To Become Number One

Chapter 19

Vulnerable.

I still couldn't get out in my mind the way how he said those words before he turned his back on us. It was so dangerous and scary, that despite that he said it in a calm yet cold way, deep inside his tone, it was like a threat that he wouldn't think twice of doing something even it's the cruelest thing to do.

That's why no matter how happy that we won the first game, deep inside me, I'm pitying Lucian since he just did it in able analyze everyone, and yet, someone doesn't like it, and I know that my classmates are feeling it too.

I mean, what's wrong with what Lucian did? For me, it's just an act of analyzing the people around him and it's not bad for me. I mean, the feeling that someone still cares at what you're doing at, even they're doing it for the sake of being top, it's kind of motivating, right?

And so what if they know about our moves? It's not as if they wouldn't know it since we'll be together with each other for the next following months, or maybe I'm just looking positively on that?

No, I mean, it has an advantage though. You can share someone's information to others especially if you're doing it in a good way to help them and create a good group with others by saying, for example, my strengths and weakness so they would avoid those things that could hinder me from moving as much as I could.

But yeah, I wouldn't deny the fact that it also has cons. It means that once Lucian will be our enemy, our strengths and weaknesses will be exposed to their group, but once that happens, all you just need to do is to keep pushing forward, right? If they learned about something about what you do, then change the way you do it. You're not just creating a new move, you are also improving yourself.

That's why I just don't understand why Killian's so mad at him especially that he just did such a little thing in which, if in his case, it's just like 5 out of 100, since it's Killian, and from Lucian's point of view, Killian could move the mountain with his hands only.

“Let's go! We'll treat everyone!” Yvonne said smiling widely before she threw me a ‘tell me about it later’ stare in which I nodded. I know she could feel their anxious feeling through the air.

Even I was anxious… I mean, I really don't know how to react with that once because… if I would talk into Killian, maybe their gap with each other would only increase, but if I just let it go… I don't know, because I know I just couldn't let it go and let them treat each other like this.

And my classmates are also thinking the same same, I think.

That's why even where at the dorm where Yvonne and Dashiel ordered so many foods for our dinner, as we even invite Mr. Monaghan and Ms. Hera since they're the only teacher we knew, I just couldn't turn into a blind eye especially that Lucian's sadness keeps overflowing and we just couldn't ignore it. As Zariyah couldn't help herself do she asked him.

“Lucian… are you okay?” She asked that made everyone stopped and focused their attention on him.

Lucian, who was only playing with his fork at his carbonara earlier, suddenly woke up from his deep thought I think.

He blinked fast, just before he looks at us. “Huh?” He was clueless why all of us are looking at him and thankfully, it's only us since Mr. Monaghan and Ms. Hera still have something to do, they said, so they left early, while Killian isn't here which is not new.

“I said are you okay?” Zariyah repeated as her concern could clearly be noticed at the way she asked those words. We waited for Lucian's answer even though we clearly notice that he really isn't fine.

“Yeah… sorry guys. I was just thinking,” He lowered his head as if he suddenly becomes guilty. “It seems like I've placed all of you to this situation because of how I've been behaving, I'm sorry…” He said it with his low voice— it came out as if a whisper only, but I know everyone heard it.

Yuki shook her head even though Lucian couldn't see her. “It's fine, we just wanted to make sure if you're okay.” Even it's clearly not… I wanted to add but I just decided to shut my mouth.

“I'm okay. I'm used to it. I was just thinking about something…” Lucian said as we all fell into silence for a while.

Maybe the reason why they became like this is so deep that's why…

I signed heavily. Just as when Lux spoke. “How about let's forget it for a while and just be happy?” He said, trying to cheer up everyone and change the mood even everyone's been trying that ever since earlier.

“It's kind of unfair to Killian...” Bruno said and she's somehow right with this one.

One of the reasons why I'm so fond of this one, they don't want anyone to be left behind, and I think that's the purest thing a group could even do despite loving and supporting each other.

“But it'll be more unfair to Yvonne and Dashiel since they did their best earlier, right?” Zanea said that Yvonne, who's beside me, quickly butt in.

Since her name was mentioned, she has the right to speak up.

She quickly shook her head and made a sign with her hands by shaking them both with palms in front of everyone, “No, it's really fine by me. I mean, we could always celebrate every time! Even after this!” She seems she down know how to convince them, like in her point of view, she believes that they wouldn't believe her from the way she reacted earlier, and it's just cute.

“It's fine by me too.” Dashiel suddenly said before he sipped at his chamomile tea. It was part of dinner since Selene said we will be able to feel sleepy with this once and have a nice sleep. Well, as expected from a Princess who knows everything about this one…

“See? No biggie!” Yvonne said before she looked at Yuki as if asking help.

Yuki doesn't know what to do. “Uhh… alright. So what are we going to do to these foods?” As she pointed the leftover foods at the table and yeah, there are still leftovers especially those foods that you can—

“Let's pack it up and have a picnic tomorrow! What do you think guys?” Yvonne said as I chuckled. Why do I think that Yvonne could hear everything I'm thinking about? Because even I say it, she's already suggesting it.

“It's such a good idea!”

“How about we call it a day? I think everyone's really tired.” Sapphire said in which we nodded. I yawned a little as I've only felt tiredness from what we did for the whole day. What about tomorrow, right? Since we will have a game of volleyball girls and basketball boys in which, the line up is already set.

