Memories of regret

Finding

                         . CHAPTER 2.

Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your head.

To think the world once was paradise, a place where you can run free and be yourself. A places you can go to without being afraid...Well al of those things are just a fading memory.

                 *          *        *        *       *

Lisa didn't stop talking after we left the cabin, it was actually starting to make me unhappy and mad. I loved that she's alright, but it's confusing me somehow.

I needed to know how, even if its just a little bit of info, so I asked:

"Soo...are you gonna start telling me how you're still alive?"

She didn't awnser and just kept on walking. That made me furious, I know it's hard to talk about things like this,but I cant just make up my own scenarios al the time.

Lisa still didn't answer me she was in her own thoughts. I hated being alone for 2 year's and now she doesn't even want to talk, the quietness made me sad, It kind-of makes me depressed and that's not a feeling that I  enjoy.

She gave a sigh and and started explaining:

"After what happened when the bomb fell, my immediate thought was to run, so that's what I did. Your mom was actually running away as well, but she ran towards where the bomb came from..."

She didn't say anything further and I didn't know how to reply to that.

We soon reached the town then started exploring it.

"There's a café!" I shouted to Lisa.

"Shall we go in?" she asked doubtful.

"We need supplies." I stated.

We didn't have much thought and decided to head in the café.  First thing as usual is to check for water,then close up and make sure it's safe. Luckily for us it was safe, but there wasn't any water.

"Let's find somewhere else?" Lisa suggested.

"Yeah." I agreed.

We went to the door, but before we stepped outside we saw that W(i)Nd's were in the street. We quickly went back into the café and jumped behind a counter to hid ourselfs.

I looked at Lisa, she looked terrified, she didn't know what to do then asked :"Do think they saw us?"

Curiously I looked up from the counter, I saw that they were just passing by,  but until one saw me. I immediately turned back to Lisa and said: "We should go, it's not safe."

She started to cry, then said with a taut voice tone: "Why can't we just stay here?"

Before I could awnser her one of those things broke the glass and fell in. I looked at Lisa then grabbed her arm. I pulled her to the back door exit that was leading up to the roof,  I knew it was risk taking, but at that moment we didn't have another choice.

We got up on the roof and quickly close the door. The W(i)Nd's kept banging on it with no end. I leanded on the door to keep it shut while Lisa was looking for a sturdy thing to keep it close for now. She didn't find anything so I ran to her.

We stood beside eachother and looked at the door while it was being force open.

"No,no,no,no,no!" I repeated.

I ran to the end of the roof and saw that another building was only five feet away.

I looked at Lisa and shouted at her to jump. 

She was perplexed, but didn't hesitate for long. She quickly jumped to the other, and I followed, but before I could jump, the door burst open and they came running through. 

So I ran and jumped as fast as I could, but hited the ground hard and passed out.

                   *    *  1YB  Lisa*     *

"Quick!" Nicholas shouted.

I realised if I don't move there won't be any chance if there even was one. 

I turned my head to look at him, his eye's were full of tears and it made me cry, he mumbled something and came to help me. Dakota was already near us. Nicholas came running and tripped over as he fell I noticed his g*n.

I pushed myself over on the ground to pick it up and pointed it at Dakota. 

"I'm sorry, please forgive me!" I shouted, then shot her.

My ears ringed and I was out of breath.

"Come on." Nicholas said while picking me up.

We went inside, he locked the door then spoke :

"You just puted us both at risk of dieing. But you saved our asses as well."

I laughed then said:

"If you hadn't tripped I wouldn't have saved us."

The silence was strong after that, just heavy breathing.

My emotions was growing and it led me to cry. But I knew that it was better for her aswell.

"Why today, why my family, why me?"

"I know, I'm sorry." Nicholas tried to comfort me.

"I just remembered something." he said.

"Yeah?"

"You said that it was your birthday today, why 'was' when it's still the same day?"

"Why should I remember this birthday, it wasn't even as planned. Everything was disappointing, people died to come and make me happy and some of them doesn't even like me. Yes it is still my birthday, but you know what I don't even want to count it. After that explosion it already ended. Why be happy over a day that led to disaster.?"  I kept saying. 

"Why does it bother you so much? Yes everything happened, but it's still your birthday and there are four more hours to make good memories?"

"Nicholas, just shutup. You don't know how much family and friends came to this fiasco and died!" I said angrily. 

"You know, you're not the only one who lost people today!" Nicholas said furiously.

