The Lost Wife

Chapter 4

ALFREDO:

                ::Ring… Ring Ring… Ring… Ring Ring…:: I startle awake and realize where I am. Look on the side table for my phone before realizing I am still dressed and it is still in my back pocket. “Hello?”

                “Fredo, son. How are you doing?” I hear the familiar voice of Mark on the other end.

                “Hi Dad. I am… honestly, I don’t even know how I am. I feel so numb. The hospital asked me to leave and they don’t want me to return until Thursday or Friday. How am I supposed to be away from her? She needs me.” I fight against the tears that are trying to force their way to my eyes.

                “I know son. We are here. We just met with her doctors and they told us what is going on. We are going to try and talk to her and see where she is, but they think she may have lost years of her memory. They are hoping we can calmly figure out what she remembers and when she thinks it is. As of right now the doctors are under the impression that she doesn’t remember you at all. Not getting married or even meeting you. We will get through this together, we are a family. We love you.” His words sting my heart and I continue to fight the urge to cry.

                “Yea Dad. I love you and Mom too. I will get stuff together like they asked and give them today to do what they need to. Tomorrow will you go with me to see her?” My voice now shakes as my emotions are raging to break through the dam I am desperately trying to build to hold them back.

                “Of course. We will both be here for whatever you need for as long as you need us. I took a leave from work and Samantha is having a TA fill in teaching her classes. We won’t go until you both are ready. The nurse just came, they are ready to take us to see her. I will call you later and we will plan on having dinner together okay? Don’t give up hope yet, she is alive, we still have her.” His words, while meant to be encouraging still hurt me. I am half a man while we are apart.

                “Yea Dad. I would love some dinner company. Please kiss her on the forehead for me. Don’t tell her it is from me, just give it to her. Bye.” “Bye son.” And the line goes quiet. I am happy that someone is with her. I hate the idea of her being alone in the hospital not knowing where she is, why she is there or who even cares that she was hurt. I close my eyes and burry my face into the pillow again. My chest is a giant gaping sinkhole that pulls in all the joy in the world leaving nothing but pain and sorrow. I can literally feel the pain and pull within my chest. I continue to lay in bed, not having the energy or desire to move. Life has no meaning without the woman I love with me, there is no point in doing anything. The sun has risen and the light coming through the crack in the curtain has reached my face. The warmth is encouraging, but not enough to move. Suddenly I hear scratching and whining at the door. My poor boys, they have lost their mother for now and their father is a shell of a man.

                I get up and open the door, they jump and wiggle around, toppling all over each other in excitement. The joy they radiate makes the corners of my mouth twitch up in a small smile, but it is only for a second, I feel my face fall once again. “Lets go out and then have some breakfast. Come on.” They run down the stairs so fast they are tripping each other and sliding down the stairs here and there as their feet give out under them. I open the back door and they take off running. We have a doggy door and they use it all day, but in the morning, they refuse to go out unless we open the sliding door and go out with them. I step out onto the patio and feel the warmth of the sun touch my face, but the air out is still somewhat cool. Not cold, not hot, just right for an April morning. Turner brings me his ball, his tail wagging so hard that his butt is being dragged back and forth with each wag. I grab the ball and he pulls against me not letting go, he chews it and tugs, waging his tail and bouncing. Finally, he lets go and I toss the ball, he takes off running after it. Hooch come up right behind him, his mangled Frisbee in his mouth, he offers it to me but then refuses to let it go, he tugs it and turns his head left and right playing tug o’ war. His butt too following his tail as it whips back and forth with joy. He lets the Frisbee go and I slice it through the air. He takes off full speed trying to catch it.

                I remember the day we got the boys. We were just engaged; my dog of 14 years had passed away a almost a year earlier. She knew I wanted another one but couldn’t bring myself to go and look at them. It was still too hard for me to get in the car with the plan of getting a new pet. Anna asked me if I wanted to go for a drive. This was something we did often. We loved getting in the car, rolling down the windows, turning up the music and just drive along the coast smelling the salt air. She jumped in the driver’s seat, she hated my driving, and I obediently got in the passenger seat without argument. We stopped and got iced coffees and off we were. We rolled down the windows, turned up the music and I closed my eyes, enjoying the breeze. Then suddenly we slowed down and pulled into a parking space. I opened my eyes confused on what we were doing and where we were. “Come on,” she has said so casually like it was any other day, hopping out of the car and closing her door. I climbed out hesitantly and walked around the back of the car to join her. That was when I realized we were at the no kill shelter.

