Victorian Nights: The Arranged Marriage

Misunderstanding

I felt like completing my unfinished painting, as I walked to the studio with Mia and Jess following behind me I tried to figure out how to complete it.

I was painting the eyes of my pet dog I had lost years ago…yet I couldn’t complete it. Maybe it’s because since I’ve been here I have just been painting for the sake of it, I have no inspiration, no spark.

Is this what my life is going to be till death takes me?

I looked out the windows as I passed by the hallways of the west wing. The greenery stretched across the land wide and vast till it reached the gates. This palace was beautiful and normally it would give me the inspiration I need yet it is nothing more than a beautiful prison to me.

“My princess, when do you plan on having breakfast? Will you go to the dining room or should I order the maids to being it to the studio?” Mia asks me, her eyes low making sure it does not make contact with mine.

When was the last time I ate a proper meal?

The day before I left my home probably.

The rules of how the crown princess is meant to eat makes it hard for me to swallow my food most especially when the queen is always there when I eat just so she can lecture the life out of me.

“I’ll eat in the studio” I say to her, both Mia and Jess bow in unison.

“And what would you like to have my princess?” Jess asks as well, her blue eyes looking down as well. She was wearing a dark brown dress which reminds me of the days when my brother and I would roll in the mud like madmen

Mia wore the same thing which made me think they were twins the first time I saw them but I’ve come to find out that they are not even related.

“I would like black coffee, eggs, scrambled and bread”

“Is that all?” Mia’s brows were slightly raised as she spoke…it has always been this expression anytime I ask for food on my own because how little or light I eat.

“Yes, that will be all Mia, thank you” Observing her expression…I knew she wanted to argue with my choice of breakfast, this always amuses me everytime because they don’t want to be friends or have normal conversations with me but they’re bothered by the fact that I don’t eat well yet they can’t say anything about it.

Once Mia leaves, Jess and I make our way to the studio. Once we got there I felt free to relax my shoulders from the uptight position they have been in all morning. I saw Jess’ expression from the corner of my eyes, she looks slightly uncomfortable at my action…it was funny to see.

I saw my unfinished painting, I stared at it for a few minutes trying to figure out just how to complete it, I didn’t feel up to it .

I stared at the blank canvas that laid in a corner…it called me, I had an inspiration but not one I would like to have

Loneliness…

I replaced the canvas in front of me with the black on and got my color palette ready. All the while Jess stared at me just like they always did whenever they see me painting.

“Do you want to see how I do it?” I ask, it didn’t feel nice just making her stand there and watching me paint for hours without doing anything.

She looked a bit lost at my question, like she wasn’t sure how to reply.

“Can I?” She asks after a few moments of silence, her expression unsure and her eyes drifting to the door…so Mia is the one in charge?

“Of course, I don’t mind an audience” I say to her, I see a ghost of a smile on her lips as she walks to my side and stands behind me, keeping enough distance…I almost did not know she was there.

I started to paint, Mia had brought my breakfast not long after in a silver tray and freshly squeezed juice next to it. I ate but my mind was not on the food, my heart ached…it ached.

Once I was done with the food I resumed my position back in front of the canvas and painted, I let the colors speak for me, my anger at Marcus’ indifference, the queen’s nagging and the loneliness in the palace…the colors told my story and for the first time since I came here, I could express. Just the way my father used to love.

It took me three hours to finish the painting, it was me in a meadow…big and it stretched out across the horizon. I was alone and behind me were plants on fire, yet I sat…I didn’t paint my eyes…I left them hollow, empty.

With a sigh I dropped my brush and admired my work, it wasn’t one of my best but at least it made me feel better, I almost feel like my old self.

“Beautiful…”

“Jess!” Mia reprimanded after hearing Jess speak. I turned around and only just noticed that they had been standing behind me the entire time.

“I’m sorry your highness…I spoke out of line” Jess bowed in apology and Mia followed suit.

“I apologize on her behalf, she shouldn’t have spoken!” Mia says. Their voices are filled with fear, do they think I’m going to punish them?

“It is okay really” I say “Thanks for the compliment Jess, I also think the painting is beautiful” I smile at them, trying to show that I mean no harm and nothing about what just happened is wrong .

The both of them sigh in relief at the same time I couldn’t help but laugh at their actions. Jess smiles as well at the sound of my laughter but Mia keeps her head bowed, I could not see her expression.

“Thanks for your generosity your highness” she says. I fight the urge to yell at her to stop being so polite but I nod instead.

“Vera!”

The doors of the studio burst open and soon I am faced by an angry looking Marcus.

He is breathing heavily and his blue eyes burned with anger. I was shocked at his sudden intrusion I almost did not notice that he was in full armor, like he just came back from war…or training?

