Victorian Nights: The Arranged Marriage

Lonely

“Your mother is quite a character and so is your uncle” Marcus tells me, I ignore him. Act like I didn’t just hear him speak. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by it though, instead his mood seems a bit lifted as his smile remains on his lips. I can’t help but feel that his source of current amusement was me, or rather my family.

My mother came to my wedding with her late husband’s brother, holding hands and she of course is wearing clothes that shows too much of her skin but of course my mother would never hear that even if someone tells her. She would say she loves how she dresses and it is because the person telling her about it is jealous of her ageless beauty.

I have given up on trying to convince my mother to dress conservatively not when I realized she wants to be like the Celestials…ageless…immortals.

The rest of the reception was a drag, I didn’t leave Marcus’ side or rather I was not allowed to. His hand was around my waist the entire time and anywhere he went I followed behind him.

We met a whole lot of people that night, yet I didn’t feel like I belonged…when I was younger I always pictured my wedding happier, with a man I loved and a man who loved me…that was till my twelfth birthday when my father and two older brothers were killed in front of me and I was saved by the Celestials.

In the end, we don’t always get what we want…that has been my life for the past ten years, I have no choice…I do what others ask me to do and I stay silent while doing it as well. Whether or not I want to do it does not matter to any of them.

“Why does have to be this way every time?” I say under my breath after I saw my mother off. The crowds had slowly dissolved and the wedding had come to an end, the sun was already rising when my mother and uncle decided to leave. She wanted to stay back as expected but apparently it is against the rules for the mother to be around the newlyweds for the first three months. She was ready to argue about it but I told her to go. Of course she still argued with me but if it was the rules of the Celestials there was nothing she could do about it.

She had left reluctantly but not without making a scene and of course Marcus knew the right words to calm her down telling her that he would send for her or visit as soon as tradition allows it. I didn’t miss the smug look Marcus gave my uncle before he left…I wonder why the both of them were acting like they are enemies or something.

We waved them goodbye with big smiles on our faces but as soon as their carriages were out of sight our smiles dropped, Marcus’ hand left my waist and he started walking without looking back. I didn’t bother to call him, I just followed behind him because I knew no where in this palace and I was not ready to get lost yet.

The king and queen had already retired for bed and the only people left at the garden were the servants that were already cleaning up the mess that had been made today. How efficient.

Marcus walked for about a few minutes, he pretended like he did not know I was following behind him but I know he did, when we finally came to the west wing of the palace, his steps slowed. We passed by a few rooms and servants, they all bowed but I noticed their weird stares as the noticed the distance between Marcus and I.

I ignored them, when Marcus finally came to a stop I was already breathing heavily. I can’t help but feel that he intentionally took a longer route just so that I would be tired.

He opened the door in front of him and walked in, I followed behind him of course…I could accept any other thing except for him saying we would sleep in separate rooms, he wouldn’t even dare because I’m sure the king would hear of it and then we would have to give long explanations that won’t get us anywhere.

The room was big, way bigger than mine back at home. Its dark blue walls made the room darker than it already was, with the black curtains drawn and the lights dim. The king sized bed had dark blue sheets, there was not a single bright color in the bedroom.

“Don’t even think about opening the curtains” Marcus says, he is glaring at me, oh great we’re back to that again. I stay silent and reply him with a nod. I kind of like how the room is designed, it reflects my mood and how my life is going to be perfectly…it also describes the prince’s personality perfectly…dark and gloomy.

That night after I had freshened up, I lay on the bed half asleep. I heard the sound of running water from the bathroom…Marcus was in there…

My husband.

My eyes began to tear up again but I refused to cry, I have already cried enough the past ten years.

The pillow was soft and lulled me quickly to sleep. I mentally prepared myself for my new life once the sun was fully up…the crown princess of the Celestials and the wife of an asshole.

.

.

.

Three months after the wedding I was about used to the palace life.

When my eyes opened that particular morning, they were teary…I dreamt of my father again that night, I dreamt of the day I lost him and my brothers…a day that was supposed to be a happy day for me…for everyone.

I looked at the other side of the bed, empty.

As usual.

I hardly ever see him in the morning, he always leaves before I wake up.

My husband.

