Painless

Chapter 9

You know that feeling? Like you've been caught stealing something? But hey! I didn't steal anything. Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ko ito nararamdaman. Sa paraan kasi ng pagtingin sa akin ni Bee ay parang kakatayin na niya ako ng buhay.

Nanlilisik yung mga mata ni Bee habang papalapit sa akin. Hinawi niya yung kamay ni Stanley na nasa mukha ko. She then looked at me with the same ferocity in her eyes.

Is she mad at me?

"Bee, please I can explain—" Stanley tried to explain but he was cut of my Bee's intimidating voice.

"Shut up!"

Uh-oh

Nagseselos ba siya? Pero malabo. Wala silang relasyon and Stanley made it clear. Pero kung tutuusin hindi ko rin maitanggi na sa mga kilos palang ni Bee makikita mong may gusto siya kay Stanley— or was it just for show? Pero iba din kasi yung tingin niya kay Stanley. If I know any better baka may gusto nga talaga siya sa kaibigan niya.

Her angry eyes softened as she roam her eyes on every inch of my face. "Dear God! What happened to you?!"

Huh?

I looked at her with a very confused look. Her face softened as worry reflected on her eyes. Akala ko ba galit siya? Bakit parang nakikita ko na nag-aalala siya para sa akin? Ang bilis niya namang mag-iba ng emosyon.

"I'm okay."

"You poor thing," she said as she caress my cheeks which I found it awkward. "You're so red," dagdag niya bago hinarap si Stanley. "What have you done?!" galit niyang tanong.

"Teka lang. What did I do?"

Bee crossed her arms under her breast while still glaring at Stanley.

"Una sa lahat, you left me with your idiotic friend. Nakakairita na si Tristan, alam mo ba yun?" Stanley then chuckled pero agad ding tinikom yung bibig nang makitang seryoso si Bee. "Second, you made me pay for all the foods that your friends ordered. Alam mo ba kung ilang halaga lahat yun? Katumbas na nun ang isang linggo kong allowance! Unfortunately, matatakaw yung mga kaibigan mo! Sinabi ko pa naman na libre mo. But you left and made me pay for all of it!" She paused and looked at me. Ito na. "Lastly..."

Hindi ko kayang marining yung sasabihin niya. Baka sabihin niyang "Bakit siya pa? Bakit hindi ako?" and stuffs like that. I watched a lot of TV dramas so...

"...what the hell did you do to her?"

Mas lalong kumunot yung noo ko. Okay. I wasn't expecting that.

"Do what?"

"Seriously, babe. Ganyan mo ba tinatrato ang isang babae? Namumula siya nang sobra! Hindi mo ba alam na it's a no-no if you let a girl turn red? Paano nalang yung mga ginamit niyang cosmetics? Hindi ka ba nag-iisip?!" she furiously said. "Saan mo ba kasi siya dinala?!"

Napailing nalang si Stanley. "Bee, she's okay," mahina siyang tumawa.

"No she's not! Ano ba? She's new here and you better treat her right. She might change her mind and transfer to another university."

Stanley's smile vanished and was replaced with worry. Nilingon niya ako at sinabing, "You wouldn't do that, would you?" tanong niya sa akin. Umiling nalang ako bilang kasagutan. "That's a relief," he sighed.

Hindi naman kasi sumagi sa isip ko na lilipat sa ibang university. Stanley's here and that's enough reason for me to stay. Isa pa, I don't think Dad would transfer to another school. Ito yung pinakalapit sa bahay namin. Hinding-hindi papayag si Daddy na lalayo pa ako.

"Halika nga dito Danielle," hinawakan ako ni Bee sa braso at iginiya papunta ng comfort room. "Ayusin ko nalang muna yung sarili mo. Si Stanley talaga. Minsan gentleman, minsan hindi. Tsk."

Palihim akong napangiti. Stanley didn't do anything wrong. Gusto niya lang akong mapangiti. Napangiti naman niya ako and I enjoyed his company. He wasn't as distant as I thought he could be. I enjoyed too much that I forgot about my condition. I forgot that I am not like any other kids. The fact that I forgot made me feel like I'm a normal child like everyone else.

Nanginginig yung mga kamay ko habang nakatingin sa malayo. Oh no! The basketball court is too crowded! I can't get pass through the crowd without getting scratched. If ever that happens, hindi ko ito mararamdaman.

Maybe I'm a little paranoid when I say that I might die, but maybe I might really die of stampede. Am I too much? 'E kasi I never joined with the crowd. Iniiwasan ko ito.

"Are you okay?" nag-aalang tanong sa akin ni Bee. Napansin niya siguro yung pagkabalisa ko.

I dismissed the thought of dying and faced her. "Yeah."

"You don't look too good," komento niya habang inilibot yung paningin sa buong mukha ko. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm really okay," I gave her an assuring smile. "Naninibago lang ako sa paligid."

Okay, I lied. Lying is good unless you want to hide something that might ruin your friendship, right?

Wrong.

Lying is never good, and never will be. But I'm willing to take that risk. For myself.

"If you say so," she smiled back. "Let's go na. Mahihirapan tayong makahanap ng mauupuan."

We started walking forward until we reached court. Still with trembling hands, I managed to walk pass by the crowd. Agad naman kaming nakahanap nang mauupuan. Nakaupo kami sa left side ng court at nasa bandang gitna. It's a very great spot actually. Makikita namin ang buong court!

