My Lust Love

Chapter 2

"Saan ka nanaman galing bro?" Paulo asked

I stiffed for a moment when someone sat beside me. Confirmed! Pabango pa lang, alam ko ng it was him. Why does he always smell good, nagbilad na siya't lahat kanina. Ibang-iba kay Joma na amoy sigarilyo; ang hirap singhutin.

He glanced at me."Nagpahangin lang. Kumain na kayo?" His voice was still stoic. Seems like they were together; what a coincidence.

Ayaw niya talagang tumingin sa 'kin nang matagal. I covered my bikini with my oversized white shirt. Hindi naman na siguro nakakailang 'tong suot ko besides hindi ba siya nagtaka bakit kasama 'yong mga kakilala niya?

"Oo bro, hindi ka namin mahanap eh. Nagutom na kami." Mabuti pa si Paulo; he always wore a smile. Proud siguro siya sa dimples siya. Mukhang magaan naman siyang kasama. Wag niya lang talagang lolokohin si Wendy.

"Ayos lang. Busog pa naman ako."

"Ah... Alexis si Karmina nga pala--"

"No it's okay. We already knew each other, right Alexis?" I tried to removed the awkward feeling I felt by acting comfortable around him.

Our eyes met. Hindi ba talaga siya marunong ngumiti? Tsaka bakit parang namumula pa 'yong mata niya? Mukha siyang umiyak. Tapos ang laki pa ng eyebags, though I found it cute; parang panda eyes.

Pagkatapos niya 'kong tunawin sa titig niya, tumango lang siya at binalik 'yong tingin kay Paulo. Unbelievable.

"Talaga? Paano?" Paulo leaned closer to the table. Parang interasadong-interesado siya kung paano kami nagkakilala ng tahimik niyang tropa.

Mahina kong siniko si Alexis. "Kwento mo na." I still managed to act comfortable around him. The more you act, the more it gets real.

My mouth dropped from dismayed. He glared at me like I did something wrong.

"Cr lang ako." He stood up without giving me a glance. Tumango lang ulit siya kina Paulo at Wendy before turning back from us.

Napailing ako. What the hell was wrong with him? One night he saved me from bastards, then later on he avoided me like I was some sort of a bacteria.

"Uy pasensya ka na kay Alexis ha. May pinagdadaanan lang 'yon kaya ganoon." Paulo might notice the dismayed I have on my face. Well, I couldn't hide it.

"Bakit ba ang suplado ng tropa niyong 'yon?"

Wendy and Paulo looked at each other. Wendy nodded and gave me a bit smile. Paulo sighed.

My brows furrowed. Bakit bigla silang nagseryoso? It was like they were going to say something so serious. I grabbed my juice.

"Kakabreak lang kasi nila ng girlfriend niya."

I coughed. Bigla na lang bumara 'yong juice sa lalamunan ko. I continued coughing hanggang sa mawala 'yong kati.

"Karmina okay ka lang?" Lumipat si Wendy sa tabi ko. She massaged my back.

I nodded. "I-Im fine." I gasped. Pabigla-bigla naman kasi magkwento si Paulo.

"Tubig oh."

Tinanggap ko 'yong tubig na inalok ni Wendy. "Thank you." Finally my lungs calmed down. I looked at Paulo. "I'm sorry, come again?" Baka mali lang 'yong narinig ko.

My brows crossed when he laughed. Umiling siya na para bang may naisip siyang kakaiba sa pagkasamid ko.

"What's wrong?" I raised my right brow, still with a confusion on my face.

"Love ano ba? Anong nakakatawa?" Ang kalmado magsalita ni Wendy. Ibang-iba sa kung paano siya kumilos; malikot siya lalo na kapag naghaharutan sila ni Paulo.

"Wala. Iyon nga, kakabreak lang kasi nila ng girlfriend niya."

I nodded as if I didn't care. "I see. Kaya pala mukha siyang problemado."

