The Oracle

CHAPTER SIX: REASONS TO MOVE ON

Synthia’s POV

My life turned to a monotonous black and white movie without any colors. My days began and ended without any purpose, since by now, I had given up on proving myself to Aiden. I avoided being in his presence as it was too painful for me to see him looking at me with eyes full of frustration. I stopped invading the kitchen and cooking his favorite dishes for it to be just thrown away. All in all, I almost lost any hope of salvaging our relation and stopped trying too hard and making a fool out of myself. I guess I still had a little bit of dignity left.

There was no difference between days, and I couldn’t tell between Sunday and Monday. Nothing mattered, and I simply hated this existence. I hated being such a pathetic, whiny mess. I was totally different from whom I used to be and I didn’t want to be like this anymore. I even forgot to use my silly made up curse words since it didn’t matter when my whole life had turned into a big curse.

On one such day, I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn’t even recognize myself. With sunken cheeks, empty looking violet eyes, knotted hair and my clothes hanging loosely on my frame due to weight loss, I was no longer the me I knew. Something stirred inside me and I felt an angry voice inside demanding me to be the strong woman I am and stop moaning over a man who didn’t know to appreciate the love he received. It was high time that I stopped being an eyesore to myself as well as others. I had to find a reason to move on!

I had a sudden spark of idea and logged onto the internet and began searching the web. Finding the website I was looking for, I filled in the details and completed the application. Then I paid the fee online and just like that, I had signed into an accelerated online degree course.

I didn’t select my major yet and decided to wait and choose the subject which would call out to me. After joining the course, I felt like something was finally going in the right direction in my life. I felt a little lighthearted as the feeling of being an utter waste of space eased a little.

After that day, I began slowly involving myself in the activities of the pack, little by little. I realized that if the pack needed a strong alpha to control it, maintain the power hierarchy and stability, they needed a compassionate Luna who had to be motherly and take care of everyone’s problems passionately. I found myself acting up to the position and started to provide a shoulder to lean on for those who needed it. I became a listener to the problems of the pack members and even though I was a broken soul myself; I began counseling the members and offering solutions to their troubles.

Also, I began visiting the old age home and started helping out the elders there. I spent my time with those who had no children and soon gained many cute old buddies. By now, I realized that there were actually people in the world with much bigger problems than unrevoked love, such as cancer patients and people with other terminal illness who loved life and even with their limits, lived life each day to the fullest; while others were struggling to meet the ends and were suffering from poverty. Many were victims of abuse and domestic violence and others, like my elder friends, were abandoned by their children after they spent their whole lives for them.

I began thinking of my former self as a pampered princess, ignorant to the life of others in the world around her. I realized that I should be grateful for the life I had since I had loving parents, a good friend, had a healthy body and never had to worry for food to fill my stomach. I was not claiming that I turned to a saint overnight, but my perspective on life and the world around me definitely changed. I believe I am now a better person than I was before. Though I was not happy, I was definitely feeling better than the depressed mess I had turned to in the past few months. If not happiness, I felt at peace with myself and I learned that acceptance makes all the change. 

People chose to deal with their grief in different ways, and my coping method was to be a helping hand to others and find happiness from others smiling.  I believed that the worst phase in my life was already over and nothing could make me hurt as much as I did again. Little did I know that I spoke too soon and my heart was indeed capable of breaking all over again, but that was a story for another day.

One day, while I was sitting in the tree shade meditating as I used to do these days, I heard loud noises. I turned to see a few kids playing and running around. I looked at how they were as free as butterflies and sat mesmerized watching them. Suddenly, Daniel, a little boy around four years old, fell down and began crying. 

Before I knew it, I was running towards the child and picked him up from the ground. Bouncing him up and down to soothe him, I checked him for injuries to see that his leg was bleeding. Even though werewolves had accelerated healing, as in twice the speed of humans and not like heals in minutes or hours, it didn’t start until after puberty, mostly around thirteen or fourteen when they turned for the first time. Daniel looked up at me with those big hazel eyes brimmed with tears and my heart melted. Meanwhile, Tanya, Danielle’s mom came running over to us and I handed him over to her.

I quickly ran over to the edge of the jungle surrounding the pack house, gathered some herbs and came back. I cut off the leaf of the aloe vera plant, removed the spiky sides and squeezed out its juice and applied it to the wound. 

"Don’t worry; it’s just a small wound. The aloe vera gel is enough to keep it from inflammation," I said to the anxious mother.

Tanya smiled at me.

"Thank you, Luna! It is nice that you know about these herbs. It is just as if we have got our own pack healer!" she said. Then she turned and walked away with her now silent son.

