Memories of regret

IT BEGINS HERE.

                         . CHAPTER 1.

-Just because I carry it all doesn't mean it's not heavy.-

I can't remember the last time I had a warm meal, a warm bath, fresh water, a warm, clean bed and of course fresh air. There isn't much left after what happened a year ago, there's not a human in sight. The only thought I had were about the people I knew, but they all seem to fade away slowly. Nothing seemed real anymore and I'm alone for about seven months now and the supplies are limited.

I heard that there's a place where survivor's can go , it's an evacuation of earth I think, they say that they'll give the survivors till the end of the third year to reach it, otherwise... there's no hope left for you.

The virus has no end, it keeps getting worse and more people are loosing thier lives but they come back as a 'W(i)nd".

The hope I had that the evacuation is still on the horizon, is pointless.

I sat down on a rock to get some rest. I walked for about four or more hours with no stop and I'm so tired...I dont even know where I am or where I'm going...I just go where the road takes me, but for now I needed to get a place to spend the night maybe up in the trees, it's safer up high then staying on the ground and being the lunch of a dead person.

I got up in a tree. Didn't know the name of it, but it seemed reasonable. I always dream or think about the past, but I wished that I didn't. It's haunting and terrifying yet I keep it as a memory for my mistakes.

                    *    *  birthday *     *

It all happened on my 16th birthday. I always hoped that it would be fun, exciting, dramatic and all of that type stuff, but lets just say my 16th wasn't as sweet as you'd think.

                   *        *    °    *        *

"Èmony!!" my mom shouted and stormed into my room. "Come quick, something terrible is happening outside!" she said in a tight voice, almost as if she's seriously freaking out.

"Coming!" I said with a panicking heart, I really started feeling afraid, considering I knew my mom would not fake something dramatic and this is the first time in a long time that my mother looked different but I didn't quite know what she was feeling.

While I was rushing down stairs,I looked at my mom and said,"What is it...."

My mom stood infront of the slide door, but instead of scared she looked happy and joyful so in that moment I didn't feel afraid anymore.

She then said, "Just don't freak out, okay? Happy birthday dear." she gave me a hug and kissed me on the forehead.

We both went outside. I didn't quite know what was happening and before I could ask...poeple jumped out of places I didn't even know existed and shouted "SURPRISE!"

Shocked as anybody would've been, I almost felt over "Wow! Oh my gosh." I said .

After greeting them all, I started thanking my friends and family.

I was on my way to my friend Lisa to greet her when my eye suddenly caught two people running, I assumed they were joggers but thier clothes weren't fit for the exercise, I didn't really care that much so I went on with what was already taking place.

It was a great time, except the happiness didn't last long.

After ten minutes at the least, the power went out but not just ours...the entire city. We didn't think much of it until a siren went off and in the distance not far from my house, poeple started screaming and shooting was taking place. The people that were at the party started panicking and running away towards nothing.

Then...out of no where a bomb flew into my yard.

The last thing I saw was my mother running away and people still freaking out.

When I woke up, I couldn't stop coughing,I was in pain, it's hard to move my right leg and even harder to call out to someone, but everybody was gone or well most of them. I felt so afraid and scared. Nobody I called out for, awnsered. The tone of my voice was wobbly...I could hear it, it didn't seem like me,I never get scared but at this moment I felt terrified.

I glanced at my side and saw my cousin Dakota standing up. For a second I was happy and relieved.

"Dakota," I called out to her. It didn't seem like she heard me so in a panicking voice tone I called out to her another time, but for some reason I had a gut feeling to not say a word or get her attention, ofcourse I didn't listen to that gut feeling and called her another time. I couldn't see her because of all the fog but as she got closer, I noticed that she seemed strange, she trembled, looked crooked in a way, she was leaping and dragging her left leg, her eyes were white and she made this wierd noise, almost a weary tone. She tripped over someone and got mad for some reason ,she turned to the persons body then just started eating it. I almost screamed and vomited but luckily I didn't. I quickly thought to get out of where I was,even though I was in pain and couldn't move, I tried as hard as I could to move quickly and quietly.

As I struggle to drag myself towards my house, I heard shouting  in the distance, I heard a man yell "Diana!" I didn't know who she is but I needed him... "Help!" I screamed and hopefully he could hear me. I could see him rushing towards me, he had a g*n with him, he jumped over my fence and without hesitating he came to help me...we both went inside my house. He sat me down on the couch and rushed to close the doors.