“Good afternoon husband” I greet him with a curtsey, he did not really appreciate it that much

“Cut the crap Vera, what have you been telling my mother?!” He asks furiously.

What?

“What do you mean?” I ask confused at his question. What have I been telling the queen? I hardly spoke at our meetings, she is always the one who speaks, nags, scolds and anything else in the book she can think of to show me my many faults.

Jess and Mia bow and quickly leave the room after seeing how angry Marcus looks.

“Why did you tell her you wanted children?”

“I’m sorry, what?” I stared at him even more confused than I had been a few seconds ago. Normally Marcus never speaks to me for this long except for the occasional ‘stay out of my life’s and ‘stay out of my business' he usually says when we meet. Seeing him like this was very much foreign to me and despite the fact that he was speaking rubbish right now I couldn’t help but reason the fact that I have never seen my husband angry before.

“You heard me Vera!” he as calling my name with such venom it brought tears to my eyes “Why would you even tell her s**t like that? Do you know the kind of position you’ve put me right now?!”

His hands grabbed my shoulders in a vice grip, I felt his nails digging into my skin through the dress, it made me think back to my time at home, when me mother would whip me and punish for not being perfect enough…I fought back the tears that threatened to fall.

“I never said anything of that sort to the queen your highness” I say, he shakes me violently not listening to a word I said.

“Then why the f**k is she asking for a grandchild from me?”

“I don’t…”

“Don’t give me that bullshit! She says you told her we don’t spend enough time together” he says angrily and my eye widen in surprise. I do not recall saying that to the queen ..she’s lying…why is she lying?

“I never said that your highness” I say to him, it’s pointless though because I see it in his eyes, he does not believe me, why would he believe me over his mother?

I take in a deep breath and suppress my emotions “You’re hurting me…” I say.

His grip tightens and a whimper escapes my lips.

“I have told you to stay out of my f*****g business…since you don’t listen I hope you are ready to have my child because that is what the queen wants!”

What? No!

“I…that…we can’t do that” I try to form words, there was no way I would be able to have a child with the prince, not when things between us are just upside down.

“You don’t have a f*****g choice!” he lets go of my shoulders violently and I fall to the floor, I felt my knees hit the hard ground and I struggled with keeping myself from crying out loud.

Marcus stared down at me like I was filth…my fists clenched.

“You should better rectify your mistake or get ready to be a mother…you decide”

Then he walks out leaving me on the floor with blurry eyes. I wiped the tears before the reached my cheeks, I took a deep breath and stood.

Marcus and I have not even made an effort to touch each other since we got married, even the space on the bed where we sleep is big enough to hold three more people and I have been more than comfortable with that arrangement but now…where did all of this come from?

His words were so vulgar and all of them directed at me, I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t say anything to the queen…

Why would she lie?

The thought of letting Marcus touch me made me shiver with disgust, I will not sleep with a man like him…a man I have now began to detest…a man I don’t love.

“Your highness”

“Your highness”

Both Mia and Jess rushed into the room a few minutes after Marcus had left, I still stood in the same spot, deep in thought.

My heart aches…

I touch my chest, the pain I was feeling was so deep, so sharp I thought I would die at the moment.

“Do you need anything your highness?” Mia asks, I could tell she was worried but could not ask what had just happened. Jess was worried as well, her eyes were trained on my knees that had hit the floor.

I try to take a step forward and almost fall, both of them hold me up, their eyes filled with panic.

“i…” my voice was shaky “I will like to retire for today”

It was only late in the afternoon but I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing or speaking to another person today, most especially the queen not after what just happened with Marcus.

“Yes your highness, I will prepare a warm bath for you to help you relax” Mia says.

“And I will get your lunch ready…what would you like?’ Jess asks, both of them looking at me with worried expressions. They must’ve heard how loud Marcus was and the words he was saying.

I shook my head “Anything is fine”

I honestly was not in the mood for food but I know that saying no would gain me another scolding from the queen…

The queen.

The three of us walked back to the room and while Jess went to get lunch, Mia went into the bathroom and filled the tub with water and calming herbs.

I took of my clothes quite sluggishly, I was still shaken…in all of my years I have never been treated this way by a man before, I saw the red finger marks and brushed my thumbs against them. Mia walks out of the bathroom, her steps slow down and her eyes shift from my face to my shoulders…eyes widened slightly she walks closer to see it more clearly.

“I…I’ll get the aid kit” she stutters…

I nod and give her a look of gratitude before walking into the bathroom.

I sit in the tub, letting the water soak into my skin and try to ignore the sting from my shoulders.

I bring my knees up to my chest and hug myself.

“You’ll be fine Vera…you’ll be fine” I whisper.