The Twelve Days of Christmas

Chapter 16

After the meal, they showed us into another room, which I presumed was the ballroom. I just stood there like an i***t with no idea what I was supposed to do. Wishing that they had invited all the contestants. Even mixing with the girls who saw me as competition would have been better than standing in a room of people who didn’t see me at all. I had stayed pretty close to the man who I had been sitting beside at the dinner table. For no other reason than because I had already spoken to him.

He was still too caught up with the pretty young blonde to notice me, but it felt at least a little safer. I felt like a lone gazelle in the savannah, the prey amongst a room full of predators. Alex hadn’t been shown into the room at the same time as the rest of us, and I had no idea where he had gotten to. Not that I was sure I would be any happier talking to him, anyway.

I closed my eyes. Took a breath. Tried to remember I was worthy, just like Ben had said. When I opened my eyes, I jumped more than a little when I found the king of England stood in front of me looking at me quizzically.

“I know you, don’t I? My son was adamant that I didn’t, but I never forget a face. The trouble is with the amount of people I meet, it is impossible to remember all the names to go along with them.”

“Your majesty, my name is Noelle. I don’t believe we were introduced formally. I am a contestant in your baking competition.”

“Ah yes, I remember now. You were the one who put me through my paces about the homelessness in the city.”

I shifted slightly uncomfortably. The king seemed so straightforward. He wasn’t at all diplomatic about his thoughts. “Yes, sir. I apologise…”

“Oh, do not be so daft.” He wafted his arm as though he could magically move my internal thoughts away. “I like a good debate and the best debates are with people who don’t agree with you. Not something I come across very often being king. Most people assume that I want them to agree with me, but it gets very boring.”

“I see. Well, I am glad to be of service, sir. I too like to debate important topics.” It was the truth, even though it felt like I was sucking up. For all my anger and disgust earlier, I had become much more agreeable since.

That was when I saw him. He just breezed into the room with the two princes on either side of him. They were laughing away like old friends, and it still seemed strange.

There I was with the most important man in the country and I couldn’t even give him any of my attention, let alone all of it. I could hear the king somewhere in the distance my mind had created, chatting away to me. All I could do was watch on as Alex came toward me.

I could feel my heart swelling at the idea of him coming and sweeping me off my feet like some sort of fairytale. Trying desperately to remind myself that the world was more like a horror movie than a fairytale. Still, my hoped seemed to grow with every step he took towards me.

I turned slightly, my arm extended, ready to touch him. Not that I should have been in that environment. Except he didn’t stop. I didn’t get to place my hand on his arm or his shoulder or anything else. He just breezed straight past me as though I didn’t exist.

I turned slightly and tried to pretend I was, in fact, paying attention to Charles, but I used the position to watch Alex. He hadn’t gone far past me, only a few paces. He said a few words to the gentleman from dinner, then held his hand out for the blonde. The man looked just as annoyed as I was feeling as Alex swept her into some sort of formal dance.

Yet more evidence that I didn’t belong there, or with him. I had no idea what dance he was doing, let alone how to do it myself. I was officially out of my depth. There was no pretending any longer. With every careful spin of the blonde, my head swam more.

I uttered some form of barely audible excuses to the king and head for the door. I had barely gotten through then when I had little choice but to bend over and try to catch my breath. Feeling worthless. I felt like nothing. I felt invisible, but for the first time in my life, that no longer felt like a positive situation. It felt hurtful and painful. The pain seemed to be sparking its way along every one of my nerves and it made it impossible to ignore.

Ben was there out of nowhere and I had never been so pleased to see anyone in my whole life. I could hear him asking me if I was ok and demanding to know what had happened, but I had no words. I had no oxygen. I just needed to get out of there. Within seconds, Ben was sweeping me along the corridor. He deposited me in my room and left without a word.

He didn’t need to say a word. I could feel his concern and sense how out of his depth he was. I knew exactly where he had gone without him having to say a single word to me. He had gone to get Agnes. He had gone to get help to stop something that he feared more than anything. Me being too destroyed by a man above me that it would force me to give up on the world and on life. In that moment, with that pain flying through me, I knew exactly what had befallen Sarah and why. She had fallen for someone so high above her that she couldn’t reach them, when she finally realised the fall was too much to survive.