Tama pala ako. Namumugto talaga 'yong mata niya kanina. That's why it was kinda red. Siguro puyat din 'yon kaya ang laki ng eyebags.

"Hindi lang mukha, problemado talaga. Ewan ko ba kay Alexis. Napakarami namang ibang maganda riyan, mabait, matalino. Bakit hindi na lang siya maghanap ng iba?" Umiling sa dismaya si Paulo.

Wendy went back beside Paulo. Hinampas niya ito. "Ganoon talaga, mahal niya eh. Kahit maraming mas maganda riyan o mas sexy, wala namang katumbas 'yon sa pagmamahal."

I looked away, so Joma didn't love me at all? Ganoon ba 'yon? Kasi natumbasan ako ng magagandang babae, pero three years, imposible namang hindi niya ako minahal sa tatlong taon na 'yon.

I flinched when someone touched my shoulder. I wiped the hot tears on my cheeks. Natulala pala ako.

"Karmina ayos ka lang?" Wendy looked worried.

I nodded. "Pasensya na ha. Iwan ko muna kayo. Excuse me." I bowed my head and didn't wait for their response.

Sinampal ko 'yong pisnge ko. Bakit naluha nanaman ako? Tapos sa harap pa ng ibang tao. That was embarrassing.

This was my second day in the Lust Paradise, but here I was; feeding my pillow and bed, a bunch of tears. Great; really great.

It was twilight when I woke up. My eyes felt heavy. Medyo basa pa 'yong kanang parte ng unan ko. Nakatulog nanaman ako sa pag-iyak. I wonder hanggang kailan.

I took a quick shower. I have no plans to swim so I decided to wore an oversized graphic tee and a dolphin shorts. I stood in front of the mirror and started combing my shoulder length, black hair.

Joma always wanted me to have long hair, so the time that I caught him cheating. I immediately went to a salon to cut it short.

Another day, another burden. Ang hirap pala talaga kapag walang plano. I couldn't even think of what should I do this day.

I sat on my bed and checked my phone. This was the first time I was gonna check it ever since I came here. I threw it on my bed; right, no signal. What should I expect? It was actually better.

Kung may signal, baka hindi ko nanaman natiis at nagmakaawa nanaman ako kay Joma na balikan ako. Ilang beses ko ng ginawa 'yon. Ako na nga 'yong nasaktan, ako pa 'yong nagmakaawa.

Ginulo ko 'yong buhok ko. "Tanginang love 'yan. Nakakatanga!" Binagsak ko 'yong katawan ko sa kama at tinakpan 'yong mata ko.

Isang araw; isang araw magigising na lang akong wala ng nararamdaman para sa kanya; wala ng luhang tutulo nang dahil sa kanya. I promised. One day, magigising akong wala na 'yong sakit; one day. 

I checked my phone; it was twelve a.m. Hindi nanaman ako makatulog. Nagdalawang isip ako kung lalabas ba ako o hindi. Baka may mangtrip nanaman sa akin; ayain ako sa inuman, masyado naman ng gabi ngayon. I guess people was asleep. I puffed a breath.

"I need to swim."

Kinuha ko 'yong one piece black swimsuit ko. It showed my cleavage and the cheeks of my butt. I advocate women to wear what ever they want. It wasn't my fault if some perverts made fun of me. I couldn't understand why some people tolerate men's unacceptable manners. I used a cardigan para hindi ako mabigla sa lamig kapag labas ko.

It was great, wala na ngang mga tao sa lamesa. May mga bukas pang bilihan ng pagkain at alak pero sarado na rin ang ilan.

My brows crossed when I noticed someone under the water. Ang bilis niyang lumangoy papunta sa kabilang dulo ng pool nang marating niya 'yong dulo, bumaliktad agad siya like a swimmer at lumangoy pabalik sa kung saan siya nanggaling.

