Memories of regret

Trying

                     . CHAPTER 4.

"Get me the book!" I could hear my mom shout at someone.

Although I'm passed out I could still hear everything that's happening. I could feel the pain and the fingers touching me.

I can hear the doctor saying stuff to my mother.

"You think it will work?" A doctor asks her.

What will work? What book? Whats going on? I keep asking myself in my thoughts.

After a needle stung everything went blurry and my thoughts are dark.

I wake up feeling nauseous, weak and tired.

I can never get rest even if I want to. My eye's closes again.

I hear a familiar voice saying my name. It sounds like Diana. I can feel their presents.

I open my eyes and see them standing there.

Nicholas, Vicky and Diana.

They all look at me, starring at me.

Diana walks up to me and Nicholas came with her. Their mom walks out of the room and along with her a person I didnt recognized.

"Hey." they both say.

"How? When? What?" I kept aksing.

"We came two month's ago. When they told us you were still unconscious we thought that you are taking you bright time." she explains. Her voice changed a little, her hair is now longer and brighter then usual.

Nicholas didn't change a bit but he doesn't speak eitheir that much like he used to.

I couldn't move my legs they felt dead. It didn't bother me that much though.

"Your mom says that you won't be able to walk for up to ten minutes after you awaken." she claims.

"It's enough time."

Jean walks into the room after Nicholas left.

I can't speak to him but somehow I didnt feel angry anymore.

Diana gives him a hug then kisses him on the cheek.

My tears rolles slowly of my cheek. My heart felt heavy, I lost my smile of joy.

Jean looks at me, he knows I'm not happy anymore and I can see the same in him. He moved on, get over it, I repeat in my thoughts.

I order them to both get out. I was happy they returned but I wasn't expecting this.

Diana seems to be confused. I think she didn't know about me and him.

I look up to see Cole leaning on the door.

He walks up to me and kisses me on the lips.

I didn't know why but I think its about what just happened.

Jean looks jealous and angry at him. Why does he even care that much?.

I can move my legs again so a stand up. Everybody is standing in the room.

My mom walks in and asks them to all exit the resting room.

She sits down next to me. I wanted to tell her about what happened but I didn't want to disappoint her. I always disappointed her in the past, I didnt want to do the same now.

Cole is leaning on the door again..

"Mom?" I say worried, "Whats wrong with me?" I ask.

She looks perplexed. She then asks me what did I mean.

"Well, everything happened a while back. Everytime I feel scared all the pain comes back. But I never got infected like to the poison. And everytime the pain returns, it's more and more painful then before."

She looks worried, like she knows.

"And there's one more thing."

My mom and Cole are starring at with wide eyes.

"A zombie was so near me,close up to my body. Sniffing it. He looked harmless like he didn't want to hurt me. He didn't even scratch me. He ran off leaving me untouched." I proceeded to say.

My mom dropps the glass she was holding and quickly goes to close the door, telling Cole to come inside.

I'm confused , what is happening? I thought

"Don't tell this to anyone, Cole you too. Don't tell this too your farther. Don't talk about it don't bring it up." she says hesitating.

Her voice sounds afraid. I asked her why we should do that.

"You are immune to everything. Since you were little nothing effected you. I read that zombies sees you as a God like person. They will never hurt you." she explains.

Now I've heard everything. My mom leaves the room.

I put on a long coat then headed outside. The sun burns my eye's like fire.

Cole walks by my side. His brown hair shined in the light. He looked as if he has changed.

"Im sorry." he apologizes. His voice is deeper, and now he's taller then before.

We reached the tables where you sit down to eat. A person brought me water and says that she is happy too see me.

Cole looks up into my eyes and asks, "Thats tough. How do you feel?"

"I feel dead. Like nothing matters. Like everyone left me to be alone." I say doubtful.

He tries to lighten up the mood by giving me a photo album.