'The joggers!' I remembered, mayby it was his family. I didn't ask him about it so I kust said:

"You didn't loose anybody, they just ran of, mine are laying outside with burned faces and my cousin with a shot. Yes I still have my mother, yet she ran of for no reason. Everybody has lost someone today, mayby even thousands." I proceeded to speak in a soft voice tone. I wanted to say something more, but just didn't have the strength for it, so I tried to turn around and tried to fall asleep. 

Nicholas layed on the other couch and fallen asleep too.

The next day we had to flee my house.

The army was blowing every neighborhood hood up, calling out for survivor's and shoot these who are brave enough. 

There wasn't a other choice.

It's going to be a tough journey, but we have to make it.

Nicholas told me that there's a farm house near by, if we can get there it will be easier because of my leg.

             *   *     °  Present    °        *    *

I felt dead inside, like a feeling that I couldn't even breath. The light was bright it felt like I was drowning. 

Lisa's voice was faded, but I could hear her shout my name.

No-this cant be death, it's too early for this. I have to fight it, even if I can't.  I cant die now. It's too early. 

Her voice became clearer and I could clearly hear her say :

"Émony! Please, please wake up!"

I opened my eye's, it felt like it was burning, my tears felt like acid. 

When I got awake, the only thing I could think about is my thirst. I coughed until Lisa gave me water.

"Thank god" she said.

"How long was I out?"

"Few hours honestly it looked like you weren't going to wake up , you had no pulse not even a heart beat, but for some how you were still breathing ." Lisa explained.

How's that even possible, was I dead, but stil alive.  Doesn't even matter.

I looked around the room we were in. Its another shop, I think a clothing shop.

I standed up, but when I did it felt like a glass was stuck in my thigh right where the one from my birthday event.

"What the-?"

"Hey, come here!" Lisa shouted.

I forced myself up even though it burned like hell.

"Where are we?" I asked Lisa.

"This is a boutique. My mom used to work here for a while when we lived in Houston."

"Houston?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, I recognize the tables and paintings."  Lisa said happy.

"No.!"  I said furiously then started to cry, and went on my knees.

Lisa stood there and looked glum.

I proceeded to say.

"Why did you have to say where we are. Haven't you learn that we never do that. It brings back too much sorrow memory's." 

"Whats so wrong of bringing this up. Its better to know where we are, so that we don't get lost.

"No !" I screamed and stood up.

"We lived in Dallas. Thats not far from here." I realized something then added," I walked in freaking circles this intire time. No,no no no!"

"What do you mean?"

"I was trying to avoid the seas, so every time I see a palm tree, I walk another way."I explained. I looked down to the ground and said:" So that would mean, I past the two of same Evacuation areas.!"

"What!" Lisa said angrily. "You lied to me!"

"Yes, there's no denying it!" I took a deep breath then started explaining:

"I thought that I already past five Evacuation eareas,  but instead I only past two. That would mean that there's still hope."

She looked angry, like she didn't want to speak to me. She frowned, but quickly lost it. 

"Even though you lied. I'm happy that there's still hope."

"That's why I lied. To give you hope."

It felt that an entire bridge was of of my back. Etleast that I dont have any secrets left. So that's a good thing.

We were walking threw the boutique until we can see that it's safer to go outside. It wasn't safe staying in a place like this and the sun was already going under.

Lisa looked joyful.  I think she actually liked being here.

"In a world full of struggle lies a little faith," I said out loud while reading the book a took from the cabin, "You'll never understand others,if you don't understand life."

"What book is that?" Lisa asked.

"The name is cut out... everytime it had to bring it up it's not there. So I really don't know." 

"Sounds like the book of advice."

"Geuss it has a new name, 'Book of advice." I laughed a little and then stood up to walk to Lisa.

"That looks pretty." I complimented her while she puted on a fluffy coat. Then I added: "You shouldn't take of your supplies you're going to regret it."

"Yeah," she sighed then said:"I know. But we aren't going anywhere. Are we?" she aksed doubtful.

"I geuss not... But we have too make this place safer before it gets dark." I suggested.

Her smile quickly turned into a frown then she asked me what she should do. I told her to check for blankets or another room.

We found a room where workers can rest if they're tired or work late.

We pushed the table in front of the door since the lock was broken. Then we threw a bunch of long coats on to the window.

We sat down on the couches and started talking about the seasons :

"What do you think it is. Winter or summer, maybe autem... Uhh- what's the other one called" she said while laughing .

"Mmh- It's spring." I said then we both laughed together.

"But I think it might be autem."I replied to the question.

"How do you know?"

