His Abused Mate, The Alpha's Redemption

Regrets

Chapter 5

Gregors’s pov

Harriet, oh my sweet, sweet Harriet, what the hell have I done? I just can not bare to even look at her as she walks away broken and scared with her new mate, taking any chance of us being together away with her. Not that we had any chance. I have already done a bl.oody good job of destroying that myself.

Since our teenage years, I had always hoped that my best friends little sister, the most beautiful girl in our pack, would become my mate. She just grew more beautiful, strong, and caring as the years went on. It was impossible for anyone not to love her. I know I wasn’t the only one who had dreams of being her mate.

I was just as devastated as her family and my sister when she went missing and did everything I could to try and find her, I just didn’t want to give up hope that she would come back to us, to me. A year passed quickly and no news, my sister mated to her brother, and it seemed even less likely that there would be two matches within the same family and with the time that had passed it also looked less likely that she would be found alive.

With still no mate in sight and no sign of Harriet a year and a half on, I was drowning my sorrows as I usually did when Candice, my dad’s Gamma’s daughter, offered me some comfort. With my wolf Luther suitably subdued by the alcohol, I was more susceptible to her charms, and I couldn’t remember much when I woke in the morning naked next to her.

Luther was furious at me. He still held out hope to find our mate and was convinced it would be Harriet. He loved her as much as I did. I made sure that Candice knew it was a one-off, never to be repeated. Due to the alcohol unfortunately I wasn’t careful, and a month later, Candice appeared in front of me pregnant. I knew I was her first, so I had to take responsibility.

No matter how pi ssed off Luther was at the whole situation he wanted to be there for his pup, wolves are very family oriented and protective of what is theirs, so reluctantly he agreed to step up. He refused to mark Candice as ours no matter how many arguments it caused, and since he was in control of the claws and fangs, so to speak, I had no say in the matter.

Unfortunately, Candice lost our pup at two months after a bad fall. She was devastated about it. Luther, although sad, was slightly relieved that he was no longer tied to her, but I still felt obligated to be there for her. I promised to still be by her side and have her as my chosen mate. It was the least I could do after everything.

Needless to say, Luther was seriously pi.ssed off at me. He wouldn’t let me sleep with her at first unless we wore protection until she was covered by proper contraceptives. I was happy with that. After we had already lost one, I didn’t want to risk going through that so soon again.

Then the best and worst thing happened, Harriet was found alive but broken by the looks of it beyond repair. We were debriefed before she arrived, just given an edited rundown of what she had been through while she was away from us. I think each of us wished the people that were responsible were still alive just so we could have the pleasure to rip them apart ourselves.

I was so relieved she was safe and alive, but when she came home and Luther cried out mate, my soul broke. I had made promises to Candice that I couldn’t break, and I was sure that even if I still did want Harriet she was too far gone because of what she went through I could never have her as my mate anyway.

Luther was furious at me. He said we were the best people to help her as she already trusted us, and the mate bond would help her. I just couldn’t see it, and I felt that I really needed to be loyal to Candice after all of the promises. At least that is what I told myself to help me sleep better at night.

Luther just won’t stop niggling at me though and pointing out that I am full of sh.it. It is a pain in the a.ss having someone in your head knowing exactly what you think at times, and he knows fine that I am just far too scared to try and fix what is broken in my true mate, and too scared that it can never be fixed.

Harriet made it so easy for me as well, she looked so hurt when her wolf came back to her and she felt the bond. I know at that point she felt that she was no longer good enough to be someone’s mate so she just accepted the rejection and went back to her room without complaining.

I think that broke me more than anything, I failed to protect her then and I am still failing her now, the one person I always wished to be mine. Since that day Luther has refused to shift for me, he has only come out once when we were attacked by a rogue wolf on our border.

That is the only time he has assisted me, and I am too embarrassed to say a word to anyone about it. I have even made my displeasure clear to her brother and parent’s making things even more awkward when we are together as a group. I can not say it is something that I am proud of, but I am pi.ssed that my wolf won’t let me shift because of her so even her family started to isolate her more being loyal to their Alpha.

All of this has just served to make Luther even more angry with me and make me more resentful towards Harriet to the point that I told Candice to come off her contraception as I was jealous of my best friend and sister having a pup, my future pups beta.

So here I am now with the love of my life going away with a man she doesn’t want to be with and I am now stuck with a girl who is vain, self obsessed, and couldn’t care less about being a Luna other than the fact that it gives her money and status. I have seriously fu.cked up my life.

Simon didn’t even think twice before wanting her, he didn’t care how hard it would be, all he cared about was having his mate and how he would do whatever it took to help and protect her. This is the reason that I can not look at the girl I have loved for years. Not only have I let her down by not being the mate she deserved, but I have taken her family from her and driven a wedge between them making everything worse for her when her life was already a living hell.

It is no wonder my wolf hates me right now, I hate me. My sister hates herself amd feels guilty that her best friend the person who saved her from the life that Harriet lived has now left and she no longer has the chance to make things right.

Her brother has now burned all bridges after I have been in his ear growing his resentment towards her making him believe that my sister, his mate feels bad because of her to the point that he blamed her for everything and she heard him. None of us can bare to see the disappointment towards us as she looks away from us and won’t even spare a glance or a word to anyone as she stepped into the car going to a place she doesn’t want to be in.

The guilt never leaves months pass and numerous calls from her family amd myself to Simon asking how she is. She doesn’t speak to anyone there and won’t leave her room at all, and she refuses to accept any contact from anyone in our pack.

Finally, we hear of a breakthrough, Simon gives us the good news that she is having some improvements but still will not speak to any of us. It is a bittersweet moment as her family is devastated, my sister and, in particular, her brother is still filled with guilt about everything.

Candice has made it past the dangerous stage in her pregnancy and is expecting a son, Luther and I have tried to be excited about the fact our heir the next Alpha of the pack is on his way but we just can not. He still refuses to mark her but won’t speak any more on the subject. He only cared for his rejected mate, the one and only girl we have both ever loved.

I still feel guilty about Candice and that I should forget Harriet and put more time and effort into her and our relationship, but she seems content going shopping and spending time with her friends. Mum keeps on complaining about how she hasn’t bothered to learn her role at all. I try and stick up for her, using her previous miscarriage as an excuse for her lack of effort.

If only that was the reason, she never bothered after she lost the pup to the time she conceived again. She only cares about what she can get out of the title, but until she has our pup safely, I am too scared to say much. I have fu.cked up enough with Harriet, I can not fu.ck up with Candice and our pup, too.

No wonder my wolf hates me and my best friend, and Beta struggles to be in my company now. I have even gotten to the point that I have begged that bl.oody Alpha Simon that has my mate to make her speak to her family as everyone is miserable here now she is gone and we each know how much we have failed her, but the stubborn bas.tard refuses to comply if it is something she doesn’t want.

I know I have made things worse and caused so many more problems, but I just want to try and make things right now. At least, that is what I am currently trying to convince myself and everyone else of right now.