“Yeah, let's do that! Good night, everyone! Yvonne and Dashiel, congratulations again!” Yuki said before she started fixing the foods at the table. I stood up and helped her in which, I saw others started cleaning the foods in their place so it'll be fast.

“Thank you, guys! Sleep well!” Yvonne said and yawned. “I'm sleepy…” She said as she brushes her closed eyes with her hand. I laughed at her.

“Go, sleep now, you did well today,” I said in which others nodded their head. Yvonne smile as she nodded.

“Okay, good night everyone!” She said jollily yet sleepy before she yawned again.

“Have a sweet dream!” Zari said as we saw her started walking towards the stairs where Dashiel followed with her. I focused on fixing the things and helped Yuki at placing them to the refrigerator as when we're done, she yawned since we're now alone.

“How about you? Are you going to sleep?” She asked me. I shook my head. I felt so tired but I'm not yet sleepy.

“Maybe I'll get some air before going to bed,” I said in which she nodded.

“Okay, don't be too late! Sleep early okay?” She said as I nodded before she started going to the other stair where it's connected to the stairs that we usually used when going upwards when we're here, as I looked at the clock and saw it was just 9:58 in the evening.

So I decided to go out to get some fresh air. I hugged my body as the cold breeze touched my skin. I'm only wearing a tee-shirt today so it's kind of chilly since it's night, and the temperature is lower when it's dark.

While walking through, a familiar built captured my gaze.  He's just wearing a dark sleeveless tee regardless of how cold the surroundings are. From here, I could see how lean yet muscular his shoulders are, and the way his shirt hugging his back, I could see how much he's been working even at his young age. I don't know what he's doing but I decided to come to where he is.

“Killian?” I called his attention. He looked at me and the way his sharp eyes capture my gaze, I instantly shiver. The way he's looking alright now, it's much colder than the atmosphere around us.

“Go inside, it's cold…” And your clothing… I just look into his body as I couldn't continue what I'm saying.

I've noticed that he's holding his phone, and the other side of his ear, I saw his other headset on it. Oh, so he's strolling at night with music to calm his head. Maybe. Ever since Yvonne gave me her iPod as she said I could download and listen to music that I like, that's when I started to love music and how calmly the classical ones.

As when I remembered something. I don't know but I just found myself walking to where he is… to the forest part of this Academy, just located at the side of our dorm.

And I don't know why I am not scared of him.

Because right now, I just wanted to comfort him. Ask him what's wrong.

Even it means of entering his life.

If he will only let me.

“Kill… did you throw the paper already—” I wasn't even finished what I am asking about when he suddenly turned his back to face me, as I gasped when suddenly, his glaring eyes met mine.

The looks as if blazing in the darkness, but as I've said, I'm not scared.

Maybe I was shocked… because right now, he looks so… vulnerable.

Too different from how he usually is.

“What does that Lucian have that's why everyone's keep being attracted to him?” He took a step closer to me as I stepped back. My heart started beating so fast as I'm somehow regretting why did I even come to him.

My mind is saying that he's dangerous but… right now, all I could think is that I shouldn't let him come closer to me. I shouldn't let my guard down or else, I will be a loser in this fight.

“It's because he's so weak?” He took a step, “That's why everyone wants to protect him?” As I took a step back.

“Or is it because he's so honest with what he feels?” And he took a step forward again and again that all I did was to step back.

“You're also honest with what you feel…” I said with my small voice, but it was as if he didn't hear what I said. Or he chose not to.

“Or is it because he's the favorite?” Just as when I felt the cold wall at my back that my eyes widen, just before he took steps forward that enough to be in front of me, before he placed his left hand at the wall behind.

I lowered my gaze as I couldn't meet his sharp eyes. Because right now… they looked so begging… begging to be appreciated, begging to be noticed.

Just before he lifted my chin as right now, I could feel how close he is with me. I gasped a little but I still felt like having a hard time breathing because of the fast beating of my heart right now.

Yet at this distance, I could smell his natural sweet smell and be mixed with the smell of the forest and the cold breeze that surrounds us… at this dark place.

Right now, the way he is so close to me, I felt like could almost feel the tip of his nose into mine. He's still holding my chin, making me look at him and as if waiting for my answer to his questions.

But right now, I could only think of those words.

“Do you envy him?” I asked him, whispering, enough for him to be frozen before he moved away and turned his back into me, that I was kind of relieved for what he did.

“Why would I? He's just a loser,” He said it… or maybe he's saying it to himself. It was as if slowly, he's accepting it.

That he's really envying Lucian… even he doesn't want it, and he doesn't want to accept it.

Just as when I heard him sighed heavily, with the lifting of his shoulders before he faced me again and right now, he still looks vulnerable but I could now see the mask… the same wall he's always using, the same mask he's always showing to other people.

Before I saw him get something in his pocket, as my eyes widen a little when I saw the familiar paper on it.

He didn't… throw it away…

“Forget what happened today,” He said with his calm voice but it just made me feel something… a little scared since he's really scary when he's calm than when he's loud.

As he gave me the paper in which I quickly get it from him because he might change his mind, as after I got it, he quickly turned his back and started moving away.

While I was left there, dumbfounded, as I watched him walked away from me.

But I never thought that starting that night, he will never be the same Killian I've always known.

***

Have a sweet dream everyone.