"Well most of the trees has nothing on it, the grass are brown so are the leaves. Its colder then usual at night plus my hair is lighter in the autem and winter."I explained. 

"Huh- what do you know."

She layed on her back so did I then I started singing a song from Twenty one pilots that hurts when I sing it now:

"Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days. When our mamas sang us to sleep but now we're stressed out.

Lisa took notice of me then asked :"You still remembered that?"

"Afcourse, it's sad if you think or sing about now," I took a moment of silence the added "We should probably get some rest?"

"Yeah, think we should. Its bin a tough day" she agreed. 

We both went to sleep on the couches. I knew that I'm going to dream about what happened with Nicholas. When everything ends, It al restarts.

                        ** 1YB Lisa      **

"Ow, ow, ow!" was the only thing I repeated the intire way. It hurted like hell and it kept starting to bleed.

"Come'on we can make it just keep it together!"  Nicholas tried to comfort.

"We've been walking for an hour can we please take a rest!" I requested.

He agreed so we sat down on a rock.

"How far long?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Not long it's just up a head." he awnsered.

I looked around the place we were. Everywhere is bushes and thorn trees. I cant handle the heat, it makes me tired and weak. I took a sip of my water and just when I puted down my bottle I saw that a group of people were walking towards our way.

Nicholas stood up and looked through his monoculars.

"They look dead!" he stated.

"Oh my god, not again!" 

"Let's go. I'll try to carry you if I can. They are comeing fast!"

"No, I'll do it myself!" I could hear my stubbornness in my voice. I couldn't get myself to be nice. Everything hurts so I had the right to be stubborn, right?

He helped me to stand up then we started walking fast, I tried to run even though the pain was hell.

"I see it!" Nicholas shouted.

I glanced at my side and saw them. They were in groups, fast and ugly looking.

I didnt notice where I was walking and tripped.

Nicholas came to me and asked if I'm okay. I answered the usual and said that I'm fine.

We kept going, the pain grew worse, not the glass wound, it felt like something was stabbing my stomach, I looked down then fainted.

I woke up in a house. It looked pretty sweet and clean. My eye's were burning and my stomach felt like larva. 

"You fell in a piosen bush." A women said.

"What?" I aksed confused, not because of the bush,but because of the women.  She looked a little like Nicholas, actually  they look similar, she just had darker brown eye's,  black hair that was smooth and straight, a adenoidel plummy voice, she was build a little like him, but only she was thicker, he is a little skinnier. 

My eye's followed her every move, my only thought was about who she was. She sat down next to me then introduced herself:

"Hi. I'm Diana."

Ofcourse, his sister. It took a while then I introduced myself :

"I'm Émony." 

She smiled and said: "I know, Nicholas told me."

"Where is he?" I asked worried.

"He is upstairs. He's talking to my ma, but he will be down in a moment or two." she explained. 

She had a beautiful voice even though it sounded like she can't breath through her nose.

I layed down on my back.

She started talking about why I passed out:

"The poisenes bush you fell in, isn't quite known so I didn't know if it was deadly or not. But geuss it wasn't.  Its a small bush with thin layers that cuts through your skin easy. You can't see it with the n***d eye, but oh boy its everywhere." she explained with a little laughter. She didn't talk for a while. After a few seconds she said amazed: "Wierd, but the piosen didn't effect you. You passsed out of the pain."

"Oh that's interesting."  I said amazed as well.

She offered me a cup of coffee and I could definitely not say no.

While Diana walked to me with the coffee, Nicholas and his mom came down stairs.

His mom didn't look anything like them. She had ash blond hair, grey eye's, she was skinny, she seemed grumpier as well.

She introduced herself with a hug.

"Hi. You must be Émony, I'm Vicky."

"Nice too meet you. Sorry I can't stand up, my legs are hard too move."

"Oh don't worry dear. I understand."

She seemed nicer , her voice was flat and soft. Didn't fit with her facial expression.

"Here you go." Diana said and gave me my coffee.

I thanked her and took a sip. Vicky gave me a ham and cheese sandwich, wich I injoy'd so much. 

"You are the joggers I saw?" I asked them surprised.

"What?" They asked confused.

"You were the one having a party?" Vicky asked.

I was surprised.  So it was them.

"Yes! I saw you guys run past me."

They all were quiete, didnt even speak a word.  I geuss they didn't want to talk about it.

"Hey ma, can I ask you something?"  Nicholas asked.

His mom agreed.

"What are those things outside.  The dead humans?" he asked.

I'm happy he did, because I as well was curious.

"Those are zombies dears..."she replied. But she wasn't done talking, then Diana chipped in:

"They are called W(i)ND's!"

