroon ka pa bang ibang hobby?"

"I like reading books, and I like discovering places."

"Do you mean you like to travel?"

"I don't travel. Places don't necessarily mean a certain place far. You may consider it as some sort of a hideout."

"Oh, you like the feeling of being alone?"

"Not really. I just like to go to different places where I can comfortably read books. I can read them with someone in silence or even with a small conversation in between. I can drive a conversation well."

"Is there a certain thing you hate doing?"

"I hate answering questions."

Muling mahinang tumawa ang psychologist sa harapan niya. "I guess my questioning has gotten to your nerves. I apologize for that. For my last question, I was just wondering how you get mad. Do you throw things or... shout?"

"I can't remember the last time I get mad. It's not my thing."

"I'm glad to hear that you can handle your emotion well. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Arandia. That's all for today."

"I'll mark him done," Dr. Peña said.

"I guess we can end his assessment here," Dr. Abel agreed.

"I'm not convinced."

Napatingin sa akin ang mga ito at napatigil sa pagsusulat.

"What do you mean, Ms. Sandoval?"

"He is not convincing enough."

"This is their last assessment. We can no longer take further steps. I'm afraid if we push through, we could violate their privacy, and it could deteriorate their trust issues," malumanay na tugon ni Dr. Peña.

"The least we can do is to inform him that he's still under monitoring for at least a week. Let's try to make him understand that it's for him and it's for us to be able to provide our students the best service and... if you really like to take this further, I will let you, Ms. Sandoval. I know you are careful enough, and I trust you enough." Bahagyang ngumiti sa akin si Dr. Abel.

"Ms. Ramirez, how have you been?"

Muli kaming bumaling sa harapan nang marinig and psychologist.

"O-okay lang po, M-Ms. Lopez."

"You look nervous. Are you scared of me?"

Umiling ito. "H-hindi lang po ako sanay nang may k-kausap."

She chuckled. "It's okay. I understand. Gusto ko lang kumustahin and asked you about your week. Have you done something thrilling on the weekend or gone somewhere to chill?"

"N-nasa bahay lang po ako. M-malapit na po kasi ang exam kaya nag-aaral ako."

"I can see you're not very sociable. May mga kaibigan ka ba rito sa Sanville?"

Marahan itong umiling.

"Hmm, bakit naman wala?"

"H-hindi po ako mahilig sa tao."

"Are you living alone?"

Umiling ito. "I'm living in my parent's house... but they're always a-at work."

"That makes sense. Are you okay?" nag-aalalang tanong nito. "Are you crying?"

Agad itong nagpunas ng luha gamit ang braso niya. "M-masama lang po ang pakiramdam ko. P-pasensya na. A-aalis na po ako."

Sinundan ko ito ng tingin palabas ng pinto. She was familiar to me. Ilang beses ko na ring na-review ang papers niya and I remembered siya iyong nakatapon sa akin ng inumin and followed me just to apologize.

"She will be a long process," mahinang sambit ni Dr. Abel na may lungkot sa tinig.

Hindi na ako nagsulat pa ng tungkol sa assessment ko sa kaniya. Tinapos ko ang ilan pa hanggang sa maubos ang mga ito.

Hapon na nang makalabas ako. I thought of going to the bookstore to look for a newly delivered set of books, but I felt the need to use the restroom.

Kapapasok ko pa lang sa loob narinig ko na ang tawanan ng mga kababaihan at ang iyak ng isa.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paghakbang hanggang sa makita ko ang mga paa ng mga ito na nagkukumpulan sa loob ng isang cubicle.

I usually don't give a damn pero pamilyar sa akin ang isang sapatos na nasa loob. Iyon ang suot ni Ms. Ramirez kanina sa assessment niya.

Muli akong humakbang palapit sa pinto at kinatok ang mga ito. Papalakas iyon nang papalakas at unti-unting nagtatangis ang bagang ko hanggang sa hindi nila iyon binubuksan.

One of them finally opened it.

"What the hell—" Napatigil agad ito nang makita ako. "K-Klaire?"

Marahas kong tinulak ang pinto. Napatingin sa akin ang mga ito na punong-puno ng takot. Tiningnan ko ang taong nakasubsob sa toilet bowl na noon ay humihikbi pa rin habang tapak siya sa ulo ng dalawang estudyante.

Marahas kong sinipa ang binti ng mga ito palayo rito. They both groaned in pain. Agad naman itong umahon mula sa toilet bowl at nagpatuloy sa paghikbi habang may nakakalat na pagkain sa bibig niya.

Tiningnan ko ang lunch box niya na nakakalat sa sahig at ang pagkain na naiwan sa toilet bowl na sa tingin ko ay pilit nilang pinapakain sa kaniya.

Akmang lalabas ng pinto ang isa sa kanila pero marahas kong hinablot ang buhok niya. Napadaing ito sa sakit lalo na nang isubsob ko siya sa toilet bowl.

"Eat it."

"Klaire, no, please! I'm sorry!"

"Don't make me upset. Eat it."

She started crying like a child. She was so disgusted. Nang matapos siya sinunod ko ang mga kaibigan niya hanggang sa maubos nilang lahat ang pagkain.

Sabay-sabay silang sumuka sa sink.

"Get up," utos ko sa kaniya.

