Love of a Lifetime

Chapter 4

Joanna

The weekend had come and gone and I had a hard time convincing myself to get out of bed this morning. The amount of wine I had drank this weekend was catching up with me and I was highly considering calling out of work. The sun had barely risen in the sky, the remaining bits of darkness still lingering on the horizon.

My phone was continuing to blow up with message and message, voicemail after voicemail, and countless emails all from Mike trying to get me to come home, to work this out. Lisa had sent me a few messages both asking to talk and to apologize.

Brian had sent 2 messages. One checking on me, and one apologizing. I don't know what he had to apologize for. Nothing was his fault. He and I were in the same boat. Both the people we thought we loved betrayed us. If anything I should be the one apologizing to him. If only I had caught on sooner.

I had thought everything was perfect. I had thought that our love was strong and powerful. I thought nothing could come in between us. I thought that we were invincible. I now know that all of that was a charade. I knew that none of that was real. He used me, he lied to me, he betrayed me. He destroyed every little piece of me that I thought that I had.

I knew once all of this was said and done that I would never trust again. I would never fall in love again. It wasn't worth it. Besides, no one would want a washed up, jaded, 33 year old woman with a 17 year old child, a cheating ex-husband, and a list of trust issues a mile long. Not to mention the cancer. God dammit the f*****g cancer.

The cancer alone would be enough to scare the strongest of suitors away. What am I even thinking about. It's been 3 days since I caught my husband, balls deep inside of that skank and I'm over here thinking about future relationships.

I shouldn't be thinking of these things. Especially things that will never happen. I knew that my walls were being built up as high and as strong as they possibly could be and I would make sure that no one would ever be able to tear them down.

Dressed in my mint green scrubs, white lab coat, and a stethoscope around my neck, I looked in the mirror. I looked tired, my face was puffy like I had been crying for days, which I had. My green eyes were dulled out to almost grey. My golden hair was flat and lifeless.

I looked haggard but Rachel peeked her head in and whispered “You are the most beautiful woman I know. You're going to get through this.” her hot pink scrubs with paw prints on them only flattered her every curve.

I narrowed my eyes at her lying ass. “Don't even give me that look. You are one sexy veterinarian. If only I swung that way.” she whistled and swatted at my ass and I couldn't help but chuckle. She always knew how to cheer me up.

“So let's go out for drinks tonight. We never really got to celebrate you getting this job, and we need some wine therapy. After all wine always listens.”

“Gage has football practice, and Mondays are slow anyways. Please.” She poked out her bottom lip and widened her eyes.

“Fine. Just a couple of drinks. I start Chemo this week and can't drink a lot. Brian said that if I am going to drink, I will need to limit it to one glass of wine a day.” she lowered her eyes and nodded.

“I almost forgot about that. It just doesn't seem real. You know I'm behind you every step of the way, right?” I nodded and hugged her. It was true she was an amazing friend. I trusted her wholly.

I peeked in on Gage and saw him sleeping. I went over to him and rubbed his head like I used to do when he was a toddler. Oh, how I wish they could stay small forever. This world is too unkind sometimes. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him that I would be there for him for everything. I wouldn't let him go through life alone like I had. I wanted him to know that he always had me, no matter what.

“Don't be late for school. I'm going to work.” the guest bedroom he was sleeping in was almost too small for him and it made me chuckle a bit seeing this growing boy nearly falling out of the bed. He groaned and gave me a thumbs up.

“I love you, Son.”

At work I had to sit down with the head veterinarian and explain to him my chemo schedule, which meant telling yet another person about it. In reality I just wanted to keep it to myself. I didn't need anyone taking pity on me or treating me differently.

He patted me on the back and told me if I needed anything I just needed to ask. But at the moment I was currently trying to wrangle in a group of hyperactive puppies coming in for their checkups.

“Oh, aren't you just the cutest little thing.” I squeaked, picking up one of the fluff balls. They were little husky puppies and boy were they working on those vocal chords.