"Shush Diana." her mom silenced her.

"Why are the called that?" I asked.

"Well because they always come in groups. Stronger when its rainy weather. They come out of no where.  Ugly looking and they are really quiet, it's hard too hear them come." Vicky explained

It's a little interesting how they work. Kind of weird.

"Do you guys know where this came from?" I asked.

"No. The facility I used to work at never spoke of what they were working on. I only knew that they were trying to prove a theory in article. A week before the explosions took place they fired all the workers."  Vicky explained.

That's sounds a little harsh. But not all is known.

After a few months when everything was properly healed and I gotten to know Nicholas's family a little better.

We all were called to sat down around the kitchen table.

"Émony.  There's something we need to talk about."  Vicky began saying.

The room was quiet and cold. Everyone looked serious. I looked them al in the eye and asked:

"Sure?"

"We have to go somewhere, where our family's are. It's really far from here." Diana started saying.

"If you don't want too tag along. We should go our separate ways." Nicholas said.

I leaned back on my chair.

"I can't. I have too find my mom. She is somewhere.  If I can find her everything will be okay."  I agreed somehow. 

"We leave in a few hours. Are you sure?" Vicky asked.

"Yes. Definitely."

I greeted and thanked them for their help then threw my bag on my back. I hopped on a motorcycle that had a little gas that'll maybe get me to a distance. 

Befor I started the motorcycle, Nicholas stopped me.

He gave me a hug aswell as an zodiac scorpio necklace.

"Here. For good look."

"Hey I didn't knew you are a scorpio." I told him.

"No wonder we have the same personalities. I'm a scorpio aswell." I stated. 

He didn't say anything, only gave me hug.

"I'll miss you." he said.

I started the motorcycle, then hitted the road.

I waved at them as they walked into the farm house. 

I left before them. They are good people and I didn't want to put them in risk because of me. I knew that I wasn't going too see my mom. But etleast I had the hope.

                *     *   °  Present °  *     *

"Émony wake up!" Lisa shouted.

She was shaking me to get me awake.

"There are military outside!"

"What?" I quickly sprong up. We both crawled to the window to see what was going on.

The military was going in every house too plant things in them .

"We have to go! " I  said to Lisa.

She agreed and we both went down stairs.

"They are everywhere!"

The zombies were crawling all over the place. We both went back to the room.

"What now?!" Lisa said distressed.

Before I could speak, I heard someone say:

"In here Jean!" then a lot of shooting took place.

I looked around the room and saw a attick ladder.

"Up there. Quick!" I told Lisa.

She took a stool and putted it under the ladder.

She opened it and helped me first.

They were banging on the door to force it opend.

Lisa looked at me with sorrow eye's. 

"No! Please don't do what I think!"  I said with tearing eye's.

"I'm sorry, but there isn't another way."  She gave me a black box and said :

"Open it when you're safe okay?"

"No!" I was already in tears but I tried to stop her as she closed the ladder door.

I couldn't open it.

"No!" I screamed with pouring tears. 

I heard a man shouting at her and another man telling him to calm down.

After that I heard a shot then silence. 

I couldn't stop crying. I holded the box. My hands were shaking. My heart was hurting and my stomach burned.

It took a moments, but I finally stood up. I didn't stand for long until I trembled onto the floor still crying.

"Please no!"

I took my bad then I opened the attick door lach.

I first made sure nobody was there. No site of anyone.

I climbed down then looked around.

I saw that the cost were clear, but still heard the vehicles of the military. 

I took out my g*n then I went on my knees.

Pionting my own g*n to my head. I wanted to pull the trigger, but I knew that there's still much to do.

I putted the g*n down.  I glanced at my side and a military man. He had a big g*n with a gas mask on his face.

I quickly pionted my g*n at him ad I still sat on the ground.

"Wait!" He said.

"Why should I.  You kill brave people!"  I shouted at him.

"I don't.  I dont even want to be here.!" he stated.

"You should get out of here."  he said then he reversed back to the entrance. Then he disappeared. 

I sat on the floor in a comfortable position.

My eye's burned. Everything burned.

I took and opened the box Lisa gave me.

Inside was another necklace. It had a reading on it.

"Don't always be brave. Dont think or twice, follow your instincts or guts. Fight dirty."  was the reading on the it.

I knew Lisa made necklaces, she probably made this one when I wasn't looking.

I started laughing and crying at the same time. I screamed as loud as I could.

I stood up and putted the necklace around my neck, next too Nicholas's.

