The Lost Wife

Chapter 5

ANNA:

                Samantha’s words hit me like a ton of bricks. Ten years. Ten years? Ten years! This can’t be. “I don’t understand,” is all I can think to say.

                “Love, we will help you through this. I am positive this is a confusing time for you right now, but know we are telling you the truth.” Her words are heavy with meaning, she lays them upon me and the weight is almost too much to bare.

                “Honey,” my dad chimes in, “we need to talk about the things you are missing. The time you have missed. When you are ready of course, but we do need to talk.”

                “Let’s just do it,” I blurt like verbal diarrhea, “I don’t want to drag this out further than we have to. Just tell me what I am missing.”

                The next hour is intense. Being told your life by someone else is confusing and uncomfortable. I find out my dad got remarried to a woman named Susan about seven years ago, but they divorced four years ago after her son, who has a drug problem, stole everything they owned, empty their bank account and racked up credit card debit under my father’s name. She refused to prosecute her son and their marriage was not able to recover from it. Susan and I became close during their marriage and she still contacts me from time to time to check up on us. My dad almost lost his house from all her son’s activities and “my husband” and I moved in with him for a while to help pay his bills and get him back on his feet. We lived with him for over a year helping before buying our own home two years ago. We live in our new home with our two dogs, boy pit bulls we named Turner and Hooch. My dad reaches out grabbing my hand and looks at me, tears in his eyes, “Anna, you have no idea how grateful I am to you and Fredo for helping to save me. I don’t know what I would have done if they had taken our home. The home I brought bough us after I retired, the home we lost mom in. You two saved me.” He pulls my hand and kisses it.

                Samantha told she has been promoted from Assistant Professor to Associate Professor, and she is working on her portfolio because she is hoping to get Professor in the next few years. She told me about her cane. She was at the gym doing weighted squats when she felt her knee buckle beneath her, and she collapsed. There was extensive damage to her knee, torn ligaments and all. It was recently and she is recovering from the surgery, which is why she hadn’t come to attend our anniversary party that I never made it to. “It won’t stop me my love, I promise you that. I am healing and going through the rehab, I will be lifting and putting the young kids to shame in no time.” Her words make me laugh and I roll my eyes at her shaking my head. I quit working the bookstore about eight years ago and began working as a server at a college bar near to school. I made more there than at the bookstore and it was easier to work and go to class that way. That is where I met Alfredo… my husband.

                “Stop. I don’t think I want to hear this. How can I be married to someone I don’t know?” I feel as though I am shouting at them. There is a knock at the door, we look up to see an orderly bringing in my lunch. We all stare at her in silence as she brings my table over to me with the food on it. “Thank you.” I whisper feeling like I am panting, she turns and leaves. I look at the tray and see what looks like turkey slices with gravy, mashed potatoes, peas, a piece of corn bread and a glass of iced tea. I start to pick at the food, eating slowly. My chest is still moving rapidly, I am starting to gasp for breath.

                “Honey take a deep breath,” my dad encourages. “You do know him, you probably know him better than anyone else in the world, you just don’t remember. I know this is hard to understand and you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, but please, trust us.” My dad continued to tell me about this stranger who everyone calls my husband. He chased me for weeks before I agreed to go out with him, but once I did, we were inseparable. We did everything together, went everywhere together, and everyone knew we were going to end up together. Everyone except us, apparently, we played dumb for a year, then we finally got engaged. We married two years later… That was five years ago. “You are no longer my Annamaria Diana Fuentes, you are now Annamaria Breceda,” my dad chokes on the words becoming emotional. “You were so beautiful in your dress, you looked just like a princess. I was so proud to give you away that day. I know your mom was looking down on us with a smile.” A small sob escapes and he looked down and rubbed his eyes. Samantha wraps her arm around him and pulls him in to her holding him as he cries. All these years and they are still the best of friends. More like actual family. They are each other’s other half in a strange platonic way. My heart always swelled when I saw them engage in such intimate behavior. I always hoped to have someone in my life that I felt that close to in any way. Platonic or romantic. Was this man the person? How could it be him and I not remember him. If he was my true other half than why did I not feel it when he was here. Wouldn’t I feel it between us even if I couldn’t remember him.