"What are you doing?" I asked out curiosity.

"Where's Diana?" he asked without awnsering mine.

"I...I don't know!" I said anxious.

"Where is she!" he shouted and grabbed my shoulders tightly.

"I don't know who that is!" I shouted louder back at him.

"Do you have a basement?" he asked

"No," I awnsered him in a questionable way.

"Windows?" he asked another question.

"Ofcourse, but its all closed."

There was a silent wave for a few seconds. I bit my lip and gasped of the pain. He took notice of me. He stood there with hands on his hips.

"Get the first ade kit!" I demanded.

I needed to know what's wrong with my leg, otherwise something might happen and I'll lose it.

"Where is it?" he asked.

"In the kitchen, underneath the big table. And please hurry!" I shouted.

I ripped open my jeans to see where I got hurt.

Of course...a glass that was atleast 10cm deep in and with every move I made, it burries its way in deeper. My scream kept getting louder, I've never felt pain like this,I've never even broken a bone. He quickly came with the kit and he sat down next to me.

"Can I help?" he offered.

"No," I took a deep breath and exhaled and added,"Just talk to me and distract me, please." I told him.

As I dig for the glass to find out how deep it is, I asked him "What's your name?"

He looked up into my eye's and told me his name "Nicholas ."

"Nice to meet you Nicholas ..." before more words I tried to hold back another scream,and then I introduced myself "I'm Èmony ."

"What type of name is that?" he asked me.

"Its a different spelling for Omèny which is my mums name." I explained to him.

I tried to take out the glass, but I couldn't, I was tired from the pain,it almost felt like passing out.

"Remember that offer of helping me? I could use it right now." I made known.

"Sure, what should I do?" he asked.

"I know we just met and you don't get this often but I need you to pull a glass out of me." I joked, then gasped of the pain again.

He laughed and then said, "Definitely the first."

"You are going to need both hands and two cloths. You are going to take one cloth and put it over the glass,its a thick glass so its easy to take hold of and its in deep,think its in my bone itself. I'm going to put one cloth in my mouth to bite and as soon as I do that you are going to pull it as hard as you can." I explained to him.

He went and grabbed the cloths and sat it down infront of me. I put one cloth in my mouth to resist to scream, without count he puled the glas, he didn't let go until after a few seconds. I looked at him with tearing eyes

"Ju...just do it!" I shouted.

He puled it again and the second time it worked. I sighed of relief.

"Nicholas? Thank you." I said to him.

He didn't reply or anything, he just stood up and walked to the kitchen to get water.

He came back with the water and just sat on the living room table.

I took a clean blanket and tried to clear the blood thats everywhere. Nicholas did not want to attend anymore, so he went to the kitchen. After cleaning and patching the womb I stood up to walk to the kitchen. As I just reached the kitchen door,  someone banged at the front door. I looked at Nicholas, he didn't seemed bothered by the fact that we might be in danger, he just puts his finger on his lips and whispered me to shush. I nodded my head. I couldn't move anyway.

Nicholas went to the door to see who it is. He didn't stand there for long then he came back, he sat back down on the chair, he didn't speak a word.

I walked or more of limped to the chair...as I sat down I couldn't help asking him: "Who was that?"

"Where's your family?" he doged my question with his.

"Why do you keep missing my questions but I must awnser your's?" I confronted him.

"I was makeing sure everything is safe, and I don't know who that was but he didn't seem alive." he explained.

"Thank you...and what do you mean -Didnt seem alive?" I asked

"Meaning he looked like he just came from his grave." he said sarcastically.

I know that he is scared but it doesn't mean he should be nasty with me.

After a few minutes of silence I wanted to stand up to fetch me some water but before I could struggle, Nicholas offered to do the task for me, ofcourse I accepted.

"Where's your family?" I asked him while he took a glass out of the washing rack.

In a breathy voice he explained "Diana is my sister and if I find her I will find my family." he took a breather and then added: "Why were you outside? And why are there a lot of people here aswell ?"