Mabilis itong tumayo na may namumuo pa ring luha sa mga mata.

"Leave now," malamig na utos ko.

"K-Klaire... s-salamat d-dumating--"

"I said leave now."

Mabilis itong yumuko at nagmamadali nang umalis. Lumabas ako sa cubicle at pinagmasdan ang mga bullies na patuloy pa rin sa pagsuka sa sink.

"Try it again. Next time I will make you eat your vomits."

Naglakad ako palabas ng campus at dumiretso sa katabing bookstore. The staffs immediately told me na may bago silang dating ng mga libro. Tinuro nila sa akin ang section ng shelves na siya kong pinuntahan.

I was also very selective on choosing. Binasa ko isa-isa ang synopsis ng mga iyon sa bawat cover. Iisa pa lang ang nakukuha ko nang lumipat ako ng shelf.

Narinig ko ang pag-shutter ng isang camera na siya kong sinundan ng tingin. He was very familiar and so close— Mr. Arandia.

"Did you take a photo of me?" malamig na tanong ko sa kaniya.

"I—" Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin dahil marahas kong hinablot sa kaniya ang camera.

I saw my photo on the screen. Kinuha niya rin agad sa akin ang camera.

"I love to capture beautiful things. Ang ganda kasi ng orasan sa likuran mo."

There was really a wall clock at my back, but I wasn't stupid to believe that it was his subject. My face almost occupied na whole screen of his DSLR.

Muling nag-shutter ang camera nito na nakatutok pa rin sa akin. "There... the most beautiful thing."

Ngumiti ito sa akin bago tuluyang humakbang palayo.

Simple akong humugot ng malalim na hininga bago nagpatuloy sa paghahanap ng libro. Nang matapos ako ay dumiretso na rin ako sa counter para magbayad.

The cashier was already packing my books nang mapansin kong tila naglalagay ito ng wala sa mga nakuha ko.

"That's not mine."

"Ah, pinabibigay po ni Mr. Arandia. Hindi po yata galing dito sa store pero mukhang mamahalin po ang cover. Kakaalis lang po niya. Baka raw po magustuhan ninyo."

Wala sa loob na tumingin ako sa exit door. I no longer saw him there.

I would usually decline for any gift from someone I wasn't very familiar of pero hinayaan ko ang cahier na isama iyon sa mga binili ko.

I had to monitor him personally and others on my list. It would be better if I were able to assess him immediately.

As usual, naghihintay na sa akin si Mang Gil. Alam na alam niya kung saan ako aabangan.

Tahimik kong binasa ang librong binili ko habang nasa gitna ng biyahe. I joined mom and dad for dinner. Halos kami lang ang magkakasabay sa hapag sa araw-araw. Ate was still in Cebu. Si Kuya King halos kina Ate Halene na nakatira because she was pregnant. Kuya Zice has been living with Ate Chanel in their own house at nagli-live in na rin sina kuya Dre at Ate Arin. Kal was doing international flight naman. Halos dalawang araw lang sa isang linggo namin ito nakikita sa bahay.

Mom put a glass of tea beside my computer nang pumasok siya sa silid ko.

"Don't over study, hmm? Take a rest before midnight." Yumakap siya sa balikat ko mula sa likuran ko. Marahan ko namang hinaplos ang braso niya. "Good night, my Klaire. I love you," malambing na sambit nito bago marahang halikan ang ulunan ko.

Lagi kong sinusubukang umuwi sa oras ng dinner dahil ayokong malungkot sila ni dad na silang dalawa lang ang kumakain sa malawak na mesa sa dining area. Alam kong nalulungkot pa sila sa isa-isang pag-alis ng mga kapatid ko sa bahay although madalas bumisita ang mga ito especially during weekend.

I continued to read the book I bought nang mapansin ko ang librong isinama ng cashier sa paper bag.

Abstract art ang cover ng libro at walang kahit anong title o synopsis sa likod. Wala sa loob na binuklat ko iyon. I saw a hand-written letter on the first page.

Dear Klaire,

This is a story of a beast and a princess falling in love with each other despite their differences. You may think that this is romantic, but it's more than that. I thought you might like the story, and the ending might surprise you.

Enjoy reading.

Sincerely,

Ri

Wala sa loob na pinasadahan ko ang ilang pages ng libro hanggang sa sadyain kong tingnan ang ending. May ilang pilas ng papel doon at may nakalagay ulit na letter sa cover ng libro.

'I know you cheated. You flipped the pages straight here. It's fine. I tore some pages, including the ending. Go ahead, read it from the start. If you wanna know how their story ends, come to me, and ask me. I'd love to tell you how it ends. I'm sorry for upsetting you. Please see the princess in the little envelope below. Maybe it'll make you smile."

May maliit na puting envelope nga ang nakadikit doon. I opened it at nilabas ko and isang litrato.

It was me. My photo he took in the bookstore just a few hours ago pero black and white lang iyon.

Sa likod no'n ay mayroon ulit na note.

'Have you seen the clock? It's beautiful, right? One day, it'll shatter, but this moment won't. Have you seen the princess in front? She has continued in life, but this photo will always remind me that I was able to capture her charm that will never fade in black and white.'

Matagal ko iyong tinitigan bago ko inipit sa libro at tuluyan iyong isinara.