I open it and see pictures of me, my mom, Bond fires and poeple standing around it. I see Diana, Nicholas and Vicky, Jean standing with his military gear and his mates and captains. Then I see Lisa standing in a group photo we took at chior lessons, and another one at my fifteenth birthday party.

I burst in tears, she was there for me and she died. I blame myself for everthing that has happened.

I wipe the tears , sniffing and coughing.

I glance at my side and see Jean walking towards me.

He asks if he can speak to me. I didnt have another choice. Cole left instantly.

"I'm sorry." he says.

"Bout?" I try to shorten my sentence.

"The thing with Diana. I never expected she would do that infront of you." he tries to explain .

I didnt awnser him. I dont have the time for this. I stood up and want to walk away. But I have this feeling that I need too say something.

"Don't ever think we were something special. Well we are definitely not anymore. Quit caring about me if you actually loved me. If you loved me, you...you would've waited." I say then walk away.

"I was right wasn't I?"he shouts after me. I turned back and walk to him.

"So you and him huh?" he says in a penetrating voice.

"Me and Cole were never anything." he looks embarrassed as I shout, "For gods sake Jean etleast you could've learn me better and understand me. You hurted me that night and hurted me now. If you did this for pay back, don't ever think I'll forgive you!"

Those words hurts me but I needed to let it out.

I walk to my tent and zipped it closed. It's not dark but it felt like darkness is all around me. I fell asleep while I was reading a study book.

I hear my mom's voice close by. I should probably go to her.

I went outside but didn't see her. I walk to the kitchen to grab a drink, that's when I saw Jean and Diana sitting together. A anger filled me. But it isn't jealousy I remind myself.

I walk past them not even looking in their direction.

I sigh as I sit down on a chair of an empty table. I keep thinking about what my mom said about me being an Immune towards things. It felt actually great although I can't share it with other people.

Docter Zavier came to sit with me. I look up and this is the first time I'm seeing him without the sergical stuff. He is bald with a beard. He has dark eyes that looks black, doesn't fit with Cole's green eyes.

He is silent for a few moments then proceeds to start talking.

"What if I told there is an planet just like ours, somewhere in the universe and we had found it. But we need someone to go there first. Would you have volunteered?"

That's a wierd question, even for a person who has studied this type of stuff.

"I would've risked my life for others, yes, but I'm not that stupid." I reply.

He looks at me with madness.

"I'm giving a speech tomorrow about what happened, be there." he orders then walks away.

I wondered what he meant by that statement. Does he want me to volunteer for something? I thought. Stupid question to ask myself. Ofcourse I would volunteer, what do I have left here.

I slept alot these past few months, but I am still tired.

The next day seems like the last. Like the day's are repeating itselfs.

I walked to the stage and found a seat next too my mother.

"Émony, just don't say anything stupid please." my mom says out of the blue.

What does she mean. Am I in trouble or something.

Docter Zavier walked on stage and tested the microphone.

He talks for along time. He actually has a low and corky voice that irritates me.

"Dearest people. You have probably been wondering for along time where w(i)nd's have came from. It's time to give you a little info. Two months before the first explosion, we've been working on a theory of an article. That has a influence on haematology and Osteology."

I look at Nicholas, he is sitting next to me. We glare at eachother then look back at stage.

"I didn't expected that a person of that kind-of theory would've volunteered to try the Virus vaccine. We thought that it would've worked but I geuss you could see it didn't. But that person had guts to have done that."

He took a breather then look in my direction, starring at me.

"Émony Ransom, please come on stage." he says.

Everyone seems to be confused and worried especially my mother.

I walked on stage and stood by the docter's side.

He proceeds to say, "This young lady is an imunne towards, well everything. Even the zombies."

Everybody gasps and starts whispering.

"So in this moment I would ask her too volunteer for the upcoming experiment to save us."

My mom looks confused like she had not known about this aswell as Jean and Nicholas. But Cole seemed guilty.

He stood further away from the microphone and says to me, "Remembered what I told you last night? Thats what I mean."