My eye's were starting to tear up and it felt like my throat was being tied by a rope with thorns...it took me a while to speek but at last I awnsered his question. "It was my 16th birthday today and uhm my mom thought it would be a good idea to invite most of my family and friends..." I laughed and carried on, "Although I told her that I just wanted to stay indoors and just relax...yet she didn't actually really care,she just wanted to make me happy and not feel alone."

Nicholas walked to me and gave me my water then he said "I... Well uhm... Happy birthday." then he gave me a hug.

I was quiet for a moment because I was sad and didn't want to show my emotions.

After a moment to myself -I asked him

"So, what-uh...what's your story?"

"My story?"he asked

"Yeah,like how you got here or why you were in my street?" I explained.

He took a deep breath and put his hand on the chair, while he looked up to the time, he started to tell me his story,

"I was at the mall with my sister and mother. When everything went to wreck, I told them to run back home. We live in your neighborhood, actually we are new but... When uhm..." his voice tone changed,this time it was a brittle tone and he couldn't finish his sentences but before I could tell him to stop, he carried on by saying, "When I got there,they were gone,they left a note and with the note, the time they left. I was hoping they were still in the neighborhood hood but uh...they weren't you know, until I met you. Now hopefully we will find our family's again ey?". He ended his sentence and wiped his nose. I felt sorry for him but on the other side he must toughen up.

I looked at the time and saw that it's already 10:00 pm (22:00). The time went fast, it seemed not so long that everything happened, like only five-minutes ago.

There was silence, but underneath my heavy breathing, I could hear him mumble. I couldn't make out what he is saying, but I didn't give much attention anymore.

I kept thinking about what happened and why maybe my mother ran off instead of helping me,its not like her to just leave me in a situation like that, but I guess it doesn't matter what happened, I don't dwell on the past because there's nothing to dwell upon in a situation like this.

I remembered that I had walking sticks in my room for my studies,  they are sturdy enough to help me walk.

I didn't want to keep asking Nicholas to help, but I needed him to do this one thing."Hey Nic?... Can you mayby do me a favour, I promise this is the last request."

He looked at me with question,he didn't speak but I knew he was willing to do the task. So I told him what I needed. He went to grab the sticks and he came with it quickly, he sat down and asked me why I have them. So I started to explain

"I'm studying Osteology and haematology. It's something I usually do after school or when I'm bored and one time I read an interesting article that explained,  when your blood pressure gets high or your suger level gets low it can cause your bones to weaken or cells to die and they also said that if this happens you should get these sticks to keep you busy..." I took a breather and carried on: "And I'm always up for a mission,  so I actually wanted to test this myself but I couldn't get my pressure to get high enough or my suger low enough but I already gotten the sticks so I just kept them." I joked.

"What aee the studies about?" he asked curiously.

"Well uhm Osteology is the study of bones and haematology is the study of blood."I explained to him.

The door banging kept on going with no end so I took it upon myself to see what's going on. I took the stick and put it in my left hand so that I could lift my right leg. Nicholas didnt seem interested in what I was doing so I just carried on.

The banging stoped and the person was gone when I got to the door but then it hit me "Dakota!". I tried to walk as fast as I could to the slide door, with every step I fell but I kept going, Nicholas noticed my struggle and he came to help me,he asked me what I was doing so without hesitation I told him:"My cousin... Uhm Dakota...she's uh still out side!"

He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"I need to go make sure she's still alive or maybe she's okay. Please!" I begged him

"Wait here." he ordered me.

"Why?" I asked, but he didn't answer.

He went outside to see where she was so I just standed at the door.

I didnt quite know what was going on or whats happening, I just knew things weren't right.

It was already 10 min and I wasn't sure if Nicholas was alright or if he was still there, so to make sure, I made a stupid choice that almost led us both to die.

I went outside and left the door open, I crippled my way in while shouting for Nicholas .

I kept shouting and shouting, until he came running around the corner at first he stopped to look at me, I knew he was mad but its hard not knowing these types of things and what to do ... hesitating , I just stood there, its almost like I froze. Nicholas grabbed my sholder and shouted at me to run but I didn't. Dakota came slowly but faster then I could walk, she was near me and I was so scared because in that moment my only thought was -Wow was this the end?. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled.

I didnt run because I knew that I wasn't going to make it, neither Nicholas was going to make it if he stayed to help,even though I could here him shout and scream...I didn't make a move.