                “Alright Mrs. Breceda, we are ready to take you for your MRI,” an orderly comes in unannounced distracting me from my thoughts. I look at my parents, they aren’t going to leave, are they? We aren’t done talking. They just smile at me. “We will be here when you come back love, we won’t be going anywhere,” Samantha says reading my mine once again. A mother always knows. I nod at her words of reassurance and the orderly wheels me away.

                He wheels me into the MRI room and asks me if I can switch beds alone or do I need to be transferred. I say I can do, confident that I have the strength. I push up and try to slide from bed to bed, it is harder than expected. The orderly smiles and reaches across the MRI bed and places his hand around my waste. I wrap my arm around his next and he helps to pull me across as I push and slide. Together we are able to move me across. I appreciate the assistance and I am happy no one else was needed. I would hate to be picked up on a sheet and floated through the air by multiple people like you see on TVs and in movies. He lets me know it will take some time but to try and lay as still as possible. He covers me with sheet, slides me into the machine and leaves the room. The machine starts working and the noise is so loud. The buzzing churning noise beats against my eardrums, it is so loud I feel as though it is radiating through my body with every loud sound. I keep my eyes closed and try to imagine myself anywhere but here.

                For some reason though, my thoughts move to the mystery husband. I worked in a bar? We have a house? It was all so strange. I try to remember what he looks like. I was so afraid the first night I woke up and the next day that I never really looked at him. I made a point of not looking at him. Is he attractive? I try to think back and see his face, but there is nothing there. We lived with my dad when he was having money troubles? I never thought my dad would be the kind to let another man live in his house. He must really like this guy. I wonder where he is now and what he is doing.

ALFREDO:

                ::Ring… Ring Ring… Ring… Ring Ring…:: I pull my phone out of my pocket and see a call coming in from Mark again. “Hi Dad.” I sigh heavily, I don’t have the energy to fake enthusiasm.

                “Hi son. We just talked with Anna. She had to go for an MRI, the neurologist is running test, but we were able to talk to her beforehand. We told her about you a little. I told her about where you met, and how you guys moved in with me saving me from bankruptcy. She seemed a little distraught, but she heard us out. We are waiting for her to return from her MRI and we are going to talk some more with her, then we will meet you for dinner. How does that sound? What are you doing?”

                I swallow hard, preparing myself. “I… I um… I walked around the house collecting some stuff I thought would… mean something to her…? I put it all in a bag by the door. Now I am just sitting in the living room in her spot with her blanket… I… uh… I’m lost Dad.”

                “Hey, it’s okay. There is no manual to explain how to get through something like this. It is okay to feel lost. But she is here. She may be lost right now to herself, but she is not gone. We will help her get back to us. Get back to you. You two will find the way together. I have never met a couple that was more perfectly matched than you two. It will be okay. I am sure you don’t want to go out right now, how about we get Chinese takeout and bring it home, how does that sound?”

                At the mention of food, I realize that I have not eaten at all today. My stomach is empty, I can feel the desire to feed it, but it is eclipsed by the emptiness within my chest. Mom and Dad are staying with me tonight, there is no way I will get out of eating. Better to agree and just get it over with. “Yea Dad sounds great. Turner and Hooch are excited to see you guys. They miss their grandparents.” I try my best to sound engaged, but it feels disingenuous.

                “My boys! They are getting so big. I can’t wait to see them. They are sleeping in grandpa’s bed tonight! I brought them gifts; I can’t wait to show them. Alright son, we will see you in a bit. Love you.” The line goes dead. I stay sitting on the coach, I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, no reason for anything. I just sit in her spot, her blanket on top of me, wishing to feel close to her. I grab the edge of the blanket, pull it up to my chin and lay back, stretching my feet out onto the ottoman closing my eyes and picture Anna’s face as she sits here on her laptop typing, or reading her book. Her cute little wiggle she does when I bring her food and she gets so excited. I see everything so clearly it is almost as if I can reach out and touch her beautiful face, but when I open my eyes no one’s there.

