Centuries of Sin : Book IV

9

Sawyer understood what was bothering Selene as soon as she mentioned her past. 

Her eyes were watering but she had managed to hold back the tears and he wished he knew how to comfort her. 

"Elizabeth fell in love with me. She was attracted to me when she met me, but it wasn't love straight away for her the way it was for me. In retrospect I don't think I really loved her the way I thought, either. I was obsessed with her, but it was only when I got to know her that I truly appreciated how she makes me feel. And you shouldn't feel bad that you miss Robin - you loved him for a very long time."

"You realize I still do, don't you? That's what I'm telling you. And if you tell me he would have been happy for me I will slap you, because I tried to talk to Jonas about this and he gave me a stupid f*****g answer about how Robin might have set me up from beyond the grave. If it turned out that was true, I would slap him for it."

Sawyer laughed - he had no doubt that she was serious, because he still remembered how hard she had slapped him when he told her why he had been sent away to live with her.

"You'd really be mad at him for wanting you to be happy?"

"Sawyer, he was possessive. He wanted me for years and in the end he gave up everything to make that happen. He made sure I didn't forget that, and I would be supremely disappointed if he was willing to let me go after all of that when I still love him. But I'm supposed to love Valo, right? That's a pretty big part of the whole bond thing."

Sawyer drew a heavy breath and exhaled slowly before answering. 

"I don't know… maybe ask Francesca? She knows about this stuff more than I do. I'm sure it will develop in time - you haven't known each other for long."

"It's been nearly a year, Sawyer. We've only slept together four times, and I feel guilty about it every time. Without being too graphic we've never technically finished because I end up pushing him away the moment it feels good. I do feel all the connection stuff, but not the love... I think I'm broken. Or maybe this stuff isn't meant to happen to an Omega."

"You're not an Omega. That stuff means nothing, remember? And if it's not meant for you it definitely shouldn't have happened to Elizabeth. You grew up with Robin, and those feelings developed over years. I think you will fall in love again, even if it's a different kind of love; you just need to give it time. And I think the guilt will be less of an issue with time, too. You can love Robin and accept that he sacrificed himself for a good reason, and that you are allowed to find happiness."

Selene wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and sighed. 

"It's not getting better, though. Robin looks a lot like his father, it makes it difficult to forget."

"Naming him after his dad was really not my wisest moment. I'm sorry if that makes it harder."

"I disagree - it's the perfect name for him, and it would have made his dad proud. He idolized you, and your family, and you chose to name his son the same way you were named. He would have been honored that you considered him worthy of following a tradition that belonged to your family, and that you even cared enough to name my son. I just... I feel like a part of me died with him, but I haven’t been able to talk about it because everyone thinks I am happy. This pack needs to think I'm happy; they were fracturing before we got here, and we all gave them something to keep them from splitting up. They needed more people - they needed outsiders. If Elizabeth's cousin is planning to settle here it will help keep the pack going beyond us, because things are far from certain and we are going to have to be a lot more careful about who we allow to join us now we’re hiding a white wolf."

Sawyer smiled, and nudged Selene's arm. 

"You think that's something an Omega would say? Stressing about the next generation is what pack leaders do. And I'd like to visit Francesca, but it would be great if you spoke to Klara about what she wants later on. She's afraid that she won't be allowed to stay, and she needs to know she's welcome."

"You're not subtle. You only want me to keep her away so you can screw around in peace."

"I want to tell Elizabeth that I love her - tell her. With words. Like you suggested. I want to tell her that she is everything I dreamed she would be and more, and that I am happier now than I thought I could ever be. I want her to know what she means to me."

Selene transformed herself again without agreeing to Sawyer's request, and he followed her lead. 

He made sure he transformed back before her so he could move his clothes away and allow her to get dressed without him seeing her. 

He didn't expect her to stay there and wait for him, but she wasn't planning to visit Francesca, and Sawyer's heart raced when he realized she was going to talk to Klara now rather than later.

"Selene, I…" 

She span around and planted her hands on her hips. 

"I have my own things to deal with. I helped you, and you helped me - I need to talk some things through and I don't want to bring this poor girl over after that."

It wasn't unreasonable, and he followed her silently to the house.

She knocked on the door and asked Elizabeth to get her cousin in a far more authoritative tone than she had seemed capable of when they were alone in the forest.

Sawyer noticed Elizabeth hesitate. She was reluctant, and Klara was definitely afraid of following after a stranger but when Elizabeth tried to follow after her, Selene stopped her and told her she needed to stay.

It was a private discussion to figure out what Klara wanted and needed, and they needed to speak to her without anybody else there.

Elizabeth wasn't happy about it, but she knew Selene wasn't cruel and that she would bring Klara back safely. It meant Klara was willing to go, and Elizabeth looked at Sawyer in an attempt to figure out what had actually gone on when he left to see his sister, because it was obvious that had not happened.

She didn’t anticipate Sawyer pushing her back into the house and slamming the door behind them. 

She was wearing one of his tops, and it hung loosely on her; she was wearing it as a dress, because it was too hot to wear much else. 

It meant that she smelled strongly of him, and he forgot all the things he had been planning to say to her. 

Her chest was heaving, and she looked shocked by what he had done. 

He was as surprised by it as Elizabeth was, but he grabbed her hips and moved her so her back was against the wall. 

She had showered while Sawyer was out, and that meant the smell of his shirt was overpowering everything but the adrenaline and excitement she was feeling as he sank to his knees in front of her and looked up to meet her gaze. 

She closed her eyes when Sawyer slid his hands beneath the top she was wearing and ran his fingers across the edge of the underwear he knew she had only put on because Klara was there. 

Elizabeth rested her hands on his shoulders and his heart raced when she responded to him running his hands slowly down her thighs to remove her underwear by drawing a sharp breath and digging her nails into him. 

"You don't smell turned on."

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. 

"Well, I definitely am."

"I know, but you don't smell turned on. It's not one single scent that is the same no matter what. Your scent right now is a mixture of things; you didn't expect this, and it's exciting to you; you didn't anticipate me getting down on the floor like this, and you don't know what I am planning on doing - that has a different effect on your scent to when you're in my position, and your body responded physically to me removing your underwear… those things all blend together in a completely unique way, and I never noticed that in the past. It can all be described as the generic scent of arousal, and I could separate desperation from lust before, but it is so much more than that with you - there are countless subtleties to it, and every single one of them is perfection to me. I wanted you to know that, because I know you were satisfied last time, but I also know you wanted it to be different."

He stood up, and Elizabeth was unsure of whether he wanted her now, or if he had frustrated her to prove a point. 

“Was that supposed to be hot? Because it felt more like a science lesson.”

Elizabeth reached down to pull her underwear back up, but Sawyer grabbed her wrists and held them to the wall above her. 

He kissed her, and his body was pressed against hers keeping her firmly against the wall.

When he let her hands go, she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck because she was hoping he would pick her up, but he grasped her waist and closed his eyes for a moment to remain focused.

"If I had kissed you softly and whispered something romantic, you would have a different scent now. I like both, but this is the one I was hoping for."

She didn’t know why he felt it was so important to explain this concept to her. She wasn’t stupid and she understood what he had said to her the first time, but he had just mentioned it a second time, and she thought he might be hinting that she should be able to sense the same things about him.

“It’s a lot less subtle with you. I can see it in your eyes if you’re excited, or intrigued… I know how you are feeling because of how your body gets tense for just a second when I touch you, or from the way you kiss me.”

“You’re not subtle, either. And I know it’s stupid, but I wanted to tell you, because after all this time I still don’t take it for granted; I had never told you how much it means to me before, but it does…it means a great deal.”