Not that I actually care, we have both gotten into a routine that is very much comfortable and convenient for the both of us considering the fact that I have given up on trying to know him better and we both don’t want to have anything to do with each other.

He would leave first thing in the morning, attend to his duties throughout the entire day and I only see him at night when he returns or sometimes I don’t even see him at all. I spend the entire day painting, touring the palace or maybe just spending the day with the queen. No, she still hates me. We hardly say anything to each other when we meet, she just glares or lectures me on how to be less of a lowlife.

I am not allowed to see anyone neither is anyone allowed to see me till the three months period is completed. They say those three months are so that the couple would get to know themselves well enough before they mingle with others…that is the Celestials tradition.

I find it funny because even after almost three months of my marriage to Marcus I knew only a few unimportant things about him and quiet frankly I am not interested in knowing anything about him either.

I stepped down from the bed and drew the curtains open, I enjoyed the warm sunlight that seeped in through the windows, it lifted my mood somewhat. With a sigh I decided to get ready for the day, considering the fact that the sun was already up it meant that I was late…I slept in and would probably get an earful from the queen of how the crown princess and future queen is supposed to be awake before the sun is fully risen.

I rang the bell next to the bed and two of the assigned maids given to me since my second day in palace came in almost immediately. They’re always waiting outside the door just to make sure when I need something they would be available.

Mia had short hair and brown eyes and full lips while Jess had long hair that reached her thighs, grey eyes like mine, she was petite in size and she wore her hair proudly…I envied it to be honest. They were both Celestials gifted to me by the king which according to him, they are the best of the best and truly they are really good at what they do. They make sure I have everything I need and don’t complain or frown no matter how many times I make requests in a day, the only problem was. The both of them kept their distance, they only spoke to me politely and always respectfully brush me off when I try to be friendly with them…saying they’re too lowly to be friends with me.

It had frustrated me at first but then again I have given up on having any friends here or in my lifetime because even back at home my mother chose my friends for me and all the girls she chose were just not…not it. I have no friends back at home and neither do I have any here.

I wonder how long it would take before I snap…the loneliness will soon get to me I’m sure but for now I try my best to live as good as I can.

“Please fill the tub with hot water and get my grey dress and boots out if the closet, I would like to go to the studio today” I tell them as I undress and put on the robe that is on the rack. Quickly they divided the work amongst themselves, Jess had gone to get the hot water ready while Mia walked into the closet looking for the dress.

“Is it the grey one with the blue flowers on the skirt your highness?” Mia asks, I almost forgot I had more than one get dress. I did not wear bright colors, not since I left Tetmo and was in charge of my own wardrobe instead of my mother and Miriam.

“Yes, that is the one”

I felt like going to the studio today, maybe painting and try to lighten the heavy feeling in my heart because of the dream I had. My birthday was close which is probably why I was dreaming about my twelfth birthday constantly now, every single night.

Mia brought the dress out and laid it out on the bed while Jess walked out of the bathroom almost at the same time.

“The tub is filled up your highness” Jess says.

“Thank you Jess, Mia” I say to the both of them. Sincerely grateful for their help and quite frankly their companionship because they were the only people around me and even though we do not have any conversations apart from me giving orders and them executing them…I was still slightly comforted that they were here.

They nod, they don’t offer to bathe me. Since the first day they had offered to do it I refused immediately. They were assigned to me by the king but instructed by the queen to follow me everywhere…everywhere, the queen says a princess is nothing without an entourage which I don’t need but still, I could not refuse. The bathroom is the only place I get my privacy and that is why taking my bath in the morning and night before I fall asleep are always my favorite parts of the day.

After I had dressed up, I left the room. Mia and Jess followed behind me of course, I have come to know my way around the palace after a few weeks. The crown Prince Marcus was given the west wing of the palace as a birthday and coronation gift while the east wing was given to his brother prince Dane who of course I have never met before, he is the general of the army and is currently where he is needed most.

The main wing of the palace belonged to the king and the queen, it was where the reception of the wedding was held and also where I meet the queen for our weekly meetings.

The palace would swallow that of Tetmo twice and still have a remainder waiting to be occupied. As expected of the Celestials, always bigger than everything else. I feel small here, smaller than I am...I feel below everyone, including the maids. I feel suffocated and it pains me because I am certain this is what the rest of my life would be like…lonely, gloomy.