ANNA:

                “Alright Mrs. Fuentes, we are all done, I will help you slide over to the other bed and take you back to your room,” the orderly announces over the speaker. I was happy that I was done listening to that noise. It was so deafening that my brain turned off at some point, I didn’t even realize it had stopped as I had become numb. The orderly pulls me out and again places his hand around my waist and helps me slide to the other bed. He is so young looking. He can’t be older than twenty. He is effeminate and has very bubbly in his manner. He is shorter, can’t be taller than five foot seven or so. His hair is short, spiky and blonde, but you can see a hint of brown roots peeking out. His eyebrows are perfect, they put mine to shame. He is clean shaven and his cheek bones are so sharp they could cut you. He is very attractive and his personality shines through even when he is not talking. He rolls me back to my room and locks my bed in place. “Alright Boo, you are all set. Get well soon.” His words make me smile and he turns and struts out of the room almost like it is a runway and he is putting on a show. I like him.

                “Mrs. Fuentes welcome back,” there is a woman standing at the computer that I failed to notice on my way in. “I am Laura, I am taking over for Cidya as your nurse. I have been checking on all your lab work from earlier and following up with your doctors. You just had your MRI and I am waiting to hear if they are going to want a CT also. I understand that we have been giving you a little something for anxiety, how are you feeling, are we doing okay or are we needing something?” She rambles at me. It takes me a moment to process everything that just came flying out of her mouth. I just look at her for a moment before responding.

                “Um. Yes, I just had the MRI, it was really loud and kind of gave me a headache actually. I am feeling okay right now anxiety wise, but I reserve the right to change my mind later. I am also really thirsty if I could trouble you for some water.” I try to be friendly even though I am sad to have her instead of Cidya.

                “Okay, we can definitely get you something for your headache. Let me know if you feel like you are starting to feel overwhelmed and I can get you something for that as well. I just have a few things to input here and then I will give you your privacy.” The entire time she talks there is a smile on her face, but it is plastered and habitual. It doesn’t radiate from within or change. The way she talks through her smile kind of makes me uncomfortable. She is short, probably just over five foot. She is very thin, very blonde, and very southern. You can hear a hint of a southern accent in certain words, but it doesn’t dominate her speech. Her mannerisms, however, are very southern. Her eyes are blue, her skin tan, though I guess it is fake n’ bake and it is not even from her face to her arms and arms to her hands. Each area is a different depth of color. Her nose is proportionate to her face with a small turn up at the end that gives her face a softer endearing quality. She has her blonde hair tied in a simple ponytail on top of her head and she is wearing the same gray scrubs that Cidya was with her badge handing from her pocket in the same manner. She finishes typing and walks out, not another word spoken. She returns shortly with water and a pill for my headache, then leaves again, not saying anything further.

                Once she leaves, I look back to my parents. They are sitting patiently, their faces unreadable. “What is going on..?” I ask, but hesitant that I may not want to know the answer.

                “Nothing,” the word flies out of my dad’s mouth so quickly that I know there is something. I raise my eyebrow and stare him down, a technique that works every time. His face goes from unreadable to uncomfortable. Eventually he speaks again. “We were just on the phone with Fredo. We are staying at your house tonight and we are going to eat dinner with him. I know you are the one going through all this, but he is having a hard time as well. He is struggling too.” I am hurt by his words. This mystery imposter man is having a hard time? He is struggling? What about me?! These are my parents, they should be worried about me, not him. I feel the sting of tears come to my eyes and they begin to streak down my cheeks. My dad rises and comes around to the other side of my bed pulling me into his embrace. He softly strokes my hair like he did when I was a child.

“Honey, you are our world. I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but this man is the person you have chosen to love, and when you married him, we took him in as our own. He has no family here but you, and right now you can’t be there for him. We love him because we love you, and we need to make sure he is okay as well. If or when you get your memory back, you would never forgive us if you knew we didn’t take care of him.” I understand the meaning of his words, but I feel no connection to them. I reassure myself that my dad knows best, so I nod in agreement. They sit with me for a bit longer talking about nothing of importance and it is a much-needed distraction from the stress of my current reality. My dinner tray arrives and with that my parents take their leave. I put on a happy face while we say goodbye, but when they leave I feel more alone than I ever have before.