Chapter 9-The Fault In Us
2725 Words
I somehow managed to find my way to the exit. It took me some time to figure out my location in the park. I went out of the same route which I usually take for my evening walk. I was still wearing the jacket that was given to me so generously by that person who only gave me a few words of encouragement to get me back on track.
But I was still confused. I wanted to make amends with Shehzad, but a part of me wanted to be free from him. I guess I'll never know what I want unless I know what his problem really is.
I was walking on the sidewalk. The passing vehicles were causing my ruffled hair so flung over my head. It was rather cool this morning. All I wanted right now was to go home and take a bath and relax myself for what was yet to come.
"Mrs. Atish!" someone yelled from behind me.
I was really startled that my heart began to race. I glanced in the direction of the voice. Larry was right behind me and he was panting—his hands were on his knees as he was supporting himself to stand erect.
"There you are," he panted and tried to regain his breathing. "Where were you? We have been looking everywhere for you." Larry notified as he composed himself.
"We?" I mused.
"Oh my God, you must be cold." He said in a worried tone and took his coat off quickly. "Please quickly put this on." He handed me his coat but the jacket I was wearing was enough for me. It was giving me strength to uphold my self esteem.
Larry took me to his apartment where Courtney—his girlfriend was waiting for me.
"I called Shehzad. He'll be here in a few moments." Courtney snapped her cell phone shut and informed us as soon as she saw us coming in.
"Oh my God! What the hell did he do to you?" she asked in bafflement and quickly embraced me. She must be saying that after looking at the bruise on my face.
"Come on, you're chilled to the bone. Larry, bring her something warm to drink." Courtney ordered, rubbing my shoulders. She took me to her living room couch and sat beside me. I never knew that she could be so caring—my first impression of her was that she was a sarcastic character.
"My God! I became so worried for you. When Shehzad turned to our door so early in the mornin', it really scared the s**t out of me." Courtney told and she began to examine my face.
"What did he do you? That heartless bastard." She murmured. I was surprised that she was being so frank about Shehzad.
"Mrs. Atish...., what happened yesterday?" Larry asked and he handed a cup of hot eggnog. I drank to revitalize myself. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday.
I took a deep breath and told them everything that happened between me and Shehzad. I knew that these were good people whom I could trust. Who knows, maybe this might be my last time talking to them.
They quietly listened—they were aghast by my tale. Their facial features expressed their horror.
"Oh boy!" Larry muttered, scratching his head and began to pace in the room. Courtney took his hand and intertwined her fingers between his.
"See! Didn't I tell you that he would do this sooner rather than later." Courtney affirmed angrily.
"Mrs. Atish......I don't know what to say." Larry said under his breath. There was an edge to his voice. I could see the humiliation and embarrassment on his face and in his honest eyes.
His pager began to beep. "I have to go." He posed and rushed out the door.
"What was that about?" I asked in a low voice.
"Why are both of you feeling down?" I asked—feeling rather embarrassed myself.
Courtney sighed deeply.
"It's because we never expected such barbaric behavior from Shehzad." She confided.
"Tell me—the two of you seem to be very close to Shehzad, so can you please explain to me what goes on inside that head of his?" I speculated. She grimaced.
Folding her arms across her chest, she leaned by the mantel piece.
"I haven't known him for too long, but Larry and Shehzad have practically known each other since their childhood. They met at a boarding school and after that they have been the best of friends. I met him during my second year of high school. But believe me, he was a very different person. No doubt he had a very complicated past—his parents got separated when he was very young and because he had no siblings and his parents were always busy in their lives, so he grew up in potential solitude. He never had a good relation with his relatives except for his Grandfather—the Chairman. But he was never mean. He was only adverse towards strangers. Particularly women." She told, her tone was melancholy.
Courtney pursed her lips and then continued.
"When his mother left him and afterward, he became serious with a girl during his junior high school days—they both betrayed him and left him in the end. So since then, he only treats women like tools of entertainment and pleasure. He was even very cold towards me when Larry and I started dating during our high school years. You see, they are more than friends—they are like brothers to one another."