I stood exactly in front of where he was about to stop. Nang umahon siya, una kong napansin 'yong abs niya. It was just four abs but it looked hot with water slipping on it. I bit my lips.

"What are you doing here?"

I flinched when I heard his cold voice. Damn, it was Alexis. Mas lalo siyang nagmukhang fresh ngayong basang-basa siya. He stroked his messy hair na bagay na bagay sa kanya.

The next thing I knew he was literally in front of me though he was still standing on the metal stairs.

"May you excuse me?"

"Ah... r-right." I stepped backwards to give him space.

Tuluyan siyang nakaahon sa pool. I bit my lower lip when I saw how fitted his shorts was. Nakita ko na 'yong umbok sa groin niya. Umiling ako, I shouldn't be looking to that part.

"Mabilis ka pa lang lumangoy?" I tried to start a conversation to avoid awkwardness.

Pinanuod ko lang siyang punasan 'yong sarili niya with his towel.

"Sakto lang," he said without looking at me.

I smiled when a bright idea came on my mind. "Let's race."

Finally his deep eyes looked at me. "I'm tired." He continued what he was doing.

Bumagsak 'yong balikat ko. I thought he was going to accept my challenge. He turned his back to me.

Before he could even step, humarang na agad ako sa harapan niya. "Come on. Isang beses lang."

As I looked longer on his eyes, I noticed the sadness hinder on his black pupil. I remembered what Paulo said. He was on the state of heart ache as well. It made me wanna know what happened between him and his ex girlfriend.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine." He removed the towel covering his lower part. I stopped myself from looking on his groin.

I removed my cardigan and threw it on the table beside us. I caught him looking at me. The moment I looked at him, he looked away.

"Let's go." I ran towards the pool.

Walang kasigla-sigla naman siyang sumunod sa 'kin. Umiling ako; damaged found damaged.

"Whoever lose, owe us a drink. Game." I didn't wait for his answer. I dived and swam as fast as I could. Hindi ko ininda 'yong lamig ng tubig. I stroke harder while thinking about all the pain that Joma caused me. Binuhos ko lahat ng sakit at galit sa paglangoy ko.

I actually learned how to swim way back when I was on my senior high. I wasn't really a good swimmer. Inaya ko lang si Alexis to have fun and we never knew, I might win.

Umahon ako nang maramdaman ko na 'yong dulo ng pool. Tumingala ako. I puffed a breath when I saw him sitting on the edge of the pool. Kinakawag-kawag niya pa 'yong paa niya na parang hindi siya napagod. Nakatingin lang siya sa 'kin with his usual serious face.

"You lose."

I laughed. "I know." Tumalon ako to reach the edge of the pool. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Something inside me felt weird nang magdikit 'yong binti namin. "I owe you a drink, I guess." I offered my hand. Hoping he would accept it this time.

He just stared at it. "Bukas na lang, it's too late for drinks."

I rolled my eyes and pulled back my hands. "Ang arte mo naman." As if he would die when he just hold my hand for a second.

"Wala ka bang kasama?"

My eyes glowed. Finally, he initiated a topic. Akala ko wala na talagang pag-asa na makausap ko siya nang maayos. Though he still didn't look at me; malayo ang tingin niya.

"I came here alone." Tumingin na lang din ako sa kawalan.

Automatic na dumadapo sa 'kin 'yong lungkot sa tuwing naaalala ko 'yong panloloko ni Joma.

"Why?"

I hold my own hands and tried to warm my feelings. "Mainly because I wanted to escape."

Nakita ko sa gilid ng mata ko na nakatingin siya sa 'kin. I didn't bother to look back. I wouldn't want him to see the sadness in my eyes.

"Escape from what?"

I took a deep breath. Palamig na nang palamig 'yong hangin.

"F-from pain." Pinunasan ko agad 'yong luha sa pisnge ko.

I stood and went back to our table. Wrong timing nanaman luha ko. I froze when I realized I didn't brought my towel. Cardigan ko lang 'yong nasa lamesa. s**t.