She held my hand and started to walk towards the building, but I yanked her back into me and squeezed her against my chest and started to cry. She hugged me in return and rubbed my back. “Baby, it’s okay.” I pulled back and when she looked into my eyes, I kissed her hard. I knew there would never be another woman more perfect for me than her. She kissed me back, deepening it and I felt her lips part slightly. I used this opportunity and slid my tongue into her mouth, rubbing it against hers and a small moan escaped from her throat. She pulled me in tighter and we continue to kiss before she finally pulled back gasping for air. “Stop it!” she said playfully, slapping me on the arm. “If we don’t stop now, we won’t make it into the shelter. And we’ll probably get arrested for indecent exposure! Come on.”

Inside the shelter we see all different types of dogs, but none really call to me. We turn a corner and I see these two little pups hiding in the corner. I step close to look and realize they are holding each other, their front arms intertwined, one’s head rested on top of the others. I look at the sign on the cage. “Adolescent male pit bulls. Rescued from a breeder that was training for fighting. Abused, tend to be timid. Looking to place both together, both cry and refuse to eat when separated.” My heart breaks looking at them. Anna is just strolling, petting the random dogs that come running up to the cage to see her. “Anna, baby. Will you come see these guys?” She walks over and reads the sign, then looks at me. I am confident she can see the pain on my face. Without a word she nods and walks to the counter at the front and asks if we can see the boys in the trial room. The snotty teenaged girl working there walks us to the trial room popping her gum and clacking her nails together. She opens the door and we walk in. Anna sits, cool as a cucumber but I can’t bring myself to sit next to her. I just stand anxiously waiting.

The door opens again, an older man brings in the two pups carrying them in his arms, their leashes hanging to the floor from the collars. He puts them on the floor in the center of the room. “They wouldn’t walk with the leash. I suggest taking it slow with these two, they are very timid.” He walks out and closes the door giving us some privacy. As soon as he walks away they scoot towards each other and snuggle up together, shaking and making small whimper sounds. I look at Anna concerned, she just smiled at me. Leaving her purse on the bench she slides down on to the floor and scoots closer to them sitting crisscross. They whimper louder. I nervously move closer to her and sit down next to her crisscross as well. We sit silently for some time until the pups stop crying. Then slowly we scooted close to them. Again, they started to whimper. We stop and wait for them to get comfortable. This continued for quite some time until we are right next to them. Anna reaches out offering her hand and waits patiently. The gray one becomes brave enough to turn and smell her hand. The reddish-brown rust colored one watches shaking. Anna just waits and lets him smell her as long as he wants. At last he stands and takes a scared step towards her before laying down again. She reaches up and unhooks his leash and rubs his head. The reddish-brown one eventually gets the nerve to move close to his brother. He crawls slowly and lays right next to his brother’s side. Anna reaches over and undoes his lease too, tossing both aside. I can’t do anything but sit and watch, scared to frighten the vulnerable pups.

Time passes and before we know it, they are standing examining us closer. They have braved the gap and approached me. I pet them gently giving them time and space. The staff comes to check on us and I look at Anna with hopeful eyes, neither of us says a word, she just looks at me, then smiles. I know she is saying we are taking them both. I tell the employee, “We’ll take them!” Slowly we both stand, the pups get scared at our movement, but we move as slow as we can, and gather our items before bending down and slowly picking them up. That was seven years ago now. It was slow going in the beginning, taking almost a year before they understood we wouldn’t hurt them and finally starting to come out of their shells. To look at them now you would never know how they first started. I whistle to tell them time to come in and they come rushing past me, slapping me with their whips of tails as they run in. We never got their tails or ears clipped, the vet said it was only aesthetic, and we didn’t feel the need to put them in anymore pain than they had already been through.