“Alright, so all of these little beauties are perfectly healthy. I recommend deworming them today and we can go ahead and give them their first rounds of shots. Also, would you like to have them microchipped for when they go to their new homes?” I looked at Mrs. Thompson, she was a spritely woman, so full of enthusiasm.

“Of course, yes. Only 3 of the 4 are spoken for. This little guy is the only one who hasn't found his forever home yet." The pup in question was the red and white fluffer I was holding a bit ago.

“Oh?” I asked. I knew it was wrong to interject into patients' plans, but this little guy was just the cuddliest boy ever. She gave me a knowing smile.

“You know, I think he likes you. I've always called that one Finn.”

It was so tempting, something I just didn't want to turn down. In a moment of weakness I thought about how every man has left me. My father, my husband, friends, and I thought, dogs are loyal, right? This little guy surely won't leave me.

“I suppose he does need a home. And you are right, he does seem to like me…” she smirked and we finalized the rest of the details. I had somehow acquired a puppy. What the hell just happened?

Several patients, and layers of dog and cat hairs later and I was exhausted. The day was ending and Rachel had popped in my office several times to remind me of my promise for tonight.

“Have you spoken to Lisa?” Rachel asked me when she walked into the room.

“No, and I don't plan on it. She needs to forget that I exist. I have nothing nice to say to her and it would be better if I didn't say anything at all.” she nodded.

“I know. I only ask because she's reaching out to me now trying to get to you. Want me to throat punch her? You know I will.” I snorted because she was being honest. I knew she would in a heartbeat. She was the brawler of the group and I was always the level headed.

“Let me finish these charts and you can punch throats to your heart's content.”

The music in this bar was too loud, the air smelled like stagnant s*x and sweaty bodies, but this glass of wine was truly delicious.

“So, you're going through with the divorce, yes?” she asked curiously. I nodded.

“I think so. I just can't forgive it. 10 years. He had been sleeping with her for 10 years. He said he had been faithful since her and Brian got married but apparently she seduced him and he fell for it. I don't believe it. I don't believe one word of it. Even if it had been just one time... I couldn't forgive it. Unfaithfulness is where I draw the line.”

“I get that. When I met mister right, he'd regret the day he ever decided to cheat on me. That's for sure.” her eyes strayed to something behind me and she slammed her glass down.

“You have got to be kidding me right now.” I turned to see what she was looking at only to notice Lisa walking towards us timidly.

“You have a lot of nerve to be showing up here.”

Lisa's eyes dropped and her shoulders shook as she took an unsteady breath. “Jo, can I talk to you. Please?”

I downed my glass of wine needing the liquid courage. “Say what you have to say, then leave.”

“We were best friends. I'm sorry. I knew I shouldn't have done it. It was just one time…” I laughed humorlessly.

“Save it. Mike already told me everything. I know you two have been seeing each other since prom night our senior year in highschool. I know that for the first few months of your relationship with brian, you were still sleeping with MY husband. I applaud you, I didn't think you could be any worse of a person or any more of a skank than you were in college, but this tops the list. You broke up a family Lisa. You are a homewrecker. So quit the bullshit. I hope you're happy now. I hope you have everything you want.”

“I loved him. I always did. But he only ever saw you. But then I met brian and thought I could be happy. He truly was going to call it off after we graduated but…” her eyes darted to the ground.

“But what?”

“I got pregnant… and Mike was the father. Of course he was mad, I got an abortion and he never forgave me but we were in love. I still do love him” my stomach dropped.

“Well. you can have him. He's all yours. Leave me alone, Lisa. Don't talk to me, Don't contact me, I want nothing more to do with you.” she sobbed a bit and stepped towards me.

“But you're my best friend.”

“No, because if I was your friend, you wouldn't have done what you did. You knew what my life was like. You ruined my life, Lisa. you ruined it for your own selfishness. You ruined my marriage and in the process ruined yours too."