"Uh-huh......" I bemused.
I don't believe in something so unrealistic and fake as love.
I remembered what Shehzad had told me at the time when he was about to take me.
I chagrinned.
"So is that the reason why he developed a split personality over the years?" I inquired—taking a sip of eggnog. I was surprised at myself for being so calm. It was probably because all the dots were being connected. The mystery was finally beginning to unfold.
Courtney laughed out loud. I was startled for a few poignant seconds.
"Ha ha—you're very smart. You observed correctly but he doesn't possess a split persona; it's more like a borderline personality which he was diagnosed with about two years ago." her face turned serious again.
This conversation was piquing my curiosity more and more.
"Two years ago?" I asked—arching an eyebrow.
"Yeah, you see when his father died—it was a huge blow to him. He was very attached to his father. But when the time came to choose a stand-in to take his father's post—his uncles came to salvage for it. It was very tough on him, but he somehow managed to convince the Chairman that he can take care of everything. He never had the chance to enjoy life properly." She sighed in dismay.
"His past and his father's death damaged him psychologically. But let me tell you something," she stated and walked to my side. Placing her hands on mine, her soft hazel eyes grew tender.
"I have seen a gradual change in him ever since you came along. Larry told me that when you first arrived, he offered to escort you because we both knew that Shehzad was opposed to his marriage. We knew that he would treat his new wife with bitter coldness. He treats all women like that. And no doubt he must've acted the part of a cruel and selfish person. But you were very strong and endured it. He probably wanted to scare you." She professed.
"What do mean by scaring me?" I asked in a murmur. But she seemed to be lost in her own thoughts as she was staring at the carpet.
"But we never expected him to behave so rudely and fall so low as to assault his own wife." I heard Larry sigh as he came near us.
"I talked to Shehzad and knocked some sense into him. He's waiting outside. I asked him to do so that the two of you can clear your heads before you have your talk." He declared, taking Courtney's hand. She stood up.
"Well, honey. Think things through again. Divorce should be the last of your worries. You are as tough and compatible with him in way. So don't worry. If you need help then we are here for you." She promised and went outside with Larry.
They look so good together. I really envy them. They have each other to hold on to.
I was lost but God saved me again.
HE sent people to help me—people that I barely knew. And they all advice me on the correct things that logic dictates.
I had decided on my course of action.
Once I came to know what was happening around me in my new life. And I wasn't about to give up either. And Courtney mentioned that she saw some change in Shehzad. What was it? I guess that she left it with me to figure it out for myself.
Courtney was right; Shehzad and I are compatible in a way and we have some similarities that we share so it would be better if we carried on with this marriage for a little while longer. If I lose hope now, then I'll be no less a coward. And I'm afraid to be called a coward. I'm strong and my spirit will endure—IN SHAA ALLAH.
God willingly—I will succeed.
I quickly drank the rest of my eggnog. Shehzad had entered the room. I turned away from him. I would only feel disgusted at myself. Now that I knew what his problem was, I was feeling guilty at what I had said to him last night. I shouldn't have opened my mouth without knowing anything. It was understandable that he felt distrust towards me—maybe that's why he treated me the way he did. I felt more belittled and unfitting.
"Um....." he said in a rather shaky voice—I was stunned.
He was actually nervous. I turned and slowly focused my eyes in his direction. He had his hands inside his trouser pockets and he was looking at the ground. I couldn't read his eyes but his facial expressions showed that he was a bit melancholy.
We both sighed.
So even the high and mighty Shehzad Atish can feel bit a remorseful.
"Listen—about yesterday, I feel bad about doing such things to you. And I wouldn't blame you if you want a divorce. So here are the papers and your ticket. You don't need to talk to the Chairman. I'll leave my post. Besides I have been thinking for some time now that I should leave it. So here are the necessary things." He proposed and placed a khaki file bag in front of me on the coffee table.