I headed down the stairs. The zombies were everywhere with blood puddles around them.

I tried to walk past them without making a sound while pionting my g*n infront of me for safety.  I saw a map that I took too see where I have to go.

I didn't see Lisa anywhere.

"Suck it up Émony." I said to myself.

I got outside then started walking South.

I didn't know where the Military and Army's are or what way they headed , I just kept walking.

Housten was a beautiful place now it's not. Thats al I could say about it.

I sighed, alone again. Can you retell that line.

I made sure I was quiet and quick.

Why did the military or army do that, don't they resceu people. They didn't rescue anyone that they cal out for. Except that one guy Jean. He looked so nice or he was only to me, why didn't he tell them I was in there, was he afraid?

I heard screaming in the distance, it sounded like Lisa. I turned in circles to see if there was someone, but I didn't. 

A gave another sigh and headed straight. 

I was studying Japanese for a while too.

The onyl thing I could fully understand is numbers and a few words.

"Hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu, yottsu, isutsu." which means one, two, three,four, five.

I kept saying those numbers to keep distracted from going in the wrong way.

I took a rest nearby a little dam. I took my bottle that was empty and filled it in with the dam water then I poored a type of sodium in that cleans it and makes it drinkable. Vicky gave it to me when I was gathering supplies.

I wish that this never happened.  I wished that someone was still walking with me.

I heard a truck coming towards me.

I quickly looked for a hiding spot.

"Where do you think she is now, Jean?" a man asked.

Jean? I thought they left.

"She wouldn't have stayed at that place." he said.

"Can't we just leave. And why are we even looking for this girl?"  the man aksed exhausted.

"We can't go until we find her. Docter Omèny's description of her daughter and the photo she showed, looked just like her," he said and looked away from the man. He then added :" I just didn't realised it until we headed back to the camp."

Doctor Omèny?  Could that be who I think?

I didn't hesitate because if its her, there's no finding out if I don't look.

I flung up with my hands in the air.

Jean almost fell over. And the other guy pionted his g*n at me then said:

"This her?"

I looked at Jean and before he could awnser I said:

"If my mother is at that camp, take me there."

They both looked at eachother and then back at me "Hop in." the other guy said.

         *    *     * After everything   *    *    *

"And that friends is why I'm here!"

Everybody at the camp fire, that includes Jean, is amazed.

A little girl asks me :

"Are you going to see Nicholas again?"

I've been telling this story since I arrived. 

I look at the girl then at Jean.

It took a while, but I finally anwser her:

"Mayby, that say if they arrive here."

"And Lisa?"she girl asks again.

I'm silenced, I have no words to reply.

The mother of the little girl picks her up and says:

"Thanks for sharing. But we have to turn in now, we have too rest before tomorrow."

Everybody went too bed.

It's just me and Jean sitting at the fire.

"I'm sorry about Lisa." he apologizes.

"I know it wasn't you. I don't think you will even hurt a fly."

We both laugh then there is silence.

"I'm happy I met you." He says jouful.

"Yeah me too." I agreed then stand up to sit next to him.

He looks at me and stares me in the eye's. He corests my cheek soflty. 

"We should probably go sleep as well?"  he suggests.

I agree with him.  It's late and cold.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to go in by my mother to check if she has returned. After that we are leaving the camp.

Jean helps me up and I thank him by saying:

"Wow, you're such a gentleman.  Thank you."

"Anything for you." he says.

We hug eachother goodnight then head to our tents.

The camp has strict rules around sleeping at eachothers tents. Only if you're married you may.

I lay on my soft pillow and blanket.

Jean runs threw my head since the day I saw him without a gasmask.

He is a soft person, he has a appealing smoky voice. Ash blond hair, hazal eye's and a tough body.

"Etleast he has muscles."I joke.

I never knew that I would feel a type of way towards someone like him.

I don't think it's love. Or is it? I'm a doubtful person, mostly I overthink alot. I try to not let it get the best of me.

Next day:

"Morning!"  I shout at the little girl from yesterday.

She waves back and runs into their tent.

I glance at my side and see Jean putting on his uniform.

I dicide to walk too him.

"Mornin." He greets.

"Morning."

"Getting ready for the speech?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'm not looking forward but hey, gotta do what you gotta do." he jokes then kisses me on the cheek and walks away.

He waves at me and I waved back.

"Goodluck!" I shout.

"You know you shouldn't say that!" he shouts back.

I walked back to my tent with a huge smile.

I got ready to go to the speach ceremony thing.

"Émony ?!"

"Mom!?"

We run towards eachother and hugged.