              *         * °  Present  °      *         *

I woke up from my nap, my eye's were still blurry and my throat dry.

"Wow...back to reality I guess!" I said to myself and took a sip of my water.

I packed all of my things in my bag and climbed off the tree. I started walking to the nearest house or river, anything that had water was good enough.

I still don't know where the virus came from or what made it worse, I just new it effects everything that needs oxygen and ofcourse it takes away the people thats the closest to you.

My only thought while walking is about Nicholas. I miss his fruity voice,his brown curly hair, with blonde highlights, his caramel brown eye's that looks like honey in the sunlight but mostly I miss his smile even though he smiled once in a life time. I miss his open mind, stubbornness and his anger issues, but above all those things I miss how he treated me like family.

While I dwell in my thoughts I came across a cabin. It looked old and not well kept. The people weren't anywhere to be seen so I just went in.

The first thing I always do is to check for warm- fresh water; it's unlikely that you'll find it but lucky if you do but this time I am lucky.

The cabin is small and it looks like there hasn't been anybody here for etleast a few months. I made known of my surroundings and locked all the doors and shut the windows and closed it with blankets because if W(i)Nd's sees a light, they come to it;even sounds,for some reason they can hear you from miles away and if they hear you they can smell you, I dont really know how it works I only know what I've heard. We call them W(i)nd because they come out of no where and they are stronger when it is clowdy or raining, the "i" is silent because they are always in groups never alone.

I looked for candles before it got dark and luckily I found three candles, one of them is a sented. My stomach had butterflies and my eye's filled up with tears of joy. This is going to be the first time in months I'm finally going to enjoy the "moment". Every moment is valuable in situations like this, doesn't matter where or when.

"If only you could see this Nic." I said and kissed a necklace he gave me.

After a shower I sat at the table, I started to count my bullets to see how much I had left. There were canned foods that I found and enjoyed with a lovely glass of water.

I didnt have many thoughts so I decided to stay the night until tomorrow so that I can get enough rest. When I came across a house I never sleep in the rooms unless I get the people's premission.

I walked around and made sure everything was secure and safe. After that I already grabbed supplies and put everything together so that I didn't have to struggle tomorrow or if something goes wrong.

I wanted to go outside only because there was a lake and it seemed peaceful but I knew if I go out I'll regret it, so I just kept on searching the cabin.

When I was looking for supplies I came across a book, the book was old and dusty. The few words of the first page read

"The boy who drowned near-by the water, but he is not gone.

His blonde hair shined and his eyes were dark brown like chocolate that girls loved so much but that didn't stop him from feeling dreary". Those words were breath taking and it got me interested in the rest of the book, I finished about ten pages then I got bored.

I sat down the book and out of curiosity I went up stairs, there was a small window so I looked outside of it.

I heard footsteps coming in from the distance, so I quickly closed the window.

"They must've heard me?" I said angrily to myself.

I quickly made my way down stairs to grab my g*n, I leaned on the door and opened it slowly.

"It can't be a W(i)nd, the footsteps are one person's." I thought.

I decided to grab my bag and head out. I blew out the candles and only took the sented one.

I went outside and searched the perimeter to see if there was someone. When I saw the cost was clear I made a run for it.

Then out of no where I heard a voice that sounded familiar.

"Èmony?!" a girl shouted.

I stood still for a second then glanced at my side, I slowly turned my head to see who it was...

"Lisa!?" I said with question. I'm not sure if it was her but before I could do anything further more she ran to me and gave me a hug.

"Where were you?" she proceeded.

I'm speechless it took me a while to rap my head around the fact that she's still alive. I thought I was dreaming but when I noticed I wasn't, we both went on our knees and started to cry. I held her tight and didn't want to let go.

I told her we should go into the cabin where it's safer, she agreed so we both went inside and closed the door by locking it and secured the windows by closing ot with blankets and stuff.

I offered her a glass of water and something to eat. I didn't want to disturb her but I was too curious to stay quiet so I asked her:

"Where and how did you get here and how are you still alive?"

"I survived for almost two year's alone." she shortened the explanation.

I knew she was tired, I could see it in her eyes.

"I almost shot you, you know." I joked.

"Haha yeah, what were you doing outside in the first place?" she asked me.

"Thought you were a W(i)nd." I tried to explain.

