Centuries of Sin : Book IV

7

Selene was so transfixed by the baby that she didn't think about how long Jonas had been gone until he sat back down opposite her and apologized.

She thought he was sorry for the fact he hadn't taken the baby back, but he hadn't even thought about that. 

"She's still sleeping."

Selene smiled weakly and nodded. 

"It's normal - they're either eating or sleeping for the first few weeks. That was my experience, at least."

"I was referring to Francesca."

"I don't believe a man like you doesn't know why there aren't white wolves anymore. She's probably been exhausted for months."

Jonas glanced towards the room Francesca was sleeping in, and pointedly avoided looking at Selene. 

"She didn't seem to be. She was insecure, but she wasn’t lacking energy. I think she had a feeling… she knew to expect something out of the ordinary."

"Of course she did. People have been telling her she's extraordinary for her entire life, and her family was idolized. She was never going to expect anything less than perfection, and she had a right to feel that way."

Jonas smiled at the compliment; it wasn't exactly glowing but it made him proud to hear Selene describe his daughter as perfect. 

"I know you won't believe me, but Francesca isn't like that; her father did everything he could to make her feel inferior and she has worked tirelessly to prove him wrong, but the insecurity is there and it bothers her to wonder whether he was right. She may have felt like that this time, but that was intuition; there's a chance she was pregnant once before, and she told me she didn't feel the same then."

"She loves you. Robin didn’t even acknowledge his other children but he cared about mine because he loved me - he wanted us to be a family. I hate it that we didn't get that chance, and I would still give anything to bring him back. I feel awful for that - I’m not supposed to care about anyone else. Sawyer was in love with Elizabeth before they even knew each other, but I still love Robin and I feel like I’ve betrayed him when I didn’t even have any choice in this. I think I should be happier, and I’m meant to want to settle down and live a perfect, enviable life. I don’t feel like that; I have this unbreakable connection other people would kill for, but I am still in love with another man."

Her honesty was unexpectedly raw, and she had needed to share her feelings with another person for so long that she had been far more candid than she intended. It was originally supposed to be reassuring, and she regretted the fact she hadn’t been able to stop herself from talking.

"I don’t know what you believe, or whether you believe anything at all, but I think he would have given you a chance at a different kind of happiness if he could have done. And in Francesca’s case, you’ve misread the circumstances. It wasn't planned then, but it wasn't exactly unplanned, either."

Selene relaxed slightly; she hadn’t even realized how tense she was, but she was glad Jonas had given her a chance to pretend she hadn’t been so open with him.

She was genuinely interested in what he had said, and she thought he may be willing to talk to her about it when she had been willing to talk to him.

"When was that? I had no idea, but from everything I have been told, I didn't think you had a history as complicated as that."

"We don't; it wasn't long after your son was born. She wasn’t in a good place, but everybody thought the worst of her. She never explicitly stated that she wanted us to have a child, but she made it clear enough. I assumed that she wouldn't feel the same way when she came to live with us again, because she was worried I might abandon her again.”

The baby made a noise, and Selene passed her back without hesitation. She was still a little uncomfortable with how personal this was, and she thought it was better to hand the baby back now she was awake because it was a chance to end the conversation completely. 

"You might need to take her to Francesca. She'll probably be hungry soon - they both will. I'll send someone to pick things up for you; they all know why you're staying here anyway, and they won't see her if you stay here until Karoline is back. Sawyer has helped me enough that he'll be more than capable of helping you in the meantime. If you are nervous I can fetch him now."

Jonas was staring down at the baby, and he was barely registering what Selene was saying. 

"I'm happy watching her for now, but you can tell him he's welcome to come over if he wants to."

Selene stood up, but she was hesitating and clearly had something on her mind. 

"I wouldn't be so sure she didn't plan this."

"Does it matter? But for what it’s worth: she was bothered by my age, she was bothered by her age, she was afraid because of how her mother died, and she was worried about how her brother would feel about it. I know it probably won’t change your feelings about her to know that, but I hope you understand that there’s more to her than the side that let you down.”

It hadn’t actually bothered Selene when she made the suggestion, and she hadn’t mentioned to make Jonas feel bad. She just hadn’t intended to mention anything about her own past, and she needed Jonas to be open with her. It meant she didn’t feel quite as vulnerable or guilty for revealing something that she had worked hard to keep to herself.

They both understood that the conversation was private, and that it was not going to leave the room.