However, her words struck a chord in my mind and I stood in front of the tree when my mind began replaying the events of a day twelve years ago when I was playing with Sophie just in this exact place.

*FLASHBACK*

I turned seven last week, and I was proud of being a big girl! Now, I wouldn’t let Dominic and Jared call me their baby sister because I was not a baby!

Sophia, my best friend, came running to me wearing a pink frock and her blonde hair in pigtails. 

"Synthia! Guess what I found!" she asked me eagerly.

She was so excited and was jumping up and down.

I frowned, trying to think what would make her this excited. "Chocolates?" I guessed.

She frowned at me. "No, silly!" she said.

I narrowed my eyes at her.  "Ice cream?" I asked.

"Nope!" she said with a laugh.

Oooh! This was getting interesting. I loved challenges!

“Dolls! Teddy! Dress! Cake! Toys! Video game!”

I kept on guessing and shouting random things that popped into my head and she kept shaking her head no. finally, I gave up and sighed. "Just tell me already!”

"A kitten!" she squealed.

We both squealed together and ran outside.

When we reached outside, it was nowhere to be seen. I looked at Sophie doubtfully. 

"Are you sure that you saw a kitten? Cats hate wolves and won’t come anywhere near here," I said.

She stomped her foot. "I am not lying! I saw a kitten!" she shouted.

Then we both began searching and finally heard a 'Meoww!'

We ran excitedly and looked around but still didn’t see the kitten.

Finally, I turned and looked up and spotted the little cutie sitting up in ‘My Tree’ as I liked to call it. The little one looked scared, and we deduced that the kitten was scared of falling down from the tree. We didn’t think about how it managed to climb up without any problem.

As big girls, we decided that we had to help the poor thing to get down from the tree. Both of us scrambled up the tree like monkeys and just as Sophie reached out her hands to take it, the kitten hissed and jumped down from the tree. Surprised, Sophie lost her hold and fell down from the tree. Immediately, I climbed down and ran to see her sitting and bawling her eyes out while holding her hands in front of her. Quickly, I checked her hands and found her palms wounded, but otherwise everything seemed to be fine as she was moving her hands freely and it didn’t seem broken. So, I went and gathered some herbs and applied them on her wounds. She stopped crying and looked at me with her innocent blue eyes full of trust. 

"Don’t worry, Sophie! It’s just a small boo-boo. I have put aloe vera on it and it would heal fast," I said with a smile.

We stood up and saw that my Mom and Stephanie, Sophie’s Mom stood there looking at us in wonder. My mom came over and took my hands in hers.

"How would you know about this plant, darling?" she asked me.

I looked at her in confusion. "What, Mom? Everybody knows this.. Chamomile for relaxation and healing wounds too, Echinacea for preventing colds, feverfew for fever, and aloe vera for open wounds... Plants can cure everything!" I replied. 

I didn’t know from where I heard these, but I just knew these things and it didn’t seem like a big deal to me.

My Mom hugged me. "Such a sweet and smart kid I have! I swear I would have thought you were a Nymph hadn’t I been able to smell your human scent. Our very own little healer!" she said.

However, my attention had already shifted to the kitten which was observing us from between the bushes and I squealed and ran towards it with Sophie who forgot her boo-boo following me to chase the little culprit who made her fall.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I sighed, remembering my family. That was the one thing that still remained an issue for me. Though I was involved with the matters of the pack members, my relation with my family and Sophie was not the same as before. Not because of their lack of trying but maybe because I still felt guilty for snapping at them or maybe, even if I hated to admit it, a teeny tiny part of me was still envious of their mate bonds. 

After several attempts, it was as if they stopped trying to cheer me up and engage me in conversations when I kept full on silence. Maybe they were just giving me space to grieve and waiting for me to be back to myself. But the insecure part of me was scared that they thought me worthless and decided they were better off without me. Even though I knew it not to be true, the seed of self doubt and insecurity Aiden sowed in my mind had already taken roots in my mind. I knew that even this minute, if I ran and hugged them without even offering an apology, everything would be alright in our world. But even knowing this, I just couldn’t take that step yet, making everyone of us miserable, but it was something I just wasn’t able to do right now.

However, the memory sparked the insight I needed right now. Sometimes, we wouldn’t see what is right in front of us. Now I knew what my Major was going to be. I was going to choose Botany. Now that I think of it, it seems glaringly obvious, and I shouldn’t even have had any confusion to begin with. I felt a smile forming on my face after what felt like ages when I thought of things I had going on... Pack members to care for, social services, elders finding solace in my company and now, studies to immerse myself in. I now had reasons to move on!