Centuries of Sin : Book IV

8

Sawyer was surprised that Selene came over to tell him he could go over to Karoline's house if he wanted.

He had expected his sister to be overprotective and unwilling to let anybody near her daughter, and he wasn't sure whether that would include him or not.

He called through to let Elizabeth know he was going, but she was too absorbed in a conversation with her cousin to express any interest and he thought it was a good thing he would be gone so she had time to talk.

He noticed that Selene was nervous, and he told her to follow him because he knew she would do that without question.

It wasn't because she was compelled to do whatever he asked anymore - she knew that he respected her as a friend, and that there was a reason he had asked her to follow him.

He glanced around and then went around to the back of one of the empty buildings.

It unnerved her a little, and she could see that he considered it important to talk to her in private.

"You're making me feel like we're doing something clandestine. Are you about to ask me where to get a fix around here?"

"A low blow, but I guess I can't pull the 'too soon' card anymore."

Selene's eyes widened, but Sawyer looked more amused than anything else and he was clearly not offended.

"I spoke without thinking. It wasn't…"

"...it was funny. You are the last person I would have expected to make light of that; you're also the only person who could possibly get away with teasing me for it. You let me into your home and helped me when I was in pain. You showed me that I had to get myself together, and you made sure I pulled through physically, even though you saw me as a threat to your son. You still respected me, you didn't turn me away, and that meant I wasn't irredeemable."

"I owed it to you," she muttered, staring down at the floor despite the fact it meant a lot to her to know she had made such a difference to him.

They were silent for a moment, but she was still nervous about something and he thought it was important to find out what she was so bothered by.

"I missed you a lot when I was gone. I didn't get a chance to tell you because everything was so dramatic when I saw you before, but I really did. I'm glad you aren't mad that we disappeared for so long."

He almost pulled her into a hug, but he changed his mind because he didn't want to make her any more nervous than she already was.

"That's a pretty bold assumption, isn't it? But you aren't wrong. I'm not mad at you, and I understand that you needed Elizabeth to figure her own issues out, because I know how it feels to have someone else's emotions tangled up with your own."

"I very seldom see you happy, Selene, but I have seen it enough to know you are categorically unhappy right now. I expected to come back here and find you settled into a new life, and I'm not seeing that."

She looked around nervously, then nodded towards the trees and transformed herself before Sawyer could question her.

He followed after her until she stopped near one of the large pine trees and shifted back.

She sat with her back to Sawyer, leaning against the tree, and he sat on the opposite side of it with his back against the rough bark.

She had seen him naked more times than he cared to remember when he first needed her help, but she felt wrong letting him see her body and he didn't tease her for that.

He knew she wouldn't tell him what was wrong if he was looking at her, anyway.

"Do I get to know what's wrong, or did you bring me here to enjoy the weather?"

"If you're going to be a d**k about this…"

"... I'm taking this seriously, I promise."

Selene remained silent for a while, and Sawyer felt extremely guilty for making a joke when she had been trying to open up about whatever was bothering her.

He heard her move, and assumed she was going to transform again and leave without speaking to him.

She moved around the tree slightly - enough that she clearly wanted to talk to him, but without sitting directly next to him.

"I hope you know I consider you family. I love you the same way I love my sister, and I have about the same interest in seeing you naked. I think it's safe to assume you're familiar enough with what I have to offer that you don't feel awkward about that, and I'm pretty sure you don't see me as even remotely desirable anymore. You can sit next to me if you want; Elizabeth doesn't see you as a threat, and if she does decide she needs to remind me I'm hers you will have done me a massive favor."

"And I'm the one who needed to vent? You can explain that comment before I tell you what's on my mind."

Sawyer ran one of his hands through his hair and exhaled.

"With all due respect to the woman I love more than life itself… she has less shame than I do. You know that; everyone who has ever spent more than a couple of days with us knows it. But she doesn't want to do anything even remotely s****l around her cousin and she won't give me a decent explanation."

Selene moved a little further around the tree, finally sitting next to him as she considered what he said.

"She's refusing to sleep with you?"

"Not exactly. She said she didn't want to make Klara feel awkward if she has to stay with us, but it didn't take much to convince her that wasn't realistic."

Selene shoved his arm and he had to fight not to look at her when she laughed at him.

"You can't seriously be acting like this when she's not actually holding out. You drive me crazy sometimes."

"You're the one who wanted to know. We were on our own for months and we didn't have to think about being discreet. She's finally accepted that she's like us, and it was incredible to have that connection with her. I swear to god it was never like that before - she's actually confident now, and it felt different. She didn't seem so fragile, and she liked it when I didn't hold back; I was rough with her, and she gave as much in return. It f*****g sucks that I'm going to have to moderate myself again and it kind of hurts to know she's willing to give that part of our relationship up. You can make fun of me as much as you like, but it's not like I'm great at expressing myself in other ways. She knows I feel passionately about having her back, and she knows that the connection we have is stronger now. I love her, but those are only words and it doesn't make her feel like we can be anything we want when I tell her that. When we're exhausted in a field in the middle of nowhere and we don't even know or care what country we're in… that's when she can actually feel what she means to me."

"Jesus Christ...I'm going to take a wild guess that you wouldn't talk to Francesca about that, so I'm not exactly like a sister to you."

Selene had expected Sawyer to laugh, but he didn't. He was being sincere and she swallowed nervously when he turned to look at her.

"I wouldn't tell her because she wouldn't get it. You are the only person who might actually understand this, because you understand that it feels unreal when you connect like that with someone."

Selene shifted a little further away, and it was obvious she was uncomfortable again.

"I hate to disappoint you, but it's not something I have recent experience with. You're making me wish I wasn't so hung up on a dead man, though. Before I left to live with you, I knew Robin loved me, and I knew he hated himself for it, and it wasn't because he told me. I regret not telling him how alive I felt in those moments when I had the chance. You should tell Elizabeth that it's not about the s*x; she might not realize how you feel."