"But you know those things come in group's, right?" she pointed out.

"Yeah I know but anything is possible. I've learned that over these few years." I told her.

We didn't  talk further only enjoyed the moment in the cabin.

It wasn't  long until we heard that it started to rain, we both looked at each other in fear, we knew it's more dangerous when it rains than any other time.

I stood up as fast as I could and grabbed my g*n,  I checked the bullets and then went upstairs to look out of the window. Lisa did the same thing as I did. We peered at each other, she looked worried and scared it took her a while but then she asks, "How long have you stayed here?"

"I think about five -six hours." I said doubtful.

We went up the stairs to the safest room in the house,the room that has one window.

I stopped her halfway up the stairs then I whispered to her that we should get our supplies before it's too late.

"Are you cazy?" she argued.

"Look, I've probably had more experience than you, I know these things." I argued back.

She finally agreed, then we both went to grab the stuff. It was quick and quitely done, we were safe and pushed a bunch of things in front of the door, including the bed for more safety.

We stood at the window and looked through it to the outside. Lisa started the conversation by saying:

"Remember how we used to enjoy the rain instead of being afraid.  How we used to climb in our beds and watched horror movies when it rained then hide under our covers. Now... Well, now we have to push our beds infront of the doors to keep the monsters away." she weeped.

"Toughen up."

"Huh?" Lisa said confused

"Toughen up- our mothers used to say that to us after we watched a scary movie." I explained , I took a breather then added "Its also something I used to tell Nicholas when he got sad and he would say it aswell to me if I get sacred."

"I don't know who that is but he seems nice" she complimented.

There was silence in the dark for a few minutes then Lisa started the conversation again:

"What did you mean that you probably had more experience then me?" she asked

I didn't want to make a fuss over those type of things but yet I still explained.

"I've slept outside some days, including when it rains, sometimes if it rained, I'm lucky enough to get to sleep in a house thats more safe . I've run out of supplies for a month including food. I've even lost people I've met due to mistakes I made." I explained to her and I also added with a joke: "Almost gotten eaten aswell, fifteen times actually."

"Wow, that's tough." she said.

"You see...the choices you are going to make or already made is going to haunt the living soul out of you. Here's some advice from an old friend I had- is too never think or think twice, always go with your instinct and if you're instinct isn't good... go with your gut." I told her.

"Thanks for the advice... Can I ask you something?" she asks in a soft voice.

"Yeah sure?" I replied confused.

"This all happened on your 16th birthday. That was two years ago. Where's you're mum?" she finally asked.

"I dont know, she ran when the bomb fell. Can we not talk about this, please ?" After a while I added with a question "Have you heard about the evacuation of earth?"

She bit her lip and looked up to the roof and thought for a while then she remembered and said: "Yeah, isn't there like eleven different places that you pass by and see which one is still there?"

"Yeah, I think we are near the first one." I recount.

"Well hopefully we get there soon, right?" she said .

"Me too."

I actually lied to her only because I've already past five of those places, I felt bad but she needed the hope etleast, I wished I had that left in me.

I know we are going to die in some way, but atleast we have more time to find another way.

We fell asleep on the floor. I don't know whats more uncomfortable, the tree or this

                 *     ° day after     °    *          

The sun wasn't shining , but it wasn't raining,  the wind wasn't blowing either, although... it was cloudy. I looked out the window to see if something is wrong or what's going on outside, when I saw that it was clear to get moving, I emidiant put on more flexible clothes, a short- jean and my black shirt that had bands on the back and the side to carry stuff like guns or knives, I put my guns at my side bands and my knife in my boots then I put on a jacket.

I woke up Lisa so that she could help me move the bed and things away from the door and since the door was steel I needed help to open it.

We grabbed our stuff and  headed to a nearby town. We left the cabin instantly after gathering everything we need. While heading to the town, I noticed that it's really quiet, like nothing is going on. It freaks me out a little since I know the place should be crawling with zombies, it's not normal and confusing. They should be out by now, it's cloudy and mayby it's going to rain, why don't I see anything.

We finally reached the town. Somehow this town looked fermiliar, like I know what place it is. I couldn't see the plate or board saying what town it is, bunt it is always a good thing.

We both agreed that we're just passing through, aswell as not getting distracted, unless it's a W(i)nd attack. Although that's what we thought.