I'm scared at that moment, but I already knew what I'm going to say.

"Would you?" he asks me again and made way for me to stand at the microphone.

"Yes."

"Why?" he asks as if he doesn't know about anything.

"Even if it's on another planet, volunteering is the best option, isn't it? But just remember one thing. If I do this, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because of the people whose lifes are lost, those who sacrificed thierselfs for us. Because of your mistakes."

I walk off stage. A little disappointed. I walk past Cole. He couldn't even look me in the eye, to face the facts.

Jean grabs my arm and puls me to him.

"You can't do that. There's no way of telling that you'll return."

"Why do you even care." I force myself to release my arm and walk away.

**2YA with Lisa**

"Can I ask you something Émy?" Lisa asked worried.

I agree and she proceeded.

"If I die, please. I want to be burried in a safe place. Don't just leave me. Don't morn me I don't want you too. Just don't leave for them.

**Present **

Why am I thinking about that.

That reminds me, I need to find her body.

I turn myself back to the centers.

I walked to the guy who was with Jean the day he shot her.

"Where is she!" I demand for a reply.

He laughs at my face then asks who I'm talking about.

"The women you shot in Houston. That day I came to this forsaken camp."

He didn't awnser only went on chatting.

"I know." Cole says.

I dont want his help. So I walk right past him..., he follows.

"Hey, wait." he says when he catches up.

I can't deal with them in moments like these.

We walk in silence to an empty building.

"We keep the bodies here. In freezers."

I scan everything around me. "How do you know who is who?" I ask out if curiosity.

"We mark the place they were killed. Most are still alive but we keep them frozen until we can find a cure." he explains

"Are they alphabetical?"

"Yes."

I proceeded to walk through the lines, looking for H.

There Are so many bodies hanging from the sealings.

"Why are their so many people here?" I ask Cole.

"Because, if someone has lost someone who lived here or there, they can always search in this place. For incase they want to see them for a last time."

There is silence.

"Look here. Those with the red tie or rope are dead. These with the green are still alive." he proceeds to explain.

"I don't see any green?"

"Yeah, that's because they are all up stairs."

I look around to see if I could find Lisa.

I walk down the line of poeple hanging. It felt cold and uncomfortable.

I finally came across Lisa.

"Found her!" I shout at Cole.

He came to me and handed me a purple sticker. I ask him what it is for and he replies,

"To mark it. The people look through these bodies every month to see if someone has found their loved one or so."

I put the sticker on her body. It's still hurts knowing that she is never going to smile or laugh or cry.

We walk outside the building. I see that there are two military officers walking towards us.

Cole didn't look scared but I was. They only walk passed us and greet.

I sighed of relieve.

"Were you scared?" Cole teases.

"No,this just brings back more memories than I expected."

I look back to the two guy's, as I look, the other one looks me in the eyes, giving me a stare that he doesn't regret it. I know it is him who shot her, but I know he will never be ashamed .

We walk in silence towards the camp, not saying a word.

We reached the camp. We went our separate ways. He ran towards his little sister and mom, his mom didn't seem really happy to see me being with him, she smiled until she sees me.

I walk on.

Diana bumps into me. She looks worried.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." she preceeds.

"About?" I play along, only to act like I'm not aware of anything.

"About Jean." she says.

It hurts me, actually just made me aware of everything. I tell her it's okay and walk further.

Docter Zavier wants to talk to me, but I didn't know why. Maybe about the volunteering stuff.

I reach his office and there sits my mom, Cole, Nicholas and Jean.

I sit down on a chair and ask them about everything.

"I'm going with you." Cole says, starting the conversation.

"What? No you can't." I reply.

"Decision is already made."

"You can't go...there's no way!" Jean commented.

Everyone in the room looks upset.

"Training starts tomorrow Amony."

"Its Émony." I corrected him again.

I went to my tent. I noticed that I haven't eaten anything today but that didn't quite matter, I wasn't hungry.