"There they are!" turo ni Bee sa may entrance. "Hi Babe!" tili niya. Agad naman kaming nilingon ni Stanley at ngumiti nang sobrang lapad. "Go! Go! Go! You can do it!"

Hindi ko alam kung sa akin ba o kay Bee nakatingin si Stanley. I don't care kung saan man siya nakatingin basta ang alam ko ay gustong kumawala ang puso ko. Sobrang bilis ng t***k nito.

Ilang minuto pa yung tinagal bago nagsimula yung laro. Habang nanunuod ako sa laro, hindi ko mapigilan na mapatitig lang sa kanya. Ang galing niya kasi. I've seen him play basketball at their house but never in a tournament. Iba pa rin talaga kapag nasa totoong laro. Mas intense.

"Kyaahhhh! Go babe!"

Bumalik ako sa katinuan nang makitang nashoot ni Stanley yung bola. Ang galing!

He faced his teammates and had high fives before going back to the game. Base sa mga tilian ng nakararami, kilala si Stanley sa larong ito. All they were doing was shouting Stanley's name!

Ang dami ko palang kaagaw.

Dane. Kung makasabi ka naman ng kaagaw akala mo naman pag-aari mo na. Well, we can dream, right? Pwede naman akong managinip. Stanley and I were getting closer, lalo na't nasa iisang school lang kami. But I'm controlling myself not to ask for more.

"Alam mo ba na kung makabakod ako kay Stanley ay sobra sobra?"

Nilingon ko si Bee na nasa nagtitiliang babae yung tingin. Bakod? Binabakuran niya si Stanley? Akala ko wala silang relasyon?

"Talaga?"

"Yup! Ayoko kasing nakikita na may mga umaaligid sa kanyang mga babae. Possessive na kung possessive," she said and gave the screaming girls a piercing look.

Naguluhan tuloy ako sa sinabi niya. They're not in a relationship but she's being possessive. This confirmed my assumption na may gusto siya kay Stan.

"If you don't mind me asking, but..." I was hesitant to ask her. Ayokong mausisa but curiosity is killing me so I need to ask her this question. "... are you two in a relationship?"

I know. Stanley already told me na walang namamagitan sakanilang dalawa but I need her confirmation too, right? I mean, it won't hurt anybody. She likes him and I'm not sure if Stanley likes her back. He never budge everytime Bee clings to him and everytime she calls him babe. Mag-MU ba sila? Mutual understanding?

"I wish!" she blurted out laughing. "If only he likes me, Dane, I would surely ask him out."

My eyes went wide. "Kahit ikaw yung babae?"

"Anong issue dun? Like it's 2021, hello? Hindi na uso ang magpapakipot."

Kung ganun, may gusto nga siya kay Stanley! Hindi nga ako nagkakamali. Obvious na obvious naman talaga. I just wanted to hear it from her.

"Why didn't you pursue him?" tanong ko.

She frowned after I asked her the question. "He doesn't feel the same."

"Alam niya?"

"Yup! I confessed to him like years ago. But he told me that he only see me as a friend— a sister even! But not as his girl. Ang daya lang. But the good thing is, he didn't mind me calling him babe or being clingy to him. Hindi nagbago yung treatment niya sa akin. Until now, nararamdaman ko talaga na wala akong pag-asa," she sighed. "I can't make a move because of his ex," binulong niya yung huli niyang sinabi kaya hindi ko masyadong narinig.

"Kung ganun, bakit hanggang ngayon tinatawag mo pa rin siyang babe kahit alam mong wala ka nang pag-asa? Hindi ba't ikaw lang yung nagpapaasa sa sarili mo?" nag-alala kong tanong.

"Duh? We do crazy things when we're in love! As long as single siya at ako lang yung babaeng didikit sakanya ng ganun, kontento na ako."

That's deep. I mean, she's doing things that makes her happy but also hurts her, knowing that at the first place, she's on the friendzone.

"Unbelievable," I whispered but loud enough for her to hear.

"Tell me, Danielle. Have you been in love before?"

Napahinto ako sa tanong niya. Have I been in love before? Sure I like Stanley but is it love already? Did I reached love? For now, I can't answer that question. Medyo complex. First, hindi pa ako sure kung like lang ba or love na yung nararamdaman ko kay Stanley. Second, I can't answer it because I know that Bee would ask who that person is. I don't want to make her hate me. Third, I think I'm not ready for commitments. It's a big word after all.

"I'm taking that as a no," Bee interrupted my thoughts. "Pero sabihan mo ako kapag may nagustuhan ka na, okay?"

"Okay."

I can't tell you that I like the boy you like. I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin this friendship.

"Hey!" natigilan kami ni Bee sa pag-uusap nang may tumawag sa amin. Napalingon kami sa pinanggalingan ng sigaw and my eyes landed on Stanley, smiling widely from ear to ear. "What are you doing there?" he asked.

"We're supporting you babe," sigaw ni Bee pabalik.

"Danielle!" he shouted my name na nagpatahimik nang paligid. The girls that were shouting Stanley's name earlier were squinting their eyes on me.

"Yeah?" kinakabahan kong tanong.

"I told you."

"Told me what?" kurap ko.

I can feel Bee's eyes looking at me. Natatakot akong lingunin siya kasi alam ko na hindi maganda yung titig niya sa akin. I am dead.

"I told you to sit here..." He motioned the bench at the side. "... with me"