I stiffed when a towel was wrapped around my body. I felt his warm breath behind my back. "Gamitin mo muna towel ko."

I faced him. My heart almost dropped when I saw him so close to me. I managed to breath normal. Muntik pa 'kong mauntog sa dibdib niya. It was slippery wet.

I felt suffocated so I made a little step backward. I turned my gaze to him. Nakatitig lang sa 'kin na parang babaon na 'yong mata niya sa mukha ko. His eyes was hell serious yet alluring.

"P-paano ka? What are you gonna use?" I hoped he wouldn't notice the nervousness of my voice.

"Just change quick and went back here. Bring your extra towel."

I nodded and ran. I would want to ask more but I didn't want him to notice that I was feeling awkward.

I gasped when I was finally away from him. Hindi ko alam bakit bigla akong nailang sa kanya. Sobrang lapit naman kasi niya kanina at 'yong mga titig niya parang gusto akong patayin. 

I was walking back at the pool area. I stopped when I saw his face was covered by his palms. Nakapatong lang 'yong siko niya sa lamesa. Tumingala siya at huminga nang malalim. I never seen him so upset.

He didn't notice me. Dumukmo siya sa lamesa. Was he crying? I walked slowly avoiding to produce any noice.

I wrapped the towel around him. He didn't move or do anything. I sat beside him and exhaled. I know what he was feeling. It must be really hard.

I didn't talk. I just sad beside him and let him cried peacefully. Nakatingin lang ako sa kawalan. Ano kayang nangyari sa relationship niya? Did his lover cheated or he was the one who cheated? I doubt kasi parang grabe talaga 'yong sakit na nararamdaman niya.

"Thank you." He stood up and didn't look at me.

Tumayo rin ako at hinabol siya. "Wait." I stood in front of her.

He avoided my eyes and looked away. Namumugto nanaman 'yong mata niya.

I gasped. "Are you okay?" I knew what it feels to be broken. As much as possible I wanted to listen to every one that needs to be heard.

He just nodded. Humarang ulit ako nang akmang hahakbang siya. "It's obvious that you're not."

Our eyes met. Parang nasaksak 'yong mata ko sa talim niyang tumingin. "So what you're gonna do about it?"

I didn't know what possessed me. Parang may sariling isip 'yong katawan ko na dumikit sa katawan niya. I wrapped my arms around his perfectly built waist. Sinandal ko 'yong mukha ko sa dibdib niya. I just realized that he was still not wearing any clothes for his top, but i didn't mind. He needed comfort, and I needed it as well.

I expected him to push me, but he did nothing. He didn't even move or hug me back. Para siyang nanigas sa kinatatayuan niya. I closed my eyes and felt his heart beating fast.

We stayed in that position for a second. I felt his body got hotter. I parted my body to him before I could even feel my nerves burning.

I timidly smiled. "Sabi nila hug daw ang best comfort sa taong malungkot." I bowed my head when I felt my cheeks went hot. Namula na yata 'yong pisnge ko, bigla na lang akong nahiya sa ginawa ko.

My eyes widened when he pulled me closer to him and hugged me. I stiffed. Hindi na ako nakagalaw sa pagkabigla. I just stood, still reminiscing what just happened.

My body felt hot; I even felt a tingling sensation in my stomach.

I felt a little bit of dismay when he removed his hug. Parang nabitin ako at gusto ko pa siyang maramdaman.

It was like a rebound. Ako naman ang hindi makatingin sa kanya habang kita ko na nakatitig siya sa 'kin.

"Sabi mo hug ang best comfort para sa malungkot, then I guess you need it as well." Tumalikod siya sa akin at naglakad na palayo.

Para lang akong na-glue sa kinatatayuan ko. Pinagmasdan ko lang ang likod niya hanggang sa hindi ko na 'to natanaw.

Right. He was right. I needed it as well.