They are such creatures of habit, they run and sit next to their bowls waiting for breakfast, smacking each other with their tails and bouncing next to each other like rubber balls. I put down the grey bowl with the zig zag pattern and Turner jumps up and starts eating. Next, I put down the rust colored bowl and Hooch jumps up and starts to munch. I grab the pitcher and fill the water dishes between them. Looking at them eating I snicker a little to myself. I remember how excited Anna was when we were shopping and she found the bowls, she thought matching the bowl to their fur was genius. She has always been excited by the small things in life, it is one of her best qualities. I feel the corners of my mouth perk up again at the memory of her running towards me in the store to show me the bowls. Her excitement endearing and infectious. I found myself getting excited with her… over dog bowls. I run my hands down the boys backs a few time scratching and then leave them to their breakfast. I walk to the sink, wash my hands and stare out the kitchen window at the sun rays dancing along the top of our pool. It is a new day. And she is still here. Dad is right, that is something to celebrate.

Walking through the house I struggle to decide what I should pack. Things that are meaningful they said. What does that mean? Pictures? Gifts? I aimlessly walk round and round looking for something to speak to me. I pick up the portable DVD player and our wedding DVD. I pick up photos from our honeymoon, the photo album she made me as a wedding gift, the necklace I had made for her from her with the gems from her grandmother’s ring that had broken that she had hanging off the corner of her grandmother’s portrait. I walk upstairs and force myself to enter the master bedroom. I can’t bring myself to go near the bed, so I sit on the chair in the corner and think of what else might help. I pull out my old ratty shirt that she stole to wear the first time we slept together from underneath her pillow. It had become her favorite nightwear; she wore it almost every night. I can’t help myself and I lift to my nose breathing in deep. Even though she hasn’t worn it in two weeks I can still smell her on it. I close my eyes and continue to take her in, remembering our last morning together.

The sound of my alarm had woken us both from sleep, she was wrapped in my arms and my face buried in the base of the back of her neck, her hair tickling my face. She grumbled and told me to hurry up and turn it off. I reached to the side table and shut off the alarm before wrapping my arm around here again, pulling her into my body more. She was in the shirt, nothing underneath except her cotton panties, and I was shirtless in my boxers. It was a normal Saturday morning. Fifteen minutes later the second alarm went off and she grumbled again, I turned and shut it off. I returned to her and moved the hair from the side of her neck, kissing her behind her ear. She giggled a little and then wiggle her bottom into me more, she knows I love when she does that. I let slip a little moan which prompted her to giggle more. Gently I ran my nose up and down under hear ear, grazing her ever so slightly, causing another giggle. Reaching her ear again I nibbled on her lobe for a second and starting just behind her ear left a trail of kisses going down towards her shoulder. “Hmmm…” she let slip with a sigh.

She turned towards me and kissed me passionately, I pulled her into me, face to face and kissed her back in return. Releasing her mouth, I kissed along her jawline and down her neck until I met her shirt. “You don’t need this,” I whispered yanking the shirt above her head, tossing it on the floor. Another giggle broke free and she reached up putting her hands in my hair and yanking me down into another kiss. I let my hands slide up her body eager to touch her and take her. My hands slid slowly along the side of her stomach and… ::Ring… Ring Ring… Ring…:: I freeze and look at her. “Do NOT answer that.” I continue sliding my hand and start kissing her neck. “Baby,” she admonished me “it could be something about the party tonight.” She wiggled out of my arms and grabs her phone. “Hello? Yes, that is correct. I am not sure, let me grab my planner and double check for you, I would hate to give you the wrong count.” She hopped out of bed and walked out of the room; I laid their frustrated watching her beautiful half naked body walking away from.

My alarm went off again and I checked the time. “Shit.” I was running late. I was supposed to meet my friend at the gym in 15 min. I jumped up and got ready, in a flash. I ran downstairs and found her in the office hunched over her planner reviewing this item and that. I walked in and she looked up at me, I mouthed “I am late to meet Red.” She nodded continuing her conversation. I stepped closer planting a kiss on her lips when the moment presented itself, she kissed me back and smiled. Not being able to help myself I pulled her in for another longer, deeper kiss and let my hand slide up to cup her naked breast making up for the lost opportunity from earlier, then I released her. She giggled and smacked my arm and continued talking. I left her there, I was so focused on getting to the gym… I never realized that could’ve been the last time I would ever see her. I almost lost her. And now, in her mind… she has lost me.