"That is all." He concluded and was about to leave. But my blood began to boil and rage pulsed through me.
I couldn't believe that was such a coward. I flung the envelope at his retreating back.
He turned around and was surprised at my impulsive action. The little amount of guilt that I was feeling vaporized in a fraction of a second.
"YOU COWARD!" I shrieked.
"YOU DISGUST ME!" I hissed through clenched teeth.
He frowned in confusion. "What did you say?" he asked in bewilderment. But he wasn't angry at the insult.
"You heard me. What the hell do you think you're doing giving up so easily? What will you get in turning your back at everything that you had worked so hard to achieve?" I expressed my rage in a high pitched tone. I clenched my fists to get a hold of myself. I exhaled to let all karma out.
"Do you have such little faith in everything; including yourself? At first you gave me the impression that your work was very important to you and your work was all that mattered to you. But here you are, freely giving away all that you earned from your hard work." I taunted.
What I learned about him recently was that he was a hard worker, but once he loses faith in something, he leaves it for good—I wasn't about to let that happen. There was still hope in him and I can see it.
I calmed my nerves and composed myself.
"I didn't mind your ways. I don't ask an apology from you because to be with you is like expecting the unexpected. And about the divorce—I don't want it. I only said it to make clear a fact to you—because the Nikah-nama is no joke. It's a divine responsibility. All I ask from you is that from now on, you should start putting a little trust in me." I stipulated solemnly.
My anger was slowly fading away as I remember the Chairman's request. He's counting on me to save his beloved grandson—that was the first time that I felt useful, so I'm not about to let that opportunity go to waste.
Besides, we both are orphans—to understand one another should be simple from now on. He didn't respond, but his face grew a little less harsh than it usually is.
"You.....still want to be with me? Even after all that I did to you?" he asked in disbelief.
I walked closer to him and stared deep into his bright turquoise eyes—they were sincere and honest but there was shock there too. Perhaps he found it hard to swallow that a woman whom he harassed and assaulted would still want to be with him. I guess I figured out why Courtney said that he wanted to scare me—so that I would want to leave him. But before I knew it, he was already taking me for granted.
He quickly looked away and turned his back to me. I sensed his embarrassment and guilt.
I wrapped my arms around him. I could actually feel him shake. His heart beat was fast. His very sight was pitiful I felt sorry for him. He has been alone all his life. I had my family with me throughout my life, but he was always alone with no one to teach him about life. He has always had himself to rely on. He had no one to love or care for. That's why he became so isolated and wouldn't open up to anyone—he can't even recognize the people who care about him.
"If you want me to forgive you about what happened last night, then I want you to make me a promise." I spoke against his back.
I didn't react but just stood rigidly in my embrace.
"I want you to start trusting me and have a little faith in me from now on. Know this—I am your ally and I am your friend. Did you forget our deal?" I muttered—burying my face into his coat.
I felt so hot. Even he was quivering. He unlocked my arms gently and turned around to face me. His eyes were inviting and grew humble. He caressed the scratch on my cheek bone with his fingertips.
I flinched. It was still sore.
"You really are strange." He mumbled. His hands were cold. "I don't know why I married you? You're such a genuine bother." He chuckled humorously—the same humor touching his light turquoise eyes.
I smiled. I guess that was his way of expressing himself—because I knew the meanings behind his words.
"Come on; let's go home, my wife."
He took my hand and ushered me to move forward. I beamed at him. I was so happy that he finally admitted me as his wife.
"Are you actually endorsing me......" I trailed off and fell upon his arm. My migraine was beginning and making me feel dizzy.
"What's wrong?" Shehzad asked as he supported me on my feet when I leaned upon him. "My head hurts." I moaned.
"Of course....come on let's go...." He whispered in my ear and lifted me in his arms—bridal style. This was the first time. I was feeling so embarrassed, but my energy was draining very quickly. I completely succumbed to him.
I came across a new shade of white—one that displays a good time